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Glad, when your aunty was lecturing you, blaming you for wasting your mom's money for the lawyers, were you being the respectful niece to her elder? I hope one day, your aunty will push your button too far that you end up telling her the reality, to open her eyes and See. But that might be wishful thinking, too. Might even make your situation worse. You have more patience than me. Of course, I would not do that to my aunty. I was trained really well while young not to be disrespectful or disagree with your elders.

I hope you do find a way or someone who can take care of your mom while you attend the memorial service. When my mom passed away last year. All my siblings and their children were going to go to mom's funeral. No one bothered to find someone to stay home to be with bedridden dad. Like you, I knew that if I didn't find someone quick, that I would be the one staying home...even though I put half of my life taking care of mom. My siblings had to show face to all their friends, relatives and coworkers at mom's funeral. They didn't care about me - if I ended up staying home ... Because someone had to be with dad. And it wasn't going to be them.

I ended up calling my caregiver's respite program (NFCSP) to ask them if they know of any organization that I can pay to come and be with my dad on the day of mom's funeral. They found someone. That person, unfortunately that morning of mom's funeral, was called to jury duty. She quickly found a fellow caregiver to cover for her. Thank Goodness!!! So, I know how you feel about the siblings not wanting to help you - because they need to be at the memorial to show face to all. I hope really really hard that it all falls in place.
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By the way, I like your new avatar. I will look at it again on my kindle. Kindle shows avatar pictures much clearer than my laptop.
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Hi Alison! I sure miss you! I thought you were busy fighting the trustees for your home improvement coverage and bug invasions (okay, ants...) I remember you saying a while back how difficult it was for you when they did not renew your hormone prescription. I'm really glad that you finally got it. Remember, with us getting older, and caregiving and sibling problems (or inactions) can push us to over-stress and depression. I'm glad that you came back here for support.

I've tried several times to back off from here but ... I get stressed out, and I'm baaaack. For me, this is the only place where people Understand what we're going through and give such great advice. When I first started posting here, it was sooo weird to get these CyberHUGS. Now, I don't even think it's weird. Sometimes those HUGS really really really helped me a lot. Go figure! {{{{HUGS}}} from missing you.
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Alison, very good to hear from you. I have missed your posts. Hang in there, so much is difficult for so many of us which is why we are so important to each other. My best friends and sisters (if i could pick them) are here, they are the people that really understand what I am going through. Take care of yourself, glad the hormones are started again it should help, plus being back and chatting with us. I hope I get to meet some of my good friends one day!
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And, its time for me to change my avatar pic. I will never love my father the way that I loved my grandmother, and caregiving to him is an entirely different experience... but I do love him and I know he is (mostly) thankful that I am here for him. I wish this job wasn't so hard. I wish a lot of things were different than they are right now. But I read a saying recently that said "Stop sticking your wishbone where your backbone should be." An alternative to the "big girl pants" saying, lol.
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In the past several weeks, I keep typing these long winded posts about my situation right now with regards to caregiving duties and also depression. And then I keep saving them in a text file but not posting. I guess I'm trying to figure out where I'm at with "everything" and I'd probably be wise to just let "everything" go and pick up right here and now and take a step forward... if that makes sense.

I'm sensitive to fluctuations in my body and I really think being unexpectedly dropped off hormones for 2 months has played a big part of things getting so dramatic inside my head. Thankfully, I do have a new Rx and have been taking for about 3 weeks.

I need this thread as a means of support in my life. I have precious little else that is supportive or positive right now. So here is my attempt to just take a baby step towards getting back on here regularly. I've been reading here and there, and hope I'm up to speed on everyone's biggest happenings.

Hope all Americans had a nice Labor Day weekend, and hope everyone is doing generally well! Hugs.
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And one more thing, MIL's memorial service is Wednesday, I want to go. I asked POA sis, the self-absorbed one, if she would take care of picking Mom up from day care, fixing dinner and getting Mom to bed and hang out until I got back. I explained I also have fire related stuff to take care of. Her reply? "Well, I thought I would go down there got that". All for show. This is an ex MIL and sissies haven't seen her in 15 years, I imagine. I know, they would like to show their respects, for my kids, but then we get back to the show of it all. So I have called an agency caregiver and am working on that in spite of sissies not wanting to spend Mom's money for her care. Getting Mom to bed is a true challenge especially if someone other than family helps her with it. And Wednesday is bath night, hair day Thursday, so I will try to get hair moved to Wednesday morning.
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Austin~Thank you!! I went back to work today, however, all my vacations from here on out will be approved by written communication. I will not accept a verbal from them again.. I hope all is good with you and your sweetie after the eye surgery.
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Veronica, Kazza, LadeeM Thank you for the congrats! believe me, if my daughter continue to have problems with the hemorrhage, I would have stayed regardless. The preeclampsia set the pathway, but because she was induced with Pitocin, they continue to give the Pitocin after delivery...and having a C-section. Her bp had dropped to 70/29 due to 2 liters of blood loss....that was what scared me. No way was I going to work on Monday if she did not improve. She has taken it all in stride, her hubby has been by her side...staying in the hospital with her since she was admitted on Wednesday. They are so bonded...he is on FMLA leave. She went home today...this is where I really wanted the time to spend with her and the babies. Preeclampsia is not a predictable condition and the dr's did not think she would make it to 37 weeks. The boys do not have to spend any time in the NICU, which is great!!
Glad~I certainly know how situations can strengthen us to get us through other difficult situations.

Kazza~I am so sorry about your auntie.Even though we have these dysfunctional relationships with family and we are distant from them.....it can still affect our emotions as it brings up things from the past that can be painful memories or even good memories of the person.

Me1000~I vote for not doing the yard. You will eventually realize that you don't have to be at your families beck and call. I don't think you are there yet and that is ok. You will get there. Hugs to you!!
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Jessie, we are in the same crazy boat tonight!
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Kazz, you do so much for your Mom and you are too young to be doing it. What is the right age? If there is one.

Well, three day weekends gotta hate em. Brings out all the dysfunction when sibs don't have enough to do. Got an email from narc sis responding to mine from a week ago asking for help with Mom so I could go look at the extent of damage to my house. She went into the poor me crap, we haven't even talked on the phone for 2.5 years, how I yell and scream at her, how I don't listen to her suggestions, how she is sad about the fire right with me, how is my friend, she only checks email from family once a week and shy don't I let her know what is going on? Just on and on and on. POOR SIS. Then she left voice mail on my phone saying she hoped I would talk to her. She was "curious" about the fire. No mention of help or anything else. AND went into the dysfunctional nonsense, and hit reply all. Bad idea. The email she was responding to I also sent to a neighbor that helped with my mom that day. Then she wrote another one, this time did not include the neighbor, but decided to copy auntie dearest who wants to be left out of this mess and has not told sis yet, evidently.

Then auntie starts in on me, stating she is appalled at all the attorneys that have become involved in this, like it is my fault. Two years ago this started as a result of my darling sisters calling in a false report to APS. So, yes I got an attorney. And that attorney was also to review a care agreement that I had been told was in the works. Well, still waiting on that one. Started talking about agreement 2.5 years ago! Sisters were too concerned about their inheritance if Mom would pay me for her care. Initially, they offered to pay me, in the very beginning, three years ago, now. At that time I told them let's just wait a few months and see where this goes. So, instead, let's all get attorneys and spend mom's money on them when this could have been settled for a few thousand dollars 2.5 years ago if brats had done what they know Mom would want. Even have evidence written by sister in the form of email and another letter she sent to who knows how many people that went into what I have done in my life that she doesn't approve of going back nearly 40 years! Unbelievable!

Well, dear sisters and auntie, regardless of what you think, and have said about me, even to my children, I am still here taking excellent care of my Mom.

This job is definitely not for the faint of heart. And this struggle with sisters prepped me for the fire. Two or three years ago the fire would have had much more of an emotional impact on me. It ain't over till the fat lady sings. Soon....
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I have some things tonight that are driving me crazy. This is a good thread to talk them out, I hope. Many of you know I am taking care of my mother who has dementia. My mother has been dying now for 10-15 years according to her, but she still seems to be years away from death. When I came here 5 years ago, I knew that Dad was dying. He had all the symptoms that go with the long approach to death. My mother used to resent him dying, saying she was sicker than him like there was a competition going on.

Mom has always been a lazy person. She also doesn't seem to feel love. I've always had the feeling that she didn't really love my father, she just wanted someone to take care of her. She didn't drive and wasn't educated. They had 4 kids, but there was no love shown. It was a sterile household when it comes to loving.

I've wondered how death of her family members, including my father, didn't seem to affect my mother much. She seems to use presentation of grief more for show than anything else. Something is amiss.

Tonight I was watching a video, Gone from My Sight, suggested here on Aging Care. I realized that my mother doesn't have any of the symptoms that death is nearing. She has the appetite of a horse and doesn't sleep much. All her stats are fine. She's a crazy as a bessie bug, but otherwise okay. But each day she acts like it is her last day on earth and she won't do anything. She has gotten into this thing lately that she wants me to serve her water in her chair, so she won't have to get up. I won't do that.

Have any of you wondered what if we're being played like a fiddle by a truly lazy or evil parent? The thought that someone would harm their children in this way is terrible, but I know people who love themselves alone are capable to dreadful acts. I hope I am just being paranoid or crazy myself. I hope so.
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Sharyn congratulations, just tell your boss you are not able to leave until when you were suppose to-the arrangements are set in stone-you are too valuable an employee for them to quibble over one stinking day-you have our support-or if desperate lie -say you have a stomach bug and will vomit at work nd that will not go over very well with the customers in the store.
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fligirl we owe to our mums to look after them BUT not when its caring for someone 24/7 on our own with no help? taking care of my mum is getting her the best care i can and do you know WHY its not fair on HER. I do not want to be here as i cant do this anymore alone i am getting ill and i know my old mum would never have wanted this for me OR her! mums mum was ill when mum went to USA she died when mum was away but she never cared for her own mum her mum was in a NH for the last six months. Mum had to go away to work though as no work here then and now today im in same boat no work here and im not getting any younger so you do have to think of your own future too! I just pray for a miracle to happen now ive stopped worrying as its out of my hands theres nothing i can do expcept stay saine and thats getting harder to do everyweek. Just when you think things are getting more passive WOW shes painting the house late at night?? Im almost done with this!
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I also said that i am rambling but it did not post.
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I agree with you Kazza, again. There is no way that I could put my mom into a NH yet. I have lived here 6 years and needed to come and stay with mom for financial reasons, now I never expected to have to care for her, she was fine when I came, I was working. Then I had to go on disability but was thinking about working part time but that cannot happen now. I feel so trapped and I know my life is not as bad as all yours but my anger is bad right now. I have it all the time but the last three days I just want to break something and this morning I broke the yoga tape because it would not go in. I do have a DVD player. but it was on vhs. Geez I am I feel like I owe it to my mom. what is wrong with me?
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ME1000 we have new neighbours! they are nice and friendly BUT have pots of money and have just spent $100,000 doing thier house up!! Good for them but when she asks how i am? I feel like screaming! They are off to Italy AGAIN this summer you cant help feel a little envious!! I just smile and say yeh THINGS ARE FINE! she knows mum has dementia but she dosnt know how bad it is and what its about both her parents died from heartattacks so caring for an elderly is not something they could possibly understand! Shes invited me in a few times for coffee but i am not in the mood to go in and see her wonderful renovations and be nice through my teeth "oh how marvelllous your house looks"! They have made mums house look a bit run down now! Ive given up explaining to people how bad things are here as they just dont get it unless youve lived with this illness you cant make people understand it! My previous neighbours said oh get your mum into a NH youre too young for this crap?? not the nicest things to say? but maybe shes right! thing is people dont realise that its not quite that easy to get your parents into a NH against their will? I think people think its easy?
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Thanks ME!! sounds like youve got your hands full too! I love my mum and want so much to care for her BUT i cant i mean who the hell am i kidding? I had a TIA last year and my headaches are back i just got reading glasses so i thought that was my cause of the headaches but saw doc today and shes requested an MRI scan again gosh my 5th in five years? Shes a great doc but with a bang to the head AND any headaches she takes seriously. I hate that MRI machine last time i had a panic attack! This time i will have to just take deep breaths and hope i dont press the panic button again! Doc is worried about my stress and she agrees its time to think about your own health now she said if and wahen i leave mum will get more outside help a carer everyday BUT its the night i worry about? Like we all do im sure!
me1000 you need to think of you sometimes and take regular breaks when you can! Im only 48 my mum is 78 this year she may outlive me IF i let her!!
Hugs to you and prayers that it will all work out in the end!!!!
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kazzaa- Im so sorry I really do understand! Im glad you got a new dvd player! YOu have the right idea!! Omg your doing the right thing, start getting things now so when you can move out you already have it! I could just picture your brothers face! Aww Im really sorry about your mom and her treating you that way... and your sis. Happy Early Birthday Kazzaa!!!! I hear ya about no money, maybe camping? But yet, I guess theres a fee for that? I never been though. I hope your angels can give you money! Hugs for you!
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Sharynmarie hope babies and mum doing good!! Hope you "threw a sicky" as we say here and get more time with them!!

Emjo hope youre getting better yes i think i may have dysbyosis too stress is not good?? I can bloat up to a 6mth pregnant lady its shocking to see BUT am off wheat and dairy so so far so good great to see your feet again!!!!!!
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Ok... I completely and totally have just lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used my voice too much today and said too much but I broke.. I had it and I have no patience.. I just couldnt keep my mouth shut.

Grandpa and I argued, son turned on water over my weeds I just sprayed and was going to weed eat thankfully nothing happened. I let my feelings known to a neighbor that Im officially done and cant handle anyone anymore incl friends, family and neighbors telling me what they feel is or isnt best for my family or actually what grandpa needs. I mean, I am all for suggestions. I do take 90% or more of them!! I always ask anyways!!! From here to!!! This neighbor and I have our issues..shes says I should be there all the time and work after.. that neighbor... but she also is an angel under the same breath for caring for my grandpa, her and her family even though they hate me, have done wonderful for grandpa.( visit, clean, shop, go out to eat ) I always tell them thank you and words arent enough. Grandpa pays them for their trouble most times too.

Anyways if you take all what I said in all of my rambles thats all we talked about. I have officially had it!! I love everyone but no matter what I say no one believes me they believe my Aunt or him. I am not that bad of a person Im the one who cares for my family, Im the one who cant stand to see them upset or in pain, Im the one physically and mentally taking a beating... Im the one who showers him, helps him walk and dress him when he cant, Im the one doing the same for my kids as well as soon to be my dad.. but yet Im the bad guy.. I have no life, I wear clothes with holes and clorox splatter, I am obese I cut my own hair, I dont go to the Dr .. haha no time anyways besides no money... I am pulling weeds, I cook, etc you all know what has to be done. Oh add its seems the worse he got, the less help I get!!!! I dont mind ..really, but can I do it without being told" oh god I dont know what Id do without you, your here you do so much for me," then later I get it thrown in my face of why cant you.. but she can... but.. well no more!!! Oh its like on the job thing, Im told get a job.. no dont be there all the time.. I feel like Im wrapped in a blanket and on a wobble thing and they are taking turns pushing me waiting for me to fall. Or like the hot potato game.. throwing me a round where I cant ever land on my feet. Either I pull myself outa this hell or Im losing everything and let me tell you my future is with my kids ( middle of no where would be good but idk how I would make money)

Im sorry Im just .. I have no one to talk to except you all You all have heard it all from me but.. If I dont release this I feel like I will just explode.

Do you know whats its like to go to the store and not be able to buy feminine pads? For real, Im there. Even in my dreams Im at the store and and I realize I have no purse cuz I have no money or my wallet has play money and everyone is laughing at you in the dream?
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ME1000 thanks for your kind support and yes i do try so hard to change the subject by putting on her favourite programmes!!! Shes so negative though and always has been this illness has made her worse shes becoming nasty which isnt in her character but i know its her own anger now i just let her rant and get out of this house as much as possible! I know its almost time to start looking at a NH as i cant take much more of her illness or not the stress would kill you! Sure if family were around this would be easier but theyre not and am sick of them giving me "advice" over the phone i usually hang up!

A friend got me a discounted brand new dvd player when my brother saw it he said "but we have one its the same one i bought mum?" YES i said but ITS MINE DO YOU THINK IM ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE?? he looked surprised? gosh do they really think i am going to live out my years here looking after mum sorry but i have no intention of living with her for much longer its hell i keep waiting for her moods to become more passive so i can get things done BUT im not sure if she will ever be passive shes such an angry woman its impossible to make her happy! I make her as happy as i can theres not alot more i can do for her!
Sis is coming home next week for 4days so i am trying to think where i can run and hide as ive no money to get away again. No worries i will ask my angels to send me the money IF NOT i have a friends house i can hide in! SIS seemed pleased i had no money as its my birthday when she comes if it was ME i would give her the money to go away afterall im looking after her mum all year round?? but then sisters dont think like me NO not a caring bone in thier bodies!
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***Well Im back as an update... ha, I do daily anyways... and every ones health..my house same ol same ol.......

Well, Im watching how my dad and my grandpas health is Im how much work and stress Im under and looking at my kids. Im scared and cant go now for all tests needed so I have to wait until I work.BUT the good news is I found a place and they had a sliding scale for pay but I dont even have $10 to give but... after that they have "No client will be denied reproductive health services because of an inability to pay" yeah!!! I plan on paying but just to get started maybe? Also, I know I cant handle my grandpa/dad 24hrs a day, besides kids thats a lot of wear and tear on me mentally and physically. I could have and should have done more over the years and will continue to help.. but... only during the night and days I have off of work. Well, not working yet, but Im going back to applying!!! I will always be there for them but in limits and of course emergencies!

Im just so worn down, I finally slept a lil better last night( not sleeping good for three days will do that to ya besides a cold) Oh NyQuil helped but I dont like taking it because I need to be awake for anyone who needs me but thats all I had in the cabinet!

Sorry you all that my spelling is off( ok sometimes I purposely shortens or abbreviate them) Sorry my wording is always off and I ramble and make no sense... But in my defense... Im not perfect and Im not here for a grade although I would like to sound like all you because you all make sense!! But I am who I am and I can be chatty ( like now ha) or just tired and who care angry or whatever mood!!! Ok, back to check on grandpa and back to cleaning!!! ( Lots of caffeine today!!!)
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gladimhere- Good Idea, Ill see if my son can handle it. Glad your looking to being positive!

kazzaa-Im so sorry about the news of your Aunt and of course it brings up all those memories. They sound like my family" Only if you were like" Only if you did" Only if you would " Why cant you be like" Ya, I heard them all to. But, for the present Im here for you and anytime you want to vent or we can compare stories Im here with a great big hug for you! Can you try to get your mom talking about something else? Hang in there.

Veronica91- HAHA!!! Good idea! That be kinda cool actually...
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Sharynmarie,

How wonderful! I am so happy for you, and I'll bet you took some great pictures of Ethan and Logan! Hope you can find a way to get some more time with your daughter and the twins.

Congratulations Grandma!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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me1000 I hope grandpa is buy a riding mower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Congrats grandma Sharryn. Glad they are finally here and well. hope your daughter is soon in fighting spirit. family comes first so tell your boss to take a hike this is part of his mistreatment towards you. I would be very inclined to come down with "something" by Sunday morning so there is no way you can work on Monday. my guess is it will take at least a week to get over. Can you go to an urgent care with a bad cough or something and get a note from them.
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Kazzaa you know you're not supposed to 'speak ill of the dead' - so best get it off your chest now! I'm sorry for this new family turmoil; sometimes you feel like you're going to get motion sickness from the constant one damn thing after another, don't you. Poor lady. Hope things go peacefully for her from here.
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My aunty my fathers sister is dying and may go soon shes had cancer for a few years now but is incredibly strong shes 86yrs!! My dad is only gone 8mths now and now this it will bring up alot of memories and yes more "dysfunctional stuff"!! My aunt was the "godmother" of family yes a tough lady she always scared me when we were kids bullied most of her family was a terrible "snob" used to put us down as her kids were.....taller,smarter,more talented etc..... YEP always made us feel like crap! patronising wasnt the word! But i have no hatred for her only sadness and she dosnt scare me anymore!! Just so you get the picture when my elder sister went to visit her years ago my sister commented on how my cousins twin girls had lost so much weight? my aunt.............. "well if you studied as hard as my girls YOUD be slim too". yeh double whammy!! Oh you just couldnt get one up on this lady of "STEEL" she would have eaten Maggie Thatcher for breakfast so you get the kinda woman i mean!!

Oh its just like "groundhog day" now mum is dragging up all the family past crap all the badness is coming out again now with mum my dads died now her SIL i guess shes now getting scared of her own mortality so i feel for her i guess but ENOUGH ALREADY ive heard these stories my whole life...................ITS BORING!

Should be a good old "dysfunctional funeral" though! Maybe a few drunkin punch-ups!! Alot of this family have gripes with this woman so yes should be "interesting". Oh god help me does this ever end!! I want to go to bed and wake up when its all over!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sharynmarie...................Congrats! so happy everything went well and your daughter is doing ok! what relief and yes two little "buddhas"!! So happy for you all! Oh double trouble!! But yes boys are a joy to look after! I was naive when i first looked after twins thought they slept and napped at the same time???? HA! no they have different schedules!!! They will keep you all busy!!
So nice to have some good things happen when we are dealing with so much pain and sorrow with our parents!!
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