
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Do you know anyone else who might be interested in going along on your wilderness trips. Perhaps one of your new co-workers is lonely and would love to go along. She may not be a photographer but might enjoy an afternoon in the fresh air. If you can't get a scary big dog go for something small that can make fierce noises like a Jack Russell or a mini doberman they can be very scary.
I told him today that our marriage involves many areas that effect me emotionally.
1) getting our home taken care of...replacing flooring and other things he has said he would do but has not moved forward on.
I don;t expect him to be a handy man...we can have someone do these things for us...he drags his feet...until I go off on him...I don't want it to be that way.
2) I love to go out in the wilderness to take pics...one of the last times I went out to one of my favorite childhood places in the Sierra's, I stopped at a picnic area....I had a point and shoot camera then ( about 7-8 years ago). I walked down to the river took some shots of butterflies gathering on the soil, some shots of aspens changing colors. As i walked back up to the parking lot, there was on older couple having a picnic lunch and...a man by himself who watched me a little to intently as I got back in my car. Well, this unnerved me, so I headed for home. I told my hubs about it when it happened but of course he does not remember. Today, I told him again, I am not comfortable going out to wilderness areas that I love to go to....not because I see myself as some young sexy thang....LOL!! common sense is...I am a woman alone and a target in these areas!!! So please be willing to come with me when I want to go out.. I think he got it, he said does not remember me telling him this..I know I did because another older woman who went into this area.and disappeared. Yes, I am concerned, I will drive to Idaho by myself...I stop only at areas that are heavily populated by people... wilderness area...I love to go to,,,but not by myself anymore. Maybe a guard dog would boost my confidence???
My hubs has been open to discussion...AND
You are so right, about my mother's being able to cope. My sister, believe me I do understand when a grandparent is trying to help a son/.or daughter out in this manner. Her daughter and the son-in-law, and kids are at mom's because her daughter decide to have some repairs done to a house they rent from my sister.
At first the repairs they thought were only going to be fixing damage to a floor.
But when workers, started to look......they had serious foundation problems.
This daughter was already about 7.5 mos pregnant, when they discovered all of this, and started the job. Of course they can't be in the house, while these kinds of repairs are in process, and now daughter has the baby, only 3 wks. old. But, my sister, I can't believe could have advised the daughter and son-in-law, to wait til their babies are a bit older to do all of this. I don't understand what the rush was, at this point in time. I'm thinking it's hooked up to the fact the house belongs to my sister, who knows. This is why I wrote about it.
But it appears, that my sister never considers mother in all of this. She always like to tell me that the presence of the little kids, gives some entertainment to mother,
in other words, reason to make it o.k. I don't want to sound like I don't like kids, or something to that tune......but my sister is really inconsiderate. Also, I feel my sister oversteps here too.......just assuming because she's in mom's home, she can just make these kinds of arrangements, and she thinks it's a.o.k.. Quite audacious, if you ask me, and it's in perfect step w/my sister's attitude. Lot's of entitlement.
I know you don't mean, the not caring what your mom thinks in a bad way.
But you notice Emjo.....when someone around us is causing chaos, then we have to wonder, feel as if we are the ones in the wrong. Good for you that you're past her game. I've been employing this very attitude w/certain people around me,
who are always negative, or in a bad mood. It get dog gone old, doesn't it!!!!
I completely understand, and it's detaching. I mean how much can anyone
take. I did just that today. I took myself out, since I needed some things from the store. But the reality was, I needed to be by myself, and gather my thoughts.
So I parked my car in the store parking lot, and took a walk to get my stress out.
Boy did that help. I also ate some dark chocolate.
I hope your meeting goes well.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Getting lots of info regarding diabetes and related issues.
Spent the day cooking and ended up falling asleep on the couch this afternoon..didn't wake up til the hubs came home. Tomorrow is back to reality, go see my mom, catch up more here at home and make appt with my dr about my knee/hip issue for Wednesday.
On the job front, things are going really well. I love the people I work with, we all get along so well...it's like we have worked together for years. We have 4 new people starting this week which will reduce my/everyone's hours, but I should be ok since my CAR is paid off!!!! I just have to watch my spending in regards to pics/items for my grandsons, LOL!! They gained 3 lbs in their first month!!
margeaux - I have wondered how your mum copes with that household full of people - not what the doctor would recommend I think
me - I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed and see no way out
toxicfm - good for you.
Sharyn - diabetes does many things to the body - ex G has a variety of problems due to it
Got here very late last night and have done some catch up sleeping today. Still tired. Meetings at hospital tomorrow, then buying a mattress and maybe a sweater or two. G will come to the meeting and sort out some logistics. I think I am getting past caring what mother thinks about anything. I don't mean it unkindly, and I will take anything sensible into account, but I cannot let her critical negative comments sink in. They are bad for my health.
Do something good for you!
Peace, Juju
So the 1.5 yr. old has been running a fever, of course my sister has herself all wrapped up helping her daughter right now. When I spoke to my sister, I could tell she's doing it, but it's stressing her out. Then she has my mom to contend with.
I do wonder how mother can handle all of those people and activity in her home at 92 yrs. of age. Well just another instance of my sister becoming way over involved in her daughter's life.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Talking about all of this is just making my mouth water.
It all sounds really delicious. I looked up Kulfi, and it sounds really interesting.
I recently had some kind of whipped desert at Rosh Hashanah last week.
It had a bit of fresh berries on top.
But I want to experiment with some rhubarb. I've a recipe that's made in a pie crust on a baking sheet. On the bottom of a layer of pastry dough, one puts a bunch of chocolate chips. On top of that.......the rhubarb, and some berries mixture, then you close it off w/another pie crust on top of this, WOW! I haven't tried it yet, but plan to. I got this recipe off a TV eatery show. They were doing deserts that episode.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
The orange is ground or blended raw. The idea came from two places. As a teen, I made an orange raisin cake where a raw orange was ground with the raisins and added to the batter. I used the old fashioned fasten-on-the-counter grinder as there were no blenders. It was so tasty and moist. Then Gary told me that his mum added fruit e.g a ground up orange rather than sugar when she made muffins. G likes lots of spices so I found a spicy choc cake recipe, and followed it - more or less - but added much more spice, pepper and cayenne and an orange thrown into the blender with a little water. Raisins work well too blended in with the orange You can reduce sugar and the fruit keeps the cake very moist, yet it is very much a chocolate cake. I don't frost it - hardly needs frosting. Must make another one soon!
Poor mother had her palate crushed along with her personality pretty early on, is my guess. Constantly being in trouble for making a fuss or being difficult when you're just saying you don't like ginger cake would do that to you. A combination of overbearing, competitive, critical sisters, teasing parents and an ayah who, being the only person who'll stand up for you, asks the cook to make you English dishes (and when Indian cooks make English dishes they taste of absolute zero, on purpose, seeing as how to them that seems to be the aim) must have made her associate comfort with blandness. She also hates oranges, mangoes, bananas and coconut. You know how they say that nothing is more evocative than scent? Well, whatever memories it's evoking she definitely wasn't having a nice time.
Puréeing the whole orange to add to the cake is genius - do you poach or microwave it first, or just pulp it au naturel?
cm - I am surprised for a lady who travelled so much that your mothers tastes are so conservative. G dumps cinnamon on nearly everything - and says cayenne brings out the flavours. I make a great GFDF (gluten free dairy free) chocolate cake with loads of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, a ground up orange (peel and all), some pepper and some cayenne. Getting hungry now.
Mind you, Madhur Jaffrey's naan recipe takes some beating. And if you've got a bread maker it couldn't be more of a doddle - you just chuck everything in, put it onto "Pizza dough" setting, and 45 minutes later you're rolling them out and slapping them under a hot grill for a few minutes.
Unfortunately, once mother's back in the house we're limited to nutmeg, saffron, the barest hint of cinnamon, and garlic and cardamom but only if they're heavily disguised. The second she gets a whiff of anything she suspects of being "hot", that's the end of her appetite. And she's not just being awkward: she really does hate it.
Hmmm… I wonder if you could base an ice cream on coconut milk? Research time.