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Margeaux-I am sorry to hear your friends wife. She was very young. Cancer is a horrible disease.

I love to talk with the seniors at my moms AL. They are such a delight and have so much to share.
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Yesterday we received the sad news that a friend of ours overseas lost his wife.
I think she was 60. She had cancer. I feel so bad for him, and their two boys.
May her spirit soar very high!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Oh.....paleez, he's going to be 92.
More coffee!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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On Halloween my husband and I went to a senior living facility. He had some business there concerning his job. The place was quite nice. It had a huge dining area, and an activity room. On the second floor there was this huge living room.
We got to see the seniors go in adjacent room for a Halloween party. It was cute to see all the seniors. Before we left, a man passed me with a walker. He just stared at me, so I said, "Hello." We then had a nice conversation, and he told me of his years as a champion basketball player in Minnesota, and that his team won 2 yrs., in a row. He also told me how he'd lost his wife in June. I told him I was very sorry about it, and he replied that she'd suffered enough. He was such a nice man.
He was very sharp, and had very expressive eyes. Before he walked away......he said he'd going to be 92. I couldn't believe it! Even though he was using a walker,
he still looked quite with it for his age. It made me feel good to have this conversation with this man. He was quite delightful.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Me1000 it is good to get out and be with others and volunteering is good. You will find lots of people who are lonely and it is good to reach out sometimes you will never know how much joy you bring someone just listening to them-my friendships are my most joyful blessings-this week I visited 3 friends two in nursing homes and one in AL-it was hard but I may have brought them some cheer.
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bookluvr- You never ignore me! I am very glad you have also given me advice :) My grandpa has actually always been this way, of course worse since he went blind. But its hard no matter when or how -right? You hang in there too and most time Im not worried for anyone to answer- Im just venting away :) But do appreciate it even if all anyone says is hello :) Im sorry your life has also been rough. Better days to come :)

emjo23- I dont remember saying I dont want to change or the situation, Im just saying its hard getting out and I dont know how to stop feeling guilty when I try. But, I see what yo meant. Last night I felt like I was the "bomb" volunteering at my sons event. Being a volunteer I went in the Kitchen, helped at another booth and ours , it was awesome. Thats the old me, the me who and what Ive wanted to do for years. It felt a little sad most I didnt know ( parents) and the teachers were all in shock I was there again its been so long. I yapped non stopped all night! And no, not about all my issues ( well when they asked about my dad cuz then I let them know hes in the hospital they asked why etc) But I was able to talk about the booths and the school and my town etc! It felt good :)


Hope all your Halloween went well, "spooktacular" or if you dont celebrate it, your night went well. Hugs all to everyone..
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Glad~It is hard when the family is having a hard time dealing with the passing a family member from an addiction. I understand your being hurt but the compassion you are giving the family will be appreciated by them.

I do agree that having a memorial service locally with his circle of friends who love him as much as you do, will probably be more comforting for you. However simple you want to make it. Hugs to you!!

Alison~I am happy for you that your father will be placed for however long or permanent if necessary for his care. I hear the relief in your post....I would be worried too about the eating and drinking issue while in my care...just the trauma it may cause your father and you.

Margeaux~I watched a segment on tv about insomnia. They said when you wake up to lay in be bed for 15 minutes (because sometimes we are not fully awake and may fall back asleep). If still awake after 15 minutes, to get up to watch and listen to some soothing videos like falling water, other sounds or calming visuals and when you get sleepy, go back to bed. It may be worth a try.

It did rain here today with snow in the Sierra's. However, it is too early to make any impact on the drought because our temps will get back up to the high 70's in a few days again.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!!
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glad ((((((Hugs)))))) it makes me very sad that you are not able to participate, but the family is dealing with a very difficult situation. You do need to process your own grief and a service or event commemorating J and your friendship would help. I believe in doing whatever you need to do in these circumstances, and that there are no timelines to constrict you. I did not go to my father's funeral as my mother and sis were already digging into me before hand. I could not have taken them and my grief. I believe, as a result, for years and years I dreamed that he was alive. Finally, at the funeral of a friend's dad, I had a huge cry and then I moved forward. I planned to plant a lilac for him and finally a bird dropped a seed in my garden and it grew. I now have part of that plant beside Gordie's bench. They are together anyway. You do what you have to do.

Sharyn - how nice that you and hubs can have some dinners together - precious time. How are the boys doing?

Austin, veronica - good thoughts

me -I want to thank you for being honest a couple of posts ago. You said you were not ready to make changes. That is to be respected. Hope they find out what is wrong with your dad and treat it. You mentioned something about me looking at what family and friends could do to help me. In a couple of words - very little. I am at an age where friends have their own problems and most of them have moved out of town. This is not a place people retire in. My son here would help more, but dil not. My daughter doesn't see me as someone who needs help. I pay my oldest grandson for doing some jobs which helps. Gary is too busy with other things to do much these days, so basically I have to do it myself or hire people. In this town that is not easy as people get high paying jobs in local industry and are not interested in small jobs,

Margeaux - hope you are past the insomnia. I hate that. The new kitty sounds charming.

Alison hope things are falling into place. The main thing is that your dad gets the care he needs and that you are looking after you.

Got word that Mother had a good outing, ate well, complained a little and was very thankful for the outing. Sounds about as good as it gets. D will take her out once a week for now. I am thankful for her.

Hope the weather stays above freezing for another few days. It is supposed to. That is mild for here for this time of year. Gotta to get to my last minute chores. Bus leaves about suppertime.

Have a good day everyone and do something good for you
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Glad,

I'm truly sorry about the family's decision about the service.
I know he was a very good friend of yours. To have a small memorial of some kind for yourself and his friends is a very good idea. Maybe you can all gather and share the good times all of you had with him. You have been very blessed to have a friend like him in your life.

You are in my thoughts Glad.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Im sorry Glad, Your in my thoughts,hugs

To all, hang in there hugs to you as well

******My dad went to the E.R. last night for his heart, constant coughing, dizzy, he fell, and few other symptoms. They kept him idk whats going on yet. One Dr came in now hes waiting on his Reg Heart Dr and the Heart Surgeon that did the surgery.

So daughter had to go with son and I( shes always welcome but she doesnt want to she stays with my dad) to grandpas and the kids were fighting, woke up- they fought daughter actually was ready for school early- son over 2 hours to get going!! So already had to cancel daughters plans for a restaurant tonight, son may have to as well because I will be stuck at his school( carnival and I was suppose to be working a booth uggh) no way home ( Its far) and Id leave after 10pm.. that leaves daughter alone and grandpa alone.. way too many hours and way to late! I am not driving at the moment either. Cant really afford a cab! So Idk what to do! My friend is also working carnival but the only one at her booth plus shes room parent and cant leave even to drop us off( take 20-30 minutes depend traffic total round trip) She cant watch my son there either.

Grandpa doesnt feel good either.. yikes really!!!
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Thank you Austin, that makes me feel much better, yes there are probably others thar were asked not to attend.
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Glad you are such a compassionate person and a wonderful friend to J but as you were not within the family circle you have probably made the right decision. Now J has died it is going to be hard for the family to come to terms with their denial. Few people know that they can use a very simple coffin and in the old days family often built their own. Of course funeral homes want to sell you theirs but I can understand your relief that J's wishes were followed. Would visiting the grave at a later date give you the closure you are seeking? Preserve your good memories of J. Write the parents a letter of condolance but don't be upset if it is cooly recieved and certainly don't open your heart to them. maybe just a card with a few woods would be better. It is your call but let your anger at their seemingly uncaring attiude go. I think the mother is further into her dementia than has been shared or they even realize so that may be that's where all their efforts have been concentrated.Blessing Glad you have been a good friend.
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Planning a memorial service of your on sounds like a good thing-it can be very simple just some people getting together to remember -there probably are other who were asked not to attend the families service and would like to be included.
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Rough day today. Memorial service in New York on Monday, tuesday is my birthday. Talked to J's brother to ask if it would be upsetting to anyone if I attended. Was told, better not, the folks are having a very difficult time, understandable, and J's mom in early stages of dementia, with his Dad caregiver. His mom just keeps reliving the news of the passing as if she has heard it the first time. They were thinking of not having a service at all but made the decision that friends would want to pay their respects. Want a relativly small gathering. And I think my presence would make it even harder for them. A bit hurt, yes, but I understand. So, will think about having another memorial here. We will see, just don't know. Following a death like this I think it is natural for everyone to feel some guilt thinking they should have been able to do more.

J has told many, many people that he wanted a pine box and there was actually someone in the area that builds them. First the funeral home said the timing may not work since they are built somewhat custom I imagine. And they would have probably wanted to sell a much more expensive box. J's brother was actually able to get one. Strange, but I felt so relieved. Graveside service tomorrow, I had to get back to Mom, so won't be there. One reason I wanted to go to NY.
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Sure enough, Pucci got ahold of my lemongrass!
That other kitty, Osiris (another prev. nieghbor's cat) loved it too.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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There's this woman I found on the internet, who does cooking videos.
She's quite funny, and upbeat. Her videos made me laugh, and her recipes look quite delicious. Check her out for a laugh. Titli's Busy Kitchen.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Well I'm having one of my insomniatic nights!
So I went out in our garden to look at the stars. Suddenly I hear a high pitched meow, on the roof. It's a recent new little cat who is adorable and comes to visit. But he's
too high up to jump. So i went out the front door to our place, and he jumped where it was safer. He runs into the apartment. But this kitty must be very young, because he's jumping everywhere like a grasshopper. He's adorable. Now he's in my garden chewing on my lemongrass, that rascal. O.K., I've had it wi/his jumping around, so I'm letting him out the door. My husband named him Pucci. My guess is he couldn't be more than 1 yr. old. Maybe I'll get him catnip, to settle his little butt down.

Wide awake,
Margeaux
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Glad,

As you said.....unbelievable! I'm surprised the judge didn't hold both of them in contempt of court.

Hang in there,
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Margeaux, no. Judge was quite angry with her. Then told her to turn off the phone, and sis actually responded "all the way off?" Judge, "yes, all the way off". Strange quick loss of credibility!
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Oops we can have dinner together.
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Thank you Joan and Margeaux. We have much to work through.

Things are a little noisy here.....fireworks going on as the SF Giants won the World Series. I know my dad is doing a little jig right now.

On the caregiving front, my mom does not like showers especailly getting her hair wet. We have arranged for the facility salon to wash her hair once a week and a monthly manicure.

We finally were able to remove all the hinges from the doors on the bathroom cabinet ( it was a chore) and I started painting it. I am liking this chalk paint...requires no sanding and goes on very smooth with easy clean up. Still have to replace the bus bars on the circuit box in 2 weeks.
Good night everyone.


I am getting some earlier shifts this week so hubs and I can actually have d
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Glad, so sorry for your loss.
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Glad I am so pleased you were able to be with J at the end, also that his brother had been with him. he was probably waiting for your to get there before he passed. So thankful his suffering is over.

Alison if this is any comfort to you dad will only try eating or drinking once. Choking is absolutely terrifying and very distressing to watch. he will be noisily gasping for breath before he looses consciousness or manages to cough it up. If it's just liquid he will cough a lot and be in distress but probably not become unconsciousness. Do you know how to do the Heimlich manouver. If not find out fast. Have you considered not having him come home? As long as you don't provide food or drinks within his reach i don't think there is any danger of you being acussed of elder abuse.
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Glad, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am glad you were able to make it to say goodbye. I cried when I read because i think he needed to see you to go in peace. Hugs.
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Echoing other posts here...so sorry for your loss, Glad. {{hugs}}
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Sorry for your loss, glad. Just now saw your post.
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Sharynmarie,

That's great advice you have given your daughter concerning her husband as it relates to their kids. I often feel that we as women just do, and do too much when it comes to our households. Then when it involves raising children, that's a whole ball game in and of itself.

I'm currently trying to use some other approaches also concerning my husband.
He's not very good when it comes to household chores. I know for certain this has a lot to do with the way he was raised......never met my in laws as they've been deceased a long time, but from the stories I've heard he was the favored child in the family, for sure. In many instances we've often seen how these children end up becoming non-accomodating adults. You know how it's often said that "Silence is golden?" I'll add that abstinence, or always being the doer as it pertains to our relationships with people who aren't willing "to do," is also a good way to go.

Definitely, when one should speak up one should. The thing though with that is that I think we must be very clear about what it is we want to change, and say it in a calm respectful manner as opposed to waiting til we're at boiling point, then it doesn't come out so good, and possibly looked upon by the other party as if we are just angry, and letting off steam. Unfortunately, none of this is automatic, it's a work in progress.

I also realize that in your case the wounds are still fresh.
Try to take a time out, and not sweat the small stuff, so to say.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad,

Did the judge actually allow your sister to record her testimony?
This sounds as if it would be way out of bounds, in terms of court behavior.
Both sister's behaviors are off the charts!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Alison,

I'm happy to hear that the feeding tube was placed. Your concern about the possibility that he would eat something.....could be dangerous in his condition.
When anyone hasn't taken solid food, then as in his case given whatever is happening with his stomach.....that could spell a lot of trouble. You probably know this already, too.

My SIL had a Gallbladder procedure, over a month ago. Now, news that she had all of this was very sketchy from our brother (her husband). It's my understanding, according to my nosey sister......that SIL had some type of gastric bypass procedure about 4 yrs., ago. According to what I've read about these, it inhibits the amount of food one can intake. She did lose tons of weight, although I've not seen her in over a year, this info. again came from my sister. Anyway.....this is probably why she had to have the GB surgery, and there were complications. They apparently had to take out some infected intestine, so it sounded like some kind of a resection to me. On account of this......she had to stay in the hospital 2 weeks, and fed intraveneously. No food whatsoever during the first 3 wks. Over a week ago I'd heard she was barely taking liquids, like broths. Anyway.....my point is that
while your dad is still in the nursing facility, could you talk to a doctor about your concerns, or the social worker to this end? Maybe they could explain to your father how delicate this situation really is. It doesn't sound as if your dad is comprehending his condition.

Do try to get some rest for yourself, for now.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad,

I am very sorry about J's passing, and very good that you did get to see him.
May his spirit soar very high.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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