
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Even though people are staying inside and keeping warm,
it would be beneficial to air out our homes daily, in a major way
to decrease toxins.
That can be done in about 30 min.- one hour - so circulate that air!
(researched opinion).
I tried so hard to avoid the Dec stress build up but it overtook for a day. We all survived, but DH mad for days. Me mad that all xmas gets dumped on me every year (all but putting the tree up). One year I swore I'd go away on a cruise instead (plan now wrecked : Covid).
Vent over. Sorry.
One event to go.. the one I was assigned/assumed into a care role by others without asking. I have made clear I am not in that role, but this is still making me anxious.
One of my sisters e-mailed everyone last night saying she missed the drama. WHERE IS THE DRAMA?!! is actually how she put it. My first thought was Exactly.......no family get together means no drama. She missed it? That says a lot about my family. Nothing more to add here. LOL
Duck wondering how you are.
sharyn - hope you are getting your various issues - health and health insurance sorted out. Good news about your son.
teng - whie I sympathize with the messes you are cleaning up and the lack of gratitude, dad is only going to get worse. The only one you can change is yourself.
heart to heart - good to hear from you
rn - Pam and Barb give good advice
send - that sucks about medical insurance
re the dysfunctional family criteria - I think most of us who post regularly and many who post a few times are/were clearly in unhealthy situations that could correctly be assessed as dysfunctional. On the other hand I suspect that even healthy families have their dysfunctional moments. In my family it was not moments, but 24/7 365 day a year.
ali - sorry to hear that your dad is failing, however your mum seems to stepping up to help, I am glad you are proud of her. I can identify with your mum having compassion for others but not for you.
"I need to make sure I don't play into any drama" Oh yeah -for sure, definitely!!! Glad you are staying away from your cousin. That's why I stay away from my sis. It's great that your bro stuck up for you this year. Sounds over all that it went well.
Grandson is recovering well from his surgery. Still waiting on dd's biopsy results. Celebration of Life for ex will take place in the spring when, hopefully, it will be covid safer. I am recovering well from my tumble in the driveway.
Take it easy everyone. Look after yourself!
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My dad was looking very bad. He can barely walk, must be supported by another person, and he's lost significant weight. I'm glad I got to see him... I guess. It's always such mixed feelings about this man. But I hope he can keep making it on his own for a bit in his independent living spot, with my mother's constant help.
I realized this trip home that I need to make sure I don't play into any drama -- that I don't create any by talking to my mom about protecting herself with contracts, etc. She's going to do what she wants, and I accept that. She knows how I feel and what I would recommend.
My dad has severe COPD and has several inhalers that he doesn't use. He says they don't help. I showed my mom how to use them. Maybe she can try to get him to use them more often. He's very stubborn, though. Hearing him try to breathe when standing and walking is tough. He needs to be on oxygen, imo.
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas. Mine's been very good this year. There was one exception -- my first cousin. I decided I'd had enough of her sh!t during caregiving and basically wrote her off as being any relationship I wanted to keep in my life. Every year when I see her for a few hours, she reminds me why I made that decision and, for now, will keep that distance with her. I'm friendly enough to her but then there's inevitably some barb aimed at me, in the same old way. Even my bro stuck up for me this year. I'd guess a lot of families have that one person who won't be nice and decent, even for a few hours at a holiday gathering.
No news from HUD one way or another about the trust disqualifying my dad from their place. I told my mom that either way, we can appeal on his behalf and see where it all falls. He's getting to the point he needs much more daily care, anyway.
Merry Christmas, DYS thread. Hope everyone had a nice one.
TG, I sympathize. I think I'd at least have to say, "Those weren't for you. Please ask next time." There's got to be some kind of boundaries for this elder/toddler living with you. :-)
✋️ (That's a definite "yes"!)
I mean really.... my wife made holiday treats for people at work and while they are cooling he just helps himself to a bunch of it not even asking (as they are cooling).
We are trying to get ready for the holiday but he just does whatever he wants.
He waits until we are out to go and do whatever. I had to hide cookies for Christmas eve but he finds them. Even hiding stuff he will sniff it out like a dog. Well, I hope he enjoyed this bread as it is the last one I will ever make. I just went and picked up his meds, drive him to church, his lodge breakfast at 7 AM, the Dr, and another Dr. a good thing I don't have a real job as I can drive him around.... I just run my own business, not like I really work or anything...... It's amazing how money just magically appears to pay for everything.
Have you considered saying "no, I can't possibly do that"?
Mil's funds and resources should be uaed for in-home help or facility care.
when my husband retired he had a representative from AARP come to the house to help him with Medicare and a supplemental policy. He found it very helpful.
All I know is, before we were married, I had full coverage with health insurance.
And after we were married, I did not, but he did. All his needs were met. I just stopped seeking medical care to compensate, even though I had Medicare.
Health insurance is a tough issue to deal with in this country, for sure.
I like the patch and it works well for me but others tell me they didn’t like it. Good luck with stopping vaping. You did it once before so you can do it again.
I just finished a long day and night of school work stuff (it's finals) and I was a little slaphappy as I read your post. I giggled at "tired mill" because it seemed like it could be a slang term for treadmills -- if you weren't tired when you started on one, you should be when you're done. My goofy brain loves a dumb pun, the dumber the better. :-)
I hope you can get some improvement for the pain and your other symptoms. I'm Rx'd gabapentin but I don't take it every day because I find it doesn't do much for my pain or anxiety symptoms. It works well for many people, though! Nerve pain seems like what it's best for. I hope it helps.
I never tried a nicotine patch but have tried lozenges and also gave them to my dad. They didn't help either one of us, so it's interesting to consider that a patch might be a better option. I'm glad it's helping you. I've picked up a bad vaping habit during the past year I'd like to cut down/quit.
I hope you get some answers about health needs stuff, and why you need hub's income if he doesn't need yours.
It's great to see your posts here and Happy Holidays to you and yours! It will be nice to get to know your new gd. She sounds neat.
I got my booster Covid vaccine today as well as a diabetic check. Yes I am now considered diabetic but I’m on the very low end that qualifies me to be there…6.5 is my Daily glucose level. It’s just over the boundary between being pre-diabetic and actual diabetic so I don’t qualify for a meter. October and November have been hard for me as I have been diagnosed with diabetes and COPD. I’m adjusting to life style changes as you can imagine.
because I have already had an occlusion in my right eye as far back as my mid thirties, developing more is most likely because of diabetes. If you don’t know, an occlusion resulted because the retina only has one main vessel that feeds it, in my right eye, the vessel burst back in my 30’s. They could not explain why it happened since I was not diabetic nor did I have high blood pressure. I have a big black spot dead center in my right eye. I don’t see it anymore because left eye over compensates for it. My goal is to get a tired mill as exercise is important to controlling diabetes and I have a good opportunity to control it better since I’m low end on the spectrum. I don’t want to loose my eyesight from diabetic rentinopathy.
in the meantime….I’m getting a hip x-ray tomorrow as my right hip is causing chronic pain, down my leg into my knee plus when I stand I have tingling down my thigh to my ankle which is probably sciatic nerve. So… my dr wants to document everything we do to help this pain in case I need a hip replacement. As some of you may remember I had severe sciatic pain about 6 -7 years ago and the chiropractor told me the x-rays show considerable scaring in my hip socket which may result in a hip replacement. My dr agreed to let me try using Gabapentin for the pain as it is non narcotic and non addictive.
im using an inhaler for the COPD and I’m on the patch to quit smoking which is very effective.
I wish everyone a good December. I realize that with our dysfunctional family histories, Christmas may not be Merry, but I hope you can carve out some “you” time that all of you deserve. Caregiving in dysfunctional families is the hardest and I certainly know how much you all need some quiet time or a half day for yourselves.
much love to everyone.
SharynM
There are differences in insurance coverage for spouses.
Is it perhaps your husband is of retirement age (65 +) and you are not there yet?
I don't think that I will have an answer for you regarding the disparity between the requirements for husband and wife to qualify. But I can acknowledge it does exist.
I too need to figure out Part B, sure as heck am not going to take cobra at about 900 a month!
Thanks for that info Barb, I needed it too. Any other hints?
What does your husband mean by what he says? What is HE applying for without using your income?
This is highly state specific. Are you talking about applying for medical insurance?
There are SHIP counselors in every state that can help if you are talking about Medicare plans: https://www.shiphelp.org/
For ACA: https://www.healthcare.gov/income-and-household-information/how-to-report/
Today was the easiest schedule I've had in awhile. I finished the previous week's stuff and I thought I'd make hot chocolate and watch a movie. I've printed off my finals and will start them tomorrow. Then my mom called me.... 🤷 I'm glad, actually, that it happened tonight and I had time to work through it mentally and put it here. Good timing, all things considered! Thank you! 💚