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I have ask the question through out my life. " Why Me?" "what have I ever done" "why won't he do this to the others" - After what went on tonight, I had no were to turn. So the questions came back up again. So I started typing in the words "why Me" Why does he do this to only me" and so on. Well, I came up onto a site called " Toxic Families" I read it, oh, did I ever read it. Then I started going to other sites on the subject, even pinterest has the subject there. More I read the more I thought, how did they know my life. What I go through, what happens and always have happen for so many years. (let me say this, I have been with the same guy for many of years and even have grown kids on their own.) But yet my father has yet to treat me ever like his own. I am a ugly duck, outcast, his worst child, you name it. I bet what ever other word you come up with, he would already said it. I have never been in trouble, no jail, no drugs, no drinking, I did not walk off from my kids, never ask for anything, have not taken anything. But he yet treats me like I am not his. But yet, if the siblings are not around and he is fighting with them. I the best thing around. As soon as they are back in the picture, hell broke loss. So I am in h*ll once again. Well, with in two hours of walking out of his house, I have blocked his numbers. I figure out, I have to walk away for ever. I have to give up the MPOA for my mother, because I can't take it any longer. He has caused me to have two nerves brake downs, shingles, and he has mentally and physically abuse me through out my life. I want nothing of his and he thinks I want it all. I don't hoarder money like he does. I don't steal like he does. I don't go spend money that I don't have like he does and then want to know why he don't have any. I am not like that what so ever. I want a simple life with less stress and all. I want to live the rest of my days out resting and loving life. But I can't do that as long as he is around. So I have to go back on a promise and walk off. To leave my mother to the wolfs, that is no lie. It took them almost 9 months to almost kill her the last time. But I have to do this. I am close to another brake down and i can't go there again. I have to throw away the toxic and bring in pure fresh air.
I deserve it, more then anyone else in this family. So I am trying to figure out how to relinquish MPOA of mom (dementia). I can not take it any longer. My family is not dysfunctional. My family is straight Toxic.
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Thanks Veronica, Jeannette, Alison. Our joint checking acct has my name on it too, but I don't contribute to it because hubs wanted all the control and power over money...meaning, there was never any extra money to fix this, to buy a new pair of pants and so on...even though I was contributing. Yet, if the TV stopped working, his little butt was out the door the same night to buy a new TV. I stopped contributing my paycheck and opened my own separate accounts after 13 years of marriage. He has a password on the account now so if I call to see how much $$ is in checking before I write a check for groceries...I can't get the info. I only use the joint account to buy things for dinners on my days off work when I actually have time to cook for us. The password is a recent thing too.

The reason I want to know if he used his debit/credit card to wire Kate money, is because it changes the stakes in this marriage....meaning he is more involved that I realized and I have to know that for my future. It means that he most likely will continue to be doing things behind my back.

In order for me to move forward, I must have the entire truth behind this whole affair. It is not that I am digging for more evidence that he has other women besides Kate or that he is continuing to communicate with Kate. My hubs is too frugal to buy me a gift, besides...he has his own credit card with Sears that is not associated with our joint account that I have no way knowing what he uses it for...that in itself is fine...he applied for this card some years back when we bought a new washer and dryer.

I use my paycheck to pay my car payment, my LTC policy payment and for personal maintenance like hair cuts, clothes, makeup, gifts and other things that involve home, marriage and family. This is what my accountants are used for..sometimes I buy lunch or dinner not only for myself but for him as well. I have taken him out for dinner on his birthday and paid for dinner at Red Lobster. I paid for 90% of the cost of our daughter's baby shower back in May.

Sorry, I am ranting but I feel I have been treated badly by him in different ways and this is the icing on the cake for me. I am owed the whole truth. I guess my anger is starting to take over the pain I have been feeling.
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We are getting closer, with 3D printers! For now call out pizza will have to do!
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Fligirl58,

HAAH! I tell you if that were possible, I'd get one tomorrow!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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I sure wish my Iphone made dinner!
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I so agree Veronica !! Some women (least I did) felt the need to investigate to no end. Even though he'd been caught, hook line n sinker. I had to uncover and make more out of things than were necessary. Even though he was wrong, my pointing it out didn't help a thing. It did drive him away. Not sure where it drove him, apparently to 3 more marriages/divorces. Moral of the story, pick those battles wisely . Say you do find out what or whom called... doesn't mean you use it or mention it. That, is the hardest... best to let it go and see where things go from here. So sorry... men! Hmph!
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Sharyn wait till you see the statements first. No point in making yourself look like a snoop if there is no need. he might have purchased something for you on ebay and paid via Western union. trust has to start somewhere. if you persue this kind of behaviour it WILL drive him away. If you believe he is sorry leave it at that till you learn otherwise. men are stupid as many have said here. I wish I had know what I know now 20+ years ago.
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Margeaux, my shopping consists of local grocery stores, internet and thrift stores. Can no longer cope with the crowds and walking involved in going to a mall. My cell phone is so old I have to wind it up before I use it. I carry it for emergencies and have the cheap consumer cellular plan and most months don't use it at all. I am going to change it for one that consumer cellular has which has a GPS locater on it in case I fall in the woods. I like being alone and my idea of h*ll would be going to a senior center and getting to know other old ladies of my age!!!!!!!!!!!
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I do have more thing to investiage...discovered yesterday. On the 24th when hubs was texting back and forth with Kate, he received a call on his cell, talked for 11 min....the number is 1-800 from western union. I have to know what this about. I could check bank statement for debits on his card or must ask him. Not sure which.
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Hi all, Happy Monday. Not much going on with me but I'm reading and doing ok. 😊

Sharyn, out of everyone here I probably would have the least idea about how you felt about this incident but I can imagine it hurts quite a bit. I wish you much love and understanding to move past it all. 💜

Emjo, the "think about what you want your life to be like in 5 years" advice was really good stuff, thank you. Putting it in that mind frame has helped lessen some of my immediate panic about how WRONG everything is at the moment and realize that there's no reason that I can't find ways to improve my quality of life and I know the small steps will lead to the bigger changes. It's hard for me to explain, but that bit of advice was very on point for me and where I'm at. Thank you.

Me1000, you have so much on your plate and it makes sense that you aren't functioning very well, that you aren't feeling good, or sleeping good. I wish I had advice. I do think that doing some slow yoga or meditation or deep breathing every day would be helpful. I don't know if you can get out of the house for a walk around the block every day, but that would be helpful, too. Just remember to let everything go and gently keep your focus on your meditation or breathing so that you get a soothing mental break each day from the constant chaos.

My dad missed 2 days of medications this past week. I check his pill box about once a week, but generally trust him to be taking his meds daily if they're in the pill minder box. I spoke to him about the missed days and he wasn't aware that he had missed any even though I showed him that Saturday's entire morning/evening dose was still in the box and it's now Monday. I also covertly took a picture of the pill box and date and am going to add this to my file of things to present to doctor/psych so that I can try to get him evaluated for mental disability or early dementia... something.

I made a new friend recently - a male friend. He's really sweet and creative and interesting, and we have a lot of similar interests. I've decided that "dating" is off the menu for me right now, but getting any amount of positivity and means of emotional support in my life would be most welcome. He also grew up and has spent his entire 43 years of life living in the city of Chicago and I would like his help trying to see if Chicago would be a good fit for me long term. There are people that really love this city, and he is one of them, but I have yet to figure out why this gray, crowded, crime-ridden city is that great. 😉 I would like to make a decision within the next couple of months one way or another about putting roots down in Chicago.

(((Hugs))) to all. Hope everyone is well. 🌺

P.s. I figured out that the emoticon/emoji symbols for Facebook will work on here, too. You don't have to have a Facebook account to access them, just Google "Facebook emoticons" and there are multiple independent sites that have them, if you ever want to use them. I personally think they're rather cute.
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Juju,

Definitely if one needs, or their circumstances are such that you spend a lot of time at home, and you want to be connected that's different. I had a friend some years ago who was blind, and she is of the third age, so didn't grow up w/computers.
She relied heavily as you can imagine on social network, and just about anything that could assist her. So there are benefits. She became quite saavy at it, too.
Something I should do, and honestly I think this is also why people many times
get their privacy hacked, because they don't understand enough about protection.

I'm glad I made you laugh. Yes, we should get Rosie down here.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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exactly, I don't even need to buy it, just look or google it, and I am getting emails FB posts etc.... I did have few things purchased at home depot and they had that compromise..Now I can go to there site and get credit protection free for a year but not sure how that works....cud be a nitemare scenario in the making who knows! I am not computer savvy enough...I would totally delete FB if it wasn't such a link to the outside world for me being the housebound nearly 24/7!! I def do not participate the way I did before but do like to be able to!

Margeaux - You are tooo funny, I nearly spit my coffee! We need Rosie, from the Jetsons!

I had to have a smartphone, just to have options away from home, like googling directions or info for errands / unexpected needs etc...or sitting in dr office, play games, watch movie etc....but that is all I can do with it, besides alarm and calendar! It is amazing what could be done with them these days!!!
I will be checking out that" startpage", Thx!
Have a good day all!
Peace, Juju!
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Veronica,

Oh, I re-read your post, you're buying online.
Well, yes if you buy online, they definitely get ahold of your information
in that manner.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Facebook......Schmacebook!
I don't have an account, nor will I ever!
It's bad enough some of the very same invasions of privacy happen on
some email accounts. Plus, we live in a world where people have lost their own sensibility about "sharing." I receive things from a professional site, for corporate people who want to connect. But when I've received these notices via my email,
they also ask whether you know the person. I dare not click on any of these,
just delete them. My husband who is way more connected via FB, although he too in the last three years, decided to make settings as private as possible get's on my case since he thinks I'm still living in another century, (e.g., he has an IPhone, I just have a basic phone, one still has to open up). Hey, but it works for me, and I'm just not ooed and awed about the latest thing a new phone app, can do. Surely, if I really, really felt like I needed to have something like this, say for a business I ran, etc., which I don't, that be a different story! If they create a phone that can make dinner, then maybe I'll consider investing in one. HAAH!

Veronica,
You know those barcodes are probably entering information about what you've bought, and then if you pay with a credit card, well there it is. That's how they track you that way.

There's a search engine that does not record your searches on the computer,
which is called, "Startpage." Check it out.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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What a wonderful topic! On top of 5 dysfunctional siblings we have a hired companion for my elderly Mom who has over stepped her boundaries. She has injected herself into our family causing more dysfunction!disfunv
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Well it all makes work for the working man to do CM (The FBI)
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Veronica, you could try clearing out the cookies? Though I must admit my brain has already adapted itself to ignoring pop-ups, margin ads etc etc etc - quicker than mucking about with my computer's security settings.

Given the range of topics we're discussing on the forum alone, though, my goodness they must be so confused about who on earth we all are..!
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It's pretty spooky, how our info is shared. I've had some fun on Pinterest, but only recently discovered that if I Google myself, my pins all show up.
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I am not on FB nor ever will be but everytime I make a purchase at an online store the next time I do a totally unrelated search something related to my purchase pops up
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And FB also has a feature that tracks your internet use, your location, etc... Have you noticed that ads will post based on internet searches you have performed? So much data is being gathered on us, on a daily basis, it is unbelievable. And do you have your location data enabled on your smart phone? Some people don't even realize that information is collected too.
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Yes, fb has a lot of features that make it hard to keep your privacy. Juju, I also bought something at a big retail store and the it posted on my newsfeed. I checked into and found out I (without knowing) gave the permission for it to post. These retail businesses are probably sponsors of fb...free advertising for them when you agree for them to post it. The more wide spread that account holders are connected through their friend list, the more these businesses can solicit to you in one way or another and the easier it is to locate people who would otherwise want to be kept private. I have a fb friend who is also a friend from my teenage years, she tried to find me on fb for quite a long time. It wasn't until my hubs created an account that she located him and friended me through his friend list. My account is private and only friends can see what I post, etc. however, I am going to make sure that my friend list is also private. This is still no guarantee because if someone does locate me, it will show friends we have in common.
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A former gentlemen friend popped up on my maybe you know list on FB so I clicked him and told him I have met my soul mate that I had been looking for all along-as a dig to him and to let him know I carried on with my life after he and I were no longer a couple and am doing better than ever.
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Facebook also has a feature that I think can be turned off, that checks your contacts in your e-mail list and makes friend suggestions on those. Soon they will have a feature "find out if you are related". Nothing would surprise me!
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Sorry to hear about all of your alls issues and you all are in my thoughts. Sharynmarie, hang in there, remember, you ARE a wonderful person and deserve wonderful things, keep your positives on and I do understand... You know what you need to do for you. To all of you, hang in there.

*****No my last post here really was meant just as a thank you to all of you and well wishes. But in all honesty, im not ok and Im just in a lot of pain and burnt out ( along with my burnt grilled cheeses this afternoon so everyone just got the side dishes) Everything is the same old but worse in some senses- so no sense in reposting it all, you all read it all. I dont know whats forcing me to be able to semi function- I do think depression besides exhaustion has hit. I mean I get sleep not quality sleep and sometimes when I do get good sleep its after 3 days of not sleeping well in the first place and then I just am out.

I try to come "out of it" but go right back "in " to it. I know I dont do as much as I should and others do more then I do even if they had the exact same situation, but for me, two kids with mental issues,one ill ederly who I get put down most the time, one ill senior, two houses, pets, most family and neighbors give me hell every few minutes Im needed day or night, Im just at a loss.
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I have to add something that totally bugs me about facebook is that suggested friends deal..i think also it is friends or your friends that pop up as well as whatever FB makes happen their. ..one day I saw my Ex Husband pop up his name and face, not the way I wanted to start my day, bad enough he friended my friends we knew together!! If I shop for something at home depot next thing I know it is in my news feed! I want to just delete the darn acct at times...big brother has too much power, lol!!!
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Yes, talking about is good but not rubbing his nose in it daily. All I can say is if you notice a change in your hubs that is very differdent, keep your eyes open and pay attention. I am going to check on fb if I can stop the suggested friends that pop up. If I can then I will show him how to do it so he doesnt think these suggested friends are people who actually have an interest in him. I know you can stop ads from showing on your newsfeed so maybe this can be stopped to.

Pam-you made me laugh...I needed that. I still feel like the wind has been knocked out of me...not really angry as much as just the sadness.
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I have to add tho I meant...things might need to settle down a little time before you can be truly meaningful and positive, once the shock and pain wear away a bit. so might have to bring up at a later date type thing. but possibly agree to some think time then a talk time Everything so fresh and raw right now! k don't want to butt in but just my humble thoughts!
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He's been a bad dog, peed on the carpet so to speak and you hit his nose with the paper. Leave it at that. You wouldn't stay mad at the dog. If you did the dog would run away. Just don't let him outside without a leash, if you know what I mean.
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sharynmarie im so glad you sorted this out! seems to me and what im reading that you have a very strong marriage this incident will only make it stronger! Lets face it do men ever really grow up?

Hugs!
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Well actually I would say you need to talk about it, OR it is the elephant in the room, just don't drag it out forever, once you feel you have had meaningful communication, just try to keep it as positive as possible!
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