The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Gershun,

Me too. I don’t go to the salon every six weeks. I should but I usually end up stretching it out to a little longer.

I am surprised how many women do manicures and pedicures. Just about all of my friends do.

I remember there only being a few colors of nail polish when I was young. There were shades of pink and red. We also had clear and white.

I bought my nail polish at the drugstore for very little money. Now there are a bazillion colors and a ton of nail salons everywhere! Nail art? That was unheard of. No such thing. It’s really creative. The colors are beautiful. I love the blues and turquoise colors. I like the silver and bronze colors for neutral shades, very pretty.

Hair colors too. Tons of different shades now. Crazy lipstick colors. Fashion is interesting.

I guess some styles are considered classic, a bob or pixie. Just like clothes. Styles come and go.

I still say the 40’s were stunning. Our mom’s had great fashion sense. I look at photos of that era and they look so pretty.

Just tell our hubs that we really really like longer, scraggly hair on men. It reminds us of our really sexy last boyfriend who played the electric guitar in a rock n' roll band....

Hubs keeps asking me to cut his hair. Not doing it...........I'd never hear the end of it.

My husband kept bugging me to trim his hair. I finally got up the nerve to do it.

Gotta say, not too bad! Not great, but not horrible either. Hahaha 😆.

I'm starting to look like a sheepdog with my bangs hanging in my eyes but I'm not one of those women who goes every six weeks to get my hair done. I usually wait too long in between appts. So I can wait.

need - love pixie cuts for those who can wear them.

cw - hahaha - I was considering going back to natural. But without the hairdressers help in the transition, I would look a worse mess than doing a home colour.

I suppose wearing a good mask to the hairdressers along with copious hand washing might make it safe enough.

I just saw that the provincial gov't has released restrictions for dental visits, but the dental association has not yet until they see how things go.

My hair has only the very beginnings of grey but I've been colouring for several years just to improve the mousy blah. I've decided this is a good time to embrace my natural hair, but I do still have a box of clairol in the cupboard if I change my mind.

Golden,

Yes, their is a reason why we go to stylists! They are the hair experts. It’s okay that my hair is a mess. Hahaha. it will be nice to look like myself again.

I wear my hair short, in a pixie style. So, you can imagine how shaggy my hair looks. Looks pretty bad! I will give my stylist a big tip when I am finally able to go see him.

Me too, need. It was a comment on face book so may not be true. I think there probably is a range of people's readiness to resume some kind of a normal. I suspect I am on the very conservative end of the range. I am considered a vulnerable person due to age, and really don't want to get this bug. I live a pretty isolated life anyway so staying put doesn't make a big difference.

Having said that my hair colour job did not do as much for the roots as I would have liked and it covered up the highlights. 😒 Next time I will try doing roots only. I would really like a hair appointment!!!

Golden,

I don’t exactly know when we will be reopening for business here. All I know is that I am not quite ready to be in a crowd. I wonder if I am in the norm or if more people are ready to get back to their lives as they were before all of this.

My hair is a disaster! Hahaha, Guess what? I had my husband try to trim the bottom. He tried as best as he could. He did pretty well. I have noticed that one side is longer than the other. Eh, no big deal.

He wants me to trim his. I don’t want to. I am not good at hair. I couldn’t even braid my daughter’s hair. They wanted the french braids when they were younger. Their friends had to do it. I am not good at fixing hair.

Maybe you can't make a rule about children and funerals. Maybe it depends on the individual and the situation. Of course children will not understand as adults. They can't.

Finally the ice jam is breaking up, the river is moving and the water levels lowering. We all are breathing a sigh of relief. Staged re-entry (we had it when we returned after the fire and will have it for moving to our "new normal" with covid) will begin with experts checking out any safety issues in businesses. Services have to be available before people will be allowed back. Half the number of homes that were lost in the fire have been destroyed with the flood. Probably many of them the same homes.

I'm experiencing bringing flashbacks to our basement floods and all the stuff that happened as a result. The fire was May 3rd 4 years ago so this time of year is bad anyway.

I read on a Fort Mc face book page that beauty salons will be opening here on May 14th. I am not sure I am brave enough to go there. I think the close contact in salons would be a great place for passing infections on. Hopefully there will be some safety conditions attached.

Have a good day all and stay safe.

I've never spoken to them about it but my brother's kids (ages 6 & 8) were with him when he died - on the whole they have always seemed to be well adjusted about it.

Golden,

We did bedtime prayers with my girls but not that one.

My memory of that prayer stopped me from saying with my girls.

Gershun,

I am sorry about your confusion too. I certainly was confused as a child. Psychologists have said that under the age of 8, children cannot understand the concept of death. This is true.

Young children can’t feel as adults do. They aren’t mini adults. They are children with childlike feelings.

When my uncle died, my cousin was 7. He asked his mom to bring his daddy’s medicine to the cemetery to give to his father so he could come back home. There’s the proof that a child under 8 can’t fully grasp the concept of death.

My youngest daughter was very angry with me for not allowing her to go to my father’s funeral at four years of age. She screamed at me later saying, “Sissy went, my cousins went, I loved grandpa as much as they did. Why couldn’t I go?” My oldest was 11 and I felt that she was old enough to understand.

I was shocked that my daughter was so angry. I wasn’t sure what was best. My girls were very close with my dad and I thought it would scare her.

Maybe I was wrong. She was upset with me for a very long time afterwards. She felt like I left her out. I suppose that I did but I was trying to protect her. It’s hard to know what to do.

need - I hear you about that prayer It wasn't entirely comfortable for me either and telling you they were sleeping was, imo, a mistake.

I think your experience and gershun's shows that in those days they did not know how to deal with children and death.

So sorry, gershun. That was hard. I didn't go to either of my parents funeral but that was an adult choice by me and very different from yours. Even then I kept having dreams that my father was alive - for years and years. Hope things are better for you now in that regard.

Very windy and sunny here today and going up to 72 F (22 C) which should help melt the ice jam. They say it is the worst flood in 100 years. All we can do is wait for the melting. I am heartbroken for the people who were evacuated, and the businesses. There is so much damage.

There is another side to the funeral thing. When my Dad died I was four and was not at his funeral so for me he just was there one day and gone the next. No closure. I recall asking mom where he was and her saying he had gone to Heaven. But at age four I had no concept of where or what Heaven was. I used to sit on the front lawn and wait for him to come back from Heaven. I think going to his funeral or at the very least having death explained to me would have saved me from a lot of heartbreak.

Golden,

I do think they are beautiful flowers but I have vivid memories of them being used frequently in funeral arrangements so I guess subconsciously I associate them with something sad, like a funeral.

My parents took us to a lot of funerals from very young and I had so many nightmares because my great aunt told me the person in the casket was only sleeping. I thought if I went to bed that I would end up in a fancy wooden box and never get out and people would come and stare at my dead body.

I did have two young cousins die of cancer and that added to my fear as a kid. I used to play with my cousins, the next thing I knew I was at their funerals.

They didn’t know how to handle children attending funerals then. So, it was confusing. Plus, that bedtime prayer that we said as kids, ‘Now I lay me down to sleep. If I die before I wake.’

I had this phobia about dying as a child praying that and going to every funeral that mom and dad went to. They didn’t leave us with sitters.

cw - yes. good idea. Order one for me too! 😎

need -sorry, you and your mum had bad experiences. Personally I love gladiolas. They are one of my favourite flowers.

Just thinking about the covid crisis, the flooding and boil water directive.

get mail - wash hands
unpack groceries - wash hands
open doors -wash hands
pump gas - wash hands
wash hands - wash hands...

Golden,

As a child my mom went to funerals held in homes. It frightened her and she told me that she always ran through the living room so she wouldn’t have to linger in that room. Long after the funeral she was afraid to be in that room and would make a mad dash through the living room.

I remember going to the funeral home that our family always used in New Orleans. It was a beautiful place, but scary to me.

I am quite sure part of that was all of the horror films that I was taken to as a child because that is what my brothers wanted to see. When I told my mom that I didn’t want to go, she said, “Well, majority rules because all of your brothers want to go see that movie.” It didn’t matter to her that I was scared or several years younger than my older brothers.

Oh, and people would look at me as a child and say, “What a beautiful little girl, the little princess, the only girl with all these boys. She must be so spoiled.” No! LOL I learned to defend myself having older and younger brothers.

One odd thing that stays with me is the color ‘mauve.’ At one time that was the trendy color that was used in that funeral home. I hated that color because I associated it with death. Oh, another odd thing was I couldn’t stand was gladiolus because I saw so many of those flowers in funeral bouquets.

Isn’t it interesting how we have those flashbacks and associations?

I think I need toget that put on a T-shirt Golden 🤣

continued -

For me, as with covid, life goes on much the same, but there is the concern for others and a few adjustments to make. I have a large freezer in the garage full of meat, veg etc, I have some canned and dried goods, If I run out of something "essential" (that, of course, is very relative) I suspect my sil will get it for me. So far my amazon orders are still coming in. The highway is still open. The bridges are built to withstand the pressures they, no doubt are experiencing now. The raw force of nature is impressive, as it was with the fire. When we see it in it's glory it realize how small and powerless we are.

With apologies for the language, I like a theme posted on face book.

"I don't need to be told to keep calm.
I'm Canadian and we invented that sh*t!" 🍁🍁🍁

Take care, all.

Catching up" before I go on again about the flooding.

open caskets - One of my early childhood memories was visiting a neighbour's house. He had died and was in his open casket in the living room. People were visiting and supporting his widow. I believe it was the custom for their culture. It was peaceful and I developed no dread from this experience. My grandfather was in an open casket in the funeral home. I recall looking at him and thinking that "he" was not there. Posting these pics on fb is another thing and can step on people's feelings.

yoda - hope the results are stress related or something like that. We all are under a lot of pressure.

ali - I am somehow not surprised that you got top SAT scores!

squee - big ((((((hugs)))). I have a narc sister and had a narc mother too. You have my sympathies. Scary about covid cases in the NH. I am so glad mother passed in 2018. Realize her situation is hers to deal with and feel about.

sharyn - I agree re caskets. Sorry about your mum's co-worker. It sounds like you are keeping busy. Yes, I and the kids here are safe though it does add to the stress.

fraz - thx Too much going on!!!

glad - the pics are impressive. I get weather warnings on theweathernetwork and I now have the ABemergencyalert app on my phone. These and the disasters you mention raise the covid infection risk. I have read about the tornados. Awful!!! I so agree about one size not fitting all when lifting restrictions. So far we have 20 cases in town and 2 recovered in the region, but an outbreak at one of the work camps. I expect to see a sharp rise in numbers of cases here in about 2 weeks

Unfortunately when restoration starts after the flood we will get (some shady) crews from out of town as we did after the fire.. The first lot advertising is from Calgary where we have our worst covid scenario. Not a good idea. We have a couple of meat packing plants with outbreaks down there and unfortunately some of the infected workers have family members working in long term care home. It's a bad scene all around.

I agree lessening of restrictions will lead to more outbreaks. Some people here are restive and mad at Public Health for keeping restrictions. Selfish for sure. Even now too many do not practice social distancing. Now people are opening their homes to families affected by the flooding which is very kind of them, but is anyone thinking of the covid risk?

I realized what the "eerie" feeling was about. All power has been shut off down town. It was eerily still. Pumpkin was in and out all day. I think she senses a difference. Rocky slept more than usual and didn't want to go out.

Another area, not flooded, has lost gas supply so they are without heat etc. I am thinking of all the businesses downtown being flooded, including the store who delivers my groceries. I guess that won't be happening for a while. I hope frozen groceries in downtown stores will not be lost. Those who are part of the bigger chains have stores up here, so I guess they could transport some stock to safety.

My middle son is in charge of IT at the college (main campus downtown) and he was there yesterday supervising the removal of the servers and other hardware to a subsidiary campus on high ground. Lots of work.

I take that back, neighboring county was 262 close of business Monday. Just rechecked.

Golden, I saw pictures of the ice jamming OMG! I have also heard of them happening, but never seen one. That grocery delivery sure was timed well. Do they issue weather warnings when they know conditions are right? Probably a silly question. That combined with covid.

Here the southern state are dealing with some terrible spring storms that bring tornadoes that have destroyed homes. Then dealing with covid. People living in shelters and trying to social distance.

Covid restrictions in the state have been lessened, a safer at home phase they call it. One size does not fit all. Friday we had 269 cases, close of business Monday was 317 sounds like it is due to outbreak at a cheese plant. Meat packing plants seem to be especially susceptible. A prison in a neighboring county has an outbreak, went from single digit covid on Friday to 160 close of business Monday.

Monday was start of safer at home, so many more cars on the roads already. People have become tired of quarantine and have cabin fever. Just way too soon for rural area here to be out and about. No self discipline or enough introvertedness. 😕 in the very beginning it was said that it would hit rural areas harder and later. That appears to be the case, here at least.

Stay safe everyone.

Golden, I'm glad you're okay! So much going on right now, that does just add a new level of stress. Hopefully the water levels will drop soon. Hugs, stay safe!

Golden, just WOW! Happy you are safe and how much this must add to the stress of covid. I would be having PTSD after the fire too. Take care and stay safe.

Well, it doesn't stop, does it?

The lower town site has been evacuated from flooding due to an ice jam backing up the rivers. Thankfully we all are up on the north hill. The hospital is downtown and being sandbagged as a precaution. The "old" city started downtown in the valley and then expanded to the surrounding hills. We are now cut off from everything . except what is up here. Thankfully I got a grocery order a few days ago as that store is downtown.

The city is arranging accommodation of the evacuees. I gather some are being sent to work camps as hotels are filling up. This combined with the covid crisis is not a good thing. We have a boil water advisory but that is not difficult, just a pain.

Hopefully the ice jam will break up soon and the water level will drop. It can happen quite quickly I think, and then there is "just" the clean up which will be major. Some people have barely finished their insurance claims from the fire in 2016 and still have flashbacks to that. And we have a few forest fires around but nothing too bad. This is the worse flooding that I have seen here in 40 years. The whole lower town site has never been evacuated that I know of.

There is an "eerie" feeling in the air tonight. One of the kitties has been restless. I hope there are no more challenges in the offing.

NeedHelpWithMom -
Hugs back to you! You are so gracious - thank you for your kind words. I sometimes forget how much they help.

Beatty -
Namaste! Awkward yoga requires constricting clothing - this is mandatory.

I was making plans for a yoga retreat this summer. Not happening. So many independent yoga studios have closed. They will have a hard time bouncing back from this, I'm afraid.

Countrymouse -
Hugs back to you! I have no dignity left, but that's ok.