The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Hope everyone had a decent Thanksgiving,

duck - hang in there and look after you

yoda - sorry to hear about your wife's frame of mind Glad you have your son there for support. Sounds like making better boundaries might help you.

Trying to write a gratitude list every day. I've been including more veggies the last while. I have been determined not to gain weight due to covid restrictions and yay, I've lost a few lbs. with veggies as a much larger part of my diet Hoping this trend continues. Veggies seem to suit me well.

Schools are closing here soon till after the new year due to covid and more restriction have been put in place as this province is doing badly re covid case numbers and contact tracing. We don't have enough people. The vaccines can't come soon enough IMO.

Asking for prayers for my nephew's wife whose cancer has returned and is not responsive to chemo or radiation. She has just had surgery. He is the one who lost his sister (my niece) to suicide 5 months after mother passed. They are in their 40s. Very sad situation.

Polarbear,

Thanks. She had all of that checked on and those things are fine.

Changing the subject greatly, but I have not gotten a hair cut with Covid and thus my hair as longer than it was in high school, over my ears and to my shoulders. My wife likes this. I do too, but I have to wash it more often now and use a lot of conditioner.

Yoda - I think refinancing your current adjustable rate for a fixed lower rate is an excellent idea. Maybe even get the 15 or 20 year term. Now is the best time to do it. When I first started out in residential lending business, interest rates were hovering around 9%-10%. Haven't seen those for a long time.

I'm glad to hear you're seeing a therapist. Maybe you can implement some firm boundaries so that you don't get burned out. You certainly don't need your wife to turn into her mother. That would be a nightmare.

Has your wife had a full check up with blood work to check her vitamin levels, and thyroid among other things? I mentioned that because I used to feel really tired and needed to take naps to feel up to doing things. As it turned out, my Vit A and D were so so low, in addition, my digestive enzyme levels were also very low, my body wasn't absorbing nutrients from food. The doc put me on a super high dosage of Vit A and D for 12 weeks, and daily digestive enzymes. I am feeling much better now, with more energy. I don't feel like I'm running on an empty tank. If your wife hasn't had the full check up lately, I'd recommend it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Stay safe!

Hi Gershun,

Yes, I've been telling friends like my SIL, my life long friend from high school who has always been like the good sister that I never had, and my God-sister (that's a Roman Catholic thing-my dad was her God-father before he died) that I've been feeling more like a Luke Skywalker toward the end when he was all alone on an island in a far away planet before the next movie which included his final victorious fight with the dark side. They don't seem to like hearing me say this.

I've told my wife that I'm not made of cast iron and may break down at some point, but she does not get it. Maybe, I should up the analogy to platinum which is more expensive and possibly stronger! :)

I think that my boys are more concerned about my health than anyone. BTW, my latest blood work results are in. While my good chollestoral could improve some my bad kind is half of what it is ok to be. My blood pressure is wonderful. I've put more effort in on getting my blood sugar down. It is so good that my doctor reduced the dose on my meds. I think that my next A1C test is in December. My retirement money is doing absolutely wonderful. I'll be able to live off of the returns on the principle instead of the principle which means if I go first and my wife does not mess things up that the boys will inherit more than I did from my parents. My dad retired this way, but my mother was not as disciplined, nor did she stay engaged with life her whole life like he did.

I have a lot to be thankful for, particularly this house which we bought 3 years ago and the city it is in; my enormous retirement package that I've not had to touch yet, but I have a financial advisor who is helping me put it in safe places. My youngest son has done like in concerning working on the retirement plan from day one at work which my dad did also that my mom thought was silly. My son took to heart my advice about living like a student for as long as you are in school, so you don't have to live like that afterwards. He went by that in college and grad school and never complained about having to use one of our very old cars that still ran. He extended this style into his first 4 years of working and now has a 400,000 condo in downtown DC with a loan for 2.625%.

Today, my son and I will prepare our Thanksgiving meal and celebrate it with my wife. I hope we can get this newly delivered leg pump for my legs up into the man cave and run it today and I might do some school work as well.

I need to go read the directions on the frozen Turkey breast again in order to know when to put it in as a frozen turkey which the directions do speak to.

Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks!

Yoda, I sense resignation in your post which I can hardly blame you for. It is draining living with what you have described.

If she is on heavy pain medication and antidepressants that could have a lot to do with her state of being. Maybe she needs an adjustment with them. I know my sister that I mentioned has been fighting a losing battle with medication for years. Her Dr. doesn't even wean her properly off of one before he prescribes another.

Enjoy your man cave and I hope you can have a happy Thanksgiving some how.

Hi Polabear and Gershun,

Thanks!

Her knees don't hurt anymore and she can walk around. I'm under the impression that she mainly talks about her mother when she needs to talk about her perception of herself at 65, how much she spends on ebay which I'm so thankful the trust fund from her mother covers. She's on depression meds, but this seems deeper than just depression to me. As my son has said, it's like she's decided that life no longer involves her being engaged.

At this point, I don't think she is open to therapy. It's like she does not want to deal with anything least bit complicated. Her therapist is an hour drive from where we use to live. So, she talks with my wife on the phone. Often, she will tell someone that I'm "ned nurse". I am so tired of hearing that.

In total contrast a life long friend from high school, in her 60's also, has decided to venture out with her dream of writing and producing her own music with so far, one song, that she's written and sung. She's won awards and can be heard on Spotify, Pandora, etc.

My wife did PT early on before Covid and her flexibility is great. I've observed and mentioned that she still walks like she has a bad knee. I've told her that I think she needs to go to a different PT because the PT where her surgeon works never really helped my frozen shoulder like where I have gone. Covid has her very frightened. Actually my health risk in light of this is higher than hers with my having diabetes and lungs which so easily get infections. Also, I've become her driver to all of her appointments. Next week, she is going to a PT that her pain doctor is sending her to. She does have back pain and sometimes that keeps her up late and she's on powerful meds for.

I'm in a bit of shock over her and her sister's concern of possibly moving their parents to the section of the cemetery where a big family stone is. They are in family lots, but evidently they were not actually theirs, but other family members said that was ok. My wife wanted to know what I thought. I told her that after what she and her sister went through in their childhood, I'd let the dead bury the dead and not spend inheritance on such a move. I've not heard anything since and I hope not to. It was obvious when my wife's father died that her mother missed him more for what he could no longer do for her than anything else. He had heart problems, but I think he died of an exhausted and broken heart.

My boys tell me that while my wife's mom was never as passive about being engaged in life, that my wife is becoming more and more like her mom in wanting to be waited on. I think it went totally over her head yesterday when I said that with interest rates so low in light of the good one our son got, that we could save money refinancing. We have a adjustable rate loan that will adjust the first time in 2 more years. Right now it is 3.625% and we have 27 more years to pay off around $114,000 house. We bought this house 3 years ago for $155,000 and the county tax people just appraised it at $177,000. The housing market is strong here. What I want is a fixed rate so I don't have to be concerned about it going up and down.

Frankly, I don't know what she'd do if this mess was on the other shoe.

All of this is one reason that I'm so glad to have my Man Cave! It's my escape! Also, at 63, I've decided to go back to school online. I'm enjoying this for it gives me something to focus on that is bigger that daily stuff.

Well, I need to scan some documents for my son on my scanner that he needs. So, I'm going up in my Man Cave to do that.

Thanks for your support! I need to see my own therapist who I have not seen lately, but I drive to go see him.

Notryyoda, so sorry your wife has chosen to give up on life. One of my older sisters is the same. She is only 65. Once when I mentioned something that might happen in the future she said she hoped she'd be dead by then. She was only 59 at the time. She loves to commiserate with you if you are having a problem so that she can dwell on the negative but if anything good happens to you she doesn't acknowledge it.

I've given up trying to boost her up. She doesn't want it.

I hope you can have a happy Thanksgiving and so on Yoda all things considered.

NoTryDoYoda - I am truly saddened reading your latest post about your wife. It sounds like she has given up and resigned herself to old age and disability at 65. That's just awful.

Are her knees in a lot of pain? Can she walk? Do things? Is she doing PT? Is she depressed? Marriage requires work from both partners, but it seems you are pulling all the weight. How does she feel about being so dependent on you and letting you do all the work? How would she feel it the roles were reversed? Have you had a heart-to-heart conversation with her about how you feel?

Do you think your wife is receptive of some counseling for her possible depression? And marriage counseling for both of you? Your burden was lifted when MIL passed away, but now this? I hope you can turn this situation around.

About your son, that is such good news that he got out of the lease, bought a condo for a good price and got a very low interest loan. It's like he hit a 777 jackpot because he has just saved himself tens of thousands of dollars if not more. A good reason to celebrate and treat himself and his parents to a steak dinner. "wink wink"

Happy Thanksgiving, to everyone!

No cooking for me this year except for only a couple of favorite things (side dishes) that we love. Whole Foods is doing the rest of the cooking!

High everyone. I hope ya'll have as good a Thanksgiving as is possible in your situation.

Despite my hopes that once my wife had her knee replacement and recovered would mean she would be more active, she has not. She, like her identical twin sister, turned 65 in January. She, unlike her sister, has decided that she is old now and sees no reason to be involved in life anymore than she is, but that means I'm continuing to do a whole lot. Our son, who lived out of state, got out of a lease agreement before it ended in January, plus they wanted him and the others in that appartment to sign a new lease in November if they were going to renew. He was blessed to find someone to take over his part of the leased. Covid has driven the price of Condos down near where he works and he's been looking for such that is within walking distance. Also, if you have really good credit, the rate for you loan is low and even lower when your credit rate is really, really good which his is,. He has seen a place and the sellers agreed to his price. His loan came through today at 2.625%.

I talked with my God-sister this week. With his huge health problems, even with help every week plus assistance from her siblings that live right there, she is finding that she just works almost all the time helping him, making the house more accessable for his wheel chair, working at his business via the internet at home and tending to the family business. She told me that what really gets here is how ungrateful he is, how resistant he continues to be about medical advice like not getting up by himself without his walker. She had just gone outside after they had a blow up over something that she can't do anything about while he expects that of her and she feels bad that she can't. She sounds like if it gets much worse or he falls and breaks his hip that he is going somewhere else. I told her about my situation and her reply was, so you do really understand. I'm sorry about that and hope our lives improve one day. We both agree that our lives are more like being a caretaker of our spouses than it is like being married to them. She felt very energized by our conversation. She's like a 14 hour drive away. We have known each other plus her 8 siblings since we were all kids. We are going to have a once a month talk for she has not been able to find a therapist like she said she would do for the previous one is no longer near where she lives out in the county near their dairy farm. I had higher hopes than this for our empty nest years and even wrote a poem describing it parts of which sounded like the Song of Solomon in the Bible. I was looking forward to us being a couple again, but no.

Having him here has been very helpful to me. After about a week or two, he commented to me that I have not help here and truly everything is on me. I have noticed he doesn't jump every time my wife whines about something, which means I want it, I want it now, and I want someone to do it for me. I need to follow his example.

When her twin sister was here in January for her knee replacement surgery, she commented about how similar our lives are with our needy spouses who are so dependent upon.

Hi Ev eryone!, I want to wish everyone a blessed, loving and peaceful, Thankgiving.

Things are the same. I am in my feelings a little more, I find myself crying sometimes when I find a big mess downstairs. Its a wide range of mess. One thing is she has cleared out the cabinet which was on the floor,

I am still so frustrated it with the childish naccissistic acts of my sister. She has taken the sheets off the sofa bed this is the third day. My mother took them off on Saturday and I left them off not wanting any parts of DS and DN initiating this bed issue. I know it sounds petty but for me right now its helps my sanity not to play into their games even if it means thinking like them. Yes its dificult for me to not use the sheets I have purchased again for them to throw out. I just cant.

I dont know if the case manager will see this a neglect or incompetence but I plan to lbring it to her attention with hesitation. Becuase their needs to be intervention between the dynamics of my twisted and I.

She goes to top floor turns out the light. Some days she doesnt even come down and when she does she does crazy things. Sometimes I wonder if the mess is only my mother.

Anyways I couldnt sing in last night so I just checked before waking my girl and getting her up. I was glad to see I could sign in. This happens a lot. Anyways be blessed. Hopeful I will get a chance to sign later tonight before I am off for the holidays.

Rays of love and smiles.

(((((((trying))))) - not much we can do about covid restrictions or hearing issues. Yes, it is what it is. Sorry your time with your mum is cut back.

Kitties aren't going out much, but they are not very wild inside, thankfully. 😺😺

Ugh! Moms facility had to cut back on visits due to the rise in covid. Only two visits per family, per week and back to visiting in the dining room, 6 feet apart. So I can only visit once a week.

It was so nice to have visits in her room and get to sit close. On the other hand I wont have to waer a gown and gloves, just a mask.

I stopped calling on the phone a while back because it just doesn't work out well. Mom has hearing loss, there are timing issues and Mom needs staff with her to help her manage the phone. I might try booking skype visits through the activities department on the weekends again. I did that last spring but hearing will still be an issue.
I will do what I can but it is what it is. Just one more thing to accept I guess :(

Great news, Duck! You are NOT a crybaby!

butterflies - I hope the psych doc was some help to your mum.Please look after yourself. Do you have a counselor?

(((((((sharyn)))))))))) nice seeing you posting I'm so sorry your offer of help re autism was taken the wrong way. That's so hurtful and they don't seem reasonable.

fraz - nice seeing you posting too. So sorry about your fil and your ankle. You really have too much to deal with. So glad your hub stays strong.

trying - your sis is a case, I wonder if she can -seems unlikely. I guess only the facility can tell you. Wise of you to work around it. Boy, your sis is causing problems but that's nit new,

duck - so glad it is benign, Yay!!! Spending holidays with your son in Cali next year is something to look forward to, Sounds like you are getting some good repairs done.

I'm hoping i can get out and get my flu shot. The sniffles/cold is better. Saw a good article about aerosol transmission of covid. Masks and good ventilation and distancing help. The doctor's office requires masks, but distancing is about 3 feet and the ventilation is not good. Sigh. The pharmacy is not much better. Our numbers are rising -apparently they are spiking after our Thanksgiving. But the vaccines are coming. I have to live in cabin fever mode for the whole winter I guess. Oh well, I will survive this too but I don't have to like it.

(((((((hugs)))))) to everyone

Thanks Duck, it sounds like you deal with a similar situation regarding a controling sibling and so happy to hear your good news!

Duck!

Yay!!! Thank God. So happy for you.

It’s wonderful to hear that your mass was benign!

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts. Mass was benign. Was a very traumatic experience for me the big cry baby and MS IM Alright.

I know this is a trying time for us loving caregivers as we embark on the coming holiday seson.

Butterflies I know the feeling of being manipulated, I think if you are having such deep thoughts of sadness to despair that maybe it may be best to get your mom a facility that can meet her needs. Its worth your sanity.

Frazzeled sorry to hear about your accident and the situation with your Husbands' father. I think that even though it would be hard to see his father sick its would be best to see him, then to regret not seeing him.

Trying I got hot in the head reading about the situation with your sister's narcissisum. I live with it and its so frustration. It great you can go along with the flow, I know I wouldnt be able to be that kind especially with our history. The health care proxy is for her care but like my sister she is wielding it power and control. I know my sister was able to block me from my mothers care and information and appointments so her using this as her sword if it is acutally so is sad but at least you two have a communication line open.

I am so bitter about my sister and her and my nephews antics. I read psalm 35 and encompassed my feelings and my heart.

I want to go into detail about issues but I am too tired.

on the whole everyting is good. My neighbor had an exterminator and it seems like the mice were gone until I heard one somewhere near dryer. But the poison I put out is untouched thus far.

The guy is coming to cement the area where sewer line goes out. He says he was so tired and slept all last Saturday so he called today which I am usually off but Im working tonight covering for a nurse who called outl. So I will see him saturday.

Oh, and I truly miss the frenzy and stress of the holidays. Prepareing cleaning cooking, decorating, to make a beautiful memory with loved ones. Its part of who I am. So I love hearing and see the stress and excitement of a friend who is doing same for his family and I gave him proper honor because I think its wonderful. I mean we can make everyday a holiday. But for me with the breakdown and loss of what I thought was family its beautiful to see that beauty in someone elses life.

It was so pleasant last year to read the posts that were shared.

Hopefully next year I will be able to spend the holidays with my son in Cali.

Rays of love and light and healing to all of us. The smile shows in the eyes and I think it is felt even stronger to see in the eyes. With so much going on in this world a little bitt of love goes a long way.

Sleep tight ((((HUGGS))))

Thanks Countrymouse. The whole thing came up because my sister has been changing her vists around and making it hard for the activities department to keep a reliable schedule and to avoid booking conflicts . I was unaware of this until the activities director asked if I would please coordinate visiting schedules with my sister. I said sure and emailed Sis. Sis sent back a list of times she wanted and I plugged my times in around that. There was no over lap. The next thing I know Sis had booked herself into one of my slots. I did not make a fuss I simply asked for a different time. Thats when the activities director told me that.

My sister has created conflict at every facility my parents have stayed in. She berates the staff mercilessly and constantly threatens to file against the facilities themselves. She did file against the last facility because they would not allow her to circumvent the covid restrictions. She has also filed against this one, not sure why as I told her I did not want to hear about it.

Anyway, I don't doubt my sister said that, it sounds like something she would say. Still you are right that I did not hear it myself and I'm sure the activities director is desperate to avoid more unpleasantness.

So am I, so I will just keep ducking and dodging and focus on Mom. As you wisely suggested, I will just leave it.

No of course it isn't true.

How is it in your mother's best interests? In what way would your sister be making this decision on your mother's behalf?

But, whatever, if you possibly can, just leave it - not least because you can never be sure if what someone is reported to have said is actually what they said, let alone what they *meant*.

Has the "bumping" - snort! - power been exercised, or any sign of its actually happening?

Question...apparently my my sister has told the activities director in Moms NH that, since she is health care proxy, she can bump me from any pre-scheduled visit I made if she wants that slot for herself. Is that true? As far as I know she is not Moms guardian but her health care proxy. It makes no sense...

Many of you know my story but for those who don't Sis has an obsessive need to control people and situations and can be vicious to anyone who gets in the way of that. I have been drawing boundaries with her and limiting contact, needless to say she is not taking it well. I think this is just a petty reaction on her part. Anyway I will work around it and not engage with her. I just wondered if it was even true.

Good to see you on here Frazzled. Sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate right now. Sorry to hear about your ankle and your F I L.

Take good care!

It's been awhile since I've been on here but I try to pop in and catch up when I get a chance. It's good to read how everyone's doing.

This has just been a crazy, crazy time I know for a lot of us. As some of you know, we finally got mom's house sold about this time last year and finalized the estate stuff right around when COVID hit. Then a couple of months ago, I wanna say late August/early September we found out my father in law (hubby's dad) has lung cancer. I feel terrible that we haven't been to see his parents in about 3 years. We were going through everything with mom and then last year had our littlest one 8 weeks early and it's not easy traveling with two little ones (4 and 18 months) that are hard to get to sleep sometimes as it is.

Then at the end of September I was on my way with my 18 month old to pick up my 4 year old from school and a car pulled out in front of me at a highway intersection and I shattered my heel and fractured my ankle in the accident and had to have surgery. I'm so thankful to say that my little one wasn't hurt. I never thought I'd say thank God for car seats but I do now!

I am still non-weight bearing on my right foot so hubby has been on leave from his job until I am able to walk and drive again. I got a knee scooter that helps me get around the house. Tried crutches and realized I was probably likely to break more bones trying to use them since I am terribly uncoordinated. He's been having to help with the little ones and take our 4 year old to school. I go back next week to get my foot re-xrayed and they will let me know from there if I am ready for physical therapy.

So I feel awful that we haven't been to see his dad (they live out of state about 4 hours away - 5 with kids and stops along the way), but he says he's okay to wait and see how things are going before deciding whether to visit, especially with the continued outbreaks of COVID. His dad has been in and out of the hospital with seizures that they keep saying are caused by the treatment. It's been worrying.

I know he's trying to be strong and he said part of him wants to go and part of him is afraid to see his dad as he is right now. I love his parents dearly, even though we've had kind of a distant relationship with them over the years due to living out of state, and his parents almost never travel, so for the most part our visits have been determined by when we've been able to travel that way. The past few years it's just gotten harder. Also, anytime we have gone he's been afraid his mom would be upset if we stayed in a hotel, even though there is not enough room in their home for us and our older kids to sleep, much less now the two smaller ones. Plus there was some worry a couple years back about bedbugs since his sister had them and is over there frequently.

We did agree though that we will stay in a hotel if we go visit soon because his dad will need to rest and there is a good chance the little ones would make it hard for him to, plus with him having a weakened immune system we would want to limit exposure to germs. My husband has really been my rock through everything and I want to be there for him too.

Anywho, that's what's going on here. I've gotta keep reading through and getting caught up. Hugs to all, and hope everyone is staying safe!

I have been talking with cousins in Ireland, we have 3-4 cousins who are autistic. I found out yesterday that my niece who died from suicide that her granddaughter has been diagnosed with autism. They are devastated. I understand that. It is clear that autism is inherited from my fathers side of the family. many of you may feel different because of antivaxers.

My great niece and her husband are so overwhelmed which is understandable. They want no support at this time

I contacted my sisters daughter and was told to butt out. I to,d her ok but I was sad that our family offered no support when my grandson was diagnosed and I only wanted to offersupport


yes I get it, they wanted nothing from me, I accept that. He I’m hurt that I got no support when my grandson was diagnosed and now it’s my sisters great granddaughter it’s a big secret and ,Ike I’m looking to be part of a gossip loop.

I regret reaching out to my great nieces husband (he is a Facebook friend). I meant no harm.

I hope everyone is okay my prayers are with to be able to handle another with who you are caring for. My husband says that every morning before he goes to work. My mom lives with us and is a nightmare. There are night before she goes to bed and lays a guilt trip on me or just down loads negativity on me. And then I can't sleep for 2 nights. She is diabetic and she has decided she going to eat what she wants, last 2 months almost every night I have to fix something different because she doesn't care for it anymore. And the temperature has to be above 76. otherwise she's crying, in which 85% of the day she cries because of her medical problem. I had to call her psyc dr last night to see what I could do to get her to calm down other wise I was going to kill myself. (but don't want to leave my dog.)

Need Help, thanks for the prayers! I truly need them, LOL about the rat. In a large Victorian home that must have been very scary.

Golden thanks for the prayers.

I saw a rat in the train station and screamed again. My automatic response was to stomp and of course it was my right foot I used. So pain again.

I switched shoes today wanted to look nice, low wedge hill, vs sneakers. I think I made a mistake.

IWas going back and forth about leaving a note for N and twisted about the rat, mice, crack in sewer line and the constant back up because my mother needs constnt monitoring. So I decided it was a waste of time.

I will take pictures before and after the cement job in basement. I have to get a receipt book.

Yes Golden, this handyman seems to be a keeper. He doesnt try to beat, and over charge, hard to find and I am grateful.

zoey - how are you?

dub - one of my survival tactics was, whenever possible, to not see mother alone but have someone with me. Can you time your visits to coincide with the aides or bring a friend or family member? My mother was narcissistic all her life. A lot of umhums and ahas helped in the conversation as she always had to be right. Changing the subject helped sometimes. Keeping the visit as short as possible. "Grey rock" method helps as they feed off your emotional reactions, Don't think for a minute that you are going to subject your son to this kind of behaviour. As you said -she has been like this always and you aren't like her.

duck - Sorry about the mass, Prayers for it to be benign. Try to keep calm. You probably aggravated your hip jumping up and down. You can't afford to do that. Sounds like W is a good guy to have for help. I am sorry about the rats. They are nasty creatures. Remember looking after you has to come first.

Here we are in normal early winter. For those that don't have snow, be thankful. I am feeling a bit isolated. Usually I take a few trips south each year but not this year with covid. I miss that. Watched Father Brown mysteries yesterday. I have seen most of them but still enjoy them. The kitties are quiet as they are older now though they still get into some mischief. Thinking about rearranging my living room but I better do some laundry first. I am so thankful that I don't have to deal with mother in this covid pandemic. I can't imagine. It's bad enough finishing up the paperwork.

Good news that dgd seems to be taking her last year in high school seriously. and making plans to go to college next year - out of town!!! Miracle do happen.

Take care all.

Duck,

Will say a prayer about the mass and the biopsy. I went through the same thing years ago and mine was benign.

Your week has been quite interesting! I have a funny ‘rat’ story. It’s not as exciting as your story but it’s still cute.

My great aunts lived in a large old Victorian home. They kept telling my grandfather that it was haunted.

Grandpa asked my great aunts what made them think their house was haunted.

Aunt Maggie said, “We hear footsteps on our stairs every night.” My Aunt Cecilia said, “Yes, Maggie is correct. We hear footsteps every single night.”

My grandpa went to investigate. He discovered a large rat that broke free from traps that were set.

The rat had a large knot on his tail so when the rat was going up the staircase his tail would go, ‘thump, thump, thump.’

Grandpa told them that their ghost was a rat. My great aunts were relieved to know that their house wasn’t haunted.

This past week has been crazy. Did mamogram and sonogram new smallw mass found. Doc says its most likely benign, I do biopsy this week. Come from the tests on wednesday, Wayne the handyman is awesome. He got toilet unclogged but it backed up the next day. But on Wednesday we planned to clear the forest in the back yard, and for a good price. I spoke with him thursday about the toilet and since he was working in Jersey I waited until Yesterday, Saturday. So Saturday, shameful and scary, I came across a rat in kitchen as I started to prepare dinner and lunch for the week. It was like now you dont see me and now you do. Nothing was there and then in passing I noticed this fur ball lot of fur . I turned and screamed bloody murder and he slowly went under the washing machine. It was obvious he was dying from the poison I constantly put down for the mice. (draino and peanut butter) Anyways he didnt go far enough in and his tail was sticking out about and about 2 inches. Naturally I went into a deep boo hoo. I have learned my way of release of internal pain and stress is to cry. Actually I do feel better afterwards. I guess because of the process I mentally address the issue and possibilties. Sometimes i cant stop crying for the whole day especially when I flashback on related history.

BOOK time!!! LOL I have to leave the crying issue alone and continue with rat issue.

So Wayne was on his way before I found Ben. So I show him the tail and he is like okay get me a small garbage bag and a broom or stick. As I gave him bag and broom he started pullng the tail and Ben put up a fight, I start started screaming and when B got lose I ran and grabbed a piece of4X4 wood and jumped in knocked over a table trying not to get bit while I am trying to pound the rat under the bag. W yelled something at me. I stopped. He killed the rat tied him up. I laugh as I type this because he says to me it doesnt make sense to get so excited. I pounded his foot. I was hitting hard. It was a good way to end the fright, flight and I guess fight, flare up.

OK so he works on toilet I meant pumping and snaking. Finally says its deep he has to rent a snake from hardware. Then says let me check the basement.

Meanwhile I mess up my hip and was in lot of pain. Serious limp. Someone broke the light bulb in one part and didnt replace it so I had to go get a bulb. then go get the snake. During all this I notice the great pile of dirt and rocks where the sewer line leaves house. This was entrance for rat. (hopefully) He also showed me where there was a pile of rat droppings on top step out of basement.

So he worked on sewer line and it started flowing. I shed a few tears but didnt cry. I couldnt believe the house had been compromised. I had been noticing lots more holes in tree pitts and people's front yards. The had been increase of mice since the resturants had closed during onset of covid.

The house is old. but in the 39 years my mother bought house I had never ever seen a rat. They were systematically moving towards my block from the train station over the years. 1st it was one block over from train station but slowly more and more appearances. As I posted before I found one dead infront of house.

Anyways, as I exited the basement I noted there were glue traps over the basement floor. I almost blew a fuse seeing that N or Twisted knew about the issue and only put down glue traps! Or have the decency to say we have been invaded. And leaving my mother exposed to this situation with no further intervention.

I cant explain it but its almost torture to have to live with selftrightious, narcissitic fools. I have to believe that God sees and knows and is working on this, other wise I would be insane.

Yesterday I had severe hip pain and aching; Thank goodness when I woke today it was much better. A limp and occasional screech;.

I am not caught up, just had to vent..

Rays of love and healing and peace to us all.

Sleep tight