
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
When siblings do this it is often to justify their behavior so their level of guilt is decreased. If you think about it I think when sibs do this they hope that a problem is found, then they can say they did everything they could possibly do to keep parents safe. Now they can relieve their guilt since calling APS was an effort to help, or correct a situation that they think is inappropriate, unsafe or any number of other possible things.
Now on to my rant. Went down to my house today to tag things to be thrown out. I am looking at it as downsizing and a good thing in general. That is probably what has kept me sane, at least this far.
So on to narc sisters, yes I have now decided there are two of them. Though POA sis not quite as bad but much more self absorbed! Tuesday night when she was here she was explaining to a friend of mine how terribly busy she is. PLEASE! I REALLY DONT GIVE A RAT'S PATOOT! Today I emailed both sissies to ask if I could get help getting mom picked up from daycare, about 9:30 am. Well, by 2 I had not received any sort of response so emailed them again to let them know I had it managed and would get there to pick up mom. Oh and by the way #1 narc sis has not responded to anything this week. Self-centered Bi%$#!
Well POA sis called the house about 4:45 to tell L that she had just received my e-mail (LIAR!) then asked who picked mom up. CHICKEN SH%%! I used to think that I would do anything for my sissies that they needed. Not any longer, that is for sure. So this nonsense of theirs got me riled up tonight, then L decided to stay up an hour later! Old fart! (typing this is at least making me feel better). Then mom's guardian emails me to tell me about the email nonsense that I just need to lower my expectations! I don't have any whatsoever! And DA%%, if my mom understood any of this she would have disinherited both brats a long time ago!
Well, all for tonight, maybe. Thank you all for being so understanding I appreciate you all!
Oh and fire investigators changed the classification of fire to explosion. The place is such a mess, unbelievable!
cm - that was my busy day and was a bit too much. Usually I am much quieter. G was delayed again yesterday, so we are looking at beef tonight, but I am not putting it in the oven till I know when he is coming home. It is a small roast.We may end up cutting it into steaks - they cook faster. ;p
Sharyn - it was a lovely day, As we sat sharing fries over lunch, Joel told me he wanted to be a biochemical engineer. He could do it, and he wouldn't be the first one in the extended family. Praying for your daughter and the twins.
glad - hope you are getting your head around the fire etc. Very scary!
sandwich - my water broke before each of my labors, but the babies all came fast.
Me - you mention having been taken advantage of for years. I have tended to be a little like that and still am to a smaller extent. No one can change that but you. Life has piled more and more on you - now your sis as well, and you are the one who has to say no and set your own priorities and boundaries. As I get older, I have to adjust what I will and will not do. It is ongoing. How about setting yourself as a priority sometimes - not doing something because it pleases others, so they are happy, which makes you happy. It never works well relying on others feelings to make you happy. You have to be able to be happy/content, regardless if how others feel. Gpa is guilting you with the "see what I do for you". Remember that FOG - fear obligation and guilt is used by people to manipulate others. It seems to me that you are being jerked around by all three if these. Mother used to pull that too. I took my daughter and family in when they needed a place and didn't ask much of them at all, nor did I throw it in their face all the time, or ever for that matter. I lived in the basement and gave them the rest of the house. It was a gift to them with no strings attached.
Margeaux - wow - that sis of yours and your ex friend. The nerve of both of them!!! Talk about manipulation!
No word from G yet, so I think I will head off to the store. I dare not drive when I have brain fog, but am OK now :). He spends more and more time in the office in the south, I would move there if it were not for the kids and grandkids here. But the winters get harder to take as I get older. Another trade off. One of these years we will move...
Have a good evening and do something good for you.
I second Kazzaa's probiotics suggestion - it's those lactobacilli making everything a bit more acidic, isn't it? Something like that. And at the very least, palatable. Wish you better x
GOOD LUCK and we'll be waiting for baby stories when you have time.
Kazza-Ibet twins are fun, once they can sit up in the bath..LOL!! Boys are so fun in general anyway...rocks in their pockets and who know what else may be found.
Joan- hope you are feeling better soon. I like the day you had with your grandson...so cute.
Thank you Glad, Margeaux and Me1000.
Glad-hope you are getting things worked out with insurance and are able to breathe some as the shock wears off.
Sorry to hear about her BP being so high.
This must be very stressful for you and her, and of course her husband.
I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
It's good to hear from you!
I really understand......when one just doesn't want to post, too.
It's difficult also, when you're just not feeling your best.
But I'm happy you had that day with your grandson, it must have been lots of fun.
All right, feel better.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
sandwich42plus- No ots not that I need that feeling to be a rescuer, I have always wanted to help and chat with people and make people laugh and be happy. I felt sad when I see people who are sad or those in need of help-family or non. Idk if I feel like " hey pat on the back Me because I need a good thing etc" honestly I dont think that or feel that, I just want to help. Of course a little of it with grandpa goes to me wanting to give back to him for all he has done for us as well. My sis used to call me a kiss a&* because I was this way, always wanted to be with people, new people, old friends and family, always wanted to be interacting with them and yes helping. It was automatic for me to help others. This is the old me who could handle it all. Of course handling it all as a child or young adult doesnt have the responsibilities as an adult and what all of us caregivers do. So balancing everything is hard. I dont mind helping, I want to be there, just less time so I can work and have some time with my dad and kids too. I have always been walked on too because of by attitude I think.. not sure. I have changes through bad relationships and family issues, loss of my first son ( miscarriage) and I am stressed because now I force myself to smile in public and talk back when they talk to me, no I force myself to go in public.. of couses its been this way even before I was full time caretaker for granpa, but its gotten worse since after full time. I see what you all are saying... Im working on my house today full force and will send my dad down until a certain time unless an emergency. I am not feeling well either ( darn colds!!)
emjo23- Im glad you had a nice lunch at quality time with your grandson and daughter for tea! Make sure you rest though and get well soon :)
gladimhere- Hang in there, many more hugs your way!
sharynmarie- I hope you can see them before you go!! Good luck to you all :)
Nothing will change for you until you give YOURSELF permission to be a whole person, with needs, thoughts, opinions, and responsibilities to your CHILDREN.
Your CHILDREN need you more than dad & grandpa do. It is unreasonable for anybody to think they can pull you away from your children. Dad & Grandpa continue to pull you in because you let them. Dad & grandpa are never going to change until you make it happen.
I also challenge you to figure out why it is so hard for you to allow yourself to make changes. What's in it for you to keep things the same?
Do you get some kind of feeling when you are the rescuer for all these people?
Why do you need that feeling?
You are paying a huge price by continuing to do things the same way every day.
So what if they yell at you? So what if they say mean things. Let it GO.
Set yourself free. You are the only person who can.
I'm going to tell you a story. My parents worked since I was very, very young.
I being the eldest was left in charge of my siblings. Of course while I was still super young.....up to about 7 years of age, grandmother was still in the picture, baby sitting. But as soon as all of four siblings were in school, grandmother's presence became much less. Now I had to really become very responsible for many things concerning my sibs. It was very hard on me, but I guess I just got used to it. Both of my parents worked during the day.
Then I remember when I must have been about 9 yrs. old, mother started to work nights. This really meant that we hardly saw our mom, since she was there during the day, while we were at school, then she'd leave for work about 3:30 p.m. Let me tell you, how sad it was at first, just mom's absence. I know that my sister and me didn't like this at all. Being a young kid, wanting some mother attention just wasn't happening for us. I remember having feelings of abandonment, although I didn't know what the heck to call it at the time.
Please, please.......start paying attention to these messages your daughter is giving you.
Also, I completely am onboard with Sandwich's post. It is time for you and your family to look for help, so that you can prioritize the things that really matter to you and your children. Be aware, as in my case......there could be some resentment on their part if you don't give this some serious thought.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
sandwich - what a change in your mum. Maybe there is hope for mine yet. I think she needs an antidepressant as well as the antipsychotic. I guess they are cautious - one step at a time.
Taking a bit of a break trying to get over this infection and adjust meds and activity properly. Had a great day Monday - took my youngest grandson for lunch. Then back here and he chose some if my father's things from WW1, then we went on the trail across from the house and he played on some of the exercise stations they placed along the trail. Went back for tea with my daughter and then home. It was too much and I have been paying for it since. Promised G a roast beef supper tonight. I don't think I am up to making Yorkshire pudding :( I get so disgusted with having to stay so quiet.
Have a good day everyone.
One time while I lived in Europe, I lived in a small tourist port. I became friends with a woman, who was a bartender in one of the small businesses in the port.
It was also a cafe, during the day as they served breakfast and lunch.
One day I went in there for lunch. One of the tanks that holds beer fell on the floor, and I guess the impact the tank sustained caused it to literally fly out of the cafe onto a walkway, and just about land in the water of the port. I was walking up the walkway and saw it happen. So just goes to show us, how powerful these pressurized tanks can be. No one was hurt since the cafe wasn't busy.
Oh boy, was my friend the bartender, and me rather rattled after that. I even helped her clean up things like broken glass, strewn napkin holders it took in it's path. Scary!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I also am very sorry to hear about this.
Yes, people don't heed to these warnings. I had a friend on oxygen, who years ago had one of those portable oxygen tanks. She used to light up cigarette's, and of course many times she was around other people. Many of us were alarmed,
at the thought of the tank blowing up, too. It was interesting since this person thought of herself as highly aware, especially when it came to health issues.
It was rather crazy, and I found that eventually more and more people stopped inviting her to social gatherings, since she just didn't have the common sense to refrain from smoking w/an oxygen tank.
You are also in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Now the mitigation and rebuild. One room was completely gutted but the smoke and water damage is unbelievable. Large 4,000 sq ft house, built 1896, my beast house came to be.
I am fortunate my son and sons in law can help with all of this and hopefully minimize the hour drive there to take care of things.