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Said by someone living where it isn't -33 degrees celsius 🤣
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Snow across The Grapevine, aka the Tejon Pass.
Even though people are staying inside and keeping warm,
it would be beneficial to air out our homes daily, in a major way
to decrease toxins.

That can be done in about 30 min.- one hour - so circulate that air!

(researched opinion).
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I hope everyone experiencing this frigid cold are staying safe and warm inside. We are getting lots of snow especially in the mountains.
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I hate to admit it, but I think the 'drama' came from me... 😖

I tried so hard to avoid the Dec stress build up but it overtook for a day. We all survived, but DH mad for days. Me mad that all xmas gets dumped on me every year (all but putting the tree up). One year I swore I'd go away on a cruise instead (plan now wrecked : Covid).

Vent over. Sorry.

One event to go.. the one I was assigned/assumed into a care role by others without asking. I have made clear I am not in that role, but this is still making me anxious.
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Hear, hear Golden!
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gershun - I don't miss the family DRAMA either. Life is much better without it.
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I stayed home this year. Didn't see my dysfunctional family at all. Two years in a row now. I think even after covid I may continue this new tradition.

One of my sisters e-mailed everyone last night saying she missed the drama. WHERE IS THE DRAMA?!! is actually how she put it. My first thought was Exactly.......no family get together means no drama. She missed it? That says a lot about my family. Nothing more to add here. LOL
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Hope everyone here had a decent Christmas. I have posted on this thread for a while. Just life.

Duck wondering how you are.

sharyn - hope you are getting your various issues - health and health insurance sorted out. Good news about your son.

teng - whie I sympathize with the messes you are cleaning up and the lack of gratitude, dad is only going to get worse. The only one you can change is yourself.

heart to heart - good to hear from you

rn - Pam and Barb give good advice

send - that sucks about medical insurance

re the dysfunctional family criteria - I think most of us who post regularly and many who post a few times are/were clearly in unhealthy situations that could correctly be assessed as dysfunctional. On the other hand I suspect that even healthy families have their dysfunctional moments. In my family it was not moments, but 24/7 365 day a year.

ali - sorry to hear that your dad is failing, however your mum seems to stepping up to help, I am glad you are proud of her. I can identify with your mum having compassion for others but not for you.
"I need to make sure I don't play into any drama" Oh yeah -for sure, definitely!!! Glad you are staying away from your cousin. That's why I stay away from my sis. It's great that your bro stuck up for you this year. Sounds over all that it went well.

Grandson is recovering well from his surgery. Still waiting on dd's biopsy results. Celebration of Life for ex will take place in the spring when, hopefully, it will be covid safer. I am recovering well from my tumble in the driveway.

Take it easy everyone. Look after yourself!

-
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I saw my mom and my dad yesterday. My mom is, in my opinion, taking on too much with my dad and others, but she likes doing elder care. Her elder friend from her church made my mom POA after the client's daughter has been financially abusive for years. I know my mom and know she only wants the best for this 92yo woman. She's not a CNA, just helping out. There are other skilled caregivers/nurses, all from their church, that also help out. I guess in the end, I'm really proud of my mom for being such a giving person. It's a familiar pattern though: There is time and energy for others, but not for me. And that's ok. It's been like this since I was a very small child. She sees vulnerability in others, and worthy of her time, but not me. She loves me but she's never been a good mother to me. It's ok, it really is.

My dad was looking very bad. He can barely walk, must be supported by another person, and he's lost significant weight. I'm glad I got to see him... I guess. It's always such mixed feelings about this man. But I hope he can keep making it on his own for a bit in his independent living spot, with my mother's constant help.

I realized this trip home that I need to make sure I don't play into any drama -- that I don't create any by talking to my mom about protecting herself with contracts, etc. She's going to do what she wants, and I accept that. She knows how I feel and what I would recommend.

My dad has severe COPD and has several inhalers that he doesn't use. He says they don't help. I showed my mom how to use them. Maybe she can try to get him to use them more often. He's very stubborn, though. Hearing him try to breathe when standing and walking is tough. He needs to be on oxygen, imo.

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas. Mine's been very good this year. There was one exception -- my first cousin. I decided I'd had enough of her sh!t during caregiving and basically wrote her off as being any relationship I wanted to keep in my life. Every year when I see her for a few hours, she reminds me why I made that decision and, for now, will keep that distance with her. I'm friendly enough to her but then there's inevitably some barb aimed at me, in the same old way. Even my bro stuck up for me this year. I'd guess a lot of families have that one person who won't be nice and decent, even for a few hours at a holiday gathering.

No news from HUD one way or another about the trust disqualifying my dad from their place. I told my mom that either way, we can appeal on his behalf and see where it all falls. He's getting to the point he needs much more daily care, anyway.

Merry Christmas, DYS thread. Hope everyone had a nice one.
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Darn it, I tried to edit one word and now the rest is gone.

TG, I sympathize. I think I'd at least have to say, "Those weren't for you. Please ask next time." There's got to be some kind of boundaries for this elder/toddler living with you. :-)
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Tgengine...
✋️ (That's a definite "yes"!)
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Does anyone else have an elder living with them that does whatever they want? I made a holiday bread for Christmas eve the way my mom did and another one to give away. I let them cool on the counter and went out to do some errands. Come home and half of it is gone.
I mean really.... my wife made holiday treats for people at work and while they are cooling he just helps himself to a bunch of it not even asking (as they are cooling).
We are trying to get ready for the holiday but he just does whatever he wants.
He waits until we are out to go and do whatever. I had to hide cookies for Christmas eve but he finds them. Even hiding stuff he will sniff it out like a dog. Well, I hope he enjoyed this bread as it is the last one I will ever make. I just went and picked up his meds, drive him to church, his lodge breakfast at 7 AM, the Dr, and another Dr. a good thing I don't have a real job as I can drive him around.... I just run my own business, not like I really work or anything...... It's amazing how money just magically appears to pay for everything.
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Good news for my son! He has been offered a position near Denver Colorado with the same company he has worked for over 15 years. He will be near Denver. We are excited for him
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RN ,, if BIL said you can no longer care for MIL,,, there you go!! Hooray its off your shoulders and remind him of this next time it comes up! I can;t (yes I can) believe they refused to pick her up for 2 extra days, and wouldn't give you a time. Guess youre lucky they came back at all! You need to take care of you and hubs,,,
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RN daughter, there is no way that a person with advanced demntia shoukd be shuttled between households.

Have you considered saying "no, I can't possibly do that"?

Mil's funds and resources should be uaed for in-home help or facility care.
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Glad, congratulations on your retirement! I enjoy being retired. No more getting up at 4:30 am and I can stay up late Lol!

when my husband retired he had a representative from AARP come to the house to help him with Medicare and a supplemental policy. He found it very helpful.
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My SIL aggressively told us that we needed to help with MIL (dementia). My husband and I have cancer, and his is terminal. I was appalled that she thought we should be able to help with physical care. I agreed to take my MIL over Thanksgiving for two days. SIL increased it to four days and wouldn't agree to a time to pick MIL up. I was also expected to cook almost all of the Thanksgiving meal. We didn't have a bed for MIL and spent that last week purchasing a bed and having it delivered or picking up new linen. I was exhausted and angry. When I tried to talk to BIL about how things went, he blew up at me and said I can no longer care for my MIL! My husband has intervened but I am not in the mood to even speak to them right now and Christmas will be at their house. How do I deal with all of this?!
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Sharyn, I woukd seek advice at www.bogleheads.org. a VERY smart group of people.
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Sharyn,
All I know is, before we were married, I had full coverage with health insurance.
And after we were married, I did not, but he did. All his needs were met. I just stopped seeking medical care to compensate, even though I had Medicare.
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Send, it does seem to be a bit of a disparity especial when trying to get the affordable care act. What I mean is my husband may have to include my income too if he were to apply for it but it does seem unfair if a person is paying out of their income alone and not combined income.
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Sharyn, Medicare is completely separate--confused the heck out of me when we first turned 65, as DH had always been on my insurance.

Health insurance is a tough issue to deal with in this country, for sure.
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Ali, lol! It was suppose to be tred mill lol! Autocorrect keeps changing it and yes I should be tired when done using it.

I like the patch and it works well for me but others tell me they didn’t like it. Good luck with stopping vaping. You did it once before so you can do it again.
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Barb, my husband says he has not used my income to get medical insurance. Yes, he is on Medicare so maybe that makes a difference. I can’t afford tge affordable care act because it will be around $800 a month. I have 2 1/2 years to go before I can get Medicare. Hopefully it will be easier then.
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Hi Sharyn,

I just finished a long day and night of school work stuff (it's finals) and I was a little slaphappy as I read your post. I giggled at "tired mill" because it seemed like it could be a slang term for treadmills -- if you weren't tired when you started on one, you should be when you're done. My goofy brain loves a dumb pun, the dumber the better. :-)

I hope you can get some improvement for the pain and your other symptoms. I'm Rx'd gabapentin but I don't take it every day because I find it doesn't do much for my pain or anxiety symptoms. It works well for many people, though! Nerve pain seems like what it's best for. I hope it helps.

I never tried a nicotine patch but have tried lozenges and also gave them to my dad. They didn't help either one of us, so it's interesting to consider that a patch might be a better option. I'm glad it's helping you. I've picked up a bad vaping habit during the past year I'd like to cut down/quit.

I hope you get some answers about health needs stuff, and why you need hub's income if he doesn't need yours.

It's great to see your posts here and Happy Holidays to you and yours! It will be nice to get to know your new gd. She sounds neat.
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Hello everyone! Christmas is very close now and yes I have shopping to do but can’t do until Wednesday, my payday. Most is easy as we get gift cards for adults. We now have 3 grandchildren with oldest being an eleven years granddaughter as a result of our sons recent marriage. She is a very intelligent young person who is also very artist. We look forward to getting know her as time goes by and if she feels comfortable enough to spend some summer time with us.

I got my booster Covid vaccine today as well as a diabetic check. Yes I am now considered diabetic but I’m on the very low end that qualifies me to be there…6.5 is my Daily glucose level. It’s just over the boundary between being pre-diabetic and actual diabetic so I don’t qualify for a meter. October and November have been hard for me as I have been diagnosed with diabetes and COPD. I’m adjusting to life style changes as you can imagine.

because I have already had an occlusion in my right eye as far back as my mid thirties, developing more is most likely because of diabetes. If you don’t know, an occlusion resulted because the retina only has one main vessel that feeds it, in my right eye, the vessel burst back in my 30’s. They could not explain why it happened since I was not diabetic nor did I have high blood pressure. I have a big black spot dead center in my right eye. I don’t see it anymore because left eye over compensates for it. My goal is to get a tired mill as exercise is important to controlling diabetes and I have a good opportunity to control it better since I’m low end on the spectrum. I don’t want to loose my eyesight from diabetic rentinopathy.

in the meantime….I’m getting a hip x-ray tomorrow as my right hip is causing chronic pain, down my leg into my knee plus when I stand I have tingling down my thigh to my ankle which is probably sciatic nerve. So… my dr wants to document everything we do to help this pain in case I need a hip replacement. As some of you may remember I had severe sciatic pain about 6 -7 years ago and the chiropractor told me the x-rays show considerable scaring in my hip socket which may result in a hip replacement. My dr agreed to let me try using Gabapentin for the pain as it is non narcotic and non addictive.

im using an inhaler for the COPD and I’m on the patch to quit smoking which is very effective.
I wish everyone a good December. I realize that with our dysfunctional family histories, Christmas may not be Merry, but I hope you can carve out some “you” time that all of you deserve. Caregiving in dysfunctional families is the hardest and I certainly know how much you all need some quiet time or a half day for yourselves.

much love to everyone.
SharynM
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Sharyn,
There are differences in insurance coverage for spouses.

Is it perhaps your husband is of retirement age (65 +) and you are not there yet?

I don't think that I will have an answer for you regarding the disparity between the requirements for husband and wife to qualify. But I can acknowledge it does exist.
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Hi Sharyn! Fun times figuring out all that Medicare carp isn't it? I have retired from the crappy public sector, just last Friday. It had gotten really ugly and corrupt! I will not go along with the crap! My mom did not raise a brown noser.

I too need to figure out Part B, sure as heck am not going to take cobra at about 900 a month!

Thanks for that info Barb, I needed it too. Any other hints?
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Sharyn, hi!

What does your husband mean by what he says? What is HE applying for without using your income?

This is highly state specific. Are you talking about applying for medical insurance?

There are SHIP counselors in every state that can help if you are talking about Medicare plans: https://www.shiphelp.org/

For ACA: https://www.healthcare.gov/income-and-household-information/how-to-report/
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Hey everyone! I have some questions and concerns regarding my health and who and where can I get help without going into debt! I feel trapped because I can’t apply for any anything without use my husbands income. Hey my husband tells me he can app,y for anything without usu for my income. I don’t understand that. ….why do I have to include his when he doesn’t have to use mine?
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Too late, Send! I already went there mentally, now bringing myself back around. lol

Today was the easiest schedule I've had in awhile. I finished the previous week's stuff and I thought I'd make hot chocolate and watch a movie. I've printed off my finals and will start them tomorrow. Then my mom called me.... 🤷 I'm glad, actually, that it happened tonight and I had time to work through it mentally and put it here. Good timing, all things considered! Thank you! 💚
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