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Sharynmarie so glad this is all coming out and getting sorted! Like glad said i would get counselling together!

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Sharyn, the thing I worry about with your husband and FaceBook & the lady is this... You know how addictive this site is for us? Do you think he will have the same problems like us - when we try to stay away? Try to Not come over to check out what's happening here. Try Not to post to anyone at all. It is very difficult. Maybe he didn't get in deep like most of us - how we all put our emotions into here, posting about our angst, encouraging others and vice versa. Sometimes when I'm shopping with sis, I would wonder what's happening on here. Or when I'm at work, mid afternoon, I wonder. Hopefully your husband didn't get too deep into it like us.
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SM,
There is a way to report this and Facebook wants it's users to. I did a google search for "Facebook report send money scam" and the fifth item that came up is the request for reports of this sort of activity. It is important to make these reports because who knows how many others she has duped and other people she will try to do this to.

It is wonderful that you think you have this worked out. Do you think that he will not do this again? I still think counseling is in order. Or maybe a chat with an attorney would be wise as hubs could hear from someone else how expensive and dangerous this sort of activity can become. Maybe Facebook even has some counseling on its site why this activity is not appropriate.
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Veronica~In alll honesty, I have to add that I have not called the 1800 #for our bank in several years...so on that issue I do have to give him the benefit of the doubt regarding the password and when he put it on the accounts. However, Kate did text him this morning and she also texted him through fb yesterday. He admitted it, records show he did not text back and he said he has told her to stop. On Wednesday the 24th when they were texting back and forth so heavily and he received the cell incoming call from Western Union, ...he said she had hit him up for $200 and he was considering doing it but...he said he isn't that stupid. I have to believe him since he is very frugal. He admitted tonight that he found her attentions very flattering. I responded that that is normal and human nature. She is a scammer who has been trained how to talk to men like my husband.

Tomorrow, I work 9-3...when my hubs gets home from work, we are going to verizon to get our upgraded phones and change our numbers. This should stop her from any further contact. You all have no idea how tempted I am to text her to say you are nothing but a scamming sl&T. I want to tell you all who have fb who she is but I wont. She is 33 years old....I told my hubs...not to degrade you, but anyone that much younger than you...is usually looking for money.

I am not able to locate how to inform face book about her scam, not the they will do anything since her account is not against their standards, but she is definitely a scammer.

I am feeling better than I was this morning,,,my mind was reeling, not being clear headed and was seriously considering moving to Idaho. I haven't been able to eat much for almost a week now. I think from what my hubs told hold me tonight, I am getting a clear picture and can move forward now.
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Me1000, I have not read everything about your son. I have only seen parts of what is going on. I don't know how old he is. But what I have read so far, sounds like what we went through with our daughter years back. After calling the police and having her removed. It was only weeks later we got help from health and human resource and she was committed into children Physic hospital to find out what was wrong. It the best thing we could had done for her. We found out what was wrong and started her on meds. So for you to get help, might have to do the same thing. It will be a peace of mind and for those weeks he is there, you will start to heal as well. Our daughter was in that hospital for a month. Now she lives on her own and doing very well, with her mental problems. You can also see this as well, do what has to be done to get there. Oh yea, if you do this, be ready for every reason he hates you. But he will one day say Thank you, ours did. Good Luck
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Margeaux, I have tried to talk to one. I have called from one county to another, to get answer. Today, I typed up the paper work and it was notarize. It will be mailed out tomorrow to both parents, where they have to sign for them. I am stepping down from MPOA for good. Before they are mailed I am heading to Adult Protective services ( APS) and ask for the state to step in and take guardianship of mom. So that she will get the right medical help, as well she will be protected. If he does what he does to me, to the state personal. He will either go to jail or be put in a mental ward. I am off from work tomorrow and will get this done. From there, after I am sure mom will be protected and she will get the medical needs she will need. I am then walking away for ever. This time there will be no turning back. A friend of our family has known me since I was a little child. She has seen the abuse I have taken over the years. She stated just today, she has never figure out how I have taken it all my life as I have. She said it was time, I walk away. With my medical problems I have. The less years I have left is 30 to 40 years, not much more, but could be less. It is time I enjoy life and live in peace and happiness. So, it about kills me of what I have to do. Even my husband is worried of what could/can happen to my mother. But as he said, it is going to cause me to be put away, if I don't do this. I have already called my dr. and have a appt. to see if I can get my medication dose up some for a little while. My daughter has called all day to check on me. But when she could not get me on the phone, she called her dad. They figure out why I was not answering the phone. I unplugged the house phone and only had cell on. My husband knew why then. But after they figure that out. They knew I was ok for now, that I was working, but keeping toxic away from me. My husband has already told our kids, that tomorrow I will have my own car back. That not to look for me. He knows I will go to one of two places after I take care of business. I will either be at a friend of ours farm to just scream for a while, or I will be out or other house in the country, where there is no noise, no phones, nothing, to lay in the sun and think, watch the wild animals and all. This calls my heart and mind down, to wear I can rest and start the healing. So, yes I am starting the process that I will no longer have my side of family around me. It will be like all my family has passed away and I am alone. After going through that for about a week. I will began to heal and move on. I will always have my husband and kids. I just need the healing process to start. Margeaux, Thank you for Welcoming me in. It is nice to know someone out there do care, even if they don't know you.
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A police friend of mine told me that sometimes the person in a family who threatens to kill someone either in or outside of the immediate family, they are a danger to everyone in the house for their anger can reach the point of a blind rage where they just strike out at the nearest person to them. I hope this is not true in your situation, but I'd be careful the next time your son says he wants to kill you.
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ME, how long are you willing to go through this? I have a cousin, now 40 years old, and has put his parents through he!! for most of his life. He has pulled knives on his ex-wife. He was committed to a psychiatric institutioin for several months while they got meds straightened out. If it were me, because I have heard how bad these things can get, sooner rather than later! Sometimes we have to put our wants second, to get the help needed for those we love. Your son has caused enough disruption to your family. Get him the help he needs!
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Me1000. Your son, though loved by you, has crossed a line and you have every right to feel afraid of him. You are in the precarious position of an abused person. Should you open this up to outside help, he might well break. My teenaged years were spent with a gun at my head or threat of bomb or suicide from my brother. I couldn't get help because because I wasn't being "sexually abused." No, locked in bro's black-painted bedroom with his rantings and violence. So convinced bro to see psychologist. Didn't matter. Smoothed for awhile but violent urge was there. The title of this thread is DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES. No amount of love or tolerance will turn the Titantic of your son's mental illness or decisions. You must reach out for help for him while he is young enough to be in a fishnet. Otherwise, as an "adult" -- he will live his imperative and dreams. Please reach out to your country agencies. Contact Women's Shelters. 30 years after my bro's violent suicide, I just learned you can even call your local Police who may have a domestic abuse specialist who will be extremely sensitive to your situation. Do not allow this man-child to take your life in any form.
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Me1000....ditto on Veronica91!!! esp. on writing, it is a great release!
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Me1000 you don't need to offer advice to post on here. Just reading about your struggles is help to other people dealing with the same issues. You are making perfect sence. it is other peoples choice whether they choose to read your posts or nor so don't feel you are just taking up space. You are a real person with real needs not someone trying to hog the pages.
As for writing your life story i think it would be an excellent idea even if it is just a journal for yourself. Writing has a great way of relieving tension and taking your mind off what is going on around you. So what if it is nonsence when you go back after the battle is won you will understand just what you were trying to say.
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cmagnum- I was so tempted to do that this morning but didnt.No, we barely had a discussion a few months or so ago with Dr but Dr said as long as school goes well, life is going overall good no need to. I told my daughter once she has an issue, we will get her tested etc. Well, to me, she has her issues and yes, her appt is in a few weeks for reg PED and referrals.Im sorry to hear about you having to call on your loved on to, its hard to make that decision.

gladimhere- Ive heard of that but idk about for kids? I want them with me but they need help, we all do for everyone.

jujubean- I know its hard to even think Id have to do this. His PED said dont as well as his neurologist.. uggh. But yes I have about 30 seconds of clips of him screaming and breaking things but not the ILL kill you part. When he sees the phone he jumps at me to get it to break it. But, I need to have a hidden cam for a 48 hr period on pills and not to see difference etc!!! Good idea!

Margeaux- I know its so hard, your right, with everything going on I do feel defeated!

kaazzaa- I been reading too and feel bad for everyone but Im at such a low right now -I dont want to say the wrong things to anyone. Im so lost its crazy.. keep saine? Ha!!! I feel like a robot but whos circuits are about to blow up in flames...
Omg!!! Yes I feel as if I have to video record every single last second of my life and broadcast to the world to have proof how my life is!!! But then I feel they will find fault in the truth or say it was edited!!!!!! My mind has been so screwed up which has gotten worse over the years. Does it makes sense that a part of me stayed obese( I am a stress eater tho) also because it helped guys stay awy from me ( except a few chubby chasers) because mentally and physically I no longer wanted to be with anyone and no one believed me so I used the fat excuse and they bought it!!!

Its hard to believe my life is the way it is, the things I been through, friends or so called believed the hotty girls or my exes or other friends over me for certain things just because? Then I get this family stuff going on and its so hard. Im sick and tired of having to prove my intentions, my GOOD intentions! Sure I made mistakes, but I never thought I was that bad...maybe we are related!!! I used to write and would like to write about my life and other things but once again I was told my writing made no sense( ok, well I dont makes sense even on here true)


I love you all and wish you all so much peace and health. Thank you all and when I can Ill strart responding to your alls posts too. Your not forgotten and im not trying to be greedy just need to be in a calm place before I can attempt to advice!! But Im here and struggling with you all , besides you all
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Me 1000. your kids don't hate you they are mentally ill and need treatment.
Are either or both of you children adopted? Possibly from an Eastern European country. Your son definitely sounds as though he needs to be institutionalized so this can all be sorted out and any necessary medications started. He really could hurt you.
Grounding is not the answer here. How is his school work? does he cause trouble in school, get into fights, hang with a bad crowd? Is he into drugs? In a gang? does he use drugs? steal from you? does he cause damage in the home? Put his fist through walls. You certainly can call the police on him and they will transport him for a psychiatric evaluation. With your daughter she can't "refuse' to go to school. call the school and speak to one of the guidence councillors. Take away her toys and if she becomes uncontrolable call the police on her too. You are the adult and parent here..don't be bullied by these kids. Don't physically fight with them walk away and call for help. They both need treatment not grounding. Where is their father?

As for grandpa. Don't tolerate his crap either. no one has to be a gourmet cook. Put the food on the table and if he starts to complain pick up your plate and go eat somewhere else. You are worth more than this, you are not an indentured servant. you do have powers so go find your big girl panties. We are all here for you. I am trying to be helpful not cruel.
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Sharyn the password on the joint account is a big red flag. I am assuming you have never abused the account. by that I mean buying anything expensive without discussion. This is more of a crossroads for you than I realized. there will be a
" good" explanation. "It was a loan for the downpayment on her car so she can get to work or to pay for her son's orthodontist. Look she has already made a payment" Sure she will make the first one that is just her way of priming the pump to ask for more. I may be a nasty suspicious old lady but 'fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me"
I do actually agree with Margerau that it is easy to give advice when your own pain is in the past. Believe me I am not trusting and complacent. I keep a very good eye on everything. It seems as though there has never been financial trust between the two of you and this definitely needs to change. Some one I know filed for divorce and hubby immediately ran up all kinds of credit card debt. After the divorce he filed bankruptcy and she ended up having to pay his debts. I know this sounds sneaky on your part but in your shoes I would have a secret bank account just in case you need to get out. Either use a post office box ot have the statement sent to a trusted friend or family member. You may also want to consult a lawyer at this point. he may look sorry but what is he sorry for decieving you or getting caught?
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Margeaux,

Thanks for asking. I'm doing ok. My psychiatrist removed abilify from my banquet of meds. She thinks that my previous psychiatrist overmedicated me with abilify. I have a little more energy, but not as much as I need to get more things done.

My dad's dementia continues to worsen as his long term memory is starting to go. My family and I will be visiting with him in October.

The first year anniversary of my mother's death on October 4 is only a few days away. He death still seems to be a long time ago.
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Kaazaa,

Well, you did what you had to do, even if you are sorry that it got to this level.

Your poor kitty! Yes, they're like children they do suffer when the sh*t hits the fan.
Give him some extra strokes, and try a little if at best to detach from some of this.
You need to pay attention to yourself in all of this. Now that you've contracted the proper offices, let them handle it.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Toxicfammember,

Welcome to the thread.
I'm really sorry you are in the situation you are in.
I'm no expert in this area, however do you think maybe if you sought out an elder law attorney, maybe they could point you in the right direction. You may even try Department of Social Services.
I feel like you are at the end of your rope. At least the way you've expressed everything it really sounds as if you are more than ready to take some action.
Do come back and share with us, it does help. I'm very glad that you found this thread.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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M1000 im just reading things here and OMG you are going through h*ll? protect yourself and get help so sorry for you noone should have to live in fear.

Hope you get this sorted. I dont know how you keep saine?

Hugs and hope as suggested ER may be the answer? what an awful situation to be in i really feel for you!

Family honestly? who needs them! Its hard to explain your dysfunctional family to friends and strangers some just cant believe it?
Oh i may write a book since coming here family are just capable of anything hard to believe we have same blood?
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Hi Cmagnum,

How are you?
Very good advice!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Oops! "Take care of business," "a good reason not to."
Margeaux
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Me1000,

Stop listening to your grandfather.
It can be understood why you feel so defeated.
But you do have to do something about your son's threats of violence.
I would hate to think who he may hurt in your household, then what??
Take car of business as a mother, and your grandfather's needs aren't a good reason not!

Find the courage,
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Hi all, just an update!

Mum went to her doc as i rang after! doc is now refusing to speak to me as she told him not to? doc says shes fine was told this by receptionist? told her ok but im getting SS involved then and she said yes i think youre right?
Finally after a wk got hold of SS and she will call to see mum ive told her i can do no more so they need to get involved now.

I took my cat which wasnt easy he cried for two hours which hurt like hell but he seems ok now and sleeping. I will keep him in for a few days!

went to house and its a mess hasnt been cleaned since i left SO mums back to living like a baglady and brother cant seem to see this is NOT NORMAL?

Im ok am angry as h*ll but now SS are invloved i can do no more! its hard to beleive its come to this but something had to give.

I am coming down but its not easy and will take time. Mums birthday and christmas coming so i just have to stay away.

Hugs to all
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1000...yes if you feel the need use the 911 and ER then maybe you should!
Also "maybe" just for the sake of helping if you can without causing problem or safety issue, record an outburst,cell phone/etc..not sure bout that just an idea ???!
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195Austin, Thanks. I've made that 911 call about a family member who was a danger to others.
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Sharyn you have handled this well and you do deserve to get the whole truth so you can decide what to do. Cmag once again you are the voice of reason
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Sharyn, I agree with Margeaux, this is still part of the initial problem and you really do deserve to know what has transpired, you may not ever get the whole story, unfortunately, but it is part of working it out...to know exactly what you are dealing with! Once you have gotten thru this situation and moved on, that is when to let it rest, not to live life in suspect daily.
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There must be a law in place that will permit you to leave your son at the ER and tell them you cannot provide the care he needs. We can do that with elders that we care for, new babies, must be able to do it with school age children as well. You have done so much for your family, but there comes a time when you need to realize you cannot and will not any longer.
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I'd call 911 on the son and have him taken to the psych hospital due to his threats to kill. Your daughter's doctor has not made an official diagnosis about Autism? She needs a new doctor who will diagnosis her and give her some medicine.
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" Im going to stab you in the neck and kill you" my son yells this morning. Daily he calls me Ass&*le, fuc$%^, hey idiot, etc from him, threats of killing us, daughter refused to go to school again, obssed with video games/electronics,( still undiagnosed Autism but agreed what it looks like by her Dr) both are grounded now. Do I take them to the E.R or the Pysch Hospital here and beg them to admit them?

Grandpa says get rid of them, grandpas demands andp ut downs are still the same.. I will never be a great cook even though I follow recipes, Im ok but thats it, sometimes I mess up the food but oh well.. well all is the same otherwise.. the usual my wonderful amazing life. Amazing how hated I am from my family and apparently my kids...
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Sharynmarie,

I completely understand the fact that you would want to know the whole truth. It's easy for people to suggest that you not push it any further, however you are now feeling the first emotion after the shock and hurt. Besides, even if people say they are sorry about the way they handled their own situations.....it's easy to hand out advice, because for them it's now in their pasts. I feel that when it's fresh as in your case, there is still what I would call the reasonable time frame, now, for you to find out these initial facts about the damage he's done, and it is for you to move forward. Your own reasons for doing this, as far as I can see are solid. Do what you have to do.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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