The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

yes, Happy belated Birthday juju - hope you had a decent day.. I know about the sadness that certain dates bring.

Sharyn - you know your husband best and how to deal with him. Gary plays his cards close to his chest too. He is learning to communicate better. The babies' book sounds lovely.

cm - if I don't ask mother what she wants and just choose myself, I will never hear the end of it, and she will want me to run back and forth to the storage place getting this and that. When she makes the decision, I will tell her that we are selling or otherwise disposing of what is left so she needs to know what she wants with her as there will be no going back. I am glad you are getting some respite. Hope you are enjoying it. Zach sounds like a sweetie. Every move was supposed to be the last one. Hopefully they can keep her in this new place unless she needs nursing home type care - then that would be the last move. If she follows pattern, she will be wanting to move again in 6-12 months. I hope the staff can cope with that. The drug should help. The kulfi sounds delicious. I am allergic to dairy. Wonder if almond or coconut milk would sub. I will use meds to help my system deal with the stress and watch very carefully for a flare up. Tons of probiotics as well.

Found out I don't get a credit card, but have to purchase for mother on my card or whatever and take the receipts to the teller at a branch of mother's bank and they will reimburse me. In a way I feel relieved by this, as, if there are any questions about me being reimbursed, the tellers are accountable. I will scan the receipts and keep copies for myself. However, I don't see how this makes it any more secure, as who is to know if the mattress that I purchase is for mother or for me. Perhaps they think that bringing the receipts to the teller adds a step that deters misuse.

Talking about communication, I made tasty short ribs in the crockpot and no sign of G. Grrr. Just let me know. I would not have made supper if I had known he was not coming home. It happens once in a while as he gets lost in what he is doing out in the fields and doesn't take the cell out there with him, or ends up staying down there and doing a days work via satellite and phone and then straight to the horses. Well, I enjoyed the ribs and wouldn't have made myself a decent supper probably. Oops he just called - a bit late but he called. Good enough.

Well, Oct. 4th, Mercury goes retrograde!
I've already been experiencing problems on the computer!
So you have all been forewarned.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Juju,

I wanted to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you were able to have some fun yesterday. It's difficult when we are up on anniversaries of our loved one's passing. I'm very sorry about this, and I know how it feels. I go through this every March, when dad passed away.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Fligirl, where you said "She will NEVER stay with mom alone and I know it so I need to get over it." - now that is clever of you. If I'd only figured that one out as clearly as you did much earlier on I'd have saved myself some pointless resentment.

Mind you… this came up for me on my 50th birthday. My kids had planned some big surprise for me, the trouble was that their brilliant plan was based on the assumption that their auntie would be happy to have their granny to stay for a couple of nights. Chuckle. If only they'd consulted me I could have told them that was never going to happen..!

All the same, your wanting to get away for a little break is hardly unreasonable. What about telling your sister that if she won't stay there on her own, then your mother will need to hire a nurse or HCA to cover for you?

Emjo, just another evil thought, probably, but… you do *have* to consult your mother about contents at her new place for her, do you? No way you could just make a list and a few executive decisions? If Ed Milliband can forget to mention the economy in his closing speech to the Labour Party Conference and expect to get away with it (no one would noticed necessarily, let alone minded its being shorter, but the silly sod gave a draft to the press), then surely you can 'forget' that particular part of the conversation? It's going to be quite entertaining enough without handing her opportunities for further rhetoric.

I have stuck my fingers in my ears about cats. Zach the Staffie has reclaimed 'his' armchair now that it hasn't got an elderly cat infesting it so I'll be relying on him to keep mother company when she gets back from respite care tomorrow. He's actually much better company, if you want interaction and security; only not quite so convenient to have on one's knee, perhaps.

You do need to watch out for the stress. I wish I had something original to suggest, but suspect that chipping in would just be irritating and therefore not the best start. This should be - *should* be - the last major move, though, yes? You're almost there. Grit your teeth.

I have treated myself to one last cookery book which has a recipe for pistachio and rosewater kulfi. If that makes your mouth water too I'll happily type it out. Healthy? Meh, probably not so much. But delicious! And it has got some healthy ingredients (who needs excuses?).

Thank you Joan~We have worked this out now...I know my husband and the reason I couldn't let it go right away is because I just had that gut feeling he was not telling me everything. I have to be able to show him logical proof for him to admit the truth. I have to able to ask the questions in a specific way for him to give the answer that fully answers my question...that is how his mind works. It kind of like "don't ask don't tell". His whole family is like that too.

I can sympathize with you about having to go to E'ton again. Especially since you have not been feeling well. It is good that they will make some adjustments if Gary is not available. The care facility my mom is in, is horrible at returning calls.

Our daughter sent 2 copies of book she put together through shutterfly. It is so darn cute. The front and back cover are pics of the boys, then the first page is a pic of our daughter and sil...under the pic it says...J and L sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G, first came love, then came marriage, then....and you turn the page...the left side is a pic of a man with his fist and it says boom....pregnant...the right page is a pic of the first ultrasound confirming twins...and it says...comes babies in a baby carriage. The book has several ultrasound pics and ends with pics of the delivery and at home pics. I took the other copy of the book over to my fil.

I'm here, Margeaux, and need a vent too.

I just do not want to do this again. Going to E'ton again to dig some of mother's things out of storage and meet with the people at the hospital - the psychiatrist ( I really don't like this one), the SW, the transition coordinator, and then, later, meet with mother. How's that for a lovely week - and at my expense. Got her contents insurance sorted out I think. They cancelled it and reinstated it, and sent me various bills which did not make any sense. It is due again the end of the month, so I will have to stay on top of it. I called this morning and all their phone lines were out and voice mail full. Finally, I found a number that worked and a person that checked things out. I need to call or email her financial advisor to sort things out as they are not doing what I instructed them to do so her bank balance is growing too fast. She will not need the same income where she is going so they can probably leave her capital (which they have been drawing on) alone. Thankfully I did get a hold of her old shopper who has just put her own mother into the same hospital for an neuropsych evaluation. Good news - she will be available to mother. Still waiting to hear from the bank person about a credit card on mother's account or using hers. I know lots do but I need to know it is straight with the bank. I can't leave a loophole for my sis to cause trouble.

I am grateful that, in our last phone call the SW said that if Gary is away when they call that mother has a room, they can make some adjustments. Phew!!!

After the meeting I have to meet with mother to discuss what things she wants in her new place. I am not looking forward to that or the complaints that inevitably come.

I woke up with a headache that is not going away, Last week I tried the other "harmless", to my liver anyways, meds and got brain fog/head aches so didn't take any today, and this must be left over. Think I am about at the end of this infection so will try without meds, though need to watch out as the stress from this next move may flare it up again.

Sharyn, I am glad you are getting through this episode. Better everything comes out now than later. I agree that it is not good to beat him over the head with this, but it is good to discuss whatever issues you have identified unti yu are comfortable

Alison - glad the 5 year idea helped. I have done 5 year plans often in life. They don't always work out as I think they will, but give me a goal - which can be changed at any time of course.

Glad - you are wise to let go of your friend. He needs more help than you can give him.

Me - others have given you some ideas. I do think your kids need more professional help than they are getting. They don't hate you at all - that is the illness talking and you are the safe person they feel the can let it out on - but, it is not good for them or for you. Your dad was going to have surgery - how is he doing? No matter what grandpa says, you just have way to much to cope with. I hope you can find some way to get some relief/help.

Book -don't disappear altogether. (((((((hugs))))))

Cm -have you caved yet re another feline?

loo - deep breaths

sandwich - are things staying calm?

Margeaux - hope you finally got some sleep. I have nights like that too.

fligirl and others - my sympathies on your dysfunctional sibs and other family members. They make the job so much harder and it is hard enough already. I have fantasies of walking away...

cmag, Austin, brandy and others - good to see you around a bit

Have a good day - be good to you.

My sister and BIL came up and took mom to the doctor today. I am grateful for the help but why do they h ave to be so mean about it? They forbid me to go to the doctor and I asked why and BIL says I don't have to tell you sh*it. Then he comes in here all nicey nice. I know they do not think I do a good job of caring for mom and then they act like this, I get anxious about what they are up to. I think I am acting normal in this type of situation. Mom said that they both said in the car that I am doing a good job. She might have made it up. but still They said they are coming up on Oct 15,16,17 and I said GREAT I can go to San Diego and sis says no I am staying in the motorhome. WTF is wrong with her. She will NEVER stay with mom alone and I know it so I need to get over it. That means I am never going to get away over night ever ever! My mom is getting so much worse, making up stories, not making any sense and No she does not have a UTI. The doctor said that unless she has symptoms then they are not going to check for one. Honestly I do not understand that. I should have put this on my Whine moment but it came out here. Just venting.

I'm up, it's 4:44 a.m. I don't know why I can't sleep.
I didn't have any chocolate, no sugar this evening.
I did my walk today. Oh well! I'll have to check the moon phase.
I'm tempted to have my coffee, but maybe chamomille is a better idea.
HAAH!

Ramblings.....
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

How are you, where are you?
You must have your hands full with your mother's move.
Hope things are good with you.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

This is good news. Really glad about the reporting to FB.
Well now that you have taken care of the details that surrounded
this event, you can rest.

How are Ethan and Logan doing?

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Book,

Do you really feel that you have an addiction to this site.
Maybe you just have to put things in perspective. I understand too......try not to allow yourself to go around constantly thinking about what's happening here.
But the reason most us, or at least I know I come here is to get and give support.
It's turned into a community of friends too. I can totally understand, that when people say in your shoes works, then comes home every day to the schedule you have going on with your dad, it must not leave a heck of a lot of extra time to have outside friends. Anyway, I hope this doesn't mean that we won't see you here either, now I'm being selfish. I like your input. There are good reasons I'm sure we all come here, so just try to keep it in perspective.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Toxic,

I knew it! You were serious and you did something about it!
You're going through the adjustment period now. I'm so glad to hear that you have lots of support around you, this is so good! All right, take it one day at a time,
and yes get involved in the things that are going to bring you a sense of normalcy
to your life. As you said, "Let the fresh air in."

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Toxic familymember You have made a wonderful start towards getting your life back. Be very proud of yourself. Don't be discouraged if you meet bumps on the road, focus on the target and keep going. You did not creat the toxicity in your family you inherited it and now have found the strength to folloe your own healthier path. Blessings. Look forward to following your progress.

Well, It took me from Sept. 30 at 3pm to Oct 1 at 2pm to pick up the envelopes and drive to the post office and mailed all the letters stating I was stepping down from Medical Power of Attorney from both parents. I also made my moms letter restricted, so it has to be handed right to her, and she has to sign for it. I did get in touch with health and human resource also today. They will not help me what so ever. So three days of nothing but crying, it is time to heal. They will receive their letters tomorrow. But it is already planned, I won't be at home what so ever, until my husband is back home from work. From there, my door will be locked most time and I will be moving on. We have already decided, if he shows up at my house, I will not be answering the door, but picking up the phone and calling the state police. I do have some support (family) behind me. Not only my kids and husband, but one cousin (little older then me, but knows all that has happen to me. My daughter called her and told her I needed now more if never before) she called this evening, checking on me and letting me know I was doing the right thing. Also have long time friends beside me, talking with me each day and know I need someone to talk to all the time to move on. So today, I don't know how they did it, since they don't know each other. My Cousin, Best Friend and long time family friend called me through out the day. I was not really alone for long all day. Daughter called two times, Cousin called once, Best Friend called once, family friend called once, husband called a few times. Between that, I left the house and went to the post office and to the store. I seen a good elderly friend there and talked with him for a few. Hubby found me there and spent a few min with me. So today was a lot easier day. Tomorrow, I have to take care of my business paper work, going to look at a antique mantel for our house, visiting with a friend and go over coupons. I will return just as the hubby does from work. I will be ok in morning, one of my kids will be here until I leave. I am trying to stay busy and easy, starting slow to move on in life and trying to make it happier. Also I like to think for the support from here also, and for allowing me to ramble on and on. Thank you

I am starting a list of things I like to do. I want to pick up crafts again and start Knitting and Crocheting once again. I really like to make a nice new quilt for our bed, if I can remember how. I have not did that in years. Also my Best friend was talking and we might pick up what we use to do and take a day each week and go shopping/looking/ wishing at the mall (lol), We use to call it a mommy day with out kids. But now it will be a day with out stress. I am even thinking once or twice a month to have a Tea Lunch with a few friends. (other words, recontact with people I have not seen in a while) I am trying to come up ways to love life again and enjoy it. Hmm, maybe one day I will start baking bread again or cakes, what ever I want. But first, pick up a nice thick book and read. Christian Romance base in the 1800's. I love those. I will check in and let all know how things are going.

Oh yea, those calls started coming in after I called my husband and told him I wanted to die. So now, they won't let me be left alone for a while. Also I have a dr. appt for Monday to see about raising my meds for a while, until I can move on. I have had to do this before. Thank you everyone for your support, kind words and hugs. If people can do this for a stranger, then there is a reason to keep going. Thank you PS: I can't sleep tonight yet, so I picked up my coupon binder and working on it, to keep me busy. Hoping that it will wear my eyes down, so I can sleep.

Good news, we got new phones and new numbers!!

Glad thank you for the info to report to facebook. I reported it 3 times!!! Guess what!!!...She is gone for now anyway. I don't know if it is because I reported her or if she realized we knew her game and shut it down herself...it says the link may be broken or the page no longer is available. Facebook did not respond back to me. I gave them the # google said is a facebook instant message to my hubs cell and all the details of her hitting him up for money to be sent through Western Union. I also found out this is big facebook scam that is currently going on and older men are preyed upon by these women.

Veronica~You are a voice of reason and I want to thank you for your input in this situation.
Pam~You also provided me with info I had not considered.

I want to thank all of you for the emotional support you all given me this last week through the posts on this thread and personal hugs sent to my wall.

Today has been the first day that my stomach has not been tied up in knots over this and the relief I feel is freeing. I am exhausted from the emotional turmoil of course, but I am off tomorrow and can sleep freely tonight knowing this woman is out of our life now. God Bless all of you!!

Glad I think you did the right thing to keep out of your friend's mess he has already created more than enough grief for you. It is beyond the stage where someone can lend a hand. he needs to be hospitalized and recieve agressive treatment for the osteomyelitis. It is a very serious condition

Juju you are a very strong woman and although this is a sad time of year for you I am sure you will find a way to get through this. Blessings. i am not a candle lighter but if i was i would light one for you tonight. Lots of hugs instead.

Me 1000 the conditions the children are suffering from are not anything that you have caused. or that you or your ex can cure or even manage. Your ex is a totally unsuitable parent to take care of them. his history and behaviour are witness to that. if you can't make your son settle down before 2 am he is also beyond the your control at this time and needs professional care. It will only get worse. now is the time you need to act. Boys exhibit more obvious signs of ADHD than do girls but it soes not mean that your daughter is less affected than your son. You certainly do need to be seperated from them while they are treated if necessary in a boarding school for these conditions. where they may need to stay during vacations as well. Depending on their progress and behaviour they will be allowed home visits. I am in no position to tell you what kind of treatment they actually need but from what you are telling us here they are beyond your control at a very young age. of course you want to run away and hide but that is not going to solve anything. You are the only one who can help them get the treatment they need. Talk to to their dr the guidence counciller at school and if there is an abuse hot line in the area call, they may be able to direct you to the help you need. you did not cause this and don't have the training to deal with this alone. involve child protective services if you have to. It is not going to be nice but it will not be nice either if you do nothing now. You also need treatment for yourself so please seek it. Do not take the abuse your grandfather is dishing out either. He has no right to treat you in this way while holding the gift of the house over your head. believe it if he signs it over to you. Even if he does this you may have to hand it over to Medicare if grandpa needs nursing home care within five years. Find what strength you can and ask for help. once you take the first step the next will be easier. God be with you. If you can't do anything check yourself into a mental hospital and let the authorities handle the children and grandpa. Oppose the chidren being handed over to your ex. Foster care is a better alternative than letting your ex have them

Juju, you quietly shared here not long ago. Your raw grief today hits me hard. Thank you for sharing what must be so hard to face. I hear that you have lost so much, too many. Your grief and their memory is going to be with me tonight. I'll light a candle. Your surviving with this just inspires me. Love to you.

Oh, they found him collapsed on the side of the highway, next to his truck, five days ago. Now they want to develop a care plan for him, they know he will not do the followup required, and he is not capable. He is talking nonsense, brain just is not functioning properly.

Veronica91-Im back and fourth its what a few others told me whats wrong with them but overall in my mind and heart they just hate me. Their dad says they wont act like that with him and they will be happy because its all me. Of course at times he says Im a wonderful mother so hes like playing with my head too. Grandpa is pissed because im depressed, tired and sick, plus dealing with all this going on and I was trying to sleep ( son up til 2am almost last night and grandpa kept asking if I was sleeping yet or resting to close my eyes and sleep, when I dozed the nightmares started. I tried all day off and on I was going to decorate for halloween but I dont have the care to anymore. For what reason? I just want to leave and never come back....

Today, got a call from a hospital about 400 miles from here. The friend that caused the fire at my home a month ago is quite sick. Diagnosis osteomyelitis. He was in the hospital overnight after the fire, and when they released him, he could barely walk. Has been complaining of back and hip pain for more than a year. He had seen his own doc that just kept prescribing pain killers! Now he is in another state, is Medicaid pending here, now what? I have detached from the situation, told the SW at the hospital to call his father.

Me 1000 I really feel for you. it is a truly horrible situation when you are dealing with your own children, but in a way you are lucky because you do have an early diagnosis and have accepted it so that does put you ahead of the game.
In todays society where mental illness still remains largely hidden it is very difficult to get the help you need so you have to become a squeaky wheel and that is not easy when you are so overwhelmed and feeling helpless your self. one woman i knew fought and fought for her child with no help from the scoold. Put him into private school where he did better but had to return to public school after 8th grade and back to the ridiculing and bullying. the parents were able to hire tutors to get him through high school and now in his 20s he is still at home and going daily to the community college. his mother says he could never live in a doom he just would not get out of bed for class, not take a shower or change his clothes. So every day she has to supervise his every move. I doubt he will ever hold an independent job abough he is quite bright. Do take care of yourself though. You are an important person in your own right. I see you don't want any masculine involvement and many women feel the same way after a bad experience and that is a perfectly wise choice. that is no excuse to let your healthcare or appearance slide. you are worth more than that. Love yourself. Blessings

Hey all,
Feeling emotional melancholy/ this past week marks the anniversary of taking mom in as I mentioned. It is also the anniversary/season of loss of the family. we all had our bday's together within 10days of mom. She blessed me with the 87th on Sunday, mine today and the boys would follow within a week. then dad passes 10 days later. it is heavy time period emotionally! Going thru all the family drama, happy life is now peaceful but lonely, and still dealing with aftermath of the drama and try healing those wounds, many years later!!!
Thankful to have a place and people to talk things out!
Peace, Juju!!!

Veronica91- Idk why I didnt see your post Im sorry! No they are natural born by me and my ex, though mental illness runs on my moms side and their dad is violent and over sexual, all the men are but all deny it with no diagnose. He has ADHD,Sleep Issues, one Dr agrees ODD but they didnt put it on his records until the meds get situated for the ADHD to make sure its not included.Now on Clonidine and Daytrana which is helping woth his getting out of seat at school, hyperactivity, daredevil, lack concentration, etc from adhd( still there but a lot less of it) At school he holds in his anger when he gets mad or slams a basketball up and down at recess or lunch but overall no fights thank goodness! Bad crowd not yet fingers crossed of courses hes 8 yrs old still so also no drugs,gangs and hasnt stole from me. Yes, damage to the home, hes broken 2 windows, several doors by slamming, peeling the wood off the door( old doors) holes in doors by objects, still writes on walls,tables, doors,breaks his own stuff and ours when angry, never apologizes for what he says or does later but is all sweet and loving until the rage hits. Id never physically fight them, have yelled a lot though. Your not being cruel, just asking questions! We will see about the journal

jujubean- I know I used to feel that way!

50sChild- Im so sorry you and your family went through that with your brother. It does take a toll on the other family members and Im adding that to my daughters issues too. Thanks for the info

gladimhere- Idk glad, I know one way or the other this will come to an end.. the ending scares me because I fear the worst and I hate not being able to do more for them, for all of us.

cmagnum- Ive seen that happen.. well we all have... all over the news for one. I cant believe this is even going on, I never imagined I would have kids and family with these issues. I know you started this thread and this thread does fit me, all of us here. Thank you and good luck to you.

Brazilian,
Yes, if home care workers keep leaving it is time for a nursing home. She should not be left alone.

It's been a couple months since I last posted, things seemed to be getting better. Unfortunately it was short lived. The one steady woman we had taking care of my mom just left without saying anything. The past two weeks I have had 4 caregivers come in who have all been overwhelmed by mom's care. The fifth left this morning after my mother soiled herself. It's very hard knowing my mother requires so much care and that no one wants to do it. No one will even give my mother the decency of respect. Going to work is scary with mom alone. She is very young (60) but without help it feels like a nursing home may be our only answer. The home health field is a crock. It was 10 years ago we started getting help at home (when I was 13) and still my mother can't even bottomline respect from an individual. The agencies I'm afraid are no better than the employees they are equipped with. I'm writing this at work and I'm just hoping mom will be ok. I was able to go home to clean her up, but it's very hard to concentrate. I really needed to vent to those who understand. Wish you all love and luck in your favor xx

I will try.

I thought about what you said, Veronica. I spend time checking back here often. I know in my case it is because things don't feel right. It's almost like I'm looking for something that fits and I can say, "That's it!" By now I realize that there are no easy answers. What is going on in our lives is different than generations before have experienced. It doesn't seem right, although nothing is really wrong. I am glad we have the comfort of each other.

Book I am very concerned that you are so addicted to this site. I do think most of the posters are genuinely concerned for everyone else who posts and have made real friends but this is not like a soap opera where you can't wait for the next episode.
You have to set boundaries
.If I want the opinion of someone I have come to trust I send them a private message and ask.
I do spend a lot of time on the site I do admit but that is because I believe I have the practical experience and knowledge that is helpful to share.
It is also very therapeutic to be appreciated and my physical activity is more limited these days so it is far healthier to be thinking of other people than mindlessly watching TV. I used never to sit down with out some craft on my lap. I could knit with out looking at the project and talk of watch TV at the same time. My bodily weaknesses have curtailed some physical activities and moved me on to others. Walking a mile has become a major achievement when I was always on my feet or just walking the country roads for pleasure with my dog.
Does not mean I am not still interested but my energy is better put to other uses.
Of course you worry about other posters who you have known for a long time but try and seperate your concerns from your everyday life. These people are all taking care of their own problems with their local rescourses or not as the case may be. Your advise may be helpful but by the very nature of the communications can't be life saving. This is not a suicide hot line, we only know in general terms where someone is so we can't send the police or ambulance round. Our involvement can only be a second line of help and we have to realize that by the time we read and answer the post the emergency has been resolves in some way.
This is not healthy for you Book you already have so many other problems to deal with in real life which you have to deal with in person. Much as we might like to Come over and sit with dad and give you a few nights off I for one am not saving my pennies to fly to a far off island. So God Bless, step back and divert you mind

Sharyn your husband seems to be taking all the right steps to restore your trust. it is a good step to change your phone numbers and for him to shut down his FB account.
Your husband is not unique, however special he is to you. The temptation is out there and they have needs that go unmet. Often it may have to do with their current situation. OK we have all heard these stories about toxic childhoods and don't believe this should make a difference to the behaviour of a 50 year old man. Most people can control these feelings (if they want to) But the pain of a childhood where rejection was the norm, does not go away. We see this in so many posters.
on here.
Now to these women on the internet, their activities are not less than prostitution. Are prostitutes sex addicts? Is that why they stand on street corners with skirts so short they get frost bite in unexpected places. No this is the way these women make or have to make their living. Internet preditors are doing the same thing but with no frostbite involved. They all have good stories and mostly real needs for the money they request. The sob stories are the same ones we hear everyday often very true. They are so good at preying on the emotions of vulnerable men. if you are good at your job it's not that difficult. With a good imagination the ideas for a story are all around us. We see a few people here that we quickly label as trolls and just read a column like "Dear Abbey" and there are plenty of questions that you can make your own.
Sharyn I am in no way excusing your husband's behaviour. you were just far more vigilant than me and caught it before it got out of hand. I just never believed that mine would do something like that. But I have learnt a lot in the past 25 years about human behaviour and the way things work. All of us have our own limits and are free to make at least some of our own decisions.
Things will never be the same Sharyn, hopefully they will be better with more understanding on both sides. Stay vigilant but don't obscess. Some therapy is certainly in order really to help you both learn more about the way things work , the reasons and our reactions. I don't know if marriage councilling as such actually works because we have never done it the one question I had that was never answered was "Why"?