The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Update: Dad told me last weekend mom was getting a new hospital bed. So I called home health yesterday to see if insurance covers the hospital type table and if not, I would order one and other stuff she may need. Home health said they would check with doctor. So several hours later, home health calls me back stating that the live-in says not to release any information to me about anything because she has authority over mom. What does that mean? I explained to the care worker that I was asking about a table and not about medical diagnosis but told worker I understood.

I was upset for a while but had to catch myself because this is what my siblings want. They want me to be as miserable as they are. I’ve been trying to let it all go but this is not setting with me so I may consult an attorney at least.

Becky04401, what does your son feel you should have consulted him on? Is he jumping at the bits to see a copy of that one piece of information that you left out? From reading, it sounds like you are still very capable of handling your own affairs and you have it in order.

Your son and his wife should be in charge of what? Trust what you feel now that you’ve tested the waters. How is your relationship with your ex-husband? Him suggesting you have mental issues sounds wacky. Can you get advice from your team before you close accounts? If I didn’t have a very, very good relationship with my ex, I would not feel comfortable with information being shared.

How is your relationship with your son? I know this one incident rubbed you the wrong way, but outside of that, how are things? It will help you determine how far to go with him as well. It sounds like you are trying to mend fences with him but for some reason he has not let go of whatever is being fed or whatever he thinks he remembers in his upbringing and/or the marriage demise.

Keep us posted and hugs!

I have been going thru some health stuff over the last few months. Started dialysis. Had some port problems with that and had repairs. I live by myself and felt that my son should be aware. I sent him copies of pertinent papers. Because he lives over a thousand miles from me, he is not POA medical or financial. Medical POA will always call him and financial stuff is very straightforward. I’ve filled out advance directive. I always sign a new DNR when I go to the hospital. My bills are paid directly thru my bank. My pensions, SS, etc. go directly to savings and a bank transfer is made to checking to cover bills. My son is mad because I did not consult him. I sent him copies of everything. I didn’t send him a copy of my will. A trust officer at my bank is the Executor. My late husband and I had a couple of assets that will be split between our children. There was no problem until his dad and stepmother told him that he and his wife should be in charge. Now my sending the paperwork and calling him have been declared me to be intrusive. My ex-husband called me and said my son should be in charge. Gut instinct tells me my ex and his wife are stirring in things to cause trouble. My ex said I have mental health problems. My brain functions just fine. It’s just my kidneys that are failing. I feel ready to close all accounts, get new ones and leave my son in the dark about everything since he is sharing info with my ex-husband and his wife.

You have our support, Hummingbird.

Caring for a personality-disordered parent is distressing. The steady dose of tension changes us. It’s rough.

Lotsa kindred spirits here on AC Forum. Welcome! - and keep coming back. We’re here for you.

You are not alone, Hummingbird. I went through similar with my mom, and also had to make the decision to move her to facility care for her safety and for my sanity, as she could not stay here with me. She passed last February, but I remember in detail how I felt on the days when it was all so overwhelming. Dementia is a cruel disease, and dysfunctional relationships make it even more complicated. You are doing the right thing by getting her the supportive care and maintaining good records.

Hugs, I'm glad you found this forum and please come and post here anytime. Many people here totally understand what you are going through.

Hi. I've had my mom living with me for the last 8 weeks as a choice to make sure she is ok during this time. She lives independently in a very social condo that has been a great transition from the house she shared with my dad who died 8 years ago. I see that she is in the same pattern of behaviour and cognitive change as her mother was as she slipped into dementia. I'm more of an introvert and need my quiet alone time each day and at least a full day each week. I haven't had that for awhile. She talks non stop and wants so much attention.

My mom and I were never close - she was too busy to raise me, the youngest of 3, as she worked full time, 12 hour shifts and always took on extra shifts. I had a lot of anger and resentment growing up because I had a particularly tough time and needed an advocate or simply a parent. I did a lot of work in therapy to end the cycle with my own child but there is still the residue. She can't remember anything about who I was as a child and that really hurt. Now she is with me because I care. She is who she is and I cannot change this. She insults me, questions what I do throughout the day, asks me to do things constantly, doesn't accept or register 'no' then when I lose it she cries and tells me how sorry she is and doesn't want to be a burden. I try hard to dismiss feeling guilt but it is so taxing. I try so hard to walk away, to find humour, to ignore but I still reach my limit so fast. I think a lot is that I am not getting my regular social interactions and being with friends or singing in my choir or going to my yoga classes. I'm just stuck here, plus I provide in house support for a man with special needs who lives down stairs and I am still working on line for my job.

I set a date and she's going home soon but I see that she needs support in place to shop, make food and actually eat nutritious food - borderline diabetic, post cancer. She needs support to do finances and often gets caught up in old bills, stressed out and phones the bank or companies asking questions and getting mad at them. She doesn't think she needs help. My sisters have already said that they won't help as their relationship already deteriorated. I am POA. I'm on Van Island, she on the mainland, and am thinking of moving her here to supported living and am inquiring about MC in a good place that is very pricy. My mom can afford it but I know my sisters will be litigious when it comes time for the will. I will keep a very through and tidy paper trail. They already have shown that side by raiding her house when my dad died and by contesting my grandma's will. I don't have a relationship with them because I can't handle the negativity, although, during this time I have exposed myself to them more in the last 8 weeks than I have in the last decade.

I'm so stressed that I don't like who I am becoming with her. I don't like that I get so angry and frustrated, that my teen is subjected to this toxicity that I fled from at age 18. I guess I am just needing some empathy. To know that I'm not alone when I feel it so much. No one wants to hear people complain. My best friend gives me the tough love thing every time. Others just tell me their problems in response or change the subject completely so I don't talk about it anymore. I already know what I'm going to do and what needs to be done, I just need to know that I'm not alone and I am seen and heard when I feel so so alone in this. Thank you for reading - or not reading. I appreciate having a place to put this all. I think that's all that matters is that it's off my chest so my heart has room.

Mom was doing okay-ish with the quarantine, but there were signs of her cracking.
She has gotten worse, now saying she's being neglected. Not the case as I have sent her things, including meals delivered to her. Brother has continued fetching her stuff. I have even called her more, but it is not enough. Complains about pain, refuses to see a doctor. I even found a different doctor for her, but says she has too much going on now. Had small ants in bathroom, which had her crying. Brother sprayed vinegar around which she said was a natural bug spray. He even lined up an exterminator; now she doesn't want him to come. Again, too much going on now. Then she went off on me saying she needs help! I need to go there soon - aka this weekend. I told her no, not willing to risk getting me or her sick. It is not a big deal to her-I am in the car all the way there. True, but I have to stop for gas, plus it is a 4 hour drive. I do not have new tags come to think of it. Not sure how long the law is relaxed for that- completely spaced on doing it online. And what does she need help with? The ants again! I am not going for just that, not when she had an exterminator ready to go there.
She then said again I was an adult when my dad died, almost 14. I should have been made to work. Basically, she spoiled me by feeding me, doing my laundry etc. Just the basic stuff parents are obligated to do she considers extra.
With the meals she's been given, always finds something to complain about.
She made the mistake of telling me that with her friends, their families do not even enter her friends' homes. But I am to go and spend several days at her house; it's ok for her to have guests. She is a narcissist,so missing the attention.
She does have carpal tunnel which her doctor noted in her exit visit paperwork on one of her last appointments. She never read the document, told me I was wrong when I said it sure met all the symptoms of CT. Now saying that she'll never get treatment due to the current situation. She delays getting things done because she thrives on drama and being a victim.
Should I even consider going? I would be cleaning, cooking, probably doing her garden upkeep (which is a lot!!!!). I paid my regular guy and mine is all done (so I am beyond irritated when she asks me to do hers). I then hear, can't you do that little bit for me when I did so much for you? Honestly not sure what she really did. I have zero memory of her ever playing with me, reading to me, just telling me she was busy had work to do or scolding me.
Hope everyone is doing well.

And Duck figuring out Skype isn't hard. Setup an account an practice with a friend. In had a Skype interview about four years ago. The internet connection on their end was awful, it disconnected. We ended up finishing and really starting too just on the phone.

Start by downloading the app. It will walk you through setup.

Duck, it takes an honest and forthright person to recognise and even more so to see that they are needy for love and attention. I am the opposite way, I think, even to the point of detachment disorder, possibly stemming from losing my dad at the young age of 13. And then my mom, too, in a way. She became soooo needy and self absorbed after my dad passed and they were divorced. Good luck with mom stuff.

I have been at DD1 since Sunday. She had a hysterectomy because of long standing female problems and about the same age I was. I can't understand why she waited so long. It makes life so difficult. When I decided in had to do something we were out to dinner for dd2 birthday. Everyone went to the car while I went to the bathroom hoping to relieve the pain. Well, I passed out, dd1 came back in and found me. Never so glad to get something done with in my life. And the tales you hear about the depression women go through afterwards? I never had any of that. Hoping the same for my daughter.

Well, night all.

She has flipped to her old self many times before and it hurts like it always did, dementia or not.

So I say I need to use the bathroom room can I come in please, she is acutally blocking the door. I was like, the enemy is busy. After thought she lets me in I go in the living room where she sleeps on sofa bed, checking and looking. She says sternly the kitchen is there. I make my rounds and fix her a shake mix which she say put it there, notice there is no sign anyone fed her or left anything.

I wondered if she got a turn on me lecture from my sister. I am not sure but I think she goes out to work in the am and returns around 12. I hear her coming in at that time on my days off. Or I wonder if she may have treated my mother in a bad way on her way out this morning and I got the brunt end of it.

Anyway when I came down this afternoon. She was like heeyyy. She wouldnt leave bathroom and turned out light so I took shower by light in kitchen as we talked. She ate good. Then tried to help as is started mopping bathroom and kitchen. I would love to be a fly on the wall when my sister inteacts with her. I wouldnt put anything past her and her MOA is retaliation. If and when she gets shut down there is not telling what she will do. She is very spiteful and malicious. She is a narcissist and has no boundaries.

Not to keep rambling but Jean knew how she was and always told me to read the 37th Psalm which at one point shows the weapon and enemy using to hurt you turning back on them;

I just know I am staying in prayer and although I hit lows I will keep up the good fight for my mother's benefit.

Hang in there Becky.

Good night, and rays of love and peace to us all.

Duck, Becky, I am so sorry for your pain. Life is so hard right now, we all just need to ((((((hug))))))).

Golden, thanks for the support and encouragement. It most be beautiful and fresh if the kits come home smelling so good. Sounds like blessings all around.

Mr. G from APS called this am stating that the court reporter or someone asked him to contact me to see if I would like him to come with his laptop and skype for the court date. I had mentioned I didnt have it and didnt know if I could get it on phone. I also asked if my twisted was petitioning for guardianship and if he thought I should do the same. He said no. and that at times the court will split guardianship with a family member aslo with what they have presented sounds like my sister's case is nil. You never know but I have faith.

I did some damage control to kitchen and bathroom this afternoon, I woke up, couldnt get back to sleep so I started decluttering in my room and decided to go downstair and start on the floor before I lost track of time before my ride to work.

Jean's family spoke to the her friend across the street and Millie says they are planning something around the 26th. I am so glad about that. I would like to give her flowers one last time. I just keep seeing her in my mind. She had chinky eyes and I always told I thought they were pretty and how she must have been a knock out. She also had pretty little legs too.! lol. I loved her also because she was very honest when she would notice my stomach getting bigger or going down. smh. I was always fussing over her fly away red hair, we talked deep real talk alot. Im going to miss her and never forget her.

Becky, I dont know the full situation there. But I think you should keep hope alive. There is some reason he feels this way and although it is toward you it may have been fed maliciously or it could be misunderstanding. At one point or another he will realize what you being his mother means and realize how much you mean to him.

We share here, its hard sometimes to do so. I had the binders on with my mother and sister and in these recent years realized how they tried to sabatoge my son and my own relationship. They used his pain to try and turn him against me. He said at one point after I almost died from pneumonia that he didnt realize how much I meant to him. My sister and mother acted like they were mad at me for almost dying.

My son didnt have anyone telling him to love and respect his mother. He grew up with the people and person (my mother) he respect most tearing me down, and belittling me while I did every thing for everyone. So it hurts really deeply that we lost so much because of being fed negativity.

If he was 14 when you divorced and ended up with his father. He probably has a lot of resentment which was probably fed by some one else. Adolescense is hard time and a child, in pain around someone who feeds it is very vulnerable.

Just keep loving him. I understand how painful rejection is.

Speaking of which I am still a little sore in my heart. I told my son to give my GD thirty dollars. He videoed him giving her a shopping bag say this is from grandma she took the money out looked in the bag and just tossed it. My feelings were hurt, I didnt read into those actions. It wasnt a smile even for show.

So I feel cheated in some ways and very blessed in others. I was surprised because the last chats on msg video she was smiling, I made her laugh. Am I going to spend the rest whats left of my life trying to get her to love me like I love her. I dont think so. I did it with my mother, and got treated like pooh, and yes it hurt and almost bought tears, there were times before when there were tears so Im moving up and getting better.

Even today, I forgot, this morning when I came in my mother was at the door of living room in the war mode. She heard me coming in and met me at the door, blocking living room door, tellng me to go right upstairs dont come in there. This is the kind of spirit she had with me, crazy ugly rejection and meaness for no reason.

I haven’t posted for a long time. But dysfunction strikes so here I am. My son is 39, married with three children. I’ve tried since my divorce 25 years ago to maintain a relationship, but it simply doesn’t seem to work no matter how hard I try. Most recently he told me I was intrusive in his life when I called (first time I had called in several months. I’ve seen the once for a bout 4 hours in the last 8 months. Not what I should do - call it quits. Hurts my feelings.

answry - sounds like things are a little better for you and your family if not yet good. Sorry about the unemployment, I hope you find some work. It seems you are the family scapegoat so they will blame you for whatever doesn't go their way.. I don't know any defense against that except cutting them off for your self protection. With these changes we do grieve the losses. Be kind to yourself.

duck -sorry about your loss. She was very important to you and I can see how it triggers off thoughts of your mum passing. Sad about sham's children. Glad someone is helping them.

I am glad something is happening re help for your mum. and sorting out all those issues.

Thx Duck. I guess I do have a glamour side - I like my nails done and that is challenging right now, My hair normally gets done every 6 weeks but in between it could be anything from really curly to straight, down long or up in a low bun depending on my mood and energy.

The kitties smell so nice when they come in from playing outside.They smell like the washing does when it dries on an line outside They love it when I go out and work in the garden and come and roll around my feet.

This thread is much quieter than it was. Many of us have lost the one we were caring for and , speaking for myself, are working on developing a new normal. It takes a while.

Take care all. Treat yourself. These are hard times. 🤗🤗🤗

Where is everyone? Ghost town again.

Well I hope everyone is busy or occupied with some good stuff.

My old boss from many years ago went missing but they found her. I was her Secretary in the mid eighties. Ive always had a lot of repect and honor for her. she was very political and worked with a state senator for many years. I last saw her at my girlfriend Deb's memorial service. I saw the onset dementia, her son was right there with her.

Its so sad, but a part of life that we age and as we do so we lose so many loved ones the longer we live.

Being an emotional person, I easily boo hoo privately. So many times thinking about Jean and moments with her. Then remembering my old boss and how stout and serious she was. I hated her and then gained so awesome tools and grew to love her in a way.

Everyday its hard and sad to see my mother in this realm of dementia. Its nice to laugh and make her laugh like every thing is normal. Lots of time she is talking about something and I listen and smile and laugh where I see the que or act suprise whatever anything to help her feel understood and normal.

I get in the shower and sometimes I cry. Lots of times and then hope my eyes clear up or that it just looks like soap got in my eyes.

I have always been needy for love and attention. I wasnt the baby or the favorite and sometimes even though lonliness is a norm it hurts even more at times like this. We connect more now than we ever did.

I hate the feelings and thoughts I get when I come down or come in. Where is she, is she okay, finding her bent over somewhere sleep. Or seeing her in the bed asleep (which is rare, and mostly after my sister has, I suspect, givnen her something and then tucks her in. I hate that after these times I am wondering if there is a change in her mental status, a stroke maybe, becuase she is not her self and not as responsive until she completly wakes up.

Its frustrating to have these concerns and so much more so frustrating to realize so many possibilities. This forum helps me keep it together better.

I have a lot to do on my days off this coming week. I am working my four day 12 hour shifts weekend. I usually like to cook something speicial and treat myself and my mother with something special. I need to mop and scrub kitchen and bathroom. I did toilet a tad today before leaving. I dont know what my mother does to that seat. Its always got something on it or a smear of something???

Rays of love and light to all.

Good nite.

So "Aunt" Jean's neighbor remembered that she had asked them to try and find a family member on facebook and has contacted that family member. I understand they would be here in a week or so. That is a great relief. I know she had a burial plot somewhere in Brooklyn and Im glad at least she wont go to potters field, because it seems the detective was not willing to search house for her phone.

She was such a beautiful person. I callled her my good luck charm. she was also one of the few inside witnesses to the famiy dynamics from way back. She always told me to read Psalm 37. That was the last thing she said to me on the phone on the 2nd before we hung up.

She was good for saying okay "kid" and call herself the ol lady. I called my friend Tony ,and he was upset about it. We all met and had a wonderful thankgiving and we were all looking forward to doing it again.

Its only natural to think of our own mortality when someone passes on.

Working EMS and seeing things gives me all types of thoughts and scenarios when something happens. I have to get someone to put locks on doors to the empty rooms in the house.

Its her house but I often find her in one of the room, full of junk, sitting bent over like an accordion asleep and its scary. Its entertainment for her she cant go out. So she goes up and finds all kind of stuff. I just saw a perfectly good sweater a coworker gave me from a visit to her country. Its thick and had pockets no buttons but nice. I hadnt seen it in like 9yrs and forgot about it. I often went on wild goose chases looking for something of mine my mother moved. I always think I would probably have a nervous break down if I went through things in her room.

So I spoke to the court evaluator on zoom, she got good view of my mother and says she gets the picture. She said the house looked pretty neat. I didnt do close show of the floors in kitchen or the sink or the mold in the shed (that door is now locked and where I secure things so I dont have to keep running up and down two flights of stairs) She says the guardianship people should contact me this coming week as did the APS Mr. G. Anyways I just felt not to show too much detail to give reason for a nursing home. By the way my friend Tony's mother is now in nursing home. It bothers him that he has no contact with her.

'So yes I have been feeling down, losing such a beautiful person in my life, who was in my corner and counted on me also. I'm going to miss that short red headed lady walking down the street. I run into her a lot just doing chores. She was not easy to miss. Well now she is resting in heavenly peace with her loved ones whom she spoke of all the time especially her brother and how she buried him.

Today is my oldest grand's birthday she turned 14. Makes me a proud grandma.

Be safe everybody.

Good night.

Barb, I got it, I understand. And thanks. I hope they do get her 24hr home care. I called today to have whoever was in charge of her case, contact me so we could get things moving.


Barb, I dont think the court would give guardianship to my sister. Its under her care and control that my mothers issues are not being addressed. I make videos and take pictures of how I find her, and of her while shes eating or while I am feeding her and doing chores, before and after.

I am sure if they could or ever get the chance to kick me out I would be on the street. Right now I have just as much right to be there as my sister. And yes my texts are strong but respectful and speak the truth. The comments he send says a lot about him and his intentions. My texts are repsonses to the ignorance and I make a point of repeating issues that he never denies or address.

Not to mention the possible investigation of this unusual attempted banck transaction to transfer 5,0000 dollars to another account.
I have no authority in my mother's care or finances. There is neglect in her care under my sisters management so I see no way that she would be granted guardianship or my nephew as neglect to make repairs is also one of the issues and he is the onlyone with access to her account where her deposits are made. So I dont see guardian ship being and issue. And yes I all for the guardianship and getting things moving like the home care, health care isues and repairs and an exterminator. As well as checking to see whose account this money was going to be transferred into.

Sometimes I see that I have to stop trying to be in control and make things happen. But that is my personality and my downfall because it kills me to not be able to handle the cleaning. My emotions and the stress and worry and feeling guilty because i dont feel like moping or cleaning out the fridge is wearing me down.

I am just trying to do the best I can and pray God gives me the strength and understanding to do what I need to do.

Golden, lovely and nice to see you have a glamour side. My glamour was to put on a new wig I bought a while back on mother's day. Forget the nail!!! LoL.

answry, yes I thing I am a very long ways from closure. I wishing you all the best in dealing with your family situation.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Mothers Day
Sleep Tight.
Rays of love and light to all.

Duck, I am truly sorry for your loss!

Today I called 911 to report the possibility that my "Aunt" Jean was in her house dead. They found her lying on floor by the bed. Last week I felt this strange jar and push to my wrist as I was putting something away quickly turned and thought it was a spirit or ghost. It was weird and I had that same wierd feeling in the house and the next day my neighbor called with concern as they went to get breakfast and lunch together that was provided by schools since the pandemic.

we had no contact number for family and finally called. I had called the precinct earlier and was told family or someone who lives therehad tobe there to break in.

This morning wen I got in I called again and the officer said I should have just called 911. Millie got the same infor and she said she was going to call and she was on her way down there. I rush to get dressed and feed my mother and get down there before my ride for work came and she calls and says she couldnt do it and she was scared to call. I told her I was almost there and that I would call and she could wait till they came like she planned. The ambulance came just as my ride came. Millie says the firedepartment came about 20 mins later and they found her on floor by bed. Her telephone is dead from us trying to reach her. They didnt see the phone anywhere. I hope they search and find it so they can reach family. All I know is she has a deed for burial at one of the two main cemetaries.

I feel so much relief after finally calling.

So with this worrying and the Jean issue, when I bent to kiss my mother for mothers day I just broke down and cried like a baby. A true boo hoo. Just the thought of losing her breaks my heart and its a reality for her as well as myself.

I told millie I am giving her my keys just in case something happens to me and so my room is secure until my son gets to it.

Meanwhile, Shams children are raising themselves. The second oldest daughter baby sits and use her money to buy food for the other kids. The father works two jobs and barely shops. My aunt says her church took her shopping for herself and the children and she filled the fridge with food. Says she called the father to help bring the food up and he was at work then he never called to say thanks.

It so much going on in the world. So much saddnesss and ugliness. Yesterday on ride to work a crew of about 20 young boys with bikes practically shut down the fdr drive where it ends in upper Manhattan. They were weaving in and out between the cars and kept both lanes blocked so no cars could pass. The cars were backed up way behind us. We were lucky enough to be up front. I guess these kids were just frustrated and found a mission. They werent there todayl thank goodness.

Golden23, I hope you get that closure soon. DDDuck, I see no closure for you just yet either.

Yes, many things are in slow motion and in some cases no motion. My attorney that was to help me get my unemployment dropped the ball entirely. So right now my family is dependent on spouse’s and savings. But I’m trying to keep faith that we will be back in swing soon. So when not putting in job applications we are working on various projects we had set aside.

As far as my parents and our family drama, things have not calmed down. Yesterday I got an ugly text from one siblings and an ugly phone call from another (same two from my other thread). I did a phone reset a week or so ago and forgot to re-block. This happened because I took mom off hospice at siblings, oh yeah it’s going to happen, request. Then yesterday I get the ugliness when hospice sent for their stuff. Saying how can I be so misleading to the family? I didn’t tell them they would take all the equipment back. How can I be so mean and cruel to mother? I told the one that called they agreed and hung up and I didn’t respond to the text.

The hospice social worker said they tried to talk live-in into letting mom stay on the program. But said live-in was strong hold that wasn’t happening. SW said sibling was advised to make other arrangements in regards to equipment. So I called to see if APS or aging care could assist and I kept getting well you all just need to set down and have a meeting. I have one number left to call but it’s like why bother? I probably could have mom set back up with everything by end of next week, but why put myself and my family through trauma dealing with the live-in.

So throughout the evening yesterday my mind would drift feeling heartbroken for mom. By ten I was in tears when the house was totally quiet. I finally got a night time cold aid because the melatonin was not working. Today was better for me but mind still off and on wonder how she is doing with the change.

I’m trying to get back to exercising. I caught the devil trying to do 20-minute intensity workout on treadmill beginning of week. I’m feeling it, not doing my workouts.

I hope we all get to enjoy our day tomorrow. I’m probably not going to try and call mom because live-in will probably not answer or say she’s sleep or something. That will make me upset so not going to visit and not going to call. Totally different since we never miss.

It is totally weird with almost everyone wearing mask. It’s like who are these people?

Good night I hope everyone.

Seems things are moving again at the lawyers. To me they appear to be dragging their feet. One of the hitches was getting mother's bank to release her money.It took months and months. Now there are the next to final disbursements of the estate. Not sure why it is taking so long but I'm not going to make ripples. Sis is agreeing to everything. According to the accountant I personally will have to pay the taxes on the income earned on the money that is in trust. OK fine just get on with it. To balance this I will get the tax receipt for all the money donated to the cemetery (half by me and half by sis) as sis can't use it overseas anyway Poor lawyer's assistant is working from home with two toddlers. I don't envy her. I just want it done!!! Closure!!!!

Strange day here. Overcast then it finally rained. I had 2 naps - couldn't keep my eyes open and it doesn't feel like I will have any trouble going to sleep tonight. I have been going for a walk in the evenings as not many people are out then. Think I will pass tonight. My problem is waking up around 4 am and not getting back to sleep - hence the naps.

Hope you all are looking after yourselves. The stay at home restrictions are ending soon in many places, but here we are still expected to keep the 6 ' rule. I'm not going to change what I am doing till I see how things go and further to that, preferably till they get a vaccine. The hairdresser can wait for a while yet. I suppose when I go wearing a mask at the hairdressers would be prudent.

Even though I live a pretty isolated life, I have been a bit stir crazy. I have started my morning in-house walks and exercises again. The kitties are good company and I am talking on the phone to my kids and R more. The outside walks help too.

Take care all. 🌸🌹🌺🌻🌼🌷 It's spring!!!!

duck - I second what barb is saying. I remember when you went to visit your son and family, your mother didn't starve. I know you are angry and hurt by your sis and nephew. I understand that very well.But please don't sink to their level. Keep your texts civil. If you need to vent come here or just write out on paper or a computer what you are feeling in any words you like but don't send it to them.

Well I am a 6 week hairdo and fairly regular (2-3 weeks) manicure person, pedicures once in a while. I have been filing down my gel nails and that is keeping them in shape as well as a regular nail polish on top, but that won't go on forever. My nails are so soft I need something to strengthen them.

I got a compliment from my therapist today. She said that I handled something very extremely well. That means a lot to me, All my life my mother and sister told me I was no good with people, I didn't know how to handle things, I wasn't good looking...They did admit I was smart - they couldn't deny the school marks, but that was about the only positive I got and even then my mother remarked that maybe I was a little too smart. SMH. Negative words cut a child and the scars remain, but they can make you stronger.

Hoping everyone is coping reasonably well with the covid crisis.

I feel like this applies

"My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet." 🚽

Happy hunting for 🧻.

I'm glad things are moving along, Duck. Hopefully the agency will get your mom 24/7 aides and other in home medical care.

Are you hoping that a permanent public guardian gets appointed? I'm assuming that your sister is trying to become the appointed guardian?

If your sister or nephew becomes guardian and there is 24/7 aide coverage, I'm going to assume that they might try to evict you, which is why you need to be careful with the texting.

They can claim that you are abusive to them; right now they need you because you are providing care to your mom. Once there is an aide in place (and a Medicaid lien placed on the house) they no longer need you AND they will feeling vindictive since the supposed inheritance of the house will be mostly forfeit.

Just proceed with caution.

Barb, point taken. I know I am not there with my mother 24 hrs a day but I do know that most times when I come down she is generally especting and watching me to bring her a plate that is if she is not in one of the busy mission modes. Also she will hunt and find snacks I leave in fridge in different spots reularly and if there are none she does messes trying to cook or fix something to eat which is why I had to stop leaving certain things in the fridge and freezer. They do bring her food but dont make sure she eats it and unless she is really hungry I will find the food stuffed somewhere or just sitting on table, or the remenants of it.

Anyways I learned why the agency has not made contact. They were not aware.
The APS, Mr. G. called this am and stated that the city went on shut down right after the emergency guardianship was granted by the courts and he was sending out the package today and I would hear from them soon.

I understand I need to be careful and basically this is about getting my mother the proper care and tx she need which is not being done under their tutelage.
I dont think the courts realy care about the blame game and I agree my responses can be used to make me look a certain way so I try not to repond and if I do I certainly dont use words I would like to use. Also I think the basis of his responses and the ridiculous statements he makes reveal the reason why we are in this situation dealing with neglect and quality of care.

So it made my day that Mr. G called and also that the late may court date may not happen as it was made before the shut down of the city. So hopefully now I can work with agency to get home care and home podiatry vist as well as some type of pest control although I have not seen a mouse in a while (weather is getting nice)

So I am in much better spirits.
I will be off soon and its difficult to post via my phone.

Happy Mother's Day to all

Rays of love and happiness and peace to all.

Duck, perhaps your nephew means that she eats during the day while you are gone?

If you go off and text abusively to him and talk trash about his mom, this will all be used against you in the guardianship hearings. Please be careful.

We are on your side, Duck. But you need to be aware of how things can be made to look.

So today Tv is off and she is not eating for me. It bothers me when she gets in this mode. Lately she eats most of her food and before I leave I heat up something else just becauise and she eats it.

So today tv is off and she is fumbling around just searching and picking up things and stuffing things. Stop for a momment and say umh good and go on to her mission. So I text nephew and say "tv is off and she is not eating" This fool texts
me saying she is eating and she's eating very well you just have to trreat her as good as you do your patient and neightbors and every thing will be ok. Have a great night.


Naturally my feathers were ruffled and I sent him back a lovely response stating the same I alway do including how he and his mother are sick puppies. Asking what gives him cause to even make such a comment and what is it are you jealous I have a relationship with my neightbors that she doesnt have. What phanthomed him to bring up my relationship to my neigbors and my patient.

This nonsense really pulls my chain. I know to ignore it. I had sent a picture text of my mothers feet, no response to that.

The sad part for me is I cant stop texting him afterwards, I bombard him, telling him about himself. Knowing I am knocking my head against the wall but then maybe not if he went and checked and fixed tv.

Well this Suday is Mothers day.

Happy Mothers Day!!!!! to all in advance.

I usually get my mother her plants for front yard garden. I forget the name of one group but every year I would get them in red and white and a few other types. After a few times of buying them and letting them die, last year I acutally planted them after a neighbor mentioned I should just do one of her tire planter which the flowers grow into a nice ball. I have these wind catcher fans I got from the dollar tree, I had bought some and a wind storm blew them to pieces one or two pots have I little fan part that spins with the wind. I also got some solar lights which I get every year so I will put them under treee and in planters even if I dont get to acutally planting the tire pot just now.

Any ways sleep tight., rays of love and peace to everyone,.

Hi Barb,Hope you are well.
There has been no contact from the assigned agency. I learned via information sent by the court lawyer referring me to them to handle issues I had requested of him. They were asigned on the 8th of April after the 4/02/2020 court date was postphoned by my sister's lawyer because he could not make that date they seem to have immediately pettioned for emergency guardianship.


I learned of this apointment on the 27th of April and I called them on the 28th and the 1st of May requesting a call from whoever has been in charge of the case.

I also complained that no one called or sent out notice about the emergency guardianship. Guardianship Foundation For Senior Citizen Guardian Services Inc., is the name of the guardian. The Lawyer from the court sent me the information, after I sent an email requesting him to contact my sister's lawyer about possible adjustments if I had to change my work schedule.

So I am trying to find out what is going on. I havent a clue how this works and I am on a mission to find out and get things done.

My feeling is that since a new court date of late May has been set, that they may be just waiting to see who get the guardianship at the court time which is at the end of the month.

Duck, your mother has been assigned a temporary emergency guardian?

Has that person been in touch?

We haven't heard back from Guardian. I hope they are ok.

Trying to stay healthy, and do things to boost my immune system. Other wise all is well.

Stay safe, Sleep tight and Rays of love and healing to all.

Hi Everyone,

Stacyb, and Sharyn, and Ali - so good to see you all back,

Stacyb its nice to hear about the family and how hubby is embraced by the new community. Thats Great.

Book, Glad, Cwillie good to see you all posting

It was almost a ghost town here and, yes, its been a while since I myself posted so I understand.

All is well on this end, acutally the same which is really not well. I think I am in a slick depression. LIke I dont really feel depressed but I have moments that trigger a crying spell.

I work every other saturday trying to cover for a night nurse who worked saturday night shifts. And I am already overwhelmed. I still have not gotten around to mopping kitchen floor, need to organize all the crap I am buying and putting in newly locked shed off kitchen the bathroom and fridge need attention. And I am so tired of being the only one doing and cleaning.

Yesterday I slept in a little and checked the rooms on my floor to see if my mother has done damage. She had stuff in the toilet that I had to clean out twice last week under turds! lol. Not really funny, but anyways I started to put a hook lock at the top of the door. I got screw into wall but had a hard time screwing in the other hook part after several tries and then I dropped it. No light in bathroom because the string is broke and I use the hall light. So I have to get back on that mission to keep my mother out of there.

Now she goes in the back room on my floor which is like an overloaded junk room, so I just glimpsed in there to see if she did any damage in there as I went downstairs. I didnt see her. So I go down and she is nowhere3 to be found. I am a total wreck because if she is on topfloor she is sitting at top of stairs since every room up there is locked and my sister is in her room and does not let her in anymore. She wasnt up there. So I am panicking, my pressure going up, Im tearing, I am dreading having to call nephew or knock on my sisters door looking for her. I am wondering if they found her in a bad way and took her to hospital, and please no hospital where she is more apt to get the virus. So I am a wreck building my self up for rejection by N and S. Hoping I hear my mothers voice when I knock on door.

So after dressing, I say let me check one more time before I go upstair and start acting stupid. Maybe she is sleep or laying somewhere. So I open door and she is sitting in chair but close to wall. The chair used to be close to door. I guess she cleared it out a little. This is one of the places she brings junk downstairs from. She was a sight for sore eyes, sittiing there going throuh books and papers.

As I went about my chores I was tearing up as I walked wonder what I was going to do without her. I came back with all kinds of treats hollering where is my baby. Feeling guilty about not mopping floor and bathroom work then angry that I am the only one who cares about how thing are cared for.

Thursday she was walking barefooted on that dirty floor. Her feet are terrible and the discomfort is obvious. I took pics and sent to N who constantly refused to have her referred to podiatrist.

All of this anger takes its toll.

Then I learned that the courts had assigned an emergency temporary guardian on 4/08 after the 4/.02 court date was postponed by my S lawyer to be reschedule. I had called lawyer to ask him to have my sister lawyer speak to her about making arrangements to get the meals on wheels and feed my mother on Wednesday because. I was thinking on starting to do a double from tueday night till 7pm on wednsday night to help cover to day shift RNs who left because of virus. The court lawyer gave me the info and said I had to contact them for that.

So now I have tried to contact them to no avail. No call backs as of yet. And, there is a new court date for this month.

I am having the easiest time geting telephone doctor visits and refills. Did a virtual vist with Gastro specialist and requested a probiotic.