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Agreed - absolutely none of her business. I like your attitude - when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I fought all my life to make my own decisions against continual flack (advice)from mother. I was da**ed if I was going to be a robot and do what some one else wanted me to do. I was going to make my own choices and they may or not may coincide with what someone else wanted.

I understand.
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Emjo, I had a chat with my aunt probably TWO years ago. She was telling me who should not be living in my house, it is a long time friend, sort of in his way holding down the fort, feeding my cats, babysitting my stuff, etc. She also said what a shame this thing with sisters has gotten to this point. She did not understand why this was happening because everyone knows what Mom has always wanted.

I told my aunt about the friend, that it is NONE of her business or anybody else's who is in my house! Also told her that I had heard this lots before so I was very prepped for her comment! The gall of some people! And I also told her my sisters are doing themselves a terrible disservice because all their bit##ing and moaning is actually helping to motivate me to continue to care for Mom to the best of my ability. I will get this done, at least until I cannot any longer. And I will be DA**ED if sisters will have anything to do with MY decision of when I can't do this any more! I always was contrary that way. :/
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I think we are making progress with mother, She has been taking her injections without a fuss - not that that couldn't change at any time. They are given every two weeks so there is not much of track record yet. Had a long chat with the sw who saw a letter mother sent to my sister saying the sweaters sis sent mother were cheap yada yada. The sw was a bit shocked. I said mother could turn on me like that anytime and worse. SW said by all means do not take her to the mall. I also told sw that it will take me months to get this candida flare up healed and my energy back. It is the worse one since the original one 5 yrs ago which took several years to heal. Just my reality and I have to avoid stress. G heard me this time too, so he, who wants to be helpful, may be moving mother into the next facility by himself. The sw is getting the process going to get mother re evaluated and on a wait list. Then came a bit of a bombshell. She "hopes" the evaluation will put mother at the next level of care. Dammit - she is 102, has BPD and vascular dementia which is obviously progressing. She needs the next level of care - not assisted living as she had. She needs someone to give her her meds, and generally look after things for her. Even if she tests OK by the physio or occupational therapist and psychologist they need to take into account her mental state, her physical state, and her emotional state. Aaargh. Oh well, I believe it will have to be a closed unit regardless, which is good. I asked about her showering, as it looked to me like she hadn't showered in a while. The sw said it is part of the dementia. I may call the unit and ask when they last tried to get her to shower. SW said they will make her eventually. If it is her refusing to shower that is a big change. She has refused a perm for now, but sw says she is getting her hair done occasionally. Well, not much I can do about all that. Need to set up file folders for her. The file cabinets were in the basement, then out on the back deck after the sewer problem and I got them upstairs a little while ago, but haven't felt with it enough to tackle that job - brain fog - and I hate filing.

Fruit flies are proliferating here - didn't get the garbage out in time. I set up my fruit fly traps and they .are working well.

We may get mother moved by Christmas, God willing. I really hope it doesn't stretch out into Jan and Feb with the extreme cold which makes everything harder.

Sharon - the due date is coming soon!!! Exciting!!!

Have a good week everyone - do something good for you. Think I will get my hair done this week. At least that does not take much energy. (((((hugs)))) to all.
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to continue - me you need some time for you too, and with all you have on your plate there is none and that can only last so long until something breaks. I don't think there is enough of you to go around to all the things you are trying to do. You don't have to answer the phone every time gp calls, or anyone else. It should not be about how you can do more for your grandpa or your dad. It is about you and your kids first. They and you come before grandpa and dad. What sandwich said is right. Grandpa is just getting more and more demanding. Mother would be like that if I gave in to her. She has been incensed when I put the kids or grandkids before her. Tough. She has knocked me off her will. I think I am back on now - whatever. You need a job and income for you and the kids and your life together. Let gp take a flying hike and concentrate on what you need. He won't like it, but whatever. You can't please all the people all the time. Your son may be acting out partly because he is not getting what he needs at home. I am not blaming you. You have too much to deal with. I found things went smoother with my kids if I looked after their needs first.

Sandwich - well put!!!! I so agree "When other people demand more than they can get out of you, well, their upset feelings are their problem" Actually other people's feelings are always their problem and not yours/ours.

Loo -I am not surprised that you can log a lot of time. I feel that I put in a lot too, whether it is simply searching online for washable outfits that fit her and that she will wear (hopefully), or dealing with various financial/business matters , or trips there or etc. It is not just time, but money too. Then there is even mail that has been erroneously redirected here for her which belongs to someone else. I need to do something about that. And with limited energy, I wonder why I don't get my own stuff done.

Christine -good for you. Would Charles and/or mil buy in better of the doctor was firm about it?

glad - I think of you as a pillar of strength and a very well organised lady. I have no doubt you are doing an excellent job, even in the face of the opposition you get from your narc sis.

Sharyn -sounds like you work with some immature people. Hope your vacay time off doesn't cause any more problems. I know you are going to go anyway

Marg - your bro probably is ADHD. That can get lost in a dysf home. Good observations. It is a tremendous amount of work, but it has paid off. Kids with these problems must have the support of their parents or at least one parent. A wise psychologist once said to me "Let them know that you love them". I am still working on that.

new developments with mother a new post for that I think
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surfacing again...
karan - is it time to look at alternatives for yourself. it sounds like you are in a very stressful and negative environment. Maybe your social worker can help.
vjohnson -I am so sorry about your situation. "Who says things like that to their child?" Many of us can identify with that. it is a good idea to check Medicaid and also va benefits. Maybe approach your local agency on aging and also social services to see what resources are available. Yes. you need to get a job.

cm and renea - good advice

me -I don't know where to start. You can say No to your grandfather and to others. Like sandwich, I think that unless he has set up something in writing about the house going to you, he is just using it to manipulate you. Beware the FOG - fear, obligation and guilt. You sound like you are in continual stress and that will, if anything, make your kids worse, as they are living in chaos. You really have way too much on your plate, and are letting others run your life. There was some one else on this site whose father wanted her to live with him to give her kids a nice home and neighbourhood, and so she could look after him. It was h*ll on wheels for her and her kids. Finally she moved out. I can't remember what arrangements were made for her father's care, but she was much, much happier in her own home, even though it was smaller. Just because your grandfather doesn't want to hire someone else, doesn't mean you are obligated to look after him. Your kids need a good routine, less stress and you available to help them with their pribllems. sandwich it sounds like you had that routine down pat
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Hi Everybody,

I've been reading about the ADD, etc.
I recently saw some information on one of the news channels, and educationally speaking some experts were questioning the traditional method of education used in most countries. One person stated that there was a growing question about the validity, and even the benefit of putting young children through pressures of tests, and so much homework, as it relates to a beneficial learning environment for kids.

My sister and me have always suspected that golden boy, our brother could have ADD. He was super hyper as a kid, and didn't know how to follow things to their conclusion. This I'm sure was attributable by possibly the wrong messages sent to him, by both our parents of being a little leader w/in our family, he being the oldest boy. Of course this whole idea never served me, in any way, since truth be told, I had to be thee most responsible one; I was the eldest sibling.

I applaud all of you, who have dedicated time, and have become advocates for your children who were affected by ADD, ADHD.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Can you believe its only been 2 hours since I wrote on this part and Im living in complete non stop hel$ now? Of course that isnt new. I haven't been able to clean as my son as his name calling and violence are keeping me busy. Everybody is arguing and yes yelling and a lady who keeps coming for some darn survey heard it all. ( she wont stay away her and her company.. we tell em no... next step threaten police come) People ignore my signs of no door to door, English and Spanish, no company, they still come.

Anyways grandpa was upset and telling me you should be done down there you can do your stuff later you cant have that much I need my windows done now.. oh my god whats wrong with you etc"! A call an hr later, he told this to my dad( I explained previously my house what and where I need to look for the clothes and etc my son is acting up I just cant!!!! )Well Im loudly saying I have lost it!!! Im not in the mental state to be near anyone, I cant do this .... someone can fix your lunch and dinner like dad, neighbors ...I can clean windows later tonight in the background while hes telling that to my dad. Honestly I dont want to go down tonight... I dont want to be home either...My kids wont help with anything.......dad cant physically but is now trying because I cant.. I cant touch anything Im shaking.. Imy mind slips and I cant finish whatever it was,, I have to stop ... my mind is fried... I get up and leave my room and I start feeling sick.. Im so upset.. Im so done ...I look at everything to do around.. waiting for the phone to ring and get yelled at... well, I get yelled at here too, and yes hit by my son. Isnt it something, I get beat up by my son!! If he doesnt hit me, he throws things.. anything at me...all of us. Remember I told you all he was violent.

Grandpa keeps calling for me to help ask questions omg I just want to be alone from everyone! Im sure thats how u all feel with me too being on here several times a day.. Im not allowed to go anywhere ..Im in hel$... or prison or something. My son again hates me, wished I was dead again, I really lost it and told him one day he will get his wish and hopefully that will make him and everyone happy........


Im so sorry Im really sorry.. Its something how I came here to see what I wasn't doing for my grandpa , what else I can do for him, as well as my dad ..to now its all about me, all about how I cant balance anything..cant fix anything.. Im sorry its either all in my head or this is my real life?
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Assist store manager not await.LOL!
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I wish I could say "A"'s mind is cloudy...the truth is she doesn't like being inconvenienced and not able to leave work on time. This isn't the first time she got mad due to a last minute order. Oh well we get a new store manager on Monday...he was the await store manager at the store I worked at here in town..
He can be tough...very serious.
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looloo- glad you get your sleep!

sandwich42plus-Thank you, I know, Im not counting on it and still planning well was to save once Im working for a used mobile home or similar, Idk what Im doing anymore. I list priorities and it goes to the shredder. I went out today because my dad wanted me to go, we fought all the way to the dog store and back because I am just done, didnt want to go and wanted to get started cleaning here, I couldnt even finish my shower because I had to talk to grandpa when he called. I hate going out, I hate trying to put on a show of smiles and talks to people,they see it in my face when I walk in, I try I do I just cant. I want to be by myself no calls, no company, no in public. Im so drained and its non stop he$$ of arguing if I dont jump for everyone. I dont work, but I need to otherwise I cant pay bills and I can lose my kids, but I have no time to work, and now, its to the point I dont want to be around people.. I love talking to people and strangers..well, I used to. I jump on everyone even if its just one word of"hello". Im trying to be here for others but Im finding it harder and harder everyday. How can I offer help when I cant help myself?

Im sorry you had such a hard time with your family as well, the kids understand a little but not fully, glad you were able to get them back to where they were, of course you had to handle your mom.

sharynmarie- Hopefully everything works out for you, enjoy that vacation! I know people have to follow rules on the orders but under certain circumstance, not everyone things ahead because their mind is so cloudy, I know that all to well. Its nice of you to help him out!
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Very quiet here!!!

When I went to work yesterday, I checked the schedule for next week. I am scheduled to have Mon/Tues off and work the rest of the week. Because the dept manager is on a mini vacay for 5 days and won't be back until next Tuesday, she was not there. I told a co-worker this is not going to work, I am leaving for Idaho on the 14th. I asked the dpet manager last week if I was going to get my vacay and she said it should be ok. My co-worker said to com line the assist store manager right now, tell him you have non refundable tickets to Idaho and the dept manager told you last week it should be ok. I did, he said we will work something out. We changed the schedule around with the assist store manager's approval...however, they still need a closer for next Sunday. Our dept manager can deal with that when she comes back on Tuesday.

It really is a shame to cause extra upset with people due to your own oversights but it seems to be notorious for this store. Then a customer comes in around 2pm, said his buddy's mother just passed away and people would be coming to the house within the hour. I said you want party trays...here are our trays and the sizes and prices. He picked out 6 different party trays. We started to work on them...the customer asked...will you have them done in about an hour? "A" told him yes about an hour because we still have to help other customers that approach the deli.He looked at me and winking,saying in about an hour...I said yes!. He had already passed the remark to "Y" that "A" did not seem very on board with this..."Y" said, oh "A" is just like that nothing personal. After the customer left, "A" said, and if you pressure me to go faster, I will just go slower and see how you like that. Really??? This man's buddy's mother just died have some compassion...not to mention capitalism and a plus for our dept for giving great customer service to a customer going thru a painful situation. "Y" made excuses for her...she doesn't do will with people. Ok...I get that...when I was "A" age, I was the same way...but I was held accountable for it, hurt very badly in order to wake me up and force me to grow as a human being.. No one wants to do that today. What do you all think about that??
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Me1000 -
1. You don't owe anybody anything. Let's get that straight. Promising property is easy to do. Following through is something else entirely. If he's serious about that, it needs to be done now to make his estate probate a lot easier! I'm not there and didn't hear anything in person, but I'm terribly jaded by nature. The promise of a house later if you do everything exactly like I want now seems like manipulation to me. If the paperwork doesn't back up what he's saying, don't count on a house. There will be nothing you can do about it after the fact.

Even so, you are within your rights to set boundaries on that relationship and the work you are able to do. If you aren't enough, then that's too darn bad. Stop saddling yourself with unnecessary obligation to the detriment of yourself and your life.

2. When I got saddled with my mom's care, I had a chat back at the ranch. I gathered my darling family members up and explained that I have a new and never before seen level of responsibility on my shoulders. As a result, "thangs be changin up in here!" You're all going to have more chores, more responsibility too, and I know you can rise to the occasion. My left boot will help you if you need it.

To offset that, it's important to spend time with the kids. Probably more important than anything else, even Grandpa. I was kind of MIA for a few months, and my young teens started acting up, being snots, and pretty mouthy. They really missed me and needed me to be around more. So, mom didn't get me "on tap" anymore and she started acting up, being a snot and really mouthy. Turning out nice young people was more important to me than trying to keep mom satisfied (not possible).

List out your priorities. Post them on your mirror. Post them at work. Put them in your pocket. And then stick to them. Life sucks when it's out of balance. When other people demand more than they can get out of you, well, their upset feelings are their problem.
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Me1000, yes, I do sleep. Whenever there's a crisis, it's hard not to toss and turn. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night, thinking, planning, worrying, but overall, I am early-to-bed-early-to-rise. Sometimes I'll take Nyquil if I'm really anxious, but that's very rare (I did indulge earlier this week though, and it helped).
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Well, Im here again today because Im just done on how to split me. Seriously, Im just not giving enough time for everyone, esp kiddos. As I just wrote a few hours ago, not gonna repeat all, just continue....

The dog has to go to the Vet because she is 10 months, spayed and has "peed" on herself while lying down, twice. Its as if she didnt notice she did it, and when I ask her what happened, poor puppy looks sad and down. I never yelled at her, just asked. She is potty trained, so its not that. Anyways, my dad is blowing up mad because I now have to be with grandpa and he doesnt want the other dog alone because he goes crazy when his sister isnt here. I mean, he really gets all bent out of shape, jumping the dog gate and piece furn I have to block him from other rooms!

I feel I owe grandfather even more now that he promises to leave the house to us. If I tell him no when its just cleaning and he already hired the girl, I still feel I can never tell him no. IDK what to do.He got upset that I would be at his house at the old time of 8:30 instead of 6:30pm!!! Just so I can attempt to clean my home!!! Well, most of the time he doesnt need me, and he has a phone to call me, neighbors in an emergency. I have the P.E. uniforms my son needs somewhere in a box in the shed that my daughter "passed" down that I have to sort through before Monday!!! School is Monday and they are graded on P.E. Uniforms!! I dont have the money to just go buy more either. Oh P.E. clothes are unisex and was what my daughter wore a couple years a go so I packed it knowing by son would fit it this year. So another reason I needed to be here! I wonder, how is this going to work when Im asking dad or son to go down in place of me ( acting as if Id be at work) and they get a little upset! Whats going to happen when I am at work? Grandpa probably yell at me Im not there for him, but under same breath hes happy Im working uggh!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, anyways, yes, Im going to gpas early, he wins for tonight because I had no get up with pep to clean here when I have to do what I have to do 2morrow. Am I going to try to get out of it? Yes, flat out tell him I cant move furn and pics, and fragile figurines! I really am clumsy lol, I LOVE PLASTIC EVERYTHING! I collect plastic cups and swear by the plates too haha. Ok a bit of subject but true!!!!

Well, sleep well everyone!!!!!
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looloo- Do you sleep? You definitely are busy and need to have a personal assistant for you :) I been working on a schedule to do for future but not past/present. Now Im curious! Hopefully you can get some rest. Hugs

camaryllis- Good luck finding the right one. Its good your able to still have some time to research them! Your right you never know, hopefully he will play Bingo or something!

gladimhere- Your welcome :) And welcome to my family! Isnt something how people connect from all over the world here, helping each other, seeking support and we rely on each other more then anyone else it seems? I love you all here too, and am very happy I found this site. Well, looks like you all are stuck with me!!! Thank you too glad for your support!
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ME, thanks for the appreciation and compliment! I haven't heard that in such a long time from anybody in my family. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I will have you all as my family from here on out. Love you guys!

And all of you thank you for everything you do for your loved ones and tjose others you care for. Yes, Ladee, even Cujo! We are all doing great jobs of it! Give yourselves a pat on the back! (And a raise, if only it were that easy!)
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Hellooo,
Well. Went to tour one NH, and another one on Saturday. Still not getting buy in from Charles and MIL, but I want to have this option nailed down if needed. There is a waiting list at one place, I already went to this one and it looks like it would be good for FIL. The place I am going to on Saturday sounds like it focuses on keeping everyone busy. Not sure that is going to work for FIL, he will not be playing bingo or going on outings to restaurants. Although you never know, he might surprise me.

Hello to all, hope things are more peaceful today...
Thanks for listening,
Christine
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I decided to try quantifying the actual amount of time I spend on my mother's stuff, so I downloaded a timesheet template in Excel format, and have been putting in the time spent, with a summary of the stuff I've been doing every day. I knew it was a lot, but holy schmoly. And this isn't even hands-on caregiving. No wonder the days and weeks are such a blur sometimes!
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KaranM- Welcome and Im sorry for your losses. You have been through a lot and the job market is horrible as well. I understand being financially depended on someone, esp family. Its never easy. Im also easily taken advantage of, but you need to start worrying about you. I know, always easier said then done...but we are here to cheer you on!!Hugs

sharynmarie- Im glad she recognized Midget!!

Countrymouse- Hugs and hang in there, we are with you!

vjohnson- You need to worry about you. Who says hes not bad enough to go to a home? Have her checked and let them know you cant handle it anymore. Hugs to as well!! Sorry your going through this.

ReneaP1960- Great advice !!

****Well my grandpa shocked us and said hes leaving us the house directly for all we done and to make sure we all have roof over our head and are not stressing out the rules I was given by Aunt. We will see if it holds up. I kept thanking him and well, I mentioned all this in another post floating around. But basically, it went back to " clean your house and you have to look for a job" ok!! Well, today, after he knew I had plans to take my daughters dog to the Vet in the morning,shop for a mattress for him, other appts/places needed to go and FINALLY clean my home( believe me it needs it and sounds dumb but If Im not going full speed ahead no breaks, I never get done what I need to).

Well anyways, a month ago he hired a friend/neighbor (who is the one who said Im not doing enough for him.. I should work after he dies, she agrees with my Aunt etc, to clean certain rooms.) He didnt want to bother me. I dont mind a little everyday or night( Im there about 12 hours a night I can most certainly clean) SHE alone was to clean, all of a sudden he TOLD me Im cleaning something in the morning while shes doing another part. Then, he added" Oh Im having you and her paint those rooms tomorrow too!!!) I have to move furniture, expensive collectables, paint, work next to someone who doesnt like me but at least we are on speaking terms .( Im glad about that tho). Ummmm!!!!PLUS my son is still home from school and he insists I have to help ( I get by on painting, Im not as good as her or him) And he went on how hes blind but yet can paint the whole room perfectly etc etc!!! He says I always say Im too busy for HIM!!! Really??? I jump as much as possible, all the time in an emergency!! My kids start school Monday, I have a lot to get done myself to prepare them, and get my house done! I dont mind helping my grandpa, and yet, I know I owe him for all hes done and the future houese, but still, I need to handle things here too!! This is more of a pain then anything!!! Here comes the old ways.. again, how can I work if this is going to continue. Im scared if I dont jump he will change his mind, but, Im going to take that chance!!!
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sharynmarie- Its so hard for us, but even harder for them, which I can never understand. Im glad he is more balanced now. As for your sis giving gifts, I also think it should be the amounts your mom would give like you said the $10-$20. But if your mom needs the money for her care, it should be available to her. Omg yes, I like the 2x4 thing she said too!

Countrymouse- I agree, best not to even discuss if not necessary.

gladimhere- Sounds like my family! Sorry you went through that. Esp Christmas time. And I know Im not your sister, but I will tell you your doing a wonderful job!!! Hang in glad, we are all proud of you!!!

looloo- Be careful as emjo advised, I hope he has now grown up, but still be careful I really wish you both the best. I know the relationship will never be as it was before the age of 9/10 as you said, but, if possible a nice one. Also, Im sorry you and your mom are still not getting along. I hope she will soon let it go, which I think she will. Good luck Hugs

emjo23- Its scary watching htme go through so much when their little and all we can do is keep everything crossed and guide them to succeed. Im still scared but am hopeful. Both of my kids are very smart.. and no, not just saying that because they are my kids( well, what mom doesn't?) But they are, and my son once he is calm enough to sit and do the work hes succeeds! The violence part.. working on. Im so happy for you and your kids that they are doing well, your another wonderful "happy ending" on here, that our kids will be ok!!! I am glad your lunch went well and the kitty is doing better. You also take care of yourself and be careful of the heat! I really prefer the 70's, sometimes 80's (with a breeze) temps, Hawaii to be exact, maybe one day I will be able to spend at least a year or so there!

sandwich42plus-I have heard the same thing, to slap him accross his face, whoop him ,take a belt , etc.. Ughh makes me sick and I ask them you want that done to you? Yes, we have spanked him on his bottom, with only it making it worse. I never cared for that anyway, spanking makes it worse even for a child with no issues( my personal opinion) Yes, I was spanked as a child!!! Im glad your rules and structure is working, Im hoping to come on here soon and say, "it finally worked for us" One day? Anyways I get exactly what your saying , even if we let on a whim, they would expect it again, son esp and when we couldnt when he wanted to, yikes!!!

Linda22-Omg Linda, thats so sad :( Im so sorry. Hopefully that teacher was fired!
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vjohnson...I so understand you need to work! You are right to believe she cannot be left alone. ALF's are expensive but there are financial options out there. Check in to the state medicaid system see if she qualifies. Was Dad or Mom in the service? If either one did and during time of war liquid assets not over $80,000. she would also qualify for Aide and Attendance. The VA takes a while to start paying but it is retro'd back to date of application.
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VJohnson, yes you are. FLD is notorious for its effect on sufferers' behaviour and you're getting the full force by the sound of it. How long have you been staying with your mother?

Ok. So. Imagine you didn't exist. What would be your mother's options then?
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I was 1700 miles from home and very happy not to be in the middle of my mother's issues. Then I broke my ankle and had to come stay with her. I had no idea she was in such bad shape. She has frontal lobe dementia and can't remember to even take her medication. I took her to another dr. who diagnosed her (the doctor she was seeing would not do anything), took her to get an ultra sound, eye test, MRI....etc. She can no longer drive so we put the car at my sister's house and her driver's license is being taking away. The next door neighbor had been stealing from my mother for 3 years and this all came to light. Now my mother blames me for everything and wants to fight every single day. She has said some horrible things to me (which is not really new but now she is more honest about how she feels about me) She even told me I was an unwanted child and my father was the smart one for leaving me, I don't believe this to be true but it floored me to know she would say such a thing. Who says things like that to their child? I want to move so bad and leave her here and what happens happens but I can't do it. I almost put her into a home but she is not in bad health other than the dementia so that is out. Assisted living is too expensive so I don't know where to turn. I have to go to work but I am afraid this will make matters worse because she can't just get in the car and leave anymore. I am living in h*ll!
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Emjo, I'll write privately; but meanwhile big hug to you. I'm thinking 'giving up' should actually read "put it down carefully and step away."

Sharyn, exactly that thing with the keys happened to Maureen Lipman, one of our national treasure actors and writers, in a big shopping centre in London. But as she was wringing her hands and thinking heck how do I get out of this, a pair of policeman happened to pass by and with them a young man they were taking into custody - he'd been caught on cctv pinching car stereos. Happy accident: she was very well known at the time and managed to persuade the coppers to let him exercise his powers constructively just this one time - I don't know if he got time off his sentence for good behaviour and public spiritedness.

Um. Speaking for myself I wouldn't be entirely happy to drive that far on a dodgy tire, unless… no, actually, unless nothing. Would getting it replaced be a real pain?
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Sandwich-what great mother you are to your son. Teenagers have their thoughts ...my son would do his homework..I witnessed it and even helped him...alas..he wouldn't turn it in the next day! I guess he thought he did enough.
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Karan~Welcome to the thread. I do agree with what Glad said. It is tough in the work place and jobs can be hard to come by in certain fields. I am working at a major grocery store in the bakery/deli dept. I have been there almost 6 years, I hold on this job because it is union so I have insurance. It took me a long time to get this job...I was working at a small mom and pop pizza shop. I did everything for them (the owners) and on the weekends I opened and closed the shop so the owners could have the weekend off. I worked there 2 years, went through 5 different owners in that time...I applied at this grocery store for the deli...and was hired in 3 weeks. Because of my age, I can't even imagine trying to find a job somewhere else.

Joan~You are in a position that you have to choose your health first. You already do so much for your mother.

Glad~Great quote!! Very true what Joan said.

I took Midget to the groomers this morning only to lock my keys in the car with the engine running, Whoo Hoo for me!! I had to wait for 3A to come rescue me and missed my mammy appt as a result. I rescheduled for Sept. 17th. I noticed my right rear tire had a slow leak, took the car in to get the tired plugged and they reassured me I would have no problem driving it to Idaho and back...I am driving by myself...a 9 hour drive. Hubby isn't coming out until the 29th. I have done it before so not worried.

I took Midget to see my mom. My mom recognized her this time. We went to the park across the street and sat on a bench in the shade. Lots to do and not enough time as usual...take care everyone!
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You can also "give up" a bad habit, a bad relationship, bad shoes. Giving up is not a sign of failure. It's a sign of Waking Up and making decisions and taking action to make something else better. And new shoes.

I haven't visited mom since 7/12. Almost a whole month. Which is fine.
She has found the phone in the visiting room and calls the house, leaving messages I don't listen to. It's either angry blaming, demands for things she doesn't have room to store, or everyone's favorite: thick F.O.G.

I stumbled across a blog article (that I can't find again - of course!) that was about saing goodbye to someone close with mental illness. It's OK. We do not have to be heros. Trying to chase that goal is a fool's errand.

I think I did my part. I got mom into a safe place. I watch over her personal business. I fill out paperwork & pay bills. I'm not the traveling circus for entertainment. I'm not her employee. I'm not her personal shopper. I'm not the chauffer. I'm not here to fix everything wrong in her opinion.

Now that she is on a secure floor, she wants to go places. When she lived in an independent apartment, the good Lord himself could not get her to attend a field trip anywhere. Well, I don't have time to run her hither & yon for absolutely no reason. Sorry mom, but you missed the boat. Literally. It's not coming back.

I can't personally make up for all the events and opportunities she turned down before she had to go into nursing home care. I wouldn't want to get to that point and realize I'm stuck now and I didn't live life when I could, so I try to live now, with the goal in mind to be at peace with the big changes that come with aging. When I get to that point, I want to be able to say that I did enough, I lived, I played the game as much as I wanted to, and it's OK to get off the field now.
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Looloo - I made nice color copies of mom's ID and printed it on photo paper. I cut it out exactly like the original, and put the copy in her little wallet she keeps in her walker. Her real ID card is safely in the file cabinet with her credit cards, etc.
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glad - I totally agree with that statement. The words "giving up" have a connotation of failure, but giving something up means change, and change can be growth. It is healthy to recognize our limitations and it does take strength to admit them. No one is superwoman or superman. After this last bout of the infection flare up, I am staring that in the face and wondering what changes I need to make, especially when the hospital staff have plans for me to get more involved with mother. I am having trouble right now just doing what I absolutely have to do around here, and a few essentials for mother like sorting out her change of status with the government pension people.
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I received this quote in my e-mail this morning from a relative. I don't think it is directed towards me, rather dysfunctional siblings that are making all of this so very difficult! All of us can learn from it, especially those at the end of their ropes.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go"
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