
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Oh boy, your sister's energy sounds just like mine. They take pushy to another level don't they!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
OMG L's daughter, granddaughter and two great granddaughters were here for a week a couple of weeks ago. L has never shared when they are here, it happens so seldom, he want to spend time with his family. Well, narc sis found out they were here via Facebook and had a virtual fit! Called and talked to L for 20-30 minutes, not much talk mostly tears on her part. Completely inappropriate and stressful for him! He told her, as did his daughter, that she was here to visit HIM! Not good enough for her. She then came to the house a week later, with her only child, to tell him she EXPECTED him to let her know when they were here next. Then e-mailed his daughter, to tell her the same. Daughter, reinforced that she is here to visit her Dad, and if I know her like I think I do, also told her that she wants no part of our family dysfunction. Then sis e-mailed me to tell me she wants me to tell her when they are next in town. I responded as I did the first time, she was here to see her Dad, and that she should coordinate with stepsis, if she wants to see her.
Maybe sis will go to the east coast, and get lost!
Yes, this is what it felt like to me, the control. She just can't seem to wrap her brain around the fact, that although she lives w/mother and I visit, or relief caregive, I really think at times she's doing some subconscious competition, especially demonstrated by the fact she felt she had to prepare something for mother to eat that day, instead of allowing me to do it. She's a nut case, for sure.
Oh well, won't be available for awhile again, HAAH!
I hope you are feeling better, Emjo.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
If he is having trouble swallowing, this is part of the dementia and will get much much worse, so that he simply is not able to swallow. The brain does not tell the mouth and throat what to do. Get him to a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist that understands dementia. It may be time to start hospice, and that would be a huge relief for you. The problem with swallowing is a very good reason to be in a nursing home. No magic words yet? Do you feel like you are banging your head against a wall? You will feel better when the decision is made.
Thanks, I am surviving. No help from the dr. that FIL went to. He referred FIL to a neurologist, and said he had no experience with dementia or geriatrics. Sigh. Meanwhile, physical therapist is coming once or twice a week, to work on his strength. He is having trouble swallowing, so hasn't been eating as much, which worries me. But I am trying different things, making soft foods and cutting things up really small. We'll see. I have an idea that this is a process, so things will go along till they don't, I guess.
Thanks for listening,
Christine
This must have been awful for your daughter to have to experience in terms of this shower. I realize how sensitive women can become, during a pregnancy.
This so called friend must have known that your daughter was having some delicate issues coming up since she had gone to the hospital already. If she did,
this is plain insensitive, and sounds as if she was planning this event all on the fly since you said she sent the invitations out so late. We know that when one plans a party......one needs to give notice some time before the event.
But I also think that many times in friendships, we do have to mindful not to get swept up, no less for your daughter given the fact she really has to take care first and foremost of all of herself and her babies. Things such as festivities, sure we are excited about first born's etc., but IMO, this should become back burner for the moment. A true friend would take this into consideration, and have a celebration afterwards. Maybe your daughter needs to analyze some of this differently, especially now that she's becoming a mom, friends are going to have a different position in her life.
Hope you are feeling better, I too had my sinuses go crazy, but I'm taking an herbal which I believe is working for me, plus lot's of water.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Sorry to hear about you not being able to order your medications, especially if it helps your hormones. This can't be easy feeling this way, then taking care of your dad. I hope you can resolve this sooner than later.
How is the situation with your dad's prostate coming along?
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Hope you all have some rest and and enjoyable weekend!
I hope all is going well. You have taken quite a bit of criticism, that I hope you find constructive. Let us know how your are doing, we are all thinking of you.
Iwentanon, Medicare does not cover diapers. Medicaid does. The best time to buy is when they go on sale. Another option is to go on Amazon, buy it by bulk (like a case) with FREE shipping. I used to order boxes of latex gloves size small. Here on island, the small gloves were still big on me. I had to use rubberbands to hold it in place. I found when I ordered it from Amazon sellers, the gloves fit me perfectly. It was cheaper to buy like 10 boxes (100count glovers per box) with shipping cost at $30-$40.00. It still came out cheaper than buying it here. Until the post office kept raising their rates. Now, it's no longer economical. So, I buy it here now.
Well I just emailed her guardian. She pays for medicare supp. like $400.00 a month plus the one everyone else gets, her husband died 12 years ago and was in the carpenters union, but I do not know more than that. I guess we will have to see a gastroenterologist, to see if this is a permanent problem.
Our daycare doesn't provide us with a menu of what she eats or report of how much she has eaten and we do not know if they serve sweets or caffeinated coffee. The daycare was picked out by the guardian that insists that she be there 3-5 days a week, but I only send her two days. She never worked full time, so I won't send her full time...I am one of those that would like the daycare to be night care, cause nothing much happens at that time with her, but I do not like being uncertain of what is going on because the Dr. will probably ask questions like, does she drink water there, eat sweets, too many carb's, cookies instead of lunch, I feed her breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday except when she goes to daycare then it is just breakfast and dinner, she only eats lunch while there, maybe.
She also takes between an hour to 1&1/2 to eat, no problem with her dentures or swallowing...
We only give her sweets/chocolate, if she has eaten protein and fiber although she is not diabetic, because sugar is not good for Alzheimer's patients brains, so we do not use much in added sugar or sugared products.
Thank you, Emjo and Sharyn for thinking about me! It is an absolutely crazy life. I just do not understand, though nobody else does either. We will eventually get through it, just when I think progress is being made, nothing for weeks and weeks!
I feel so bad for my daughter because this so called friend really let her down...my daughter didn't need the added stress from this woman. I didn't realize how much my daughter was hurt that no one came to the shower until she got home from the hospital. My daughter tends to keep things to herself, and I have been trying to tell her since she told me that this friend butted in with her and another friend...inviting herself to things my daughter had planned with another friend. My daughter is not the type to talk about it with her other friend...she keeps it to herself. It is funny because her other friend hasn't mentioned it either...but my sil and the other friends husbands talk about how they DO NOT LIKE THIS woman!!! So Yes..men to talk, LOL!!!
Alison-hope you are feeling better soon. It sounds like you still have a lot of appts for your dad to get through.
Margeaux-how are you doing?
Joan-hope you are feeling better. Any news on the basement?
CM- you have been quiet...hope all is good. How did the party go for your mom?
I too have had a bug the last few days, better this afternoon. I am sure with my daughter, we will have some stressful times until the boys are born. She has a looneu friend who volunteered to give her a baby shower but didn't get the invites until a week before plus my daughter ended up being in the hospital that weekend...no one could come because they had other plans. Then this friend got mad because my daughters mil would not be able to be there as she was out herein Calif because her dad was in final stages of colon cancer. I told my daughter this woman sounds like a classic PD and get rid of her. I am off on Saturday so I will be having lunch with my mom. Still haven't heard from the nurse with he LTC policy. Another abbreviation I may drop is MFM...Maternal Feral Medicine...the specialist working with my daughter's. Ob.
Take care everyone....Book...how are you doing...miss you! Find a good book to read and spend some tome I'm a cool space.
brandy -that must be very frustrating. Sometimes there isn't much we can do.
Sharyn - happy your daughter is doing well and the babies are still in place. So much going on!!!
glad - hope stepdad is doing OK
Christine - we may seem to be hard on you but it is just because we care. It is not a matter of "sticking" someone some place, but finding the appropriate care for a person. For example, if someone has a heart attack they need to be in a hospital and you take them there. In fil's case, he has a progressive terminal disease -not just a matter of him being unpleasant. He has advanced dementia which means his brain is being destroyed. It is a disease as much as heart disease or lung cancer. In a facility he would have people round the clock who are trained to deal with his disease, monitor his meds, etc. As family, your role then is to visit, keep an eye on him, advocate for him etc. This must be very distressing for everyone.
margeaux - your sis is a case - she might have stayed all day controlling things
sandi - hard being in your mum's house. Hope you have some plans for you
sandwich - re a facility - you said it well, I don't think that looking after a parent or parents at home is ever easy for anyone. Your mum is in the right place.
hi everyone else -- anyone I missed. I am a little flaky these days. I don't think my thyroid is back on track yet and I am fighting some kind of bug -getting sweats once in a while and feeling tired. This too will pass. At least the headaches are gone.