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Kazzaa -it sounds lie you need to think about placement for her-a lawyer told my son that caregivers die before their charges 60 % of the time-that was a wake up call for me.
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The best news of the day, Internet is back up! HOORAY

Sandy, Welcome

Sharyn, Wonderful, back to old store, much closer for you right?

Kazz, remember, I don't know how it works in Ireland, but here we can refuse to take them home saying their care is more than we can deal with. Hospital staff will then HAVE to place them. Enjoy YOUR tonight!
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Kazza~ Hugs to you!. I am sorry your mom collapsed but is ok for now. You do need rest and hopefully you can get help. I am assuming you have POA and can make that happen.

Margeaux~Ethan and Logan are so precious (of course they are, I am the grandma, LOL!!). Next visit I will tell her "I didn't come all this way to complete with your cell phone." I didn't say anything to her this time because of her condition with the preeclampsia, but I will next time if she continues this behavior. I would take off to browse/just drive around for 2-3 hours by myself but when I came back to her house she would say, "I feel so bad I am not up to going out with you." I am assuming it was pregnancy hormones and preeclampsia for this trip anyway!!
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Sharynmarie,

Great news about the Tracy store! Wow, after all the trial and tribulations you had to go through the last months. I'm so super happy for you!!!!!

Why are people behaving this way, with respect to what you wrote about your daughter, and SIL, w/the texting? O.K., now I do understand......that this time given your daughter was unfortunately having high BP, and the preemclampsia, being pregnant with her first twins must have been scary, to say the least, for them.

I also realize, that you living so far away, that you wanted to also use this time for mom/daughter time too, and you may have ended up feeling a bit looked over? This doesn't feel good, either....truly aware of that. You know when I go visit mother, and what I'll describe happened just last week. My sis's eldest daughter, her husband & their two babies recently moved back into mom's home.
They're having major repairs done to their rental (sis rents to them) her house.
Long story short, the job is bigger than they anticipated, and she's due any moment now w/the third baby.

So last week, I went there Friday. Here I was trying to show up when my sister was at work, but they gave her a four day holiday, so there she was. Her youngest daughter the big mouth is still there also, so they have a full house.
As I walked in.......youngest daughter says to my sister, "I didn't know Aunt Margeaux was coming," sis replied, "Oh she didn't tell me she was coming over."
Gee, I wasn't aware that I had to notify them of my visit. That didn't feel good at all. This is why I call that niece a big mouth.

When my sister and the youngest daughter are around the pregnant daughter.....they behave very cliquey and clannish. So I was trying to have a little connection w/my great nephew who is very adorable, and wants to interact with me. But do you think I had a chance? NO! Big mouth niece, who has become his nanny, is constantly hovering over the kid. I was trying to say something to him, and big mouth just had to keep explaining this, that or the other about what my great nephew was saying, or about to say, it was so ridiculous. I couldn't have any conversation w/my pregnant niece whatsoever, either w/big mouth's constant interruptions, and then there was my sister.

This is how it has always been between my sister and me concerning her two daughters. She has always been so possessive w/them, and continues to be.
Big mouth is following in her footsteps also. This is one of the main reasons I have never been close to them, and the pregnant one is my god daughter.
Anyway, so visits to see mom have just become more convoluted.

I can just imagine what it felt like for you along these lines. Yes, there is that feeling of not being included, alienated, etc. But for you being the mother and grandmother it must have been even more difficult. Sorry you had to experience that. I know how you feel

On a good note......I'll bet Ethan & Logan are adorable!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Jessebelle,

Yes, I feel that people make their cell phones, the pictures on them, etc.
a focal point of social interactions, instead of talking to one another, like some of us once did before emails, cellphones and the like. What I also find amusing is the fact that usually, I can't really see pictures on a cellphone very well.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Kaazaa,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom collapsing and ending up in the hospital.
Well from most of your posts lately, it sounds as if you really need to get in touch with social workers. Is your mom on any medication for her Dementia?
In any case......try to rest, and take care of yourself. If you are feeling the stress at this level, and have your own health issues, maybe it is time to seek out some outside help for your mother. You are in my thoughts.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad hope youre ok! I am having a break for awhile on here as mum collapsed and is in hospital. I posted on "is it normal shes so negative".

Im done im drained and im full of dread that she will be back here tomorrow abusing me. Even abused me in the AnE in front of people and nurses. I am very weak and need to sleep. Shes ok collapsed because she wont eat OR take her meds properly? have told family this cannot go on as the next time will be tragic.
I now have to get hold of her shrink and doc its so unfair when i should be resting i want them to take over now as i cant take anymore stress. Diabetes and Dementia is so dangerous mum will be safer in a NH. OMG sneaking off to town on her own i was upstairs hoovering when i came down she was GONE? i just cant take anymore.
Hugs to all caregiving sucks!
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I also welcome you Sandy-this group of ladies are great -you will find you indeed are not alone.
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Welcome Sandy22!! We have all felt the same way so you are not alone. When you are ready to share more details if you would like suggestions, we are here, however, if you just need to vent....we are here to listen too.
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Alison~Yes!!! I had a gut feeling from the beginning I would not be at this current store long, IDK why, but it has been there all along. Life is such that change is a constant, there is always a positive!!
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Sharyn, this is good, this transfer back to original store, right? That's great, good to have something go in a positive way that you weren't expecting. Its like a little gift from Life to go along with your 2 new grandsons. I'm happy for you. :-)
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I feel at times recently maybe Im making things horrible due to so so much resentment towards situation with taking care of my mom and its been 14 yrs.we always had issues towards each other but for me my anger level is horrible I cannot stop screaming and so ,much stress with non and she is 100 percent bed ridden and husband diagnosed with cancer in past nov had surgerys no treatment afterwards and now getting ready to go have scans done possibly cancer and me IM NOT FUNCTIONAL in a good way living with all this and anger keep building my heart feels weighs so much and all pain I really cannot deal with nothing
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Lololol! Glad, hope you get your Internet service back soon. That smart phone isn't going to cut it.

Margeaux, I did try to write out much of my thoughts and what I was feeling and thinking about. But I didn't want to post it because I know this thread is full of caring and sympathetic people, but I was venting about things that are deeply troubling me right now and there are no answers. This jives with what I see other people write about on this site. Not to trivialize war at all, but I have managed to get into my own personal Vietnam War. I didn't think that so many things could go wrong. And that I would be stuck trying to figure out a way to fix someone else's life at the expense of any life of my own. So... I was naive, and unaware. Well, fine, but what do I do now? I could go forward with trying to get my father moved to Indy, but that means I have to set up all new medical services for him there, all new social services, and make sure he knows how to handle the basics of his life. That would take a week or two of staying with him in new location. Then, I would need to come back to south Chicago, and somehow manage to pack up an entire household of items, many which are heirlooms, by myself. I just don't see myself capable, at this time, of leaving myself broke and broken, just to do all of the massive work it would take to do what needs doing. I've really had to rethink that entire plan. I don't think its a good one.

So, I'm in limbo. Again. I think I'm going to focus more on trying to put some sort of independent life together for myself again. I'll stay in Chicago for now, get back to work, get an apartment, and arrange the help my dad needs - or - stay here in far south suburbs, rent free, and commute. Either way, I have to start putting my life back together. And its funny because if I try to talk about these issues with other family, they say I'm being self-centered, that's its all about me. Well, its been all about a father that never had anything to do with me for several years now... I do feel entitled to take back my life. And my father, bless him, supports that. He's seen my tears, he's heard my frustration, and our relationship as 2 adults is pretty ok these days. He seems to understand I have to go find friends and employment and all that.

So, anyway, that is some of what's been non-stop rolling around in my brain past month. Hope everyone is well. Hugs.
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Glad~I am happy the service went well. It was a bonus for you not to have to make small talk with your sisters. I do many things for my mom, because I chose to; I do it for MOM and to spend time with her. Sis (even before mom was placed), will thank me. I know she means well, but I didn't do it to help sis. I know what you mean about the ads being right in the way....I have that problem on my kindle when I enlarge the print enough to read it, LOL!!

Alison~I can agree that the extra work of keeping up on the falling fruit is another chore when you have others more important. Maybe if your relationship with neighbors is close enough, you could invite them to come over and take how much they want, whenever they want.

Kazza~Yes, men from older generations are just not that into the baby or family thing. I don't know what is worse, the older men or the younger generation like my dd and sil who after 8 years of being together and 4 years of marriage, are so strongly bonded they can't tear themselves away from each other even when family is visiting, LOL!!! Somehow, I think that may change somewhat now that they are a family of 4.

I am not planning to go on fmla now. This is the same problem I had when I was in Idaho prior to the birth of boys, my dd and sil wouldn't let me help out much and they eat out too much; I was not able to cook much. Many times I felt i was just in the way....now don't get me wrong here, I understood my daughter was carrying 2, she had high bp issues. I never made demands on her time, however, when her hubs left for work at 3:30pm, I was expecting some mom/daughter time. Instead...all she did was email her hubs from her cell and back and forth it went night after night. I think I have made myself too available to my daughter and she takes it for granted.

When I went to work on Wednesday, I was called upstairs to the manager's office. I was informed that I have been transferred to the Tracy, Ca store where I originally began. Apparently 2 ladies in the baker/deli are having conflicts with each other so they decided to transfer both to different stores. I was originally hired on the same day as one of these ladies. It does not matter to me that they are transferring me again ( I have the least seniority) plus, I won't have to deal with "A"'s mood swings. Doesn't guarantee that another won't take her place at this store (everyone I worked with 6 years ago has been transferred elsewhere).

Cmag,Joan, Book, Iwentanon, ME1000, Austin, CM, Veroncia, Christine, and Margeaux ....A big hello and hope all is good with everyone of you.
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Missing you all tonight internet down so on my smart phone. I though t typing on my tAblet was hard. Smat phone had issues today AS well wouldnt ring calls straight to voice mail. Can t even see what im .typing stupid ad for a enior housiny in the way enough of this
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Margeaux, my SIL does that. She'll whip out her phone and ask if I want to see pictures of their trips. I say no... and if they had slides, I wouldn't want to see those, either. She acts offended, then picks out a few and shows me, anyway. People used to understand we didn't want to look at their slides. They have a harder time understanding we don't want to look at their iphone, either.
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Glad,

This is absolutely beyond terrible, your sister has the gall to email you, "to thank you etc.," but you notice how it's always about them!
My sister behaves the very same way. I'd recently written about her latest over usage of her cell phone when we've gone to dinner, (which is very seldom), and it's always to show us pics of her grandkids. Of course, she uses this to draw attention to herself. I mean I do know how to differentiate between being proud of being a grandmother, and she pulling out her cell phone in inappropriate circumstances, of which she seems to be doing a lot of these days. Well, after that dinner I tried to politely mention this to her. But of course.....she manages to play dumb. Just the other day she's telling me she apparently got reprimanded at work, for what? Taking personal calls, while on the clock. Even as she was telling me this, she complained and tried to throw the blame on one of mom's caregivers, who she claims is always texting, or calling her at work. Oh my!
I had a silent chuckle at this. So I thought, "well maybe given the reprimand has been given by your boss, MAYBE, just maybe you'll pay heed to this.
Unbelievable, though that even in that circ., she was so willing to blame the CG.
HAAH!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Alison,

It's good to see you posting again.
Sometimes we all go through some really low moments, and withdraw
from writing about what we are feeling in our circumstances. Maybe there is just too much going on.....and we end up feeling a bit overwhelmed and I do understand that feeling. But by putting our thoughts in order, writing it down.....is a form of mental Feng Shui. You've maybe heard of the exercise of journaling, or writing about things that bother us, and then burning it up. That's a good exercise. But in any case, by sharing what you are experiencing you also can get feedback from us, by the people who support you.

I wish I had falling fruit in my garden. Right now I'm trying to figure out what I can do for the soil, it doesn't retain enough water. I know you have tons to do, but have you thought that you could make some preserves out of the fruit?
Just a thought. But I'd be making some jam, especially for the holidays.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Glad,

This is just absolutely too much......the fact that your narc sister informs you that she wants to go to YOUR ex-MIL's funeral! Yes, I guess we all know people like this. Quite pathetic they have to resort to someone else's funeral, no less probably someone they really never even knew that well to make themselves look good,

Well, apparently your auntie doesn't have a clue about what is really going on, either. I experience this a lot, when others in our family (people who never come see mother), don't really know the dynamics about my narc sister, either.
These relatives will certainly point out to me, if ever we bump into one another at a funeral, of all places.......how much my sister does for mom, blah di blah!
Sometimes my sister has been more in touch w/these relatives, and I do know she's painted the picture to them that I do absolutely nothing, etc. It used to bother me more, in the past, but no more. Anyway, I realize that sometimes I am aware that some people do have an issue telling an elder like an aunt or uncle a thing or two, based on "the respect," factor. But sometimes we can also find a way to let them know also, that the topic is also not up for discussion. I find nothing wrong with that. Besides, people get brainwashed that just because someone is older than we are, we are just to shut up, and listen to gratuitous opinions, about touchy subject matter. It's really none of their business.

Well I hope you find a caregiver for that day, so that you can attend the service.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Hi everyone. Service was nice, but yes, TS1 and TS2 both made their appearances. Did not approach me, but better that way, I just might have hauled off and punchednone of them. That is how I feel about both now, want nothing to do with them. Oh and TS1 took one of those online tests this one to determine what she will be remembered for when she is gone. Hers compassion?! But then her comment was " itis a risk of the profession". Hmmm, an oxymoron, risk to develop compassion as a counselor.

Yes, Kazz TS1 is a counselor, licensed professional. She and I have always had issues. She was the apple of Mom's eye and TS2 was the apple of dad's eye. They stuck together tonight like I have never seen. I was the rebellious one, never tried to hide my wrongdoings though. Too freaking honest for my own good. Was very glad I got back when I did, Mom was just getting up to go to the bathroom, found her hubby in the living room with the caregiver. Started her confabulating, that he has a girlfriend. It had only been going on for about 10 mminutes. Thank goodness, much later and she would have escalated and would have been impossible to settle her down.

Progress is being made on my house. All my things are out for cleaning. Walls and insulation in the process of being removed. It has become a relief, I think ask me tomorrow. Tired now.
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Talk of babies is good for the soul. :-)

Not a great day but I got some things done. Pears are falling off the pear tree like crazy right now, but not as much as last year. I think the cool summer here has the fruit trees confused. No apples at all, really, for first time in 3 years. Last year the apple tree was full, as was the pear tree. I don't mind less fruit falling. These trees are 40 years old and overgrown as it is and its a daily extra job to keep up with the cleaning up of the fallen fruit or it rots/gets nibbled on the ground and is more messy to clean.

Hope everyone had a nice Wednesday.
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Oh i understand totally about photos up on the internet yes i wouldnt like it either! But when my nephew was born i must have taken about 200 photos of him like a crazy aunt!! I still squeeze him to death in front of his friends just to embarass him hes now just eighteen and thinks hes a man!! But hes still my baby and always will be even though hes just hit 6" 3".
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Ha! sharynmarie my dad passed out when he saw the first one! he didnt attend next four? when i was being born he was outside in his car listening to the horse racing my name is "karan" narak backwards yes he named me after the racehorse came in first!! but quite a famous racehorse! also i had a police escort through the city as i was in a hurry so yes had a cop on his motorbike clearing traffic to get mum and dad to the hopital as mums waters broke while dad was pulling into the driveway SO i was nearly born in the back of a VW!!! I know i was special!! LOL
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I wish I could Kazza, but my dd and sil don't want pics on the internet. It is just killing me to not post as my avatar or on facebook, LOL!!. Poor daughter is so exhausted and so is her hubs. My hubs is leaving there today....not surprised, he was no help when I had my babies, LOL!!
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Hugs to all and sharynmarie you have got to post some photos of those babies just to cheer us up!! And boy do we need that!
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Sorry glad did i see right? your sister is a counsellor?? oh thats the best yet? my sisters "shrink" thinks shes the most stable of us all????? yeh he gets 90$ an hour to tell her that! I may just go and pay to hear im "normal" just for the buzz!
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Oh glad deep breaths! My sister is home next week and once shes landed at airport im off to stay with a friend! this illness effects everyone my cat is so clingy with me as i havent been here for two nights hes such a pet rubbing against me letting me know that if the ship goes down hes coming with me!!! Funny creatures know when youre down and just letting you know they feel your pain!! I know maybe im losing it? have been very shaky last few days not eating and smoking too much mum slamming doors and following me for a row? But am holding on tight i didnt come this far to crack now! Help is on the way! yep feel like ive been abandoned on a "desert island" and now i can see a ship in the distance! If her shrink dosnt help me now then he may take me away cause if she aint mad then i am as batty as h*ll!
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Alison~I am happy to see you posting again. Sorry for all you are going through. I thought something might be going on as you have said before that you will not post when you are depressed or overwhelmed. We are all here to support you.

Glad~ I love the twisted sister 1 & 2.

Without being completely selfish with my own issues, I am checking on FMLA leave for a couple weeks because my daughter told me she cannot exert much energy w/o her bp sky rocketing. I thought they gave her a transfusion but they didn't so she is having some problems and her hubby is doing all he can, plus he won't let her do very much...which is probably good.
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I have decided to start calling them twisted sister #1 and twisted sister #2 (ts1 and ts2) instead of POA/selfabsorbed sis and narc/counselr sis. Thanks to a comment from a friend.
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This is the reply I received from sissie.

Thanks for making the arrangements so that I can go to the memorial service, too

After arrangements were finalized late last night. Nice enough for show. She had not even said that if I couldn't make arrangements she would take care of it! I am at a slow simmer. If I hadn't found someone I would have been the one to miss it. It is all about the show with very heavy influence from narc sis.

I am absolutely disgusted with their behavior. It is an hour away from here and with rush hour traffic, sissies may not even get there. Everything happens for a reason. Anybody want to flatten some tires for me?
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