The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hi everyone. Where is everybody on this thread?! Well I am hoping everyone had a pleasant Mother's Day. I know its a hard day for us all especially with precious memories.

I am going to have a sit down with the HHA and her supervisor on Wednesday. I just feel a certain way about her. I was almost bought to tears. The care and improvement to my mother has been awesome what I see anyways. But I just cannot bare anymore animosisty and disregard in my life.

I can remember my mother seeming to be insulted if I asked her anything like where something is or where did she put something. It took a while to get it but I got it and I am getting the same spirit from this woman.


I just cant see my self doing this again. I already have my sister issues, feel outcasted by her and her sons. The oldest one who stepped to me last week came in with his mother. And I called him several times and he ignored me. I wanted to give him a hug and let him know I still loved him after this agrument fueled by my sister.

I suspect the younger DN the police officere is sick or in hospital because his hasnt been around in months and I see my sister and the oldest coming in together.

Anyway I should be over this sistuation but Iam not it still hurt my heart. It did,

So I already have enough strife in my life and I dont need anymore and I already spoke in a nice way to this woman and she lost it again and I do not feel comfortable about that or her issue with communication.

By the way the sewer line has been replaced a hole in the line was the entry point for the rats. Exterminator came and checked front and back and floors.
He also stated that the neighbors either side and accross the street have had exterminators and it probably sent rats our way. Also the church across the street is also a pantry.

And also on Wednesday after the work was finished the guardian manager NG called me stating the aide expressed concerned that my mothers feet were swelled from rat bites. Check her daily I was insulted not only that but she has yet to set up the medical appointment.

I am not pushing because I am dealing with the stress of adjjustment to the help and the repairs as well as my mother and because she was stable after the emergency room visit. At that point she had not seen a doctor in a few years. Its like I have two jobs. I am massaging and putting compression stockings on my days off. So many issues and things to addressed.

Saturday I was so depressed and felt so alone. I dont have a present support system. I even called the spop people expressing I still need the service..

Well the beat goes on and I am trying keep my head above water.



Rays of love and healing,

Hi all. Repairs are in the works, exterminator came. There is rat infestation in area. Neighbors on each side have engaged warfare which sends them our way as well as the main entry point the sewer line. There was hole in line it has all been replaced. I have agreed to a conference with aide and her supervisor next week. I deeply appreciate her work with .y mother and dedication throughout the rats and cleaning. Feeling guilty in the mist of seeing her with my mother. Maybe we can resolve this. But a lifetime of narcissistic abuse, hatred and manipulation that for some reason I could not phantom and still can't in so many ways, makes me weary of trusting but open to give it a try to resolve issues. Although I feel insulted at giving this lack of moral and basic boundaries and principle a benefit of my doubt and misinterpretation. I will not and cannot do an acceptance and repeat of my sister and mother even if it seems positive.
I have much love in my heart for you all to be able to express and share and vent through this process. So much to address.
I pray for guidance and strength.

This time last year Jean passed on. The Wednesday before Mother's day. I was putting away things in the shed and felt something push my arm down. I spoke out after feeling something amiss as I cooked. Like please I sense this spirit but it was driving me crazy. I miss her and the last thing she said when we last spoke was to read psalm 37. Which she always said and I always read and it always helped.
So thinking of her and other loved ones who I wanted to call in this trial has me thankful to have had the honor of their love.
As I am thankful for the honor of a spiritual blessing of connecting to this forum and the blessing of growth strength, inspiration, hope, guidance, and love I have experienced though some wonderful beautiful angels and souls through input sharing and just being.

Happy Mother's Day Muh!!! (((HUGS)))) LOVE!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

BPD, welcome aboard, you are certainly not alone. I always say and I mean it when I say it, that there is wealth of wisdom and understanding to be found in this forum. Just the sharing and seeing I am not alone in this crazy journey helps my sanity.

Golden, I needed to hear your words of encouragement. I thank you because they grounded me. Sometimes I forget where I have been in my journey, and forget how things were worked out and taken care of sometimes in a very profound spiritual way, where I overcame roadblocks and tribulation. In the mist of turmoil I forget that and I needed to hear that from you, today because I had another serious hell day this morning.

I worked 14hrs and got off work with a severe sinus headache and elevated blood pressure. with one more night (tonight) and then Id be off.


Bare with me now, I came in say hi to J the aide she grunts, The love seat is pushed in front of the door I made quick choice not to ask why but push loveseat back which is heavy its a sofa bed. So now the sewer line has spewed back up the toilet and tub, old toilet tissues now a grey slippery mess. I ask J what happened. To the effect that I know what happened but wonder if she witnessed this event, curious on how it presented. but anyway she yell at me again. What kind of nonsense question is that I am asking her, and other words ending with she came in and found the place like this. So I respond that all of that was not necessary that's all she had to say in the first place. On top of that she could have said you got a surprise in the kitchen or even called and say its an issue in here. I dont know but I call supervisors and lawyer this woman has to go.

It became clear that she called the agency and they were sending out the repair people. While I was on the train I got call from Tonya and told her I would call her back as soon as I was off the train.

I came directly upstairs, my head and neck killing me to take meds and call with my complaints. Tonya the repair woman says they would be here and 3pm I say great because there is an issue here the sewer backed up again in the kitchen. She knew. So I am like great.

I am exhausted to go into detail but they came looked at repairs, My twisted came down and exposed her true colors again. Its so sad. Long story

Anyways I called my mothers lawyer the guardian supervisor. the case manager came and I am talking to her and I was like would you want someone taking care of your mother who yells at you. with no filter and lashes out with stress. She does not have to feed me or take care of me so what happens when my mothers makes her frustrated and a pot boils over or the toilet backs up. Its crazy.

Any ways I am not going to stop until this woman is gone. I have lived with this type spirit in my sister I cannot have it from anyone person more let alone a stranger who is caring for my mother who cant not communicate. I am so done with thi9s

'Good thing like I said my sister getting exposed. But there is no satisfaction or resolvement because nothing has change she still on her but and I am still hustling and fighting for my mother who treated me like waste products. Not only that but I am alone and my hands are tied again in reference to my mothers care. I made clear how happy and awesome the help has been but I cannot overlook the other dynamics. I pray this gets resolved with out me making crazy fuss.

Not to mention getting sick coughing and coughing till I threw up than walking out after I clear up to find the farce of a sister the queen of lies holding court. The repair supervisor and coordinator both were not deceived and spoke on it.

Then, earlier as I was trying to rest and bird kept scratching at the window. I thought it was a rat crawling out side. then I see its a bird scratching and holding on the wall of my window on third floor. I was like is this an omen omg.
Rays of love to all please keep us in prayer.

BPDagingmom - welcome to the forum and this thread, My mother was diagnosed formally twice with BPD in her 90s. She passed a couple of years ago aged 106. I was 80 at that time. It has been a long journey. I had diagnosed her years before informally.

I know something of the challenges you are facing. No doubt you were at least emotionally and verbally abused as a child and are as an adult. Number one you have to look after yourself. Set boundaries - not to change her but to protect you. Learn the "grey rock" method" https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Your mother is toxic to you so limit contact with her. You will never please her or do things well enough so decide for yourself what you can manage. Don't be manipulated or guilted into doing more. No doubt you are burned out - you have too much on your plate. Never ever take her into your home and do let her know that is not an option. You are not obliged to be her caregiver.

Do you really have to go there every day or other day? Don't feel sorry for her - she will use that to get you to do more for her. Your life matters too. (((((hugs)))))

Duck you are doing well and have grown so much. We have to unlearn what was put upon us as children and continued as we grew to be adults. It isn't easy, in fact it is very hard, especially when we are in such close contact with those who hurt us originally. You deserve to be out of this. Your mum is now more and more looked after by others. I could survive only by keeping my contact with my mother and my sister to the minimum necessary for mother's care and by having a separate life that they had little to do with. Eventually, as you know, after mother died, I cut all contact with my sister. I am glad I did. Planning some kind of life for yourself would be a good thing, Your mother is declining. I am sure she knows you care for her. (((((((hugs))))))

Hello. I am new to this site. Wondering if there is anyone else out there dealing with a mother who is either diagnosed medically or by you with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
All of the abuse and dysfunction in the family stems from her having BPD.
In feeling stressed and burned out being her only caregiver.

DDD, just sent you a PM with regard to IRS requests.

Caregiving for my mother has been one of the most taxing, depleting areas in my life.

I cant help but look back on how I was treated and programed to be the scape goat. So many other ugly things and situations.

To see the same spirit played out by my sister and how this whole thing has turned out.

I still have no real control over my mothers situation but a lot of responsibility and care for the best for her.

It seems as though no one else is present as usual so why in the world am I caring about this.

Anyways I have to express how much this forum and the "whine" helped me keep my sanity and grow throw all the chaos and pain.

So many wonderful folk sharing and caring and extending hope and love. God Bless and Keep you all.

I have gained so much confidence and faith from witnessing powerful journeys in the lives of people in the forum or through revelation of similar and even worse scenarios.

To tell the truth I am scared, I am stepping into a new realm of life for me and my mother, In so many ways I want out. I know I am my mothers main support, I try and kiss her and hugg her and let her know I am there.

So far so good. Long lonely road for me and I know I havent hit the ruff spots.

Thanks for lending an ear.

((((HUGS))))

Rays of love and peace to all.

I will ask for a mild sedative when we finally get to MD amongst other thing.

I had started to get depressed but now I feel better. I feel bad that the one Eva felt I wanted her to cook meals for me. I already go W to come and start working on my bathroom so i can shower and not have to use my mothers bathroom. Actually I started cleaning around one but by the time the other came I was burnt out of enery. When i finish cooking or whatever I clean as usuall so now with this food thing I guess one or the other or both will feel like they are cleaning becaue I use the bathroom.

Well thats my dilemma for the moment. I have no tolerance for disrespect from my clients mom. It bothers me but I just cant take anymore. Some how my essence refuses to to the scapegoat mode and let things ride. Its like I am a B and someone I should have been way way back.


Oh and btw, I am planning to write the irs a later requesting an abatement of penalties and interest. Does anyone have any advice on this subject...

Rays of love and healing to us all.

"Muh" to everyone.

Ahh Golden, Thank you, I have missed you posting, glad you are keeping safe and that you are good. I understand about not having the energy to post.

Last night I did this long post (my usual when in distress) so when I finished, I realized that the process of venting really helped me clarify my issues which never happens untill after I write this long book.

Anyways I lost the post and it bothered me because it had so much of my concerns in it.

Now, even though I remember the issues and in a way processed them I dont know where to begin so I will keep it basic.

Sharyn how is the duck family. Imagine that, imagine if she comes back every year. I heard or read somewhere that if birds are around your house it means its peaceful or a blessing something positive like that.

So I am going to skip over some details. Its a serious adjustment, I feel displaced and no privacy everytime I use toilet or shower which is daily I have to go pass an aide. Now a new aid came thursday and my mother started crying. So I boo hoo'd with her. I was telling her I know its hard adjusting I was feeling the same way one new face and now another.

The Aid named Joan same as my mother is a tornado in cleaning. So I had to say like if its obviously something good dont throw it out. I came to terms that this is the cleaning process, she says thats what they told her to do. Its awesome and overwhelming at the same time. Every day she works I see a new thing or change. I had to check her maybe the third day about how she spoke to me. I cant remeber if I posted it and I dont want to lose this investment (lol).
Anyways this is now the third week.

The guardian supervisor called and ask how I was getting along and then mentioned that one of the aide complained about me eating the food she cooked for my mother. I was totally done.'

Now I have shopping off the hook asking J what she likes to eat so she can cook it for my mother and her self. When she cooked she told me to take some and I only took like a taster it. Then another day a little more but never enough to hold me down as a meal. Now I think the problem is with Eva. Who was not cooking asking me what she could give my mother and talking to joan on the =lphone and joan told her to give my mother some steak that she cooked but I didnt know she had made it.

Now on Joans last day I make a bake chicken and sweet potatoes. I fixed a plate for my mother, my self and one for the freezer and left the rest for J to fix for her self. What I left was gone the nextday so when E went to serve my other the steak I told her that it was old thinking it was something J had cooked earlier in the week. So here was my error. I spent time down there and I had some fish in freezer which she asked if she could cook, I was like sure whatever she want to use or cook for my mother feel free. I asked if she like fish she says yes., I said if I by shrimp and fish would she cooki she says yes. So I got whiting, salmon, and shrimp. told her and I fried some pork chops and left one for my mother and went on up stairs. next day the things I got were in bag in freezer and I was like ok I got it and no problem. So I feel a little funny about that because no way was I thinking these women were going to cook for me. I wish I posted my post last nigt because I was expressing my frustraiton feeling displaced and having to work around them every thing i moved and other things.

Oh the whole I am so grateful and tried to show my apprcieation asking them what they like to eat not for me but because they are cooking for my mother so I can buy it and they can both eat.

so I know I have a long ways to go. But on the whole I have been moved to tears to see what J is doing and even my mother is changed. I also had tried to post where she has now fought with both aides. I guess she was tired of being bossed around by me now these other two.

duck - you have accomplished sooo much for your mum!!!! As the others say -don't fall for the bait your sis presents. Have you found a therapist to help you deal with the family garbage? You have too much crazy going on. ((((hugs))))

sharyn - what fun to see the duck family. I gather your pets don't disturb mother duck. She is brave!

I just haven't hard the energy to post much, but things are pretty good, other than oldest son still going through a rough time. My dd got one shot, her hub is on a list, R got one, so slowly we are getting immunized, but case counts in town are higher than ever and variant infections are more than half of new cases in the province. Not sure where that is going, but we will just continue to stay as safe as possible.

Take care all. These are strange times.

Oh thank you so much Sharyn for the encouragement. Sometimes I feel all alone which is the truth acutally.

Maybe give mama mallard some greens and water nearby so she doesnt have to leave her nest too often. Its going to be awesome to see the babies. I forget what it is called but the first thing they see is what they attach themselves to. I was amazed the first time I saw one and and heard it quack. Such a picture of nature to see them in a row behind mother. Blue teal green feathers sounds pretty. Higher power sending you some uplifting beauty.

I remember reading some book, a major theme being there are no coincidences and I believe that.

Funny on my way to work yesterday I caught elevator at last stop on train and held it for a woman I saw comming. I started coughing, the sinus drainage and itching in throat is terrible. The woman turns around, I am double mask and tell her the cough is chronic form the volunteering at the WTC. I was like no way!!! She says she has never been the same since that day. I asked if she was in the health program she says no. I says it covers my related issues and scripts thank goodness as I have poor insurance. She- where do you work. Me - agency low on totem poll rn pay poor benefits. She- Human Resource Director for a city clinic. Lpn positions. Although I am not planning to leave my job it was an awesome coincidence? I saved the info.

I know I am in for some trickery from my sister with the aide. It depends on her mind set and it seems she doesn not want to get involved with the family dynamics. My mother gave her a way to go I find her glasses on floor in kitchen one lenses out.

Its time for me to finish my morning work. I will update next week becuase its hard to type on my phone.

Rays of love to all.

Duck, mama mallard now has 11 eggs in her nest. We are doing what we can to accommodate her but occasionally scare her away. I need to water a small tree we planted a couple weeks ago, I’m hoping if we approach the tree from the sidewalk with a 5 gallon bucket of water, it won’t disturb her. Of course we have a home owners association (HOA);I am hoping they do not get after us because we aren’t tending to everything without disturbing mama mallard. I know she Is a mallard because I saw her with one wing extended and it had the blue/green teal colored feathers on the wings.

stay strong Duck, don’t let your sister make you look bad. Like I suggested, put in your own cameras to catch her in the act.

sending you encouragement and strength.

Gray rock, Duck, gray rock.
https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock

Don't let twisted or DN do this to you. They are getting exactly what they want.

Sharyn I think its an awesome honor to have a duck nesting her eggs at your home.
I saw video on FB where duck made nest in a man's planter on his patio and it was cute. Didnt shows eggs hatched just that fury feather stuff and him giving mom some greens and being cool with him working by her side.

My sister used her phone to video me in my rage at nephew. You know bait me then film me. No wig and looking crazy. when she me with guardian and supervisor I overheard her telling them she had a tape so I guess now she does and it does not even bother me its just further shows her sickness. her narcissist spirit was exposed in the court and with the homecare 2nd visit for intake when she told CM that she would be home and would not be coming down. Then didnt answer her phone for two calls. So she was not there for second intake and I showed them where she still had the channels blocked. When I learned that she refused to be involved with the process I broke down again. Because she exposed herself and now her devious manipulating lies and pretense was exposed. I asked the guardian if she saw her petition for guradian ship she says she didnt I plan to send her that bunch of lies.

A lifetime of her BS and my mothers and now my mothers demise has me a walking waterfall sometimes. Sometimes I see any type of affection and it moves my heart to tears. I hate to see anyone suffer and these days with so much going on and so many homeless I find myself buying meal while in MCD or BK getting my lunch or just making sure I have a few singles .

I am glad my sister avoids me. I can imagine her building up her magnificent story to present to aide to hide her shame. As far as I know she does not do much contact with my mother, and that may change for a minute but not for long.

I am so glad to be able to vent.

I pray everyone and members of this forum are all well and good and in good spirit. (((HUGS))) no hearts MUH to all.

Hi all.

So the job thing is blown over. Just please please please let it stay that way. I was very twisted last night.
We have had run ins/. Mom is tricky, Ive seen her even told her she needs to stop certain things with the nurses. She is a narcissist and she pits us against each other. I dont fall for it, I just say I dont have anything to do with what the other nurses do or how. Sometimes I train and then stay late to help a new nurse and sometimes she tries to use me to discipline or correct something she doesnt like and I tell her its not my job, I am not a supervisor.

I really miss this last am RN because we were both hip to her antics and it was a relief to share and vent and learn the new schemes of her manipulationl.

But now with all this going on with my mother, adjusting to the aide, being displaced, haveng my usuall moments with my mother in front of an aide. Trying to help help her grow in this too. Its too much for me to be concerned about this women. I get paid by the agnency and they have no problem with my documentation.

I have worked ER, IC and other units and my note for the patient would be maybe half a progress note. One page if there was an incident. I will not be micro managed by someone who does not pay me and is not experienced in my profession. I think its clear now. We broke the ice. There are times we have hugged.

I am just glads its smoothed out because this whole thing is stress city.

I also want to share I started takeing this supplement an her called rohdalia, Its good for the nervous system, energy and depression I started taking it about a week before i started getting over my weak state a few weeks ago. Anyways,
my hip is a tad better, I walk a tad better. I am doing things help aide that should have worn me out. I just know I am thankful and maybe that help.
Thanks for listening to my turmoil and crazy.

Rays of love to all.

Duck, I’m happy to hear you have some home health care to help with your mom. It is so hard doing what you do plus working. I’m so sorry your twisted sister and DN put in video cameras. You could also do the same while you are at work. No evidence of your sister caregiving.

thank you everyone regarding the loss of my doggie. She is missed even by our golden retriever.

the most exciting thing in my life right now, haha!, is a female duck made a nest in our front flower bed. Last count was 10 eggs. I believe she is a mallard, very common here in Idaho. The neighbors across the street from us have an irrigation canal that runs along the backyard. Ducks and California quail are abundant there. We are not using the front door, going out through the garage door to our cars and mama duck accepts that. We shall see if the eggs hatch, I would love to see her leading the ducklings to the canal.

I received my second covid dose today. So far I have not grown horns🤣😂.

havea good peaceful week and do something for yourself that is calming.

Bburnt the nurse notes and manipulation is from my clients mother. She is a true narcissist. We have had pow woes over the years and she has given me good advice over years and Visa versa. She has taken things to a new level. She is afraid of losing 24hr RN as my client is now an adult. I will clarify Its horrible trying to type on phone.

Barbs yes to your questions also vaccine positions. 3 RNs have left to go to HHC which I am due a pension at 65.

I am hoping the storm blows over
I have been investigating options.
I had to vent.

Hey DDDuck,

I'm glad to hear it's working out for you. I know all to well what it's like to be born and raised to be a family scapegoat on everything.
The only difference is that you stayed quiet and didn't fight back for a long time. With me I would fly into a towering rage that can make birds fall from the sky and always have since I was a little kid. My mother designated me the family scapegoat to take all the world's blame when I was about 5 or 6 years old. Mostly everyone thinks that's just a rotten brat kid acting up, but some people realize what went on. They don't say or do anything though.
I accepted a long time ago what my family is like. I'm the ringleader's (my mother's) sole caregiver too. I learned a long time ago not to respond with rage and anger when my mother tries to set me up. She's addicted to the pity and attention from other people. Getting your child to throw a horrific tantrum enabled her to enjoy behaving viciously behind closed doors building up for the explosion. No one sees that. They only see a rotten brat kid having a tantrum or a mean, ingrate adult with no respect for their parent. She's known for a long time that if she crosses me in any way, I'm done. She's enough of a narcissist to realize that getting her basic needs met is more important than getting her fix of pity and attention from others.
Good news for you getting some good homecare for your mother. That's a big help to you too.
I've had homecare clients where I would work in absolute silence. I'd get the work done but if they acted up in some ways they would be totally ignored by me in other ways. I would not speak to them, would not sit down with them during meals, and would not even acknowledge their presence. The clients get it when their caregiver/companion does this and they get their behavior in check.
You've got good caregiving for your mom and the caregiver probably uses the same approaches I do.
Believe me when I say, the nurses are just humoring your mother with her dictating page after page of notes. They couldn't care less about her instruction.

Dd, great news about the aide!

I see that your sister and nephew seem to be trying to provoke you and then video an outburst from you. Don't fall for it.

You're an RN, yes? Aren't there lots of jobsbfor RNs right now in NYC? Like the VA? HHC? Maimo?

Yoda,

#2 is the best news. Very happy for you and her.
#4 is always good. $$$
#8 join a gym. I can't wait till the local gym with a pool is open.

Yes Barb! Home attendant 12 hrs a day 7 days a week! Praise God!!.

Outside of the adjustment to being displaced, Its just wonderful. I feel like I am a visitor.

So much more work as I have to be there in support of the cleaning and organizing. Its coming along good and amazingly I am doing well with the stress and the physical demands.

I had a few words with the aide. There was something off in my spirit when I met her on Monday. I do my best to make sure she is comfortable and I spend more time down there. Wednesday a new aide came for one day and we got her in the tub. My mother is a fighter and very strong. She will get to scratching and it scared me a tad seeing how hard she was going at it, worrying that she could have a serious issue.

Back to the aide, one morning when I came down she said the light needs a bulb. I say which one and she snapped that one which one do you think. So I was twisted and told her in so many ways my tolerance is very short. I I was doing a lot of running back and forth. Later I told her my concern that if she speaks to me that way how was she with my mother when they were alone. She was like we are good! she just doesnt talk much. Then I told her I am not her child(seems we are same age or I am older) and I speak with her with respect and I expect the same from her. Whew!! Is the universe and planets off or doing some strange stuff? Yikes and being a scapegoat it breaks my heart to tell people off and set them straigth. Holding all that stuff in has made me sick in so many ways.

Next day I bought her lunch and gave her money for a cab. She is doing hard work and I am so very grateful but it does not make me blind to certain dynamics. Basically its such a relief and in a sense embarrassing to have some one clean your "dirty Laundry".

So I am all happy dorie and then wednesday as I am letting out the temporary aide my nephew comes in and introduces himself. His mother is there also but she stayed in the hall. After I let aide out. DN came back down with mother behind all in my face saying this was my fault also. and how embarrassing it is. I was like forget embarrassing its a shame this family got here. Made him aware that his mother had me blocked from ma care and she neglected to address her medical issues and need. So tell me what I did wrong. I also renminded him how she deserted them, and betrayed me as well as my motherl. Then she starts video. I was fit to be tied.

So much going on but now there is a witness but twisted is a beautiful liar and manipulator. No telling what extent she will go to to look pretty and place the blame on me.

Also in being the scapegoat I had taken on this tolerance for disrespect because it has always been a major issue in my life. After that weakness and sickness I seem to have lost tolerance for manipulation period even on the job.

My client mother has always been manipulative and has done shady things. I need my job and I tolerate a lot. We even do laundry and fold and put things away. I have made it clear its not my job but I have a lot of down time so I dont make it an issue. But she sits on couch all day on tablet. and just does a lot a lazy stuff and now I am feeling like leaving because she has started trying to tell the nurses how to document and how many pages of notes to write so she can look good via insurance. She will have to switch to new Medicaid program and they will not allow 24hr RN so she gets these seizure logs and wants us to write a note when her pulse rate goes over 80. Its almost degrading for her to have the nurses writing 3 pages, I refused adamantly and we have been going at it today she just practically called me a liar because her o2 sats are 100%. Then she sent a msg on chat on using intermittent and not check continent and incontinent. I was like she is off chain. There is already a problem with getting nurses I have been here the longest and I am ready to go. I mean I dont have any real benefits. I could get my hip surg

Self care! 1st shingles shot in the books today.

Yoda, 7 out of 8 is GREAT 😁

Some good news!

1. Wife and I have had both vaccination shots.

2. Wife has regained interest in life which is great.

3. My psychiatrist reduced the level of my anti-anxiety med due to a bad side effect. I may save some of the old prescription for when I have to be around my brother in law who has the same impact on my wife and our sons.

4. It is sure good to have the extra money from my wife's inheritance from her deceased mother's trust fund given all the repairs and other needed things.

5. Our economics major son has taught me how to use various credit cards for the most cash back or useful points that I can actually use. I have learned from others that I am not alone in doing this.

6. My planters fasciitis is finally healing.

7. I have an awesome endocrinologist who is a full doctor in contrast to the student doctor I was most recently seeing. The one before him was great. She was top in her class and was not self-conscious like this new person. At 63, I don't feel like raising a doctor. Sorry, I just don't.

Sad to say my weight is not a good news report.

DD, do you mean to say that mom now has a home attendent, or thay you have home health (like a visiting nurse and podiatry) coming in? Either is great news, just wanted to clarify.

Great news and hang in!

Greetings, everyone. I have great news! My mother got homecare yesterday.

Sharyn, so sorry for you loss. Midget RIP, I hope she is in heaven with your mom.

I have been off line for quite a while. This forum is always in my heart. So many things I shared in my mind the past few weeks.

Although the only thing that has changed in the craziness is that we got homecare. They came on the 3/05 and then again on last Friday. MG the guardian manager says she called my twisted and she said she could not make it even though she was home. She called her twice after that with no answer. So she revealed her true self and intentions. I broke down last friday when I heard this because of a life time of the unfairness. I am so glad I did not try and retaliate on so many wrongs. the flying monkey DN I dont see and the oldest one is still cordial.

I cant explain how it feels to finally have help. For some reason my mothers 90 year old friend of many years came by and he said my energy was much younger than my age. I am feeling stronger. Much wiser, and a work in progress. Finally some help after all these years.

Meanwhile its seems my mother took well with the aide. So far so good. Please keep us in prayer.

Stay well and safe. Rays of love and healing.

Gershun, you are very right! I’m so may ways we can give love and share emotions with our pets that we find to be difficult with people we love. It’s al, about the unconditional love.

Golden, yes it is like losing my mom al, over again. It is not the same but very similar. I will move through it but it is different than losing my kitties. Part of it is because I know cat health well enough to recognize the signs. I’ve never had a dog before so it was very unexpected. Yes we have a 3-1/2 year old golden retriever. He is my hubs dog primarily, but he loves me too. He has to go outside with me every time I go out in the yard. If I don’t acknowledge him,he cries until I do.

pam, yes midget was a character. She stole my personal belongings and hid them between the couch cushions and under pillows. Socks were her favorite. She never destroyed anything, just hid them.

Send, yes Midget is a big part of my and my moms story on here. That little dog got into my heart.

I started having ear pain last week but with everything going on with Midget I did t go to the dr plus it wasn’t severe. It did go in today. It’s all sinus inflammation related. I have to use a nettie pot 2x a day, Flonase once a day and a humidifier at night. The climate here is very, very dry.


Thank you everyone for understanding about Midget and the connection to my mother. It means a lot to me to know that so many get that connection.

Sharyn, pet grief is like no other. I watch Cottage Country network and they have a lot of shows where they follow veterinarians around and film them doing their job. One in particular I really enjoy is Dr. Fitzpatrick Supervet. This man is a marvel. He is absolutely brilliant in my opinion. Doesn't hurt that he is Irish and has that twinkle in his eye. Whenever someone comes in and is upset he always says "pets just become part of your DNA don't they"

That connection to your mom makes it even harder I know. My mom took care of my kitties when we travelled and I know I'll always think of that when they leave this world.

My heart goes out to you.

sharyn - ((((((hugs)))))) I know this brings back memories of your mum. Midget was very much part of your family. Hope they are together again now. The kitties will keep you company. Don't you haver a larger dog as well or do I have that wrong? Take care. These losses aren't easy.