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CM, really clean out the fridge?! Whatever. But Allison, no what if's! You would have done what you thought was right. But you have an uncooperative Dad there. You did all you could, that he would allow you to. And he knows that.

Keep us all posted. Get a good night's sleep and relax in the quiet.
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Hope you get a good sleep, Alison. At least you have one answer.
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Veronica, once my dad gets through this, if he still has catheter, I would be willing to learn to flush it.

Got another call from hospital just now. My dad's catheter - which is indwelling type, has a balloon at the end inside his body, was lodged in his urethra, not his bladder. Why that would be the case -- I don't know. I'll wait to try and sort that out another time. Looking back, his home nurse said to me that she wasn't getting urine output with this last catheter (put in Oct 8) and felt something was wrong. At this point, I'm not at all sure it was her being incompetent, I think he might've had a blockage due to being without the catheter for 4-5 days by then. When my dad recovers, we will have a visit with his Urologists and I'll try to get to the bottom of why something like this might've happened. Good night all, a million thanks.
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Alison, wait and see is absolutely right. Have you got anything to hand that will help take your mind off this until the results come back? Turn on the tv, clean the fridge out (I know, I know, but it works for me), whatever will keep you pleasantly busy.

Whatever has happened, I really doubt that any extra arm-twisting you'd done to make your father go for his appointment would have made a key difference. You mustn't think like that, it leads to a bad case of the "Whatifs". Big hug, hope there'll be news very soon.
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(((Alison))) - this is a tough situation. You must be very worried. I can imagine that it is too much to process. I hope he will recover and that he has learned his lesson. Meanwhile, look after yourself. His medical issues do seem to be worsening.
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Just got an update from the hospital. My dad may have kidney failure. They're not sure yet, but they are certain that he isn't producing urine at this point. When the PA was touching for "where's the pain" on my father, he didn't have pain in kidney area and I was EXTREMELY relieved thinking "ok, just thee worst bladder infection ever." Well... they're keeping him at least overnight to continue testing. We shall see.

He may not have kidney failure. I really, really hope he doesn't, of course. Geesh. That man... if he does, is it because he wouldn't allow me to take him in for his catheter a week and a half ago and was without it for 4-5 days while urine backed up...? It's too much to process right now. I'll wait and see what they find out. The worrying is the worst part but it just seems like blow after blow with his medical issues. Thanks, all.
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Dad was ready to go to ER today. He finally had enough of the pain. He could barely walk but I got him in the car and drove him. He's still in hospital, it's the local one, pretty close by. I came home to get his room clean, his sheets are bloody and horrible and going in the garbage. But who cares, I'm just so glad he's in the hospital. I stayed for a few hours. His urine collection bag had a few drops of dark thick fluid in it, that's over the last 24 hours. His BP without having taken his BP meds in 5 days (to lower it) was 90/53, due to no food or fluids for several days, when he was admitted. He's 5'10" and probably weighs 110# right now. I'm exhausted but grateful he's in the hospital and he will get the help he needs. I hope he didn't do any lasting damage to himself. We shall see. Thanks so much everybody, means a lot to have the support here.
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AllisonBo, sounds like Dad had a stroke...maybe with guardianship papers they could take him on your say so even if he refuses? Or could you do the transport your self?
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Alison~Hoping you can get the Rx. I am sorry you are going through this, it does seem to be a common reaction for elderly to refuse to go the hospital. You are doing all you can for him, take of yourself too. {{{{Hugs}}}}
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juju, Sharyn and others - re arthritis/joint problems and diet. I find that an anti-inflammatory diet makes a huge difference and may be more important that your weight as long as you are not obese. I eat a very anti-inflammatory diet and don't have joint problems often or arthritis.

Here is a summary from Harvard Medical School, Family Health Guide.
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Simple changes

What you eat may fan the fires of inflammation. Here are some suggestions:

Get an oil change. Swap saturated and trans fats for olive oil, which has potent anti-inflammatory properties, or polyunsaturated fats, especially omega-3 fats from fish.

Don't be so refined. The bolus of blood sugar that accompanies a meal or snack of highly refined carbohydrates (white bread, white rice, French fries, sugar-laden soda, etc.) increases levels of inflammatory messengers called cytokines. Eating whole-grain bread, brown rice, and other whole grains smooths out the after-meal rise in blood sugar and insulin, and dampens cytokine production.

Promote produce. The more fruits and vegetables you eat, the lower the burden of inflammation. Why? They contain hundreds, perhaps thousands, of substances that squelch inflammation-rousing free radicals; some act as direct anti-inflammatory agents.

Go nuts. Adding walnuts, peanuts, almonds, and other nuts and seeds to your snacks and meals is another tasty way to ease inflammation.

Cocoa lovers rejoice? In laboratory studies, cocoa and dark chocolate slow the production of signaling molecules involved in inflammation. The trick is to get them without too much sugar and fat.

Alcohol in moderation. A drink a day seems to lower levels of C-reactive protein (CRP), a powerful signal of inflammation. Too much alcohol has the opposite effect on CRP.

Spice it up. Herbs and spices such as turmeric, ginger, garlic, basil, pepper, and many others have anti-inflammatory properties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and I will add - the more fish in your diet the better, avoid processed foods as much as possible, and manage stress!!!

If you find you react to any foods - have food allergies or sensitivities - avoid them as they are causing inflammation, as do, for example baked goods which have lots of sugar and fats.
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Hi Stellalin - it is very hard to look after a parent with whom you have a difficult relationship, and not recommended if there has been or still is abuse - verbal, emotional, or physical. It is better, then, to arrange for care for your parent but stay at arms length. You ask how to start taking care of your mum now, but you also say she is good now -so I assume she does not need care now. But as you suggest you need to plan ahead. Does she live in the same area that you do? I think you need to gain information about the resources for seniors in your/her community. The Agency for Aging, Social Services, and associations for seniors are places to start. Then when the time comes, if your mum develops for example Alzheimer's, or dementia there are associations that deal with those conditions. Do read up in this site about looking after parents with negative attitudes, narcissism and so on. It is very stressful and can burn out a caregiver very quickly. Above all, you need to look after yourself, keep your job, your friends, you husband and kids(if you have them) plan for your own retirement. Don't allow this to take over your life. Be prepared that some of your extended family may not like the way you do things (((((hugs))))
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Do the best you can, is all you can do!! Prayers!!!
Don't forget to take care of yourself, too!
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Sending good thoughts there is nothing else I can advise. have they taught you how to flush the catheter? Can you face doing that? I knpow Book went into a dead faint when I suggested that to her. iI really should be done twice a day. I have seen patients with urine like pea soup and apparently near death recover without antibiotics and a few weeks later are producing clear yellow urine. Just keep giving him the best care you know how.
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Oh alison - I am glad he is not worse this morning and that you have a good home nurse, but her words are not comforting. In an older person, an unchecked infection can wreak havoc. Hopefully the doc will fax an Rx for an antibiotic. If he is not emptying his bladder, he may end up in enough pain to ask to go to ER. ((((((hugs))))) and keep us updated.
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Alison,

I'm am so, so sorry to hear this news about your dad.
Yes, an infection of this kind sounds like something to be concerned about.
This could explain the confusion he is experiencing.
I do hope that there will be a way for him to get into see a Urologist, sooner than later. I'll keep you and your dad in my thoughts.

Big Hugs,
Hang in there,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Juju, an AHCD wouldn't be of help in this scenario, I don't believe. The AHCD is for after a person cannot speak for themselves any longer. The problem with my dad is that he can still speak for himself, and so can refuse treatment. Hugs to you, thank you.
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I've been checking on my dad. His breathing sounded ok, even good, when he was sleeping. He's awake now and says he can't swallow still. His speech is really bad still, too, but he makes more sense right now than he did last night... his mind seems a little better today. I gave him soup and cranberry juice. I'll try to get in touch with his Urology nurse/doctor at VA and see if they will put in Rx for antibiotic for the presumed kidney infection, even though he won't go in for treatment. They know him and they might be able to help.

Book, what you described with your dad is what happened when paramedics came. They asked him things like "what is your name" and "what day is it." If he can answer those things and refuses treatment, that's the end of it, apparently. They didn't even take his vitals. This home nurse right now, Helen, is a good one. She is a no-nonsense type and has gone above and beyond in the short time she's been changing my dad's catheter. I called her yesterday to get her input. She told my father, on the phone, that she would be coming this morning to take him to ER but he said no way. She's concerned he is very sick, and her concern makes me even more concerned - if that makes sense. She's medical, and she knows what she saw/smelled in his last catheter, and she thinks he's gravely ill and may die if he doesn't get treatment.

Thanks everybody for your input. I'll keep you posted.
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Alison, What a terrible position to be in, that would have been my dad!
I cant imagine how frustrated and worried you must feel! Hang in there. XOXOX Sending blessings to you, for his recovery and guidance.
Peace,
Juju


This has probably been addressed already Book n ABB, but would an AHCD, whereas you can make health decisions, override the patients strong will...I am not sure how they work??? I would be interested to know.
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Alison, can you get a doctor to do a home visit and some straight talking? If the mountain won't come to Mohammed… Hugs to you.
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ABB, I'm sorry about your dad and his stubbornness. I know exactly how you feel. The stress, the worry, the Frustration that you know he needs medical help and he won't go. I called 911, they asked him such simple questions like what is today and who is the president. My dad answered it correctly. They left without him. Unfortunately, we can't do anything if they refuse to go.

If you end up doing what Emjo says, can you let us know if it works? I might have to resort to doing that if my dad ever reaches that stage.

I have a question for you. My dad gets different home care nurses. The real home care nurses - when I'm home - just takes his vitals. Only. In the weekends, another nurse who is part-time takes her job seriously. When She comes to visit dad, she not only takes his vitals but she also Flushes His Catheter. All these past 2 years, the Regular home care nurses never did that. This part-time nurse does it Every Visit if it's her shift. Twice, she caught that my dad had infection down there. She said that she can tell when she flushes him...just from the smell of his urine and the Sediments that she sees. I like this part-time nurse because we don't have to wait until dad's UTI is soooo bad that we end up in the ER and then he spends hours on the antibiotic IV. She's catching it in time where my dad is not confused (more than his usual.)

I'm wondering if your dad's home nurse is like my dad's Regular nurses who only takes vitals but don't do that extra step of flushing his catheter? In these past 2 years, I didn't know about the flushing.

I wish I could be there with you and we can stress and worry and vent our frustrations together. {{ Great BIG HUGS }}
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((((((Alison)))) your dad doesn't sound good. I am sorry he is adamant about not going to hospital. If he gets worse and can't talk I wonder if the EMS will take him. Sounds like he really needs to be in hospital. (((((((hugs)))))
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Allison, thinking of you and your Dad. I do not understand why some people obviously quite sick will refuse the hospital. I hope he take a turn in the right direction.
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My dad is bad. He's really, really bad. I called 911 tonight because he can't walk or hardly speak. He hasn't eaten in a few days. This all came after the cath change... home nurse says his last cath smelled really bad, it was fouled with infection. She suspects some kind of kidney infection/failure and I do, too. Dad's collection bag has nothing in it. I tried to give him cranberry juice. He says he can't swallow.

EMS said they can't take him if he is competent and says he won't go. He can barely get out the words but he is adamant he will not go to the hospital.

Tomorrow will either be a turn for the worse (he's close to delirium, he's not making much sense) or a turn for recovery. He isn't intaking any food or fluids... even in a sippy cup held up to his mouth. I'm very unhappy about it.
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Juju~I am about 20lb overweight...about 4 years about I was over 200lb. I am 5'7" large frame so around 165 is recommend. I have had other issues that recommended weight loss such as plantar fascitis...a heel inflammation. I lost weight and does help ...but is still not a cure. I already have ostioarthis in my neck with bone spurs...this is inherited from my father. My brother has it also in his hip/back and is due for a hip replacement. I suspect this may also be ostioarthis which is degenerative.

Linda~i do agree with you about eating beneficial foods. My biggest problem is my work schedule...I don't get off work until after 9pm so I don't cook everyday. I do know that I need to cook things like bell peppers w/the white membrane, red onions and many others...freeze it then defrost after work and heat it.I am going to research it more to see if freezing has an effect of these properties of anti inflammation when reheated. Thank you and I do agree diet is a big factor.
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Stellalin~Your mother should be able to get medicare. If your relationship is difficult now...it will most likely get more so as she ages and needs more care from you. Without a Power of Attorney (POA) or Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) you cannot help your mother with decisions for her medical or financial issues. In cases like this where the parent does not have the finances or a POA/DPOA...you the adult child either has to foot the bills for her care...whether it be you are caregiving 24/7 (don't recommend it) or paying for facility care. The other option is that you (sounds harsh and cold but does become necessary), refuse to take care of her so she becomes a ward a of the state using medicare. Many adult children have had to resort to doing just that because 24/7/365 is very stressful and your health is just as important, plus the demands on you are tremendous. I suggest you look around this site at the different threads to get a good idea of what is involved and just how stressful it is before you are willing to take on her care 24/7/365. It includes violence, no sleep, not being able to get out for groceries, a haircut....being isolated from friends who do not understand what you are going through, employers who will not work with you, spouses being ignored (leading to divorce) and children (teenagers who are not getting the attention they deserve). Not to mention, the many adult children who have lost jobs, homes they worked hard for, their marriages and bad blood between the parent and their children.

Your mother has to do her part by getting on medicare if she has no other insurance. You cannot force her..but are you willing to risk everything above to take care of her????
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sharyn, when your life calms down some, you might want to google anti-inflammatory diets. It's mainly eating foods that have natural anti-inflammatory properties and avoiding foods that are triggers. I know it sounds crazy but I figured out if I eat dairy, my right knee and my hands hurt quite a bit. Certainly helped my gut getting off the NSAIDs.
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I have no siblings and although my mother is good now, she is in her mid-60's and one day I anticipate taking care of her. We have a very difficult relationship and she refuses to have health insurance. My cousins are taking care of their elderly parents so we're all pretty much on our own. How do I start taking care of my mom now? How do I plan ahead?
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Sharyn-They gave me meloxicam for my issues and sent me away, I took it blindly occasionally for flair up it will knock it out for a while then got curious on side effect etc....read up and directions say take everyday for a month to get full benefit, when I did that it seemed to not work. so I am back to just as required. I prefer to medicate as little as possible as well.... when discussing with dr, best wholistic advice was lose weight, o great! Anyway I pushed the issue last time and have appt to address next step in accurate diagnosis soon. it is just getting worse n worse lately and I am afraid I will hurt momma or me in process! that sure adds a whole nother level of stress too, cause I have no options for help with her, if I cant do it, what the heck am I going to do, what I have been thru a year ago there is no way she is going to a facility unless I go with her!!!
Anyway, I suspect it is arthritis so it is not going to be a cure, just comfort care!!
I hope you get some relief somehow as well!
Peace, Juju
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Veronica~Thank you and you are right....I have to take the lead...even though I am not a leader, more of a worker bee...but I accept that it is up to me.
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In the meantime, dr XR Naproxan...another anti`inflammatory drug...not crazy about taking it and will only take for a short time...my mil almost died because of Celebrex back in 2003...internal bleeding, caused a heart attach (she did have heart disease)...this drug and others like it tend to cause internal bleeding with no warning signs. I will not take it long term.
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