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I had a conversation with my sister the other day.
She brought up the SIL, who's been recovering from a resection of her intestine right after a gallbladder procedure. After the resection, they sent her home with intravenous feeding, to allow the intestine to heal. She very recently started to broths, and soft foods.

So my sister told me that she and mother joined our brother, (SIL's husband)
and SIL, somewhere for lunch last weekend. Our SIL used to weigh I'm sure close to 185 lbs., maybe more. Well my sister said that she's lost quite a bit of weight. All my sister could say was things such as, "She lost a lot of weight on her legs, but her mid section is still kind of big." The description of SIL was all about cosmetics as far as my sister was concerned. She even said, "It's not like she's svelt." I couldn't believe this! I reminded her that I'm sure that even if SIL, has dropped all this weight, it would take lots of exercise to become "svelt," as my sister puts it. I really only said this, to strike a light in my sis's unenlightened head......she's quite overweight herself, so I don't know what the hey she's talking about!
I also added, that I just hoped that my SIL's eating could return to normal, because she really had quite a month and a half, first in the hospital then being sent home to convalesce. It's really disgusting to hear my sister take this position too.
I guess there's some projection going on here. I'm detaching for now, again.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Court today. Who knows, the judge wanted to review some of the testimony, so will issue a written decision. My attorney at one point mentioned that they are trying to nail me for financial exploitation so thought I should not testify. I told her if I didn't all would assume my guilt. She also told me I had done a great job, so, time will tell.
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Emjo,

I'll bet your turkey was delicious. The soup sounds great too!
When we go to our Thanksgiving, this guy who has this big even has someone deep fry about 18 turkeys. Of course this depends how many people keep showing up, and there's tons of pot luck. I've taken some turkey carcasses home,
and made some delicious soup for the next few days.

Right now, I'm waiting for some Quince to turn yellow. Our friend gave us some,
and I already have a recipe for some preserves. Can't wait.

Yes, this loss of our friend, although we'd had some knowledge of some cancer.....I was under the impression it had subsided. So her death did shock us.
She was a great cook, made everything from scratch.

O.K., what I'm going to do for myself is take my walk.

Happy pumpkin baking!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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me - I hear you about not knowing who to trust. When I said you didn't want to change, what I understood is that you didn't want to change now or until you were sure of your path which makes sense.

Sharyn - good decision re overtime. They will use you if they can, I am sure, and no reciprocation.

Margeaux - sorry to hear about the lady who died so young. It is tragic. A beautiful cousin of mine died in her 40's from cancer. Come to think of it my best childhood friend did too in her 30's, and also one of my best friends as a adult did in her late 40's. It is a horrible disease.

Alison - so glad your bro and mum have backed off and even are a bit appreciative of you. Time will tell what lies ahead for your dad. It must be a great relief to you that the professionals now see that your dad cannot look after himself. Prayers for employment for you I think it is possible for you to find something

glad - so good that the family included you in the obit. J had obviously never recovered from his wife's death - sad. You have the next court heating coming up soon. Do look after you - so much stress.

toxic - well done - don't get sucked in again. Keep your boundaries, as you are and get some enjoyment out of your life!

hi everyone else -

The turkey dinner was good, but the cleaning up is always a pain. The carcass is boiling for soup and I will make tetrazzini from some of the left overs, and freeze some in broth so it doesn't dry out. I have a pumpkin baking to make pumpkin puree and freeze for various uses.

The snow has pretty well melted, but more forecast. It is unusual to see grass this far into November and it won't last as the temps are consistently below freezing now and for the next 4 months or so. Time to get out the long johns!

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you.
.
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ABB, most of my older friends have cleaning businesses - just husband/wife team. I know of at least 4 couples who do this. They don't do housecleaning at people's homes. They concentrate on businesses. Twice I went with one couple after spending the evening with them (dinner). I thought it was a bit scary to go park at the isolated, empty business building parking lot. Get out, go up the stairs into a dark, quiet offices. Husband did the vacuuming. I helped the wife dust the desks (without moving anything), emptied all the trashcans, etc... The wife went into the restroom and did a quick cleaning - toilet, sink, mop the floor. As a team, we were able to finish the job in 30 minutes.

When our company was at the old location, my boss had hired a couple whom were my friends. He paid them $130/month just to vacuum the floor, wipe the desks, clean the windows and the bathroom. They would come once a week. When they raised their rates to $170/month, my boss decided that the wife and I can do the job. Boss' wife did the bathroom and I did the vacuuming. We all took out our own trash to the trash bin.

The only drawback to this - is that you would have to leave your father all by himself. Which is what you're trying to avoid.
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Alison if Dad comes home to you be prepared to do the feedings for him. It is not difficult, you will be taught exactly what to do. Almost anything can be pureed if he can tolerate so you can cook a regular meal and use something like a Ninja which does an excellent job. if he can tolerate the pureed foods in rehad they will probably consider removing the tube. If he comes home with it and does pull it out you just take him back to the ER and they will replace it. It is not life threatening if it comes out, they often do. I know it is scary when you have never done anything like that but you can be taught as long as you are not too squimish. I realize some people just can't face it. I can't face taking dead mice out of traps!!!!!!
As far as working from home as Book advises stay clear of the work at home scams or any kind of crafts unless you are something like a professional potter or can make things like spinning wheels. people who have teaching experience teaching have made good money preparing plans for other teachers. But like everything it takes time to build up clients. Unless you are lucky you will probably be looking up a lead time of approx 2 years to make a living. One thing that seels to p[ay very well is house cleaning. Are you fit enough for this and close enough to people who can afford to hire you. You obviously set your own hours and charge what the market will bear. If you do a good job the referels will soon come rushing in. if dad is having a bad day it is usually easy to reshedule there won't be hoards of others lining up to do the job. Lots of possibilities if you make use of your skills and education. What is your employment now?
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ABB, is there any possibility of your father getting off the g-tube and just give him pureed food and nutritious smoothies? For smoothies, you can use milk, carnation milk or Almond Milk (which by the way is not real milk, nor does it provide calcium.) Use bananas and mix it with other fruits, flaxseed, etc... The smoothies can add variety to the awful pureed food. My dad tried pureed but hated it. I'd avoid Boost and other nutrient drinks sold in stores. It's very very sweet - even nauseating smelling sweet . Diabetes/strokes runs in my dad's side - most of his siblings died from those 2 diseases. So, I have no intention of giving him Boost. He had the stroke but he doesn't have diabetes - yet.

As for a job at home, what are your strengths, hobby? I remember you were so into juicing. Have you thought of trying to do your own website that would somehow help you bring in income? I read somewhere that this woman loves crocheting. She decided one day to put in YouTube how to do a simple crochet. The next thing she knew, posters were asking her for advice/help. She now does tutorial for a fee. And she's doing something that she loves. I haven't had time to read her story.

- * - * - * - * - * -

Me1000 - I don't read here on AC as often as before. I guess it's working that I'm able to detach and not make AC be my focal interest. I've been finally able to refocus back to reading - which I haven't been so gungho since I found this site 2 years ago. Now, whether at night or at work, I can't wait to read what's next in my re-reading of my favorite author's books (bk 1 out of 8). Sorry, I was trying to say that because it's hit or miss when I come here, I don't remember the details of your grandfather.

Is your grandfather Capable of attending adult daycare? If he's capable but unwilling to go, the next time he complains that he's lonely all day, you can recommend that there's always the adult activity program that he can attend. I understand that there's a cost to attend but... if he has the funds ... maybe he can go like 3 times a week. Or something. He's just doing the guilt-trip on you. Just shrug it off - because he does have options but he has made the decision to do nothing. Not your fault or responsibility (since you are helping when you can.)
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Alison, all areas of the country are economically depressed don't let the media fool you. And if you are over 50 forget about it. The unemployment numbers are extremely misleading. There is not a way to even give weighted stats to those under employed, students unable to find work are not counted because they are not eligible for unemployment. Then to that add all of us caregivers that provide billions of dollars in free care each year to our loved ones! Ok enough soapbox for one night.
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Fligirl~Enjoy your much earned days of respite in San Diego!!
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Margeaux~Thank you for your response. I agree with all the responses. I have allowed this company to work me especially when I was at the local store...hoping it would it be secure against a transfer as I wanted to stay local because of my mother. It proved to be fruitless and I am not going to get back into that situation of coming in on my days off all the time.

Joan~I like your suggestion, I am willing to come in 2 times a month on my days off and nothing more. Provided it is not 2 consecutive weeks.

Alison~I am happy to hear your mother and brother are being cordial with you. It may be that they see the rehab staff has more power than they do or they could be having a change of heart in all that you do. I would be careful about working from home jobs...I am sure you are aware of the scams associated with these jobs.

Glad~I am so happy to hear that J's family listed you in the obit. You were a very important part of J's life and they have acknowledged that even though they did not think it was best that you come to the funeral. I do hope you can plan a memorial where you live...it will help you find peace in all this chaos.

Take care everyone, get some peace even if it is only 10 minutes in the crisp autumn weather.
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Glad i would be more than happy to take you with me
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Oh, and after few weeks of being intrusive and somewhat accusatory, my mother and brother have stopped trying to tell me what to do about the situation and instead they simply say thanks for the updates I'm sending them. That's a weight off of me, as you can imagine.
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Hi everyone, Happy Thursday!

Glad, that was nice that you were mentioned in obit. Obviously his family does acknowledge your close friendship with J.

Margeaux, sharyn, book, Me, CM, Veronica, emjo, et al... reading and sending hugs and good thoughts.

Fligirl, congrats on getting a vacation and on getting a sibling to come in and replace you. I'm sure that's very sweet taste in your mouth. :-)

My dad is staying at the nursing rehab for foreseeable future. I'm relieved. I don't know if that means one more week or a month. But, it does mean that someone finally sees what I've been seeing for years - my dad isn't cognitively able to not put himself in harm's way (those were social worker's words to me, I emphatically agreed, and I'm just so relieved that someone gets it). And on that basis, that's why the rehab is keeping him. He cannot do his feeding tube correctly and it was reported that he tried to remove it. This is not surprising to me. This was my worst fear - that I get him home and he will try something like that at home. He has been approved for pureed foods by mouth, so that's good news. Maybe if he stays long enough, he will get used to feeding tube, get stronger, gain weight, and be able to eat pureed foods by mouth. This would be ideal conditions before they send him home.

I'm researching work-from-home positions. There just isn't much for employment in the economically depressed area I live in but I'm now willing to take whatever work there is. We shall see.

Big (((((hugs))))). 🌺
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Fligirl, can I come too?
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Well I am finally getting a break. My sis is coming up on Monday and leaving on Thursday. I am going to San Diego to see my best friend and I am so excited. Now she can see what I do everyday.
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Happy belated Birthday Glad!!!!

Hi Everyone sorry my brain is jiggling so I will read and catch up soon its crazy here...

emjo23- Yes but I just dont know who to really trust ya know? At this point I dont think I trust anyone...esp family..well some friends too. Sad huh?

***At this point Im still in circles and told grandpa after he said" hes so loney again all day" I do try to go down spend a while or send dad/son but I told him at this point you want me to work and yet your upset and lonely and Im still here nights lil during day even if i cant stay.. id have to give up my kids to be with you 24hrs a day.. a few feel that way ..but I bet they wouldnt give up their kids if they were in the same spot( plus im not giving them up just saying) What these neighbors and even a friend of mine says" get the kids involved, we cared for family, get them to understand,you go to your elders lifestyle not yours. You adjust not them." Ok I get that.. but... in some cases I cant. My kids are also not like other kids, my kids have mental disabilities which requires more care and has more drama and issues then others. I had to except that now why cant they? These are my kids and it kills me anything is wrong with them. Same as it hurts me about my grandpa, dad, neighbors, other family, friends, all you on here in pain. etc. Yes I will miss the yelling to a point when they die, " as they said" because they wont be here and I will miss them and regret the time I didnt get with them. I feel that way about not having a lot of time with both my grandmas, my mom as well...but they dont realize I been dealing with being controlled my whole life, been put down then get some " hey thats good you did " once in a while.

So my friend says whats more important you have 30 days to find a job and pay if they die! Haha it takes long time to find a job and get a paycheck.. all bills must be covered or Im outa here with my kids. Dad cant afford all bills if he is alive, I must cover most ( half) Anyways Im gonna get try to nap..

Hugs all
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Sharynmarie,

I would not go in on those days off. I agree with others......these are your days off,
and really this should be your call. Besides.....I feel at times that employers will often do this and rely on responsible employees, such as you.

Yes, our friend passed way too early. We cannot even imagine what her husband and their two grown sons are going through right now.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad,

Happy Belated birthday! It is hard to celebrate a birthday.....when you have
the kind of situations happening at the moment in your life.
But I want to wish you a wonderful year anyway.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharyn, about mom's callous. What I would do is soak her feet in warm water with or without Epsom salts. When she has soaked use one ot the files you can buy for dry skin and gently rub off the top layers. be careful not to make the area raw. Rub well with a moisturizer and use cotton socks. At night apply lots of a petrolium based cream and have her sleep in cotton soks. Watch carefully for any signs of infection especially if she is diabetic It may help to use a foam insole and cut out the srea of the callous so it does not actually touch the ground. I would also find another Podiatrist. trouble is Medicare pays them so little they schedule every 15 minutes and I have found my nails were cut far too short. I have stopped going for the time being because I can still easily cut my own toe nails.
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Hi Everyone, I was doing so well. I have taken my life into my own hands. I am still working, but on my days off I go to the store now and take care of myself. Yesterday, after about 5 yrs, I went and got a perm. I sit there 3 1/2 hrs to get this done. (I have very long hair). Then as I was leaving to head home I get a call. (I have been waiting on this call, I knew it would come sooner or later) my husband called to tell me I was to stay in the house from 7pm to 8pm, I was not to go outside. Why is this I asked. Well, my dad was coming by to get a few things. (my moms medical cards and ID card. Tiller he bought my husband, but we decided he could have it back and a few other things) Well, what I did was left the house and went to my friends farm and was there for 4 hrs. (love the farm) After I return home our phone ring, it was my mom on the phone (but I would not get on the phone, I knew I would cry if I did) my husband answered it and told them I was not home. My dad put her up to calling me. (this is what he always did) Mom was sick and needed to go to hospital. Dad got on the phone and asked to talk to me. My husband once again, told him I was not here. Dad stated he would pay me to come to the house and get mom and take her to the hospital. My husband told him that, that would not happen. He then told him, that he better take care of my mother. If anything happen, I would make sure the state would investigate and if seen he neglected my mother, he would go to jail. Well, then dad decided he would take mom to the hospital. I think he is realizing by pushing me out and causing the problems he has caused is biting him in the butt now. But I have to keep moving on and take care of myself and my husband and grown kids. Oh yea, my kids paid 1/2 on my perm to help cheer up their mommy. I love my kids, at times they can get on my nerves, but no matter what, they are mine and I will always love them. Anyway, I been waiting on that call, trying to get me to come back around. He found out it would not happen this time.
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Thank you everyone! I am working at not getting myself in that mode where I am always willing to go in when they call like I did for the local store. I not the only person they can call... They have already called me to come in early twice this last week too. I am not going to be the " go to person" when there is a glitch in the schedule.
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Glad there is nothing I can say but that he is where he wanted to be, reunited with his wife. Try and find comfor in that.
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Veronica, he carried her with him constantly and loved her so much. Following the fire the only thing he asked about was the photo albums, their wedding and life together. And they were all destroyed as they were in J's room where the fire started, sitting on a desk, he obviously looked at them often. He was such a loving and caring man. I am very sad today.
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Sharyn I second Emjo's advice about not being too available for your employer. Now if they paid double time for the extra hours that might affect my decision. You have agreed for today so keep your word but in future just say sorry I am not available if you don't want to do it or if they don't make it worth your while.

Glad I am so pleased the family included you in J's obit. it is so good they recognised you were such an important part of his life and did see him at the end. I suspect only now he is gone are they appreciating what they have lost and maybe sorry they were no more involved in his life. Loosing his wife at such a young age from such a terrible illness must have been some thing he carried with him for th rest of his life. So sad. Blessings
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I'm glad that your name was listed in the obit. The family acknowledges what you meant in J's life.
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I was, not concerned, I really don't know how to explain it. J was married and his wife passed of a brain tumor in her middle 30's. I always knew that J wanted to be buried with her so that is where he is. I was hoping that sister-in-law of J's that he hadn't spoken in years and wrote the obit would include recent relationships. I must say she did a very nice job mentioning survivors his folks and siblings, wife's family and me. I wasn't concerned that I was listed, but know I would have been hurt if I hadn't been.

His obit will appear in the local paper tomorrow, thankfully. I just did not know who all I should contact. Therebare many friends, even neighbors that probably have not heard of his passing.

Had a nice chat with one of his friends last night; called to wish me happy birthday. And he was such a jerk when I first called him to tell about J. I think he will be there for me, just when I need to talk. And he actually asked me to call him after court hearing on Friday to let him know how it went.

It is so strange thinking J is gone, I will never talk with him again, just does not seem at all real. I guess this is the denial. Obit may help with that.
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Sharyn - I think it depends on how much extra time you want to work, if any. I doubt they are playing with you, as it costs them money, but they recognise that you are reliable, and in the past have come in most times when called. Someone may be panicking unnecessarily. To me, it is your call. They will call people who are more likely to come in and to do a good job. Can you decide how much you are willing or want to go in on your days off ( e.g. once a month, twice a month or...) and under what conditions i.e. that you don't have other commitments, or a sore leg or whatever and stick to that? Some people welcome the extra pay, some want to help their employer out, some will never consider overtime. I would do what is good for you. If you feel like gong in for whatever reason, sometimes, fine, if not fine too. If you say no, I don't think you have to justify it. As glad says, "You do have a life, and it is none of their business what it is."

glad - Good that 2 of J's friends have come around Maybe you can plan something with them. After Gordie died and the funeral and memorial service were over, I remembered him in various ways alone of with someone(s)- a meal in his favorite restaurant, a red rose where he was assaulted, having a McD lunch in the car where he and I went a few times to look at the autumn leaves -anything that reminded me of him. My need to do it now is less, though I think of him every day.

Me - it is great that aunt is seeing that you are doing too much. Ideally gpa's money should be used for his care - not kept for others for after his death. Hope your daughter gets what she needs.

CM - I got reimbursed for receipts I took in. Must gather the rest, put all on an excel sheet, and get the rest of what I am claiming. Another chore!

juju - the current wisdom is that a few coffees can now be counted as fluid intake. I hear you about the gastric bypass and having to be careful that she gets the right nutrients.

Alison - hope all with your dad is progressing as expected

hi to everyone else -

tired today - don't know why travelling is tiring but it is. Cooking G a belated turkey dinner as a surprise for tonight. More new paperwork for mother. I guess by this time next year it should all be pretty routine, everyone should know her POA is active and that I am dealing with all of her business. D will invoice me monthly for the weekly lunch trips which works well.

Cool here, but most of the snow is gone. That is mild for this time of year here. Supposed to rain/snow tomorrow and then the temps will drop consistently below freezing. However, today I am doing my walking inside or in the grocery store.

Hope everyone is having a decent day. Do something good for you.
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I agreed to go in tomorrow but I have decided I will not make a habit of it. I am not bgoing yo make a habit of it because being available does not mean anything in retail. Thanks for the feed back
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Sharyn,
I would tell them that you have plans, something scheduled, appointment or are scheduled to this or that for Mom and ask them if they can get someone else. Make sure they know that it is not at their convenience because they call and ask you. You do have a life, and it is none of their business what it is.
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Ok...how much do I make myself available for my employer without letting them work me to death. I am was off tomorrow but was called to come in because this is not done or complete panic over something else. Why call just me...how can I determine what is really important for them or if they are just playing with me?
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