The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

There you go Sharyn! Give up, realize it may not happen while you are there. Be comforted with that thought. And sure enough those babies will come! Just don't think it too loud the babies might decide they want to wait.

Thanks Glad...it canvstill happen but I have to prepare myself emotionally and get back to my life of taking care of my mother too.; I will see my grandsons next year what is most important is my daughter continued good health and my grandsons health.

Thank you for responding ... Me1000 ... It just shows again how thoughtful you are ... and like me ... I am sure you also appreciate this blog opportunity in Aging care, where one can just read and realize, one is not alone... every family has to walk that path of end of life-care... and maybe we can help each other a bit, by acknowledging each others efforts to live up to the demands of that path... I certainly do. I wish you a good night... have to close, as the weatherman announced a thunderstorm ... and here it comes....!
Yet quickly I want to send my prayers to Sharynmarie and her daughter also, for a good outcome... I wish you all well... and God Bless you !

Wish you well

Sharyn, wonderful that your daughter is doing so well! You still have about 10 days, right! It is bound to happen while you are there, I hope.

My daughter is still holding strong!! Her dr told her today as long as she is comfortable continueing the pregnancy with the preeclampsia and her bp stays stable, she will let her go until 38 weeks. I have had to talk with myself, tell God to take my disappointment and feelings of guilt for being disappointed that I wont behere when she delivers. This isnt about me being a grandma...its about my daughter staying safe and delivering 2 healthy boys. Have a good night everyone.

sharynmarie- Im sorry about the bad news for your daughter, hopefully shes doing better now :)

DHilBe- Thank you and Im trying to find time for me. Im also sorry about you losing both your parents so close to each other. You have also been through a lot, and I hope today your doing well and living life to the fullest :)

Me1000 - You are just great to care and work so hard... please take care of yourself too, hope you can carve out an hour a day just for your own needs.!!!
I went thru this type of situation with 2 parents ill at the same time passing within a year of each other... one does tend to get run down a bit ... So I wish you well...

Camarylis-My smypathies for you and your family. You provided such care for your fil and continue to care for your mil. Blessings you and family.

Christine i only just found your post that FIL has passed. So glad he did not linger that was very merciful for the family. Do allow MIL time to grieve and don't push too hard to get her in group activities. it will be very good for her when the time is right. While she is so vulnerable some other jealus old lady will try and get into the limelight and tell her story that is probably ten years old by now and she just recalls it for every new member.
See if your local hospice has a grief group that she could attend. You don't need to have been a patient to attend everybody is welcome. you too could actually go with her the first few times. Afterwards take her out for a meal cup of coffee whatever the two of you fancy. Poor charles it is so hard for him to loose a parent especially when he has been part of the process, you are bing your usual wise self in handling all this. Glad Charles has his cousin to help. can't comment on MIL and the pills it could just have been a moment of utter dispair knowing she was about to loose her spouse but as usual you will just have to play it by ear.Blessings to you and your family

Camaryllis,

I too, am very sorry to hear about your FIL's passing.
I have to admit, that you made me laugh describing the casket.
Well no matter what.....try to get some rest for yourself.

May your FIL's spirit soar very high!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Camaryllis, just wanted to give you my sympathies on FIL's passing. It sounds as if he passed rather peacefully. I'm happy for that. I hope wake, services, and burial go smoothly. You've done such a good job with FIL & MIL in short time. I'm glad FIL had you around at the end of his life. I'm sure your husband is thankful, too.

EMJO, I might add I get pretty scary looking when I have those icicles on my face. My darn nose gets so terribly red when it gets cold I used to be teased that I could substitute for Rudolph!

SM sorry to hear about the lateral! She doesn't need that now, those hormones play terrible games with new moms.

I will use my daughters computer to catch up with everyone.
;
My daughter received news from work about q lateral move that has upset her. I am hoping this news is not affecting her bp. My daughter has been crying but she keeps things to herself and it is a situation of me just being there when she wants to vent but just listening...no suggestions.she is not happy about this and feels that if she were there, they would not have done this. She has an appt.tomorrow so praying her bp is ok. It sucks that they tell her now...but Logically I know they had to. I think there may be some benefits such as her working 8-5 m-f.

emjo23, yes, my dads getting worse by the day. When he had is heart surgery the Dr said if he didnt have it when he did he would of dies in a month.. and this is almost how hes acting now. ( he had his surgery about10 years ago? more or less, cant think... ( he also had a stroke on the table). Sohes had TIA's since, couple other surgery no heart related in the last couple years. So this is another reason I need to work, anything can happen to either one of them, I need to work, but I want time with both. I mean, yes caring for them, but I want some bonding time where Im their daughter/granddaughter not caregiver. I want those memories too. My grandpa has always been a control freak, always. Im glad you agree not to tell gpa now appt the surgery! (DAD and my son tried to get him to eat again refused it all day all day in bed and he wouldnt answer and said hes fine bye) Uggh!!! All because hes mad!!!

Im sorry you went through that with your mom too. Its not easy is it? You also have put you and your family first now right? They will also help the priest set up for Mass and clean the Church so I think this will be good. They already read with their school in different masses. Well, my grandpa gets a lady who gives him communion at his house because it got to hard for him to go and sit here and having to worry about the bathroom issues. But, I think your right, having a priest come would be wonderful! Maybe even once a month or even twice would be great!!!

Thanks again!

Me - glad you are getting references together. Hope you manage to get to a doc soon. Sounds like your dad's heart function is deteriorating pretty badly. Don't worry about your house - people come first. Wonderful that your son was able to help his gpa.
Yes, homework can take a long time, and gpa will just have to get mad. I think he has been used to having his own way too long and getting mad to manipulate people. Have you thought of calling him on statements like "You may as well not come?" Just be calm, tell him that the home work is necessary for the kids to be successful in school and you know he wants them to be successful.Tell him that you appreciate all he does for you and the kids, but if being late makes it harder for him, and he would rather you did not come, then you won't. Very sensible to not tell him about your dad's surgery till just before.

Yes, you have to draw limits. Sounds like he wants someone at his back and call - bit if a control freak and you can never please or do enough for them. You can't please all the people all of the time... That is why we have to set priorities. With mother it was always damned if you do or damned if you don't so I learned to do what I thought was best for everyone, but me and my family first. She came lower down in priority. I think you are heading in a better direction and have no reason to feel guilty, but I know those feelings do crop up. They will decrease. if you stop feeding them. Sunday school should be good for the kids and you. It is too bad that gpa won't come. Would the priest visit him? It might brighten his day.

Hope the job works out.

glad - I am having a visual of icicles on your face. .. lol

take care all

Christine - my sympathies on fil's passing. Poor fil's quality of life was deteriorating so quickly. One is never prepared for these things no matter how things look. Hope that mil will improve quickly now that she is on antibiotics. You are wise to let Charles and his cousin handle the funeral arrangements. It would be great if mil would go to the senor center. Please look after you in all this, ((((((hugs)))))

Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. Smart to just stay out of the burial preparation.

Hope MIL is helped with medication for the UTI. My Mom has had 7 UTI's in the past year. Each one showed different symptoms that ranged from a backache to inability to walk. MIL may exhibit different symptoms if/when she gets another UTI. Any sudden change in behavior is a red flag to get them checked.

Christine- Im so sorry for your loss. And I will keep your mil in my prayers that she will be strong and give the center a try. She will meet some great friends and I also think it would keep her mind of FIL. I also hope she feels better soon. Many hugs to you

Those must be some interesting caskets.

emjo23- Hi and thank you! Sadly no, I haven't applied yet.. actually going to as soon as I have 3 reference in case needed. I have two, but need one more in case ( some ask for 3 non relative reference so the third one lives out of town and trying to get a hold of her if she will vouch for me ). I need to learn the bus schedule because I will not have transportation for a while, but am still willing to walk a certain distance and take a bus! I know, the Dr tips from everyone here has been great so I will do that this week!

******Update is my dad is getting heart surgery the end of this month or early next to get a defibrillator placed and Im hoping a pace maker. His numbers( do not understand them) went from 50% down to 30% in over a year and just in the last month I think he said is now at 27%. Hes very weak and pushes himself to do anything,including eating. Hes still helping me God Bless him with his dad ( my grandpa) by fixing him coffee and bringing him food so I can get cleaning ( and errands) done before he goes to the hospital and with my kids h.w. etc. As I mentioned my house is not exactly an ad for spic and span! So grandpa is upset by me staying home and cleaning as well as waiting on some impt calls I need to receive and grandpa doesn't know dads definitely going for surgery yet.. he will panic so we will tell him the day before he goes to the hospital. My sis is having some major issues, kids are being kids.. although my son helped my grandpa which was amazing and he didn't panic!! He stayed calm! Grandpa started to get dizzy, I just left 5 minutes before and son went in to check on him, heard him calling and got a heavy chair for him to sit on,then walked him to the bathroom making sure he was ok, and he called me! So proud of him!!!!

Grandpa made a comment he pays for everything ( not exactly everything but almost) and never complains and gives us what we need, ( well he does complain and make us feel bad afterwords though). He said the comment after I said I had to wait for calls, look for job and clean and he got upset. Of course Id be tehre otherwise but my kids homework for example sometimes takes longer helping 2 kids.. one in high school and one with ADHD/ODD so, uh, ya, H.W. can last over 2 hours but if Im there a min late to gpas he gets so mad! Says he waited and waited its so late I might as wll not come down if its gonna be that way!!! Uggh Grr and here it all comes again!!!

If I keep going when he wants just to make lists and dust etc.. it wont stop, and I will have to get him used to be not being there again when I get a job, so why go through it twice? Im just gone most the time all day now and let neighbors/dad handle it unless E.R. Breakfast is even earlier now and I agree its too early to eat at 5:45am -6am instead of 6:30am or 7am... but I warned him when he told me I was taking over for his one caretaker, the times wont be heres, cleaning is when I can later in the day breakfast be earlier. He wasnt happy but agreed, nows again not happy. Well, he can hire someone for 10-12 hrs a day 5/6 days a week so I can work, and yes, that totals to a NH!!! But all his choice I love him and am willing, want and can be there 11-12 hours a night, days off for lunch/dinner visit time.

I do love caring for him and am glad that I have gotten to be able to help him as well as my dad, having my kids etc. But, in limits because I need to live for my kids too!! Sorry sooo long.. just feeling guilty, scared, but yet, I think Im headed in the right directions.. as you all say, theres gonna always be at least one or more people who will always disagree. Darned if I do, darned if I dont. Oh, we are volunteering Sunday again and adding volunteering at my kids two School Churches!!! To bad grandpa wont come at least to church, it will make him feel better too. He can chat with us, hold things,talk with the priest and other members.

If I could Id buy you all a steak or whatever dinner for reading all this! A novel lol

Hello all,
Well, FIL passed away last night. Didn't tell MIL till this morning, at least she was able to sleep. Charles was so upset, and kept waking me up to talk about it. Bless his heart. I took MIL to the dr. today, as she has been acting wackadoodle lately, confused and not walking well...and sure enough, she has a UTI. Now I know the signs. Dr. gave her a shot and a hug, and a prescription. Hopefully she will perk up in a day or two.

Meanwhile, trying to get the necessary things done for FIL's burial. I stepped aside, Charles and his cousin are handling things. I don't agree with a lot of the funeral things, but it is not my father so I figure I will just sit this one out and zip my lip. They were looking at coffins that Elvis would have been right at home in. Sigh.

Anyway, that is all from here for the moment. I found a senior center that MIL might like go to hang around at. She could use people and friends. I think it would make her feel a lot better.

Thanks for listening,
Christine

Wow - that's amazing!!! The bigger they are, the easier it will be to care for them when they do come.

If they stay put for 2 more weeks, they may reach 7-8 lbs too.

Yes Sharyn - it is great that she is doing so well. My girlfriend has twins for her first pregnancy -a boy and a girl. The bot was 8 lbs and the girl was 7 lbs - that's 15 lbs of baby!!! Mind you she was a big woman tall and big boned.

Sharyn, so wonderful to hear!

Speaking of icicles, they were used in play too and probably as impromptu popsicles. We has some huge ones fall off the house. School was never cancelled for us either, nor is it here where the weather is even colder. I do remember one very cold day a parent drove a bunch of us to school. Other than that we walked, no matter what the weather was. Our school was about 8 or more blocks away and we had to cross a small river/stream by way of a railroad bridge. Eventually they built a proper walkway over the bridge, but I remember crawling over it once when it was icy and looking at the rushing cold water below. That would not be tolerated these days. We were well wrapped in cats, scarves, mittens etc. I don't remember feeling the cold too badly. I don't suppose any of this did us any harm. School buses didn't exist then. G gets pretty spectacular icicles on his moustache when he is out in the cold for any time. lol

Glad- I am thinking I wish they would hurry up already, LOL!! It is funny going to the appt. With my daughter, the nurses at the hospital tease her, you are still pregnant! She has a great rapport with the hospital already and she tells the drs, I have proved you all wrong week after week. They tell her, yes you have, we never thought you would get this far, LOL!! Friday will be 36 weeks...she is doing so great!!

OK, a snow story. I was in first grade, we had a huge snowstorm and it was cold. Mom grew up in Wisconsin, much colder there and according to her she never heard of school being canceled. Being the oldest, the only one in school, mom sent me on this snow day, walked five blocks to school and by the time I got back had frozen icicles on my face.

We had snow forts, snow angels and snowmen, caught snow flakes in our tongues. Making a snow angel again is on my bucket list. ;) We used to make piles of snowballs and ambush the dads when they came home for lunch. If you wanted to get serious you "iced" the snow balls. e also practiced walking on the snow crust to see how far we could go without breaking through. I skied to school once in a while, and a couple of times skated after sleet.

Eating snow was the best! Making snow angels, throwing snowballs, building snowmen...