The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Awe, Duck I understand your concern regarding being there for your mother, your son. We all want that but I have to say in your situation you need to focus on you right now. I say this because I have similar issues going on which I will share under separate post, much love to you.

Merry Christmas to you, too Duck, and everyone!

I cannot imagine being a healthcare worker through all of this. You must be very frustrated with so much illness many times due to people not following guidelines and selfish self absorbed thinking.

NoTry, thanks for the advice.

As I witness my own aging and deterioration I get scared, dont want to end up being a burden, I wonder how long I can be there for my son and my mother or for my self.

I forget things and wonder if its the beginning or dementia or just stress or my trade forgetfulness.

Anyways today I decided to take a look at the bills, they had not been payed on date of mailing and are due this month. I attempted to scan them and send to the lawyer in my mothers court case but scanner is down. I called and left a message. Felt like I was overbearingly reaching out about the issues. I asked if he knew of any organization I could reach out to. The free legal aid I know of is down because of covid 19. I went to them about being blocked in the health care proxy my twisted head.


I know its tiresome to hear my issues over and over. I just checked and saw I tested negative for Covid so that was uplifting news amidst, this the crazy sickness where I live.

I notice there are very few posts recently. I hope its because everyone is busy with some good happenings. I know sometimes when I dont post for a while I am just overwhelmed and to bogged down to reach out.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying the magic of the holidays. I have lost the spirit. But the lights bring joy to my heart. Every year I would ride the family around to areas that had serious olympic like competion decorations. It was so beautiful we be oohing and ahhing. So the lights touch my heart.

I picked up some nice large snow flake tree ornaments I thought were cute they were encrusted with gold jewel pieces. I am one of the angel hair fans although its not around anymore. Probably for the best health wise.

Anyways, in case I am MIA for a minute -- "From the bottom of my heart I wish you all the sweetest, most beautiful heart warming and blessed holiday season."

DDDuck,

Your situation sounds interesting with things being done, but then your stuff being sabotaged. That would aggravate me too.

If any of your friends or anyone else wants some free advice about financing going to college. First, have very good grades and test scores in high school. Second, look for schools that have a strong program in your area of interest. Third, don't worry if they look expensive on the outside. Fourth, I say this for as my son discovered, these schools often have deep pockets. Fifth, they like really good incoming students for it helps keep their GPA up. Sixth, with their deep pockets, they will often substantially help someone with limited means attend. Seventh, ignore the fact that their generosity is rather self-serving. Finally, if two or 3 schools that student really likes don't offer enough, try telling the one you really want that one or two others are offering more grants and scholarships than they are. My son found this to be very true in undergraduate and grad school and thus was able to go to Emory University and the University of Chicago. My wife and I didn't have that kind of money then until later when our parents left us an inheritance. The Bene IRA that I inherited from my Dad plus other money and the Farm that I inherited from my mother plus other money is paying for me being in school again and helped us buy this house and move to this city 3 years ago which was a great move! Medical care and other things here are just very much better. Plus, this is a University city where I went to school and that is fun.

Take care of yourself and I hope one day you can fly out of there before your wings get hurt. I'll be praying for you.

Yes, so there are two con ed and two gas bills. They came and my twisted opened all four and left them in gate. In past she does not even open or pick them up they stay there until DN picks them up.

Anyways I guess the Gardian rep must have said same to my sister and I know if any half was paid it was done with my mothers money. And I am going to beg and plea for them to investigate the 5000 attempted transfer and any others and if there are any then to have my sister return that money. My sister has used me all my life and trained her sons to do the same.

So anyway the bills will remain there with the rest of their mail that no one picks up.

Sometimes I am in a place that this situation does not bother me. But deep down I am angry about the farce they present and the fact that an outside agency has to come in to do right by my mother.

Its my faith and hope that hold me together and to tell the truth I am close to being in my crying funk. So much new developements and the pest situation, the outside agency in our lives, my mother deteriorating, my hip issues and goodness knows I know there are people about who have much worse and intensive issues.

Its just sad for me and I can not express how much it means to me to be able to vent my truth and my pain amongst wise and spiritually blessed people who have been there or are there or seen worse.

Even if the truth hurts I appreciate it and if I dont agree I take what I can use especially when its not personal. So I thank you all for the patience and consideration that make this forum possible.

Suddenly Christmas is not what it used to be for me. I cant stand the song it hurts my heart.

Shams aniversary was this last week, my grandmother was in november. And when I think of one deceased loved one, they all come to mind and its truly quite a few.

After one death of a family member I remember thinking it must be one hellva thing to grow old, having so much history of love and lost.

Rays of love, light, healing and strengh to us all.

Good nite All.

Yoda I think its great that you are further pursuing your education It sounds like one of your natural gifts. I wish I had know how to do the grant thing when I was in college and felt even worse when my son went.

Golden, I agree with your precaution. Especially if there is a high number of cases in your area.

I just took another test on Friday. I thank God my routes and routines have been a safe path. I ride the trains and everywhere I regularly go everyone is wearing a mask. And hard stare the poor rare person who is without a mask.

Golden, I was bought to tears when I read about your mother's aniversary and again as post. I can't imagine, you've gone through so much and so much for your mother changing and checking up on her care in nursing homes on top of your dealing with wild fire that caused you to relocate.

I dont know if its a Virgo thing or psychotic but change in anyway messes me up. I find my self checking details on my mother situation and as a medical professional I dread her further deterioration.

I felt so peaceful with everything sealed up in basement and under sink and no show of mice or rat untill........... this afternoon as I prepared for work. There was pieces of foam, a nice amount where they are working there way back in. I heard this scratching and the boldness of not stopping when I came near sink unnerved me. I had read ammonia works to repell them so I poured some in two bowls and it stopped immediately. But when I came back down on my way out I heard the scratching now behind the washing machine. So now my psyche is out of wack again.

Good news though, DN bought new sheets and foam mattress. Yay!!!!. Of course there had to be sabatoge , he threw away or rather my phone chargers are missing that I had in sockets that I use for my blue tooth speaker and my phone. I seldom use it and I was actually surprised that they lasted this long. I just cant understand the need to sabbatoge something of mine everytime they do something for my mother. I would like to say it doesnt bother me but it does because I can feel the hatred and mindset it takes to do these things and naturally my quilt was tossed to the side. I wonder why they have not thrown it out.

I had the meeting with the guardian rep manager on Wednesday. She was late and I told her I need for her to be on time, I have other things set up. I was initially not even going to say complaints but I was so fed up with the rat and mouse and fly thing on top of the cleaning and the blatant lack of care from my sister that I just told her all. I told her that DN threw out foam mattress and sheetset and what was I supposed to do keep buying stuff for him to throw out. I told her how my sister does not even bring my mother anything to eat except on a whim. She asked if m mother had breakfast and I said no. I just got in and my sister was upstairs everyday. That I was preparing our lunch and dinner. She saw the pepers and onions cut up in bowl.

Then I told her about how DN taped a notice from con edison all of a sudden on the gate.

So..... as she is leaving she says I am going to call your sister and can I please do her a favor and pay half the bills. I almost blew a fuse! I says well what about half on these repairs she says that doesnt count. So I almost went off but just sternly deely said if its going to be dual then its got to be dual. I started to say I aint paying s&*^& unless I see a court order for us both and they have access to my mothers accounts becasue I know without a doubt that my nephew would use my mothers monies to pay my sisters part. She called my sister and said I am here, my sister says I will be right down. What?

Next day my mother had breakfast and hadnt had any sense the next Wednesday when I guess she suspect the Guardian was coming and after that this past saturday. Its sad. I will continue the book on next post.

glad - I would feel less isolated if I worked away from home during the day. When I worked I looked forward to the peace in my house. As things are now I don't necessarily see another human being once a week except those walking on the sidewalk passing by the house. But the vaccine is coming, so things will change. I know I could mask up and go to a store, but I am not sure it is worth it with the case numbers we have here now.

duck - I understand that you don't want to leave your mum and that you can't afford to move out. But in all of that you still need to take care of yourself and distance from the crazies as much as you can. I am so glad you have those good friends. (((((((hugs)))))))

yoda - glad you are enjoying your new educational effort. Yoda U sounds like a nice fantasy.

2 years ago today mother passed - in the afternoon. I was in the hotel trying unsuccessfully to rent a car. There was black ice and cars were in the ditch, and it wasn't safe to go out even if I had found a car to rent that day. I had flown in the night before, gone right to the NH and spent some time with her. She was totally immobile but for her eyes and she recognized me and looked at peace.

I called the NH in the afternoon saying I couldn't come because of the roads and they went to check and said she had just passed. I felt relief and still do. The next few days were a flurry of phone calls, and business visits to get the necessary stuff done. It's almost finished now - just a few more things to look after. I'm having trouble imagining life without any demands from mother.

On another note of her legacy, my dgd has been just diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Mother had it. Some think it is entirely a product of environment but I am convinced there is a hereditary aspect to it in some cases as in our family, There are too many very normal people in the family as well as some with BPD. It is good to have the diagnosis and that dgd is will to go for do therapy.

The vaccine is coming - light at the end of that tunnel.

Take care all,

PolarBear,

Thanks, I joking tell people that with two doctorates I will be a D.D. which is a degree but an honorary one not an earned one. I already have an earned doctorate but it is not a PhD. Soon, I think our whole house will be doctors and we can start the notrydoyoda university online with our youngest son as the President since he is so wonderful with money and that is the main job of a president in a school anyway. What a pipedream.

Yoda, you're going for a PhD. Impressive! In what field? What is your dissertation about? I'm curious. Glad you were able to get grants and help from friends. So nice and generous of them. You gave me some motivation. Maybe after I finish homeschooling my kids, and they are off to college, I'll continue my MBA where I left off.

gladimhere and DDDuck,

Thanks, actually being in school fully online which started out to become a global education school is not only awesome, but less expensive that my first doctorate which I worked on from 1996-2001. This PhD program will last me 4-5 years once, the Lord willing, my dissertation proposal is accepted. I raised over $30,000 for my first doctorate by looking for scholarships, grants, yes, believe it or not, one person brought me a $500 check to my house and without asking for money as I began 7 of my best friends gave me a total of $2,000 with one person, who really didn't have the money to give, giving me three months of his car payments after paying for it while another friend who is loaded hardly contributed anything. Right now, I am planning on using the money from the farm I inherited from my mother to pay my yearly tuition instead of using the yearly disbursement from the bene IRA from my dad.

Oh, by the way, tonight, my wife said something about travel and that how our not being able to take our Christmas trip or even to go see her identical twin sister on their birthday in January and that is what had her all depressed and weak today and thus did not feel up to going to PT which her doctor prescribed and I've been asking her to do for months. When she mentioned future travel, my response was no, not until you walk and get much stronger than you are now. Well, I waited for a time to sow a seed and the door was open! What else can I do?

Night folks!

My posted repeated itself.

No Try, I thinks its great you are back in school. As Golden mention its can be free for seniors I know at one time the city college in NYC allowed seniors free tuition.

I would love to go back in my retirement years if I am around. One time it seemed I was a professional student, I was in school for so, long so many papers and requirements.. Its fun and a challenge. I am wishing you all the best.

Barbs! You give me smile with your honesty and truth. I am going to hang but I wont be homeless. I am not spending my all...
But I do know one thing and that is you give good advice. I know I will look back one day and wonder why it was so hard but right now I can't leave my mother. I am also aware that it could be a manifestation of mental illness acquired from being in this type of situation with my narcissistic mother and sister over the years. I didnt see what I see now, If I did back then I believe I would have been long gone.

Its now like I am a weeping willow. I am dealing with family that I have made quite aware of how I feel and how I am not going to be manipulated. I maintain a strong front, that what I have done since a child. And yes it gets to me but it hasnt killed me and what dont kills you make you stronger. Many times I wonder how this turns out. In any case I will still get what my sister dosent want me to have and if I dont live my son will get it or his kids.
Her sickness does not let her see us as equal in anyway. She does not feel I have a right to be here. My very presence unravels her. I wouldnt mind seeing what is left.

Glad its not territorial its just plain sickness. I bought a xmas tree from a thrift shop years ago. I put it one place. I was the one who put up the tree everyyear and my sister never touched it. She kept moving my tree. I finally took it upstairs. there is no boundary to her hatered and her son feeds off her poison.

Well everyone sleep tight. Rays of love.

Hey I love you all. I am not in a position to move out. I do plan to do so eventually. I appreciate the honesty. Its all so very very true.

Meanwhile I am hoping and praying for the truth to be exposed and reaping what has been sown. I know part of this is my mother reaping but with her dementia I am sure a part her has a clue, and I am hoping to witness my sister and nephew get put in full check and reparation.

I dont have much choice. I am still paying a large amount monthly for taxes.

The house is by far not dilapidated but it is fast on its way to that point. I hate to think of the damage if I wasn't there. A beam was damaged from water pouring in because the roof drain was clogged. I saw it and it was like an amazing waterfall pouring down inside the door jam between shed and kitchen..

These houses are going for a lot "as is" most likely there would be a nice amount after probate period after paying debts and Medicaid..

I dont really care about the money, I am more disparately concerned with my sister constantly manipulating and feeling entitled and besides my mother health care that is something I hope to see put in check before I leave this earth.


Rent is off the chain and this salary I make puts me between a rock and a hard place. Its just enough to put me in a high rent bracket but not enough to pay the lowest rent.

Anyways I am going to fight the good fight because that is exactly what they want me to do skedaddle. Me just being there is a thorn. Hearing me laugh and talk with neighbors just being me, kills my sister because she once had the nerve to say no one liked me and I had no friends. My mother used to say the same kind of things that she projected on me but were her own situation.

So unless I get a big windfall, maybe from these Facebook hackers who hacking people I know saying I hit big whoo, hoo! I would just set it up and take my mother with me with no word. Their issue is greed and control and I stay in prayer that the Father will show His Face Upon them.

So I finally got my phone. I have to take it so they can transfer info from old phone so it will probably be Thursday or Friday unless this phone just spazz out..

I am looking forward to spending Xmas with O and P. O is my prayer partner. I met him in a computer class while I was out of work. He is like a brother and over the 7 years Ive known them he and his wife bring peace love and God in my life.

I didnt show up last time I was invited in June for O's birthday. My fear of Covid and isolating was my priority. So I have missed several moments with them and one or two other beatiful people they invite over. They make a feast and the people I have met through them are beauitiful. Sometimes I cant believe it. They reinforce goodness and love. Anyways I speak to Mama C when she comes buy she is elderly, and goes there on the regular from day one and everyone is fine.
I did go there I think around september.

In any case I need to feel love and accepted unconditionally and to be around goodness. Its like a safe haven I go there and when I leave I feel stronger, wiser and happier everytime. When O and I pray, things happen for the good.

Today on train going to work a young man sat across from me and pulled out a deck of cards I kept checking to see what he was doing and finally he shuffle kind of fancy. So finally my curiosity got the best of meand I asked if he did card tricks. He says yes I am a magician. I love it He was in his mid twenties. So anyways he ends up doing game on me where I pick a card and he finds it and another one where I palm a card he shows me a card he does something and I end up with hisw card and he ends up with my card. We both had on mask and I excused my self when I used my sanitizer he was not insulted. It was wonderful and made my day. Thats tv stuff. I thanked him for making my day. It was a nice change from the hustle bustle you better not cough ride to work.
Little blessings, big smiles!

Yoda, good for you back to school! I have thought about it, but the cost! Some schools waive tuition for us old folks. Did you find such a program?

Golden working in office.

Golden,

Thanks and I wish you the best with all of that ice and snow. I've never tried spiked shoes in the snow or ice. I assume that is what you are talking about. It would be good if my wife would take more responsibility for herself. How she is, creates a burden on me. I'm just going to say, here are your choices and live with the consequences for I can't and I'm not going to do everything for you like your dad did for your mom and Debra did for you as she has told me how you waited for her to tend to her things as well as her own when it was time for your dad to pick you up from college for the weekend. My goodness, how can you have a real college experience if you are not there for the weekend. Another example of enmeshment.

I'm really enjoying being back in school and given that I'm working on a PhD this time, I will have good reasons for not being able to do it all. Sometimes, I think she both wants me to be like her dad, now that she's old in her opinion, in terms of taking care of her, but also like the dad she never had. Well, the dad she never had would not of been so passive, but would have said, get your lazy, fat a** off the sofa and move around to improve you health and lesson what we are having to do because your laziness has led you to believe you no longer need to be engaged in life. My goodness, this will be my 4th post high school degree and my 2nd post graduate degree. She has a PhD in psychology but has never done much with it. Ok, my complaining and venting is out for tonight.

Duck, I also agree that it is time to move out like a duck from a toxic pond or lake. I'd go soon while you have your wings to help you climb and fly like a Canadian Goose.

glad - are you working from home or in an office? Glad Ming is happy indoors. I've never had an indoors cat.

yoda - your hair looks fine. Great deal for your son. Good for him. and good for you for going back to school. I hope your wife starts doing more for herself. It would be better for her.

duck - I hope you get the bill paying/finances sorted out. It doesn't seem fair. Yes, the situation is crazy, emember to look after you. I too am concerned what will happen to you when your mother passes. I am better thank you

The weather is nice here these days. Couldn't walk as it is slippery but I spent time outside clearing away some dead leaves that blew around my front steps in the fall I usually do it before the snow comes but didn't this year. It looks nice and tidy now and the kitties had a lovely time checking everything out. In a couple of days, before it gets cold again, I will remove hopefully all of the remaining snow. Part of the driveway is dry as it is melting everyday now, which is great, so maybe I can get it cleared. More fun for the kitties and time outside for me!!!

Glad, if Duck's mom's house is where I think it is, it is worth 1-1.5 million no matter what shape it's in.

The problem I see is that Duck keeps spending money and will be homeless when her mother passes. The house will be tied up in probate, Medicaid liens and twisted sister's shenanigans til the cows come home.

In Duck's shoes, I would leave by whatever means necessary.

Duck, does any of this.territorial? I understand the tax part. This sounds like this is a very dilapidated house. Is it really worth all of the stress?

Hi
Everyone, I hope you are all in good spirit and health.

Thanks Glad,Golden, and Sharyn for the best wishes in my situation.

I cant imagine how far this sickness is going to go. There is no limit to the schemes and stints my twisted and her son will plan.

I spoke to Guardian about everything. She says she is going to call my twisted as she is leaving then she says "do me a favor and pay half the bills when they come. I almost had a baby! On top of that she calls my sister as I am letting her out and when she answers she which is on first ring the guardian says she is here my sister responds I'll be right down. I told her if I pay half then I need half for the repairs I am paying for she says that doesnt count. My voice deepens seriously when I am angry and I says if its going to be dual then it needs to be dual all the way,

I fill manipulated. The bills were in the gate unopened, left for my nephew to pay as he has been doing. Yesterday evening as I leave I see the bills are opened and left in the gate. For one thing, I truly need to have a court order and know that the guardian people can monitor my mothers accounts, which they do not have. So I can pay half and my nephew use my mothers funds to pay my sisters its not going to happen.

Meanwhile guy comes and seal up hole behind sink I could see with foam. Then he goes upstairs and unclog the toilet on my floor. Made note that the ceiling and pipes are exposed and plaster probably fell in. He got it flushing slowly. With a lot of plunging and pumping with a toilet brush and the snake. Finally he put the hook locks on the bathroom door and the bedroom door up to the top.
So, Saturday night and early Sunday my mother kept jarring me awake jiggling my door and knocking and shaking all the doors. I am hoping it will wear down and I can get some sleep today.

This situation is so crazy. I know many others are in worse, Please keep us in your prayers.

Golden i hope you are feeling and better and, you and Sharyn are absolutely right about your concerns with this virus.

Glad its good to hear you are good.

The kittens sound wonderful! 4! sounds like lots of fun and smiles.

Oh I forgot. I go to supermarket and they are playing Christmas song, did realize it would hit me. I got tearful and started studying all the reasons why. Then two young ladies started arguing almost physical when one pushed the other, all because of a bump. I couldn't take it! I fussed at them and it distracted them. I got my self all excited but to go though this bs I live and then see the nonsense in action was intolerable. I am also sought of a loner so the covid restrictions havent changed much except me wearing a mask..

Rays of love and healing to all, Smile!

I

Thanks. I was thinking more along the lines of John Wesley and his long white hair in some of his portraits. And yes, I am feeling creative.

Oh and don't forget Ben Franklinish!

Yoda, your hair looks rather einsteinish or twainish. Are you feeling more inventive and creative too? 😉 I have always liked longer locks on men. I do not understand the younger men shaving heads.😁

Sounds like everyone is hunkering down to stay healthy which is a good idea. We have cancelled our planned family vacation due to this pandemic as well. Plus, we are not sure how seriously, my in-laws having been taking this even though my SIL is not in any condition to be taking this lightly. She is currently sad that we can't come up there nor see any possibility in seeing them in late January for my wife's and SIL's birthday. They are twins.

Our son has been blessed in this time of low interest rate to buy a place within walking distance of where he works.

His having found such a low rate, that my wife became open to the idea of refinancing our house which also means getting out of this adjustable rate which was to start being adjustable in September of 2023.

Wife is still on this "I'm 65 and therefore old" kick. I and my son are not buying into what she claims that she can't get done, when she can and does. I've decided to go back to school via the internet and thus have things to do.

My son works M-F online. He will not be here much longer with closing coming up soon and his office has asked him to come back in so everyone's laptops can be updated for their work.

I have decided that my phone call last month to my God-sister helped her so, that I will call her this month and then make it a practice to call her once a month.

My wavy white hair has grown very long since this pandemic began. I do not feel safe going to a hair cut place, nor do I want to try my hand at cutting it myself. Actually, I am enjoying this. I is even longer that it was in high school. Thus, I have uploaded a pic of my long hair beside my name.

Take care everyone!

Sharyn, great to hear from you and thanks for asking how I am doing. I am relaxed, enjoy all of my me time. I am one of the people that does not mind the isolation at all. Covid has been bad here too. Many are laying low so even going to the store is more pleasant.

My cat is just an indoor kitty and never even tries to get out. I have had escape artists and makes it less pleasant.

sharyn - You made the right decision regarding the twins, You and your hub can't afford the risk. Your kitties sounds lovely and mischievous as kitties should be.

Sil was tested Tuesday and it has come back negative. I guess there is still a chance he could come down with it as the 14 days aren't up, but I don't feel at risk now. I'll stay hunkered in here without visitors till the vaccine comes. It's only a few more months, I believe. Numbers of cases in our province are the worst in Canada and rising.

I managed to change a ceiling fluorescent bulb in the basement, and I have some kitchen drawer runners that are out of whack that I'll see if I can fix. but some things will just have to wait.

Good to hear from you sharyn.

Take care all.

Golden, I completely support you on the exposure of covid through your sil. My daughter asked us how we felt if the grands were exposed at school and had to quarantine for 14 days and us having them at our house during that time. I told her no. It’s too much risk and hubby agrees.

Duck, I hope you are well and things are moving forward with your mother.

Glad, how are things going with you?

hubs and I stayed home for thanksgiving, just as well because I came down sick with a bronchial and sinus infection on Wednesday before thanksgiving.

Christmas we will make cookies with grands on Christmas Eve but have dinner just the two of us on Christmas Day. Cases are still to high over 1,000 a day.

today husband and I went to a nearby city to meet up with hubs second cousin who is a truck driver. We had breakfast together and spent about 2 hours with him.

My kittens are 4 months old and they are so fun! They have their cuddly moments in different ways. They are trying to run outside when we take the dogs out which presents a challenge.

I hope everyone has a decent Christmas with caregiving.

Duck - hope something good comes from your meeting with the guardian rep and your counsellor. My gut is better but not entirely well yet.

I am still flabbergasted that my dd and sil thought it was OK for him to come over here when he is in quarantine because he has been exposed to someone with covid (that's 3/4 hr on a closed bus) and that he came over without them telling me he was in quarantine. I have written them asking details about his date of exposure and when he will be tested and would they please send me the results, I also told them to stay away until we all are vaccinated and that I was hurt and disappointed that they had such little regard for the covid guidelines and my safety. Thankfully I could let off steam to my oldest son last night. This is exactly the way the virus gets spread around. Even though he is in quarantine he is behaving as he normally does on days off - going shopping etc. coming over here etc. That is NOT what quarantine is about. I guess it is another aspect of a dysfunctional family.

Duck, best wishes with all. Thinking of you.

I hope everyone has good next few days. I dread going home regularly. Especially when its to fight off flies and hunt rats!!

Hopefuly Gaurdaian rep will show up this morning I have lots to tell my counselor therapist today.

Rays of love and light to all.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Golden I hope you are well and good.

Yoda, I am happy for your son and the good deal he got on condo.

I am hanging in there and I am also having times when I am close to a funk. I find myself having a crazy short moaning cry with events that arise. Lately is few weeks ago I found rat on day handyman was coming to unstop the stubborn toilet. Then he went in basement and showed where the rats had tunneled in along the sewer line out the house. So meanwhile my neighbor says she saw an exterminator at the next door neighbor a few times. so because the rat I found was already dying I assumed he either ate the mouse poison I make or something from next door..

No sound or sign or sight of mice or rat over the last week. Now today as I am leaving I see rat droppings under sink! On top of that the flys are crazy. I dont smell anything but these large black flies keep showin up in bathroom and living room. I kill a batch and come back down and they are right back. So frustrating. The handyman is coming back to finish cementing around the sewer line. They dug in more since I first saw it so he has to get more cement and will hopefully finish it this week. I know there is an opening around back of sink in kitchen where I saw the droppings. I bought poison. Foggers and fly ribbon to set up when I get up in the morning. The handyman says he he will check around basement for other openings.

Meanwhile the guardian manger has cancelled twice the wed before thanksgiving and the Friday after. She then asked for Monday and I told her to call my sister to set up visit. I know she has to get one in every month

I didn't expect my sister to cooperate so now the case manager is coming in the morning. Nothing has been done for my mother and I am thinking its useless to voice compllaints and issues. But then with my nephew in charge of my mothers accounts she maybe able to get thenm to get an exterminator.

Its pointless and useless me to try and communicate with him. He taped a electric company notice on gate ( that I let in gate for him to get as he is paying the bills, I guess) So I can not insult my spirit and mind with further attempts for reason and logic or just plain common sense or any type of respect or decency from my sister and nephew. Its so sad and frustrating.

Also since my sister has receded her petition for guardianship once she found I was not the petitioner. She stopped the little bit she was doing. She still keeps light turned out in hall and I dont see any signs that she does anything for my mother except a paper cup she leaves occasionally with hot tea. I put socks on her feet they take them off. She spills the coffee or tea they leave and its just left for me to clean they dont even toss out the left over cups. Not to mention throw away bowls and plates I use to feed my mother.

Sometimes the pent up anger builds up and I get very depressed or easily tearful. Its frustrating to not see any sight of intervention in care or the environment for months.

I also told lawyer I would be willing to be part of a dual guardianship with an out side guardian.

I will just continue to do the best I can for my mother. It breaks my heart sometimes to think of how I was treated and the favor she pot on my sister and see how my sister and nephew are treating her.

The other day I kissed her forehead and she said I love you too. I never heard my mother say I love you to me. Something I make sure to say to my son all the time.
I really do pray for vengence, I am so tired of the sabatoge and spitefull spirt of my twisted and N and how it has hindered my mothers care and saftey.

My hands are tied and nothing can be done until a lawyer approves a pool trust fund. Meanwhile I am paying for needed repairs constantly while my twisted lays ups on her butt not to mention the constant cleaning. Trying to get her to eat and keeping pests at bay and damage control..

Rays of love