The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

BTW, my daughter said she and hubs talked things out last night. She admitted even though she does better with lack of sleep than her hubs, she still has her moments but does not communicate it. Communication is key to working out all things. They, hopefully will learn that and get stronger in following through.

Glad~So great that you can get away for Thanksgiving. I am thinking about you, enjoy the time away.

Veronica~Yes Tiger is set up with a litter box, food and water, a cat tree in my daughters old room. Lately he has taken to sleeping in a deep wicker basket I have in the room. I usually keep Tiger locked in this room when I am work and give him the run of the house at night while Midget is locked up in the master bedroom for the night.I am off today/hubs is on vacation this week and next so Tiger is getting the run of the house plus hubs put up the child gate so Midget cannot access the the 2 bedrooms on that side of the house. Tiger can easily jump the child gate so he still can access the rest of the house. Today Tiger is more sociable,probably because I am home. He ate good this morning for the first time since keeping him indoors.I went to PetSmart to buy a couple feather boas on a plastic stick to wriggle around for play time..he loves the feathers. I also bought a rawhide chew and a stuffed Rudolph Reindeer squeak toy for Midget. So far today they are doing ok around each other.

My sil is not close with his father, they get along well...for example...when his parents were still living in Idaho, his dad would call my sil inviting him to come over to watch the football game on a Sunday. My sil excitedly would go over...but after 2-3 times was disappointed because all they did was watch the game with no communication...this is typical of dads and sons but clearly my sil wanted something more.He is closer with his mother...again very typical.

My daughter sent me a video today of Ethan rolling over for the first time!!! Very exciting to see their growth. I am happy my daughter was able to witness it first. I was always somewhat jealous when I got this news from the babysitter.

I took my mom out this morning browsing in a few shops. She loves to get out like this and I got her some chocolate chip cookies to take back with her. I enjoyed the time with her and she did very well being out.

I started some bone broth today using turkey necks we bought at the grocery store. This is the only time of year we can get them. I planned on buying some before I left work yesterday...having an early shift, I had to drain the old vegetable oil from the fryer so a boil out could be done this morning and fresh clean oil put back in the fryer. Well, I created an oil spill, LOL!!! Had to use spill magic on the oil to absorb it so I could sweep it up. Took me 45 minutes to get it done and transport the old oil along with the oil that was absorbed by spill magic to the back of the store so they can dispose of it all according the state law.Stuff happens, oh well!!

Have a good Tuesday everyone!!

Sharyn did your SIL have distant parents when he was a young child? That may be why he is taking the diversion of daughters attention so hard. I would suggest some professional intervention before this neglected overgrown boy starts looking elsewhere for "comfort"

About the dog, I heard just the other day that very timid dogs do attack other household pets because they actually feel threatened. Does not help the kitty but if you get the dog trained it may help. Can you make sure the cat always has somewhere to escape to and keep his food up where the dog can't reach it. All dogs will steal cat's food unless the cat has very sharp claws. My sweet little rescue was constantly harassed by the stray I took in. They would both sleep on me at night but the stray thought nothing of walking over the rescue to reach her prefered place. now I just have the rescue so no more problems.

I did-I could not sit on my sister's deck with out the goat attacking me until we used the spray bottle-like cats Oreo did not like getting wet.

Margeaux, yup a year ago were the holidays from he!!!!!! Guardian had just become involved and TS's had told her that I was keeping them away from Mom. So had xmas eve brunch for TS's at Mom's then all down to my daughter's for xmas eve dinner. I hated it, had a major meltdown, all with guardian present. And TS's probably loved every minute of it, as they sat at dinner with my ex that hadn't been involved with xmas eve since we separated. It was the worst xmas of my life.

Then after guardian had been involved with the situation for a while, she began to understand that the problem isn't me, but two dilusional TS's.

It will be very nice to just be away for five days over Thanksgiving. And TS#2 just could not get the concept that other people want dinner with their families too. She was planning on having an agency caregiver here with folks for part of the day. But didn't believe guardian then I clarified when TS revealed her plan, that the agency charges time and a half for 24 hours even if just a few of the hours are used. I think the agency gets real tired of me trying to set up time with them, then have the twisted ones say oh I guess I will help a little so readjust caregiver hours yet again. And I don't blame them!

I wonder if the compressed air would work with the dog. She is my problem, not the cat. She has a high prey drive and will charge Tiger when he comes in the house or a room. She butts in taking his food or preventing time being spent with the cat. Tiger is very gentle, he hisses at her, swats her but wont use his claws to hurt her. Yes my gentle giant 17lb cat is a wuss, LOL!! I love him being so gentle and it hurts to know he is unhappy. Now that my car is paid off, I will pay for training for Midget especially to learn the "leave it be" command and to teach her impulse control. It will be well worth it.

My daughter is at her wits end with her hubs. Yesterday was a bad day and her hubs gets frustrated and angry, he started talking down to the babies, saying mean things. She got angry telling him to stop talking to them like they are adults. He got his feelings hurt and as of today around 2pm, he still was not talking with her, hiding out in their office on the computer. She said he slept in the office too. Since she is on vacation this week, I suggested she take one of the boys with her or both if necessary and get out of the house for a while to give each other a break, a cooling off period. Having twins/one baby is a big adjustment...since they have no family around to help them, it is very hard. What he is feeling is normal but how do you help a man...they are so difficult to get them to read info or do certain things because their mind tells them it is silly/embarrassing. How do you get a man to get over the idea of being gentle, loving and nurturing without it demeaning their ego???

Goat, Margeaux? Did I write something about a goat?

Glad,

I'm happy to hear that you will be getting away during the Thanksgiving.
What a difference from that year when you were fretting having to gather with who was it......TS1, or TS2? That should be a great break for you!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Well that little neighbor cat returned, the one we've nicknamed Pucci.
My husband thought of the name. He goes in our garden and continues chewing on my lemongrass. My husband was getting all upset about it, but I just told him, "Oh let him," I just move the plant, as it's a potted one. But I understand if any little animals are disturbing a gardener's hard work, too. The squirrels used to mess w/my former attempts to grow tomatoes some years ago.
That is funny Emjo about the Goat.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

My daughter uses the cans of compressed air to discipline her cats (both terrible thieves) Now you only have to pick up the can and they scatter

that is funny, Austin!

I used a small spray bottle to spray the cat when he did something I did not like -like trying to get outside-it worked well-my sister uses it on her goat also-one day Benji saw me spraying my hair to set it and what a strange look I got from him

Veronica- I do understand what you are saying, I just hate seeing my cat so miserable right now. I hope he comes around to adjusting. Yes hubby can keep chasing him... That vision does make me smile!!

Sharryn I have had cats forever and absolutely love their furry present but boy do I get burned up when my newly seeded vegetable garden with the soil I have spent hours preparing used it as a toilet. Even if it is my own cat I am mad. Even large pots in the house will get used the same way. If it is a neighbors cat who pees on newly fruiting tomatoes causing them to wilt and die I am especially incensed.
I would never hurt an animal but at times I am sorely tempted. so keep hubby running round the neiborhood he may loose a few pounds. As you learned you never catch an animal by chasing it - they just run faster.

It is very chilly...No, I take that back...for us, in November, it is cold tonight!!! Since the weather has cooled down that last few weeks, my aches and pains have gotten better...figure that one out??? I guess it could mean it is not arthritis??? Related more to muscle strain???

Tiger made an escape today!!! My hubs tried chasing him down but Tiger b-lined across the street. Hubs took a plate with cat food on it dinging the plate with a fork...(the signal for food which always brings him running), Tiger ignored the ploy. Hubs gave up, came in the house and a little later he saw Tiger in the backyard. So again he used the plate of food and left the sliding glass door open to the back.Eventually Tiger came in, LOL!!! I had to laugh because the vision of this 6ft tall man who weighs around 265lb chasing after a cat who weighs about 16lbs must have been hilarious to witness!!

I understand the reason for this neighbor to trap cats...but really, Tiger has been a part of our lives for 10 years now. As neighbors we have to deal with many unpleasant things to keep the peace...such as, loud music being played until 11 pm, neighbors children trampling a plant or pulling off a flower which breaks the stem...we all deal with certain things about other people so close...can I trap the loud music players or the unwanted damage to my garden...the speeder who drives down the street at 40 instead of 25. Just some examples and just venting, I know it is unrealistic.

I am off Tuesday and plan to take my mom browsing through some shops. There is an antique shop here (I bought chalk paint there),the woman who helped me used to work in the memory care unit where my mom lives. She misses working there, I thought I would take my mom by for a visit and explore the shop more since my first stop there was for something specific, I did not look at the entire store.

Have a good night and Happy Monday!!!

The final Part 3 to this article. I hope it has helped to explain how we get shut down in childhood, as parent,s we can do the same thing without realizing it.It’s time to stand up and ask what we can do to be better dads. It’s time to get our priorities straight. It’s time to come home and actually be a dad.

Dads. It’s time to show our sons how to properly treat a woman. It’s time to show our daughters how a girl should expect be treated. It’s time to show forgiveness and compassion. It’s time to show our children empathy. It’s time to break social norms and teach a healthier way of life! It’s time to teach good gender roles and to ditch the unnecessary ones. Does it really matter if your son likes the color pink? Is it going to hurt anybody? Do you not see the damage it inflicts to tell a boy that there is something wrong with him because he likes a certain color? Do we not see the damage we do in labeling our girls “tom boys” or our boys “feminine” just because they have their own likes and opinions on things? Things that really don’t matter?

Dads. Speak softly to your sons. Speak calmly to your daughters. Who do you want your child to be? Do you want him to be the kid at school that sits by himself with absolutely no friends or self esteem? Or do you want him to be the kid running for class office and feeling like he deserves to win it? Do we not see that we have the power to give that to our children? Do we not see that we have the power to teach our children the tools of societal survival?

Dads. Do we not see the influence we have when we say we believe in one thing, but our children see us living something else? Do we not realize how little we encourage our children to actually decide what they believe, declare what they believe, and then live by it? Whether it’s religion, politics, sports, or societal norms. It is not our place to tell our kids what to think. It is our place to teach our kids to think correctly. If we do this, we need have no fear of what they will decide for themselves and how strongly they’ll stand behind it. A man will follow his own convictions to his death, but he’ll only follow another man’s convictions until he steps in manure.

D*mn it, Dads. Every child has the innate right to ask for ice cream without being belittled and broken. Every child has the innate right to do so without being made to cower in the corner because the man who is supposed to be his hero is actually a small, small man altogether. Every child has the innate right to be happy, and giggle, and laugh, and play. Why aren’t you letting them? Every child on earth has the right to a dad who thinks before he speaks; a dad who understands the great power that has been given to him to ultimately shape another human being’s life; a dad who loves his child more than he loves his television shows or sports games; a dad who loves his child more than his material junk; a dad who loves his child more than his time. Every child deserves a superhero dad.

Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads don’t deserve their kids.

Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads aren’t really dads at all.

I apologize for the heatedness of my post. I believe a part of me feels like a coward for not saying something to the man in front of me at Costco. Consider this post to be my penance. Perhaps a part of me feels that if even one person reads this and decides to be a better dad, it was worth every second that I spent typing it. If one child has a better life because something in my words stirred their father to step up their game, then it was worth every ounce of begging and pleading with you to share this with others, of which I am inevitably going to be guilty.

Dads. Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making. So stand up with me and show the world that there are a lot of good dads around.

Dan P., Single Dad Laughing Pleading

Please join me on Facebook for daily posts (from funny, to heavy, to hilarious, to thoughtful).

PS, I was seriously ornery and sad when I wrote this. Please comment below and say whatever you like, but please also tell me about a good and real dad you know, somewhere, and what makes them good. I really need to hear it right now. Also, if you liked this post, be sure to read “16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.”

FOLLOW-UP NOTE: I recently published my first book The Real Dad Rules. I would be overly grateful to all parents who invest in a copy and take the time to read it. It’s a guide from an everyday dad to everyday parents. It celebrates parenthood, it truly and poignantly empowers all parents to be better parents, and it helps both dads and moms alike feel motivated and determined in ways they never expected to be possible.

sharyn - good articles. I have cringed in stores and other places and wanted to intervene. Always good to think of things for which to be thankful. We have so much in this part of the world and have little idea of the living conditions of many others. Your mother seems to have settled in nicely. Hope your sis is managing her health better and your aches are improving.

veronica - I do need 70, in the daytime, though prefer cooler at night. NY winters may be bitter, but I am in northern Alberta and it gets to 40 below and worse and the last 5 yrs. or so there has been wind. When we first came 35+ years ago there never was wind in the winter. It makes a big difference. The temp today is 19F but feels like 7F due to the wind. Thermal underwear is used here and flannel nighties are not hard to find. G wears long johns from Nov on till March, but he is so slim he does not retain heat well. Mother has some Icelandic wool sweaters - very warm. She used to knit Norwegian ones. G wears coveralls to deal with the horses. He has lined warm ones for the winter and has worked out in the pastures at 40 below. I am always amazed at him, as we can be dressed to go to the city, and need to stop for him to grain some horses. He puts in coveralls, his boots and gloves and does the work, then takes them off and steps back in the truck, all ready for the city again. Of course, normally, he wears work clothes under the coveralls.

I have changed to leggings, a fitted camisole and a pj top and that is keeping me warm, but I will get a couple of flannel nighties and a pair of slippers that go up to the ankles. The LL Bean nighties are nice. Thanks for the suggestion. I think I had a little flu as I woke up so cold, then was hot in the afternoon one day, and my legs ached for the past week. This a.m. I woke up and my legs weren't aching and I have more energy - put in my 30 mins. walking around the house already, so am over whatever it was.

More moose bones coming. G is butchering a moose for his uncle and I told him to bring bones - anything small enough to fit in my large stock pot. He can saw them up if necessary. No news from mother or the hospital which is great. Once she moves, there will be much to do, so this is a little respite. If she gets a personal phone that may bring some unwanted attention, though she was more content when on the risperidone before and called less.

Made a cake in a mug yesterday - very healthy, as I used ground flaxseed instead of flour. It was good and I will do it again. It may get to be a habit as then I don't have a pan of cake here tempting me, and G loves cake fresh from the oven - or microwave in this case. Next time I will try it with almond meal instead of the flax seed.

Alison what's happening??? How's your dad???


Hi everyone - happy Sunday. Do something good for you.

Emjo I feel your pain.
I don't need to live in a 70 degree house but do need to be comfortable. We have mostly lived in older homes with less than perfect insulation, now we live in a modern house (only 30 years old when oil was cheap) in our goldern years we try to be frugal and have a nice wood stove in addition to propane for heat. I have great difficulty getting hubby to wear more than a short sleeved shirt he solves his cold problem by living in a fleece robe which i have to peal off him to wash. Fortunately he has a pair so all is not lost.
For me I spent many years working outside with horses in the bitter upstate NY winters. never resorted to thermal underwear but i had several pairs of wool ski socks, wore long cotton turtlenecks so they tucked in well and heavy pure wool sweaters. LL Bean used to sell an oiled wool one which was wonderful and I used to buy a men's medium from the Salvation Army because men's are longer than woman's and have less wear.
Horses hate synthetics. G must know that trying to catch something skittish on a cold winter night just won't work if he goes out in the stylish acrylic sweater he just got for Christmas. The tried and true wool will soon have them nuzzling up poking their noses in the halter. Unfortunately they don't like rain slickers either so sometimes you get wet unless you can afford a burberry for the barn.
Get those flanell nighties Emjo, LLBean has some nice ones this year, otherwise hard to find.

As Thanksgiving quickly approaches, I am thinking about what I am thankful for this year and in general.

Child Abuse Part 2: This message is not to be directed only at Dads....Mothers are just as capable of child abuse as well.

Dads. Do your faces light up when you first see your child in the morning or when you come home from work? Do you not understand that a child’s entire sense of value can revolve around what they see in your face when you first see them?

Dads. Do you not realize that a child is what you tell them they are? That people almost always become what they are labeled? Was whatever your child just did really the “dumbest thing you’ve ever seen somebody do”? Was it really the “most ridiculous thing they ever could have done”? Do you really believe that your child is an idiot? Because she now does. Think about that. Because you said it, she now believes it. Bravo.

Dads. Do you honestly expect anybody to believe that you can’t find 20 minutes to step away from your computer or turn off the television to play with your child? It has to happen every single day. Do you not understand that children will hinge their entire facet of trust on whether or not their dad plays with them and how involved he is when he plays with them? Do you know the damage you do by not playing with your children every day?

Dads. Should anybody buy into this silly notion that anger is sometimes or often necessary? Do you not understand that anger is almost always an emotion for people who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves? Do you not know that there are incredible books and courses that can teach you better methods? Most importantly, do you not see the speed at which a child is crushed or becomes completely defiant when anger rules the roost? Are you that desensitized to the luminosity of your child’s spirit that it doesn’t crush you completely when they flinch or cower in your presence? Is that really what you want your child to do? To fear you?

Dads. Do you not realize that your child needs to feel your skin on his? Do you not realize the incredible and powerful bond that skin on skin contact with your daughter will give you? Do you not understand the permanent mental connections that are made when you stroke your son’s bare back or rub your daughter’s bare tummy while you tell bedtime stories? And if any idiot says anything about that being inappropriate, you’re gonna get kicked in the face, first by me, and then by every other good dad out there. Touching your child is your duty as a father.

Dads. Wake up! These precious souls that have been put into your care are unique and so very sensitive. Everything you say or don’t say will impact their ability, success, and happiness throughout their entire lives.

Do you not realize that your kids are going to make mistakes, and a lot of them? Do you not realize the damage you do when you push your son’s nose into his mishaps or make your daughter feel worthless because she bumped or spilled something? Do you have any idea how easy it is to make your child feel abject? It’s as simple as letting out the words, “why would you do that!?” or “how many times have I told you…”

Let me ask you this. Have you ever looked into the swollen eyes of a parent who’s child has just died?

I have.

Have you ever cried through a child’s funeral?

I have.

Have you ever touched a wooden box with a child inside? A permanent tomb from which another laugh or giggle will never sound?

I have.

If you want the motivation to be the best parent on earth, do that just one time. I pray you never have to.

Dads. It’s time to tell our kids that we love them. Constantly. It’s time to show our kids that we love them. Constantly. It’s time to take joy in their twenty-thousand daily questions and their inability to do things as quickly as we’d like. It’s time to take joy in their quirks and their ticks. It’s time to take joy in their facial expressions and their mispronounced words. It’s time to take joy in everything that our kids are…

me - have you thought of meeting with social services to get help with ideas, planning and resources? It sounds to me like your life is out of control. Don't be sorry about venting - if that is what you need to do. Sometimes we support, sometimes we yell for help. Glad gpa is finally wearing his alert.

Thanks Margeaux - she is quite bold, and obviously thinks she is on to a good thing. I looked back through my interact transfers and saw that I had loaned them more small sums than I remembered. That is another good reason for it to stop. They need to manage their money without relying on me. I believe it is all related to her expenditures, or money mismanagement. They said when the insurance money comes in, I will be paid back. Well and good, but they should have some kind of a savings account to deal with this kind of thing or other emergencies. They don't have any kids, so their monthly expenditures should be less than many their age. They have rented out their basement suite most of the time they have been together which should allow them to build up some savings. Or else they are living beyond their means which what I think is happening. Son D has never done that and has never asked for help for himself. They spend a lot of money driving down (8 hr. drive) to her parents to help them on medical emergencies, though her brother lives virtually next door. Recently because she didn't bring enough of her regular medication, son D had to fly down to bring some meds and drive her back home from that trip - bad planning. They bring in fast food quite a lot. When she had Avon she spent more on herself than she sold, and is probably doing that with her nail salon and so on - bad money management. It was interesting seeing how my new nail lady was set up - not as many extras, not as many polishes, but a better service. I am going to make some suggestions of things which other people do - like no credit card, or one where you pay as you go, an account with a limited allowance in it and financial counselling. Frankly she needs more than "financial" counselling and I am willing to go that route with them to resolve the conflict she has with our family. Son will have to take a firm stand with her and I know he is able when he gets to that point. I think he needs family support in this. He was very happy at my suggestion to go to their pastor to resolve the family stuff.
I hear you about seeing your friend spending money on other things when she still owed you. I saw that in dil too - buying extras when she owed me money. I am glad you got it sorted out with your friend. We will wait to talk to them once they have repaid me. I am at peace about it.
Glad you liked the broth. I made another "trash" soup yesterday, I had put asparagus ends in the freezer and they were building up, so I boiled them for about an hour and threw them in the food processor with some chicken broth, turmeric, and other seasonings, and added a little coconut milk. It was good and an easy way to get another serving of healthy veggies.

glad - hope the thanksgiving break does you a lot of good! You need that.

The FM is acting up with the cold weather - hate that. My legs are hurting, I was freezing cold too, so put on pjs, a camisole and a top over that. G said (kindly) that I looked like a street person lol. I usually wear nighties and only have one pj bottom. Maybe I will get a couple of flannel nighties. I think I will wear tights under a nightie and a camisole if I need extra warmth around the middle. Layers are the way to go - street people know that! :)

Have a good night everyone.

Emjo,

Somehow or another Id missed your post about the DIL and your son asking you for a a loan. Your DIL, sounds quite audacious! I do realize that you have a good relationship with your son, though and if you are sure they will pay you back, well then good. But I do agree with you.......that really at the bottom of people asking for money, especially if it gets to be a habit is never a good idea.

This is an excellent idea Emjo and glad you have G onboard with you.
I think it's very important for parents to draw lines with their kids. Yes, I understand parents want to help them out.......but at what price. I see my neighbor going through that at this moment with her daughter.

Definitely, you could suggest to both of them some kind of rules you expect,
concerning at the very least a change in your DIL'l behavior about comments she makes. She's not after all the Queen.

I once got myself into a pickle with a close friend over lending her some money.
She took so long to repay it, and when she finally did it wasn't the actual money,
but the value of it. I accepted though, and it's o.k. Moral of the story, "I'LL NEVER
DO THAT AGAIN." It for me put a real strain in terms of the friendship, and I truth be told, I didn't put say a timeline as to when I expected to be paid back. Lesson learned. What used to rub me the wrong way.....is the fact that throughout a long period of time she I'm sure had the money to repay me, but was out spending money on herself, or she'd tell me things such as she helped her youngest brother with his wedding, meanwhile her loan with me was outstanding.

But I'm glad that's behind us, I really like her as a friend.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

The grey squirrels are big so I can't imagine a cat bothering them.

The cats in our neighborhood don't mess with the squirrels, they all seem to
run around and live happily in our neighborhood. What we've been having a lot of problems with lately, is our neighborhood has houses, but tons of apartments.
Last few years, I can't tell all of you the amount of people who have moved in with one and two dogs. So at times the barking can get crazy. There's an ordinance here where dogs must be on leashes when walked. Owners are supposed to pick up their poop. Well, I'm afraid some dog owners aren't doing that. The bad thing is too, we never of course see who are the culprits.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Glad,

Happy to hear that the judge is putting things in order.
Just goes to show you that the truth doe win out. I am sorry though about the decision concerning the guardian. You have been through a lot, and not only this month......all the while you've had to be putting up w/the situation concerning
TS! & 2. Your in my thoughts.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Part One on Child Abuse

Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.

I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.

As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.

The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.

I was agitated. I was confused. How could this man not see what I see? How could this man not see what a beautiful spirit stood in his shadow? How could this man be so quick to stub out all happiness in his own boy? How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?

We were three from the front now, and the boy started to come towards his dad yet again. His dad immediately stepped out of the line, jammed his fingers into his son’s collar bones until he winced in pain, and threatened him. “If you so much as make a sound or come off of that wall again, I promise you’re going to get it when we get home.” The boy again cowered against the wall. This time, he didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. His beautiful face pointed down, locked to the floor and expressionless. He had been broken. And that’s how his father wanted it. He didn’t want to deal with him, and breaking him was the easiest way.

And we wonder why so many of our kids grow up to be screwed up.

I’m going to be blunt. People see my relationship with Noah, and quite often put me up on a pedestal or sing my praises for loving him more than most dads love their own kids.

Damn it. I don’t understand that, and I’ll never understand that. Loving my son, building my son, touching my son, playing with my son, being with my son… these aren’t tasks that only super dads can perform. These are tasks that every dad should perform. Always. Without fail. There is nothing special about me. I am a dad who loves his son and would literally do anything for his well-being, safety, and health. I would gladly take a rake in the face or a jackhammer to my feet before I cut my own son down or make him feel small.

[sigh] I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him. Why? Because I get it. I get the power a dad has in a child’s life, and in a child’s level of self-belief. I get that everything I ever do and ever say to my son will be absorbed, for good or for bad. What I don’t get is how some dads don’t get it…

My neighborhood is residential....meaning that we are living within so many feet of another neighbors home with our backyards sharing a fence for privacy. I live about 13 miles south of Stockton, Ca...in Stockton, Lodi and Modesto...they have pigeon and squirrel issues in their residential areas. Squirrels will build nests in your attics and have babies...pigeons are a big problem as they poop all over into your rain gutters causing back up of water flow that can cause water damage to your roof. We have neither of these issues are our area yet. My cat is an avid gopher hunter and I welcome it as the gophers will destroy my gardens..even roses and the lawn. His gopher days are over and I will have to find another way to kill the gophers. Again, I am grateful this neighbor took him to the pound so I could get him back.

Gladimire, court is an absolute B%@#@&9 and that you are also reeling from the death of a close one -- I cannot image the emotional pain, regardless of your straight-up ability to deal with it. You've gone into orbit. I am sending you love as only a "stranger" can do. Court makes everyone crazy and disrupts the roots of existence. You must keep the perspective that it is just the coyote playing out, and you will be here when it is over. To post here while going through that -- well, never worry about your interfacing with anything. Judicial love (I was a legal secretary at one time, to both kind and very mean lawyers). It is THEIR reality. Not yours. Your are a loving person, and a lovely person.

OkOk, Im trying to catch up here- Sorry if Im not addressing everyone yet!

Im happy all the babies are doing well, sorry some of you all have had some rough patches with your family, good luck at work and those looking for work., hope you feel better,., hopefully everyone got some rest, all your recipes look great, sorry about the cat but glad you got him back and yes, a registered microchip is a great idea, and Jessibelle that is a lot of cats! I also like the enclosed patio idea for the kitties. If I ever got another ( wont) but if- Yes I would do that and put the litter box out there :) Id like a ferret though! Then have the window where they have access day and night attached come in and out of the house.. All mine have been strictly indoors.

I agree Jessie... I am happy they took him to the pound so I had the opportunity to get him back instead of dumping him off in the country.