
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Take care everyone...hope tomorrow is less stressful for all of you!!
cm - always, always... I think I have an underlying tension knowing that it won't be long before the next "incident".
veronica - what mouse? Do you know something I don't? Lurking as in reading but not posting much.
glad - misery loves company or something. Yup, it is great to have support from those who understand.
Thinking about all the junk I need to get rid of, Doing not too badly on the dysfunctional family side. Now to tackle the physical stuff. if it has lived in the basement for years without me needing it, I probably won't ever need it. Someone convince me of that.
Started thyroid meds again at a lower dose. I went for over a month without the meds to get my levels kicked down. The headaches I had apparently could be due to low thyroid. They have gone away since I started again. The symptoms can include just about anything and in some cases are the same for hypo and hyper which was the main reason why I went without to be sure my levels were low. Fatigue comes with both and I am coming out of that slowly. I'll see the doc soon and see what he has to say. They are reluctant to test for free T3 and T4 as the tests are more expensive than the TSH test, but it does not reflect my T3 and T4 levels.
Chance of thunder showers here today. The grass is looking good. My 7 year old honeysuckle in front took a beating this winter - no signs of life, but the branches are still not brittle. The one we planted in the back last year died. The coral bells died too. Looks like most everything else survived last winter but has been very slow.
Smell like summer outside. Think I will start a fire in the fire pit and burn some more junk. It gives a certain satisfaction.
Don't worry, I'm sure our dear families will be up to something "interesting" before long. Oy vay, as they say in Buckingham Palace...
Have a peaceful day,
Christine
You are doing a heroic job.
Hugs
Christine
Narc sis has had these tearful conversations with my children trying to get sympathy and turn them against me. Two of my kiddos understand and see what is going on. One still struggles with what to think but is beginning to come around.
All of it so completely unnecessary! Could have been settled for a few thousand if sis had followed Mom's instructions and wishes.
Your sister really takes the cake, doesn't she!
I feel for your mom's husband. He must be a very nice guy to allow her to have him on the phone for that amount of time focusing the attention on herself!
How thoughtful of her.
I know that for a man, the issue of prostate can be private matter for them.
It was for my brother. He had an enlarged prostate, and was sent home with a catheter. Second time he had to have the surgery. One of our close female cousins found out about it, and when he found out, I could tell he was rather upset by this. I can understand.
I'm really sorry that she turned it into a blame session against you, also. It's disconcerting to think she's a counselor.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Have a peaceful day
Christine
Cam~I know you are getting alot of support and info, but I just want to add....is it at all possible your fil has a UTI (urinary tract infection), this can accelerate the dementia symptoms including the hallucinations...just a thought and I do agree with others about calling an ambulance...I know you don't want to add stress to your fil, but sometimes we need to so they are treated and evaluated sooner.
Have not told sissies about prostate, he does not want me to. I am his medical POA so I will abide by that, it is his job to tell them if and when they want.
Yes, it was rough on me as well. At least they stayed in a hotel, and spent the days doing different things around the area. So, it was just feeding them dinner. His daughter did remark that this was the first time she was her that all meals were not eaten out. Can you imagine how difficult it is to get mom and him out, then add to it two more big people, and two little ones?! Impossible!
She was always the party girl and everyone's life better revolve around her needs. Well, I do not give a cr@@! I am off that freaking merry-go-round!
I give them three high protein meals and lots of veggies every day, and they can have all the brownies they want. The PCP for both of them said they can eat whatever they want, as long as they eat...sugar doesn't seem to affect them that much, maybe because they eat the brownie right after dinner...I have also been pushing apple pie, which they love, and I use very little sugar for that, but they like it and apples, well, an apple a day and all that, guess it is okay whatever form. :)
Have a peaceful evening
Christine
WOW! How did you manage all these people coming by and having them for dinner.
I would think all your mom's husband and even she could handle for now is his daughter's presence. This must have been hard on you also.
I'll bet you are happy they've gone home!
Your sister reminds me of my sister, in that they think that forever and a day
when family shows up it's always an opportunity to have something inappropriate,
no less a gathering of sorts. I mean do any of these people understand, that your mom's husband is really having a delicate situation with his prostate? Unbelievable!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I'm just wondering. Are you still giving you in laws a lot of sugar.
I'd been wanting to comment on this and forgot to. I realize you wanted for them to gain weight, etc. But......the bad news about sugar, is that it can make people very hyper, agitated. A little is o.k., but not all the time. Besides, another down side about sugar, is that it lowers the defenses of the immune system.
Just my two cents about sugar.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I completely agree with Veronica's last post.
There doe come a time when he needs to be evaluated by professionals.
If these events are getting too challenging for you, do call 911, it will get him in quicker, this is what my sister has told me about the times she tried taking mother, who's 93 and quite immobile to ER, when later she was diagnosed w/UTI. She had to take her a second time w/in only 3 days of the first visit. The second time, she called the paramedics, so she could go straight in....without all the waiting time. Hopefully they can give him something, for the current changes.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Trying to manage...
Thanks for listening
Christine
Thanks for listening,
Christine
A two week wait for seeing a new doc is probably somewhat standard, though not acceptable in your case. Is this a geriatric specialist of some sort? Think about calling the office to see if they have any cancellations each day. Maybe the constant reminder from you will help. But, the ER is a good idea, you would not have to take him, since he cannot walk call an ambulance, and if you tell them you think it may be a stroke, which it might be, he should get immediate attention from the ER staff to figure out what is wrong. It could very well be a stroke, the Alzheimer's brain processes soooo differently.
Then followed it up with another e-mail about July birthday party. I am trying to get together with my children and grandchildren, three of the birthdays in July, one in August. But, you guessed it, narc sister is also July. Funny thing the e-mail that I received so far all it said was "hi". Guess she screwed up the e-mail, the one that she is also concerned that when each replies, please "reply all so everyone knows what you are bringing".
UFFDA!
Thanks Susan, I tried that this morning. He would not let me help him get to the bathroom or change his clothes, but I called MIL and she helped him. This morning he woke up sobbing and screaming. Having a bad dream maybe, hallucinating. I went and sat with him and reassured him that everyone is okay.
Deck was finished yesterday, yay. MIL has been out there most of the time since then. FIL has been up all night for the past few nights talking at the top of his lungs. Now the problems are spreading to the night,I want to scream. I need sleep. Not likely though. I made an appt with his new dr., who can't see him for two weeks. I never go to the doctor myself, so am unfamiliar with this constant waiting for appointments. The nurse said to take him to the ER if he kept being too weak to walk. So go there and wait for eight hours to see a dr? I don't think so. He will have to be okay till I can get him to the dr. There is a nurse coming every week to see about him,. so he is getting some kind of medical attention. And a SW called me the other day, and wants to come talk about programs he might be qualified for. Charles will handle that. He is taking a week off in two weeks, to do the lawyer thing and to get the shed built. It is so hard to do this and work too.
Anyway, enough whining. The deck is like an outdoor room, we are moving the canopy we bought onto one side of it, so the old ones have a shaded place to sit. Fingers crossed that this helps.
Another lovely day,
Thanks for listening, and I hope everyone is having a peaceful day.
Christine
I have read some of your posts too, and I get the feeling you go back and forth about the feelings concerning your mom. Remind me......does your mom suffer from Dementia, or ALZ? In any case.....although I agree giving you every gift you've given her is hurtful to you. But you have admitted that she is a narc.
Anyway, if both these ingredients are in the mix concerning your mother's behavior, what can one expect? Even before my mom was diagnosed with ALZ,
she would always make very upfront, frank, and many times very distasteful comments to people.
So although I feel for you, since you feel hurt by this, but be realistic in this picture to my dear. This will invariably take the pressure off you, and believe me, it will ease up on some of the energy spent about you looking for the mommy who cares, or is considerate of your feelings. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being some stone a**. But this is what I had to resort to eventually, for some kind of protection for myself, many years ago.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux