The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Thanks everyone. I awoke today with a migraine with aura. Took a pill so better now.

195Austin- Wishing a speedy recovery for C!!!

brandywine1949, I hope everything works out for you. Dont stress yourself out. Hugs

looloo- Im proud of your husband not taking meds! Im glad you both are finding ways to handle his impulsiveness and other issues. I will try meditation for him, Idk if I know how if that makes sense!! Thank you!

I also hope everyone can have a great week soon! ( My day has been going from bad to worse... looks like my Aunt may even be even luckier soon as well as my sons issues yikes!)

Hi everyone, happy Monday :). Sounds like we've got a LOT going on, not just with caregiving, but personal health problems, family b.s., logistical issues, work drama! Oy vey. Lol. Hoping we all have a week where at least one of these things blows over or gets smoothed out!

Re-ADHD -- my husband (we're in our late 40's) was never diagnosed as a child, but he is the absolute poster child for someone with ADHD. I'm sure he's mellowed somewhat over the years, but it is a difficult thing to have, and to live with as a family member/loved one. I've been seeing a therapist every few weeks or so for over a year or two now, and she happens to be a marriage and family therapist, with expertise in children with ADHD. She's explained a lot to me about how the brain operates in people with this, and how affects behavior, judgment (or lack of it, haha), sleep, just everything. And that it's very important to learn how to manage it and compensate for it.
My husband never took meds for it, and never wants to, and there are serious consequences to not learning how to deal with it. His relationships suffer, his career path is affected (for better and for worse, it depends), he can make impulsive, negative and destructive decisions, etc. I don't want to proseletyze or sound like any kind of 'expert' but the one thing I'd recommend is trying basic meditation. It's just like a 'time out' but it's not a punishment, haha! Even 1 minute of doing nothing but sitting, calmly, and breathing slowly, can make a really big difference, and it lays the foundation for going just a little bit longer next time. My husband has started this just a bit, and it's not a cure-all, but it has helped.

I live out in the boondocks. We don't have bus service or Amtrack here. No trains at all, not even freight trains. The airplane doesn't even go there. That's what it is like in the Mountain West.

Joan -I am glad your cat is getting better-still trying to get caught up after being away and with C's eye surgery-some problems have occurred almost everyone has problems theses days with cataract surgery.

Well, another Jolly day and its not even light outside yet. My Aunt begged my grandpa on the phone not to let me or my dad control my kids school money because " it will hurt her Audits.. accounts etc" Well NONE of that money is hers of my grandpas except for a promised account. Oh and all of sudden extra money to help her. The rest my grandpa changed to his other grand children receiving some money! FINALLY!!! He FINALLY listened to me!!! ( on that note anyways) She says she needs to hold the money and she will handle it, by verbal agreement he can trust her. Well not only is she getting the entire house he lives in AND his contents that he says" she just told him not to add her brother "( grandpas other son)!!! Plus Insurance Policy money.. well, lets say she can pay her mortgage off, buy a couple new cars and still have money left over to live on for years if careful!!!! According to the WILL,the Inheritance taxes are paid for by my grandfathers estate... I have to double check it.

So not only do I have the Aunt who hates me, who we have rarely gotten along and are not speaking again, who made several pages of RULES for me to follow to INHERIT ( two sections of her rules said I must purchase the home I, my dad and kids were suppose to INHEREIT at a 65% percent if I dIdnt want to follow rules. And who gets the money? HER!!! Why are we not speaking you ask? Because I read the rules to my grandfather and he got upset claiming he didnt make up some of those rules. Then the neighbor comes in saying they are all good rules convincing my grandpa its good!!! Uggh arggh and gosh darn!!!!!!!

But I have to call her( mind you we aren't talking!!!!!!) if she has the money and keeps her word, to ask her to write checks for Tuition's, clothes, etc for their school. If that doesn't say that Im not trusted I dont know what does. Its funny, I will be all" Oh wait a week until I can get her this because my Aunty has to handle it" But yet, maybe Im wrong not to trust her, should I? I mean, I have had a few people read her rules now and they said shes trying to keep it from me( the house).

Im been sick all night... Im just done. I told my grandpa I need a few days and he started in I have nothing hard about my life, the kids and dad need me, etc etc. I already decided the heck with a motel.. Im camping for the first time in my life!!! It will be cheaper for me anyways. But... I dont think Ill ever be allowed to go. Its as if Im abandoning them or something. But parents work, businesses trips, military they are not abandoning the kids or family.

Im still bleeding when I shouldn't be, Im so overwhelmed, scared, confused, I think Im having panic attacks. Good thing is I used to eat all the time for stress and now, I am getting sick when I do, thats good I guess, maybe Ill lose some weight. I feel like I dont know who I can trust I have been beaten down all these years by family, friends and some exes. I feel like a child being told what to do, dont know who to trust. Sometimes I cant even think straight to say the right things, do the right things idk.

Funny how I am the one caring for my grandpa, dad, of course my kids, trying to get along with neighbors, trying to go to school, trying to get a job, trying to get along with family because I want to. But yet, Im no good.

Margeaux- My grandfather has always been difficult, his way is the best or your not doing it right. My dad and Aunt says he was always like this, yes with me too. The whole family. Demands, prejudice, his way. He at the the same time has helped us financially and even with his attitude, at times, emotionally ( I know weird long story)

He says he doesn't need me, but just to fix breakfast and give pills, hes fine. But at times he does need me to help him walk ( on walker- guide him) help change him, help him shower. But not all the time. I feel as long as he had someone there at night and off and on day he will be ok. Idk.

Hes been blind over 8 years now, never went to the institute your talking about. He's lived in his home since 1956, so he knows his way around for the most part. ( sometimes when he gets dizzy or is half asleep he looses his way- but these times have been when he was dehydrated or sick)

He has a girl come in twice a week to help him but of course he lets her go almost 2 hours or less early! I hope your girlfriend is doing well, sorry that happened to her.

sharynmarie- your so right! I honestly have trouble accepting adhd diagnose but know even if its not that its something!!! I know over 50 things can mimic it, but as I tell people, " it was around back then because it wasnt known or understood. They have tests now, more names for all sorts of mental and physical problems"

brandywine1949- Oh wow, I would be too scared to drive on those roads, of course, I dont like driving anyways. Im sorry so much has changed with your mom and shes still suicidal. All you can do is voice your concern to your sis, nurses and Dr's. As far as you visiting your mom, I know you want to be up there as much as possible and thats wonderful. But, you can only do what you can physically and financially can do. I really cant give you an answer how many times, it depends on you. Even if you go once a month, once every two, its ok, You have to take care of your health, as well as your husband. And no worries on you "not offering your support" as you say, but you are offering support by sharing whats going on with you and your family. Others reading your story, may get ideas, hopes etc from you.


sharynmarie- Hopefully they talk to the other two and really get them to get on the team. Everything is team work. Im honestly the same way you are, wouldnt say anything and let it go. But that might not always be the best approach and you have to deal with this all the time. Its a tough call, but you if you feel you cant work under those conditions you might have to say something, but be careful, esp if you still need a job! I wish you luck.


Hugs to all

The last few days have been interesting to say the least. On Thursday "A" was in a rant again, on Friday she was fine, laughing, joking and carrying on as if nothing bothered her plus she was doing the exact same thing that she was complaining about the b/d manager doing a week ago....laughing and joking with a co-worker instead of helping with the work. "A" is off until Wednesday....so yesterday I was in deli by myself...not unusual. I just work on the priorities and do the very best I can do. Before the b/d manager left, she asked me about what happened last Sunday. She said she has heard several different versions and wanted to know my opinion. I told her that when I came into work, "A" was all stressed out, "M" was helping her with production and so was "Y"...and that "Y" stayed an extra couple hours to help with production even after I came in. She said Why did she do that. I told her that "A" was angry because she felt not enough was done on Saturday because many items went out of code on Sunday, leaving many holes in our production case. "A" seemed to feel I did not do enough, she is tired of me asking her when I come into work....what do you want me to start on....she is tired of no one taking responsibility for the fryer and leaving it for her to deal with...she doesn't think I work with a sense of urgency, and she is trying too hard to fill in all the gaps then she feels she is the only who is working and starts blaming everyone around her. Once she has vented for a day, she is ok for a few days to a week before it starts again. The manager said, I think she just over reacts. I said yes, she over reacts and gets stressed to easily because she is focusing on everything that needs to be done instead of prioritizing. I told her, I refuse to walk on egg shells around her because if I don't get something done and she has to deal with it the next day...I can only do so much and "A" needs to recognize that we are all working our own job plus doing parts of 2 other people jobs...she is not the only one who is working and she can not single handedly keep things running smoothly but she thinks she has to do everything or it won't get done. She talked about how it is hard to deal with her at times and she feels she just over reacts and she agreed with what I had to say...hopefully it was not just lip service... but I don't think so. Anyway today, I worked "Y"...she is another one....she is he!! bent on making the b/d manager look bad by reporting every little thing. Today she reported to the center store manager (even though the store manager was there today, but she feels he protects the b/d manager), about 3 salad kits that went out of code yesterday. The salads we have in the salad case come in kits that we just mix together and put out. 1 was broccoli cashew and the other 2 were chopped house salad...2 boxes but each box has 2 kits in it. Honestly, I know the best used by date was yesterday...but the broccoli looked fine and so the the cabbage for the 2 salads and the expiration dates on the dressings and other items that get mixed into the these salads do not go out of code until December. Each ingredient that goes into these salads is packaged separately and we open them and mix it all together...so yesterdays best used by date was really for the broccoli and and cabbage only... both looked very fresh. Yes the b/d manager is responsible for keeping track of these salads expiration dates...but...I feel "Y" did over kill on reporting this. We did make a couple salads that go out on the 5th and are doing a managers special reducing the price. Yes, the dept manager is only 27 years old...she is doing the best she can with the limited amount of people in our dept and believe me....corporate knows what is going on and so does the store manager. We are having a Mutiny On The Bounty...so to speak... and I don't want to be caught up in it. There is a big part of me that wants to tip off the dept manager of "Y" and "A"'s feelings but I guess it makes me a coward for staying out of it and letting it play itself off. What to do??? What to say???? I hate this store...too much drama for me!!

Brandy~What a trip you had to experience. There is no way to know just what mood a dementia patient may be in when you visit so I can understand how frustrating it must be to drive all that way only to not have a good visit with your mother. I know that your income is very limited, but just wondering....can you possibly take a bus or train (Amtrack) instead of driving? Factor in the gas and food you have to pay for to drive there and compare. I agree with Glad that you go when you want to not because you feel you have to and you are under any stress.

Me~The problem is that ADHD is a controversial subject. Most, who have never had to deal with it first hand, do not accept it....similar to people who think fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome are not real because there is no real test to prove it. I let the naysayers believe what they want, LOL!!

Brandy, good to hear from you! I am sorry the trip to see Mom was so stressful. Next time, only when you feel you WANT to make then trip go through the week. Especially this time of year everyone is trying to get their end of summer trips into only a few remaining weekends.

As far as seeing Mom you need to take care of yourself first! I think if you wake one morning, and are feeling good, and you want to see her then go. If I were to make plans to visit someone that is no longer pleasant to be around I would wait for the mood to get me. Planning on a fixed schedule would only serve to increase my stress level then that would effect my overall health and wellbeing.

Don't be so hard on yourself, do what you can and WANT to do and no more. If you are visiting because you feel you have to this just feeds the guilt when you don't. Let your sister think what she will, but do not let it impact what YOU decide to do. Go when you will enjoy the ride, and enjoy seeing your mother.

To the forum: I am sorry that I don't post much and don't offer support to you. I just have so much going on that its just a survival game.
So dh and I drove the 200 miles to see Mom today. What an ordeal. As some of you might remember the road is winding in the mountains. Now they are doing road construction on the road and will be doing it until 2016. I thought the traffic wouldn't be so bad if it was Sunday. Wrong! It was worse. First everybody in the state was going to the mountains either to go boating, hiking, or camping. The traffic was horrendous. There was Rvs, camp trailers, boats. But the most traffic was 1000's of motorcycles. We are near Sturgis, SD so we saw literally 1000s of cycles. Then the oilfield scene is in full swing here in the West so we encountered hundreds of oil field trucks. Then the road construction was bad. Everybody and his dog was going too fast over these winding mountain roads. One guy tried to pass with me in the way. It is a wonder I made it home. It must have been 98 degrees. I let my dh drive on a straight stretch. Bad mistake. He made a small blunder. He has a dementia like thing going on.
So we got there, Mom was napping. She was very cranky and crabby. She has lost more weight and hardly eats a thing. She didn't recognize us. It is obvious that she wants to die. When my dad died, she stated some suicidal thoughts but I ignored them. Now I think she is wanting to die. She hits the aides and nurses. She sipped at some juice and that was all. The nurses won't tell me how things are and the POA won't either. My mother was always such a sweet person and a loving mother. She was always there for me. But then she had a stroke and all things changed.
My question to the forum is how much do you think I should go there. It is tremendously hard on me to travel such a distance. My car is old and we are living in poverty. The road conditions are bad. I am in constant pain all the time. I am elderly myself. My sister won't take me with her. I found someone I could go along with, but it is still quite an ordeal for me to go there. She can't talk on the phone anymore. So how much in your opinion.

Me1000,

Somehow, I missed on one of your posts, that your grandfather is blind.
Sorry about that, that I didn't consider this. So my next question to you, how long has he been blind? If he's been this was awhile, did he ever go to Braille Institute, or something of the sort? I had a blind girlfriend some years ago. She went blind as a result of an industrial accident. At the Braille Institute, she was taught how to function being blind. But, you also mentioned too, he has mobility issues.
Anyway, I can understand, that if he can't function, and he says negative things to you how you could fall into the guilty feeling. I say that is still however unfair.
No matter what, you need some time for yourself, and to address what is going on with you.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Oh finally, the system worked!
Me1000,
As your story is unfolding, I'm sensing that yes, your grandfather has some health issues, but he sounds like a difficult man. Has he always been this way?
You do need a break. Many times in families I don't know if your family has the gender bias going on, as to whether why it's you who is doing the majority of the care. Do you have any siblings in the picture?

Anyway, first of all, do take care of yourself! Hey, if you're saying on the one hand grandfather has stated to you, he really doesn't need you at the moment, well I take that as he really doesn't need the kind of elevated care some elders are required to have. You did mention someone who comes in several times a week, didn't you?

All I can say in regards to he telling you, that you can't do something, taking a break, even w/your own money, that sounds way out there, don't you think?
He's wrong! Because, you can do this the day you walk out the door an go do it,
this decision is YOURS, and remember this should be your's only!

I think that sometimes caregivers give in to notion that they are indispensable.
I also feel that in some cases, sure it could be some kind of guilt trips the patient tries to place on a caregiver. Then unfortunately, if a caregiver falls for this,
you end up giving in to their inordinate demands. Watch out, because if grandpa isn't really up there age wise.....and he's yet not having truly serious ailments,
this can only get worse.

Many times you see posters here who are very dutiful, care for the right reasons, etc. But many times too, some also feel that they are indispensable. As other's have already told you, if you aren't there the sun isn't going to fall out of the sky.
I do realize that you have your son w/special needs to consider. Now if you can have your dad take care of him, then the extra caregiver on hand, while your away, do take a much needed break.

Hugs,
Hang in there,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

I seem to be having some problems posting lately!
I post, then have a hard time signing in.
What's happening?

Much Love & Light! Mageaux

sharynmarie- Its hard getting families support isnt it? Then some say" oh you are just making it up, that doesn't exist!" Well , something is wrong!!!

Im glad Ritalin helped as well as the activities! Im also glad to hear he is doing well as is your relationship with him! I think staying active is great for everyone, its a healthier lifestyle and I need to start too. Thank you for sharing :)

Me-Yes, it is very difficult raising a child with ADHD. I had no support from hubby or his family and of course his family blamed me for ineffective parenting. Yes, he was taking Ritalin for it. We tried another drug called Cylert that I loved, however, it raised his liver enzymes so we had to take him off of it. Ritalin helped, while he was in school and without the Ritalin, my son would write words backwards. I had him in sports, we went hiking anything to help him run off energy, we tried diet, counseling. By the time he got in HS he was starting to be a much more pleasant person to be around. He is now 34, works in a warehouse (perfect for. him).: I took him off Ritalin by the time he was in jr. High. He can still be very impulsive, and will never be good at organizing....but overall he is a good responsibile adult who is like a big kid. I enjoy him so much more and when we visit, we do a lot of outdoor activities together since we both love to be active.

Sunshine89- I didn't forget you but wanted to address you separately. I wanted to tell you I am extremely proud of you and your husband being sober for so long! Everyday your sober is wonderful. As for your husbands stroke, what can he do? What do you feel your doing wrong? Have you talked to his Dr about any type of services that can come in and help you? You also need time for you. Do you work? Kids? Other family or friends?

No one is perfect although I and Im sure others try to be. We learn as we go, we improve over time. New techniques always come over time as well. Is he eligible for a NH ? Hugs

Countrymouse- your right!!!! He says its his choice if he has anyone come in because he is still of sound mind. HE always lets the caretakers go early again, HIS choice, my Aunt knows that but she still wants him in the VA/NH if he doesnt get more help. I agree with her in that sense that he needs more help, mainly companion to make sure hes ok. But as my grandpa says" when the Drs tells me I cant live alone anymore and need 24hr care, then it will be different" Im planning, see, the first 24hrs I will be awake and worried about everyone, waiting to hear them call me etc. Then the next 24 I will hopefully rest. Id like a full week, but there's no way that could happen. At least not yet!! So Im even packing light now!! Cell phone charged, change of clothes, blanket and flashlight. Water too. All fits in a backpack!!!!

my husband and I are both alcoholics and come from very default background we have both been in recover and sober 25 years and over. I am the only caregiver for him as he has had a stroke. I find it very hard to take care of him and I really have a hard time with our dysfunctions I am trying to learn how to be the best caretaker for him and let him keep his dignity I feel a lot of guilt for some of the ways I handle things with him. thank you all for your comments..

(Stern face) Me, your aunt can say that provided she is prepared to cover for you. But the person who thinks that grandfather Must Never Be Left Alone also has to be the person who is willing to ensure it doesn't happen. I.e. her, not you. And, by the way, she's run that past your grandpa, has she? Does he agree?

No, didn't think so.

You need a break. Let all these people who have their opinions turn their thoughts to helping you arrange it. Big hug.

gladimhere- My dad has also done a lot for him and me as well as my kids over the years, but now he really cant. His total health issues from worst to least worst are CHF,Heart Valve are calcified again and he ripped them lifting grandpa and things around here, COPD,DJD( Degenerative Joint Disease) Diabetes, Going blind in one eye( forgot what that is called, if he doesn't have surgery it will be permanent- not cataract but detachment?) Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, and few other things I think Im forgetting.

Grandfather is Blind, CHF,Pace Maker,Mobility Issues, High Cholesterol, few other basic issues like allergies and heart burn.. gotta look it up, I dont like forgetting) So between the both its hard for dad to take care of grandpa and my son. Daughter is easy overall. But he still willing to help me out a couple days. Yes, I do believe Im at the end of my rope!

Countrymouse- I know and sometimes I feel that way just to say the heck with it then he calls and calls and asks when Im coming and says he wouldn't know what he would do with out me at night. But yet says he will be fine under the same breath. His daughter ( my Aunt) told me I was never to leave my grandfather alone at night no matter what he said!!! So Im never allowed to leave him unless he will accept a replacement which the only one would be her or my dad and she refuses to come with him because of their fight last time! And she is too busy looking for a job.She does live out of town though, so I understand its more travel but she USED to come every 2/3 months for up to 4 days.

emjo23-I know and I agree with you, how would they manage? I have asked them that and my grandpa wont hear of the question. I know I have to do something.

sharynmarie- Its not easy raising them with it is it? Routine, yes, my son is better on a routine and activities where he can be active!! Was your son on meds and therapy? How is he now? I know I need rest


Thank you all. I feel guilty and hate annoying you all by coming here daily complaining I just at am a place right now if I dont I feel like Im just gonna fall down. I was in bed last night looking at the time praying I had until at least midnight with no Interruptions just so I can breathe.. a miracle happened at it happened and I got started with my day around 1am. I didnt really sleep much because just the thoughts of having to get up was on my mind. Thismorning my grandpa woke me up just to see the time and if I was getting up it was late ( 4:30am). He has several alarms/watched he can just press right by him to hear the time. And I told him when the caretaker or maid as he calls her comes the next morning, I want to sleep in those days after 8am as long as my kids have no school. He never listens and says schedules are good to keep uggh.

Me~I must agree, your needs are very important 1)your health 2) You are only 1 person with 2 hands...stress just compounds everything and your son needs routine and support for the ADHD. My son was diagnosed with it when he was little...consistency, routine is necessary. Your son must come second after your health. You won't be any good to anyone without your health and that includes respite time. Take that break now.

Joan~I am praying for little Rocky. Poor little guy...what an ordeal for all of you.
You are right about good intentions from my sis with the expected outcome to on me....like I don't have enough going on but sis has those rose colored glasses on and thinks because I have a husband and no legit health issues...I have all this time on my hands. She does not seem to realize that while she only works 20 hours a week, I am working close to 40 plus I will only have one day off, Wednesday...before I go on vacay. She thinks I am the energizer bunny, LOL!! I will look into getting the little cd player and a cd after my vacay.

Talked with my daughter today before work...she said both boys are head down, almost 5lbs and baby A is locked and loaded, LOL!!! He is head down in her pelvis!!! They are still side by side...baby B is bigger over all in weight and height. She was joking about having music in the delivery room and choosing a song by Johnny Cash..."Ring Of Fire"...hee hee...I told her be thankful you don't have 1 10lb baby, then you would definitely have a ring of fire!! Expected delivery is no later than Aug 29th but most likely sooner.

Glad you are feeling better Joan. Continue doing what you are doing!

Everyone take care and put your health first, have a good night!!

Me - what the others said. You need the break, like you need to go to the doc. Your interests do NOT have to be bottom of the pile Look how many people rely on you. I don't give a fig what your grandfather says. He is not in charge of your life. You have choices. He doesn't have to like it. If he says he is fine alone - let him be alone. If he yells, leave. You don't have to put up with that. Tell him you will come back when he is feeling calmer. If you were run over by a bus tomorrow, they all would manage a different way which would be without your help.

glad - that sis of yours reminds me of mother - must be center stage all the time and trampling on the feelings of others matters not. Your kids sound great!

Sharyn - music may be of some enjoyment to your mother, but don't let sis land you with more work. You have a lot on your plate. I know all about the good ideas of others that end up being work for me. My sis came over to Canada saying she was going to help mother move to another ALF, but made a mess of even getting information and gave very clear signals that she expected me to do the work. I did not comply, but did what I thought was right. I am not their servant.

Saw younger grandson today who was 9 yesterday and brought him his b'day presents. Also saw the cat who came home today and is doing better again, but has a long way to go. The vet is still not sure if he will even survive. My granddaughter bought me a ring in BC where they holidayed . It is HUGE (you could knock someone out with it) and I love it. I will take her out for her birthday lunch this coming week.

Felt pretty good today all things considered. Not over this infection yet, but getting there. Maybe I can make something of the rest of the summer!!!

Do something good for you this coming week everyone! ((((((hugs)))))

But Me, if you grandfather doesn't agree he needs someone with him then isn't that his problem? Let him sort out his own care for the brief period that you're away. The worst that can happen is that you are proved right and it isn't your fault. Others will cope.

If you do seriously drop down dead in harness they'll have to do without you, right? So what's the difference? Take a brief break now so that they won't have to do without you for longer (or, God forbid, permanently). Hugs.

Me, you sound at the end or your rope. Call Dad tell him you are going for a few days and to just handle things as they have done with you. Do you have a friend, even the friend that is taking care of her Mom. But, I do understand the ME time! Just figure out a way to do it, camp out, tell Dad it is up to him, let him find out how you deal with EVERYTHING all the time.

Countrymouse- Thank you for replying, I need my grandfathers permission because he needs someone there with him. Of course he says hes ok to be alone. He has neighbors and my dad all day on and off to check on him, and my dad offered to go at night but my dad cant lift him. My grandpa is very against me doing this. Money, well, its when I have a job I guess. Im actually willing to sleep in the car somewhere just to have a break, Sad huh? A truck stop will do, I can park there? Im really serious. I feel like my whole body is full of something I cant explain. I feel like I have no control, I feel if I had a break, I can get my head straight and get back to everything and better at it.

My kids will stay with my dad. I feel bad about my dad handling my son but at this point .. theres no choice! Im looking at it this way, If I was in business or some job that made me travel, id have to have plan B right? Backup for my dad is my one neighbor I can trust as well as a good family friend I trust. I know she would stay with my grandpa at night but she has her own mom to care for. Plus, my grandpa will say no women at night because the neighbors will" talk ".

Me1000, it's not unreasonable to need a break. Most people who work get regular time off, and you work harder and longer hours than many.

So, think it through. Whose permission and what money do you actually need for this to happen? Can you get them? If so, that's all you're waiting for. Leaving your grandpa to his own devices: go right ahead. Your son is a different matter, of course, but presumably you have a plan for him too?

I spoke to soon!!!!!!!!!My grandpa really chewed me out out and got so upset with me he told me not to come down until I had no choice tonight or at all. No sense in going all into it, its always about how we do something wrong and even he expects us to take my wild child to the store/ dr.s to get it done. Then says dont take him blahhh.

My mouth flew as well did my tone of voice and words today because Im tired of getting yelled at, put down by him and neighbors offering to do things as if we dont do them( or want to) and they offer for grandpa or my son etc. Any who my question is this, I need a break.... desperately. I want to go to a motel for a couple days. ( I need a week really) No kids, no pets, no grandpa, no dad, no friends, no nothing ( of course an emergency id come home.. ) I wouldnt be too far away. So, I guess Id have to wait until I have a job.. but who knows when I will get hired and I need to breathe now. I have no motivation at this point, Im upset, Im tired and worn out.

If grandpa says he will be fine and wont hire someone, should I just go? My Aunt says no ( even though she is not talking with any of us including my grandpa) But... I dont know how much longer or more I can take without a break. Im desperate... so very desperate. Im not on my toes like I used to be .. I look at something that has to be done and it takes me forever to do it. Im not depressed, just so stressed and need a break. I dont want to do anything .. its like me going on strike saying" I want rights and breaks, I want respect" but I know i have to clean, go to appts, cook, get yelled at and put down,( by grandpa and son)

Sorry I just want to know if I can go a couple days.. I told grandpa this and he just said" oh god you have obligations here and have no reason to go even if you paid for it, what your gonna "hook up"? Omg NO!!! I want to be alone,. me, myself and I. No getting yelled at, no doing anything for anyone for just a couple days just . I don't even know any men in town!!