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Cm- I am a night owl...didn't get off work until 10pm. I was up tip about 1:30am.
it is 7am.

Glad I am calm. Nothing is on f/b..wouldn't do that without her permission.
I am not planning on flying out to Idaho even if she has the babies this weekend
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Sharyn, breathe, and young couples often feel parents will step in an take over. We need to learn to step back and wait to offer help only if asked. Some parents are inclined to take over every situation, these are the nightmare in-laws that we all hear so much about.

Recently my uncle was hurt badly falling from a roof. Daughter posted on Facebook about the accident. The phone was then ringing off the hook. When there is any sort of medical issue, Facebook is not the place for the announcement unless the person does it themselves!
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Sharyn, are you getting any sleep?! I'm just looking at the times of your posts and trying to calculate 5 hours back from British Summer Time..?

Fingers crossed that all will go well with the new grand babies. Sounds like the neonatal people have everything under control.
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My daughter stopped communicating to me because I private messaged her friend who is also pregnant. Her friend must have texted her, LOL!! So my daughter texted me that she wanted it kept private and no put on f/b. She told my hubby her bp is down (not normal yet) . She told my hubby to keep me claim because she and her hubby can make good decisions. I am partly hurt that she thinks I don't know that and that she thinks I am hysterical, LOL!! Just had to vent this because I don't want to say it to my daughter, LOL!!
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Thanks Joan! I am excited to be a grandmother, but concerned about their weight being only 2lb 10oz.The steroids are to make their lungs stronger so they can survive outside the womb.

Have a good weekend everyone!
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Sharyn and Veronica - thx for the feedback. I will hang onto the credit card. I realise that as mother gets worse, it is more and more of a liability to her. I can use it the cc for purchases for her. She doesn't use her debit card as she forgets her pin number. I should probably get it from her or have the bank cancel it.

I need to push for them to get mother on a wait list for a permanent placement. This isn't solving anything. The hearing aid guy originally said he would invoice me by email and now wants to do it over the phone. I need it by email so I have a copy. On thinking about it, It may be he is referring to the last time he went and not a new visit. I hope so, but I thought the sw had paid for that. Got a call from an insurance co. re sending them a copy of the POA document. I recently filled out a form re an annuity mother has with them and before I sent it called and asked if they needed a copy of the POA. The girl said no. Now this guy says yes. I wish the right hand knew what the left hand was doing. On the other hand, I made adjustments to mother's contents insurance to cover her furniture in storage. The young man was most accommodating, which was helpful. I think that is all that is pressing except taxes. I have gathered up all the tax documents and will combine that with the meeting at the hospital and maybe work in more eyeliner tat. :)

Christine - sounds like you are making progress!!! Great! So many issues with looking after oldsters.

Sharyn - the babies may come soon????? Oh my gosh. Such excitement!!!!

Lovely weather here finally The rose bushes in the back are covered with blooms. Buds are forming in the front. I want to get a white rose of the same type as the pink ones as they do so well here and another red leaf flowering crab at the end of one bed. It would balance off the other trees.

Having to replan storage sheds since I talked with the city about regulations. Oh well, better find out now than later.

Have a good evening everyone.
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judda - saw another post by you on this on a different thread I think it is just part of their distorted personality. What is it about the old stockings anyway? Mother had packed hers and I came upon them when going through box from her first move. I tossed them. Mother returned to me a picture I had given her of my youngest son after he died. I guess she couldn't stand looking at it. Your mother, for whatever reason, doesn't want your poetry books. I don't know if they know it is hurtful. But it is. I think you just have to let it go as best you can. ((((((hugs)))))
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Thanks Iwentanon. Something rankles about it. There was no kindly explanation like,
"I really love your poetry but since I won't have room and I read it, would you like to have these back?" Well, that's my idea of what I would have said, or maybe the mother I wished she had been would have said.
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Don't you think she has a great mind, she may think that you picked those items because you liked them yourself, when my mother sold the gifts I gave her and everybody else too, at a garage sale, I would say to you, do not give it another thought!
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Hi there. Any of you ever had your elder parent literally give you BACK all the gifts you have given them over the years? My Narc mother is doing this now. She is moving to independent town senior housing and maybe she is downsizing but this hurts my feelings. I feel like it's some kind of dirty trick, guilt generating manipulation, or at best defeatism that she is going to die soon. Gosh who knows. Her actions are baffling and painful to me. If I ask her why she could unleash a cloud of crap I don't have time to deal with or want to. UGH.
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My daughter is getting steroids injection and has a 50/50 chance of delivering this weekend.
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Veronica,

I like this, "A leopard can't change it's spots."

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Looloo,

Thanks so much! Those are exactly my sentiments.
The last time this girl tried to do her supposed re-entry into our family lives
was 12 yrs., ago when dad ( her grandfather) died. At the time, her own father was cool as a cucumber w/her, this is how he's always been. But my sister and golden boy, boy did they ever try to make everything in the family look as if......oh, we are this loving family and let's let the prodical niece back in. Never, ever has any adult in the family confronted her for her behavior. So this is an old pattern as far as I can see. I expressed my distaste, and really opposition at some point about how she just thought she was back in with the family. How opportunist of her to do this at the time of dad's death. She's always been a manipulator to the max.

I'm glad to hear you are sticking to your boundaries, that's what I'm doing.
I don't have room in my life for these people, related or not!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Joan can you contact whoever supervises this sw. She is far too free and easy with ignoring your instructions. I would definitely not let mother's credit card anywhere near the hospital especially with that sw in the picture and the other lady ready to take her shopping. I would agree that if she is going to be moved on there is no reason to delay especially if they are giving in to her manipulations.
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Joan-i think you have every reason to be concerned about the sw. You are the DPOA and I would think she needs to honor that because these are not life and death decisions she is making because she cannot reach you.

I would be careful of giving your mother a credit card. If the closed unit is like a memory care, they do not recommend it due to theft or losing it. Hang in there and ((((hugs back to you))))!
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Thx Sharyn. I was wondering if I was being too rigid. I will leave an open mind about it and contact her to find out what happened. I will also call the hearing aid person and tell them that since the sw arranged it, she can pay for it. I do not pay for anything that I have not okayed. Unfortunately, it has ramifications. I have not had an answer to the last questions I sent the sw. Nor have I had an email from the lady who contacted my sister to do get things for mother, though she is supposed to work through me.

Mother's new Visa card arrived in the mail. I will keep it until I establish that she is still able to use it. Since, as far as I know, she is going into a closed unit, I wonder if she will have any use for it. I am hoping that where she goes will have accounts for their residents for incidentals, like the hospital does.

The neighbours 2 doors up already had contractors in doing repairs. I think I will door knock (haven't met them) and ask who their insurance agent is. This is ridiculous.

so glad, sharyn that your dd has no diabetes and her liver is OK, and also that they are admitting her to monitor her bp. Better not to wait till later, especially with twins. Are twins are considered a high risk pregnancy? I would think that plus her size and pre-existing bp issues would be matters of concern. ((((((hugs)))) at least you know she is getting excellent care. I can understand it is hard being so far away.
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My daughter was ruled out for gestatilnal diabetes and liver function is normal..
however her bo is up and her last text to me over an hour ago was that they are sending her to the hospital to monitor her bp. I am assuming they are admitting her...preeclampsia (toxsemia) I am just waiting to hear more from her...I bate being so far away, not that I can do much except support her...settle for doing it from a distance.
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Joan-that does seem irresponsible of the sw. Trust is everything but if she does this mist to pacify your mother, it would make more sense to move her sooner like you said.

Your situation with the insurance reminds me of what Jujitsu has been dealing with. They sure take their time....very frustrating.
I would be angry too. Today is a good day to have a good day! I am working on that today myself.
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Amen in this topic. My sister has burnt her last bridge. It took me far too long, and, as with you all, there are other family members involved. In my case mother has stated that all she wants is that her two daughters will get along, yet for her lifetime she had pit one against the other. No more! I will do what is necessary re communicating about mother, which at present is dealt with my the social worker, and my niece and it will continue that way as far as possible. Once mother is gone and the will executed, there will be no more contact, Enough is enough.

Speaking of the social worker, I got a call from the hearing aid people that they have been out to fix up mother's new hearing aids again and there was a balance to be paid off. The sw is supposed to get my permission before arranging something that costs money. It is not a large amount, I don't think, and there was nothing wrong with her hearing aids. It makes me very uncomfortable that the sw has done this again when I expressly asked her not to. I know mother is fussing about her hearing aids needlessly and they don't want to deal with her agitation, but what about trust in our working relationship??? It is their job to deal with mother. If they can explain to me why caving in to her fussing/tantrum is the best course of action, fine. I have spent a lifetime learning to set boundaries and not cave into her manipulations. When I mentioned the previous incident to mothers ex case worker, she said it was not the best way to go. If they cannot deal with mother, let us move her to wherever she is going sooner rather than later to people who are prepared to deal with her. Maybe I have a lever here.

Still no movement on the basement estimate. Just sent off an email. My frustration is increasing. I can't deal with the city, who is responsible for the problem, until we are further ahead with the insurance claim. Aaaargh!!!

Trying to have a good day anyway!!!
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MargeuxI absolutely agree with looloo. i would just add that a leopard can't change his spots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Margeaux, forgive me if my thoughts don't flow very well. The issue of whether or not, or how much, to 'start over' with someone who has proven themselves over a lifetime to be unstable, inconsiderate, volatile, with a tendency to abuse drugs, and engage in criminal activity, is one that I'm dealing with too (with my brother). I've spent the past month going through the roller coaster of emotions that can't be avoided when trying to DO THE RIGHT THING -- which we're constantly BUSTING OUR ASSES trying to do!
I don't think that these individuals have ANY IDEA what they really put the people in their lives through. They feel bad, to whatever extent that may be, and they want forgiveness, and we do the best we can to forgive and move on, but they don't realize that there is NO FOUNDATION at all for any kind of close relationship. I think there's a real disconnect there. And that makes us vulnerable to being taken advantage of AGAIN. It happened to me recently, or almost did, but I put my foot down, as kindly as possible of course (we wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, right? God...) and have minimized contact again. It took about a month of having barely controlled rage at my brother and at myself for "falling for it" again, then getting past that, then employing my strategy, and now, sticking to it. These people will always be nonstop WORK, and nonstop TROUBLE. I've chosen to keep as far away from people like this as possible. All the best to them, but this is my choice, and I have every right to it. Don't let anyone else tell you any differently.
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Susan43,

That's a brilliant idea, to keep talking to someone whilst doing the task.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Camaryllis,

You are doing the best possible under the circumstances. What you wrote, need I say is quite a sensitive in nature. Even my sister tells me that mother with ALZ,
still manages to demonstrate how private she is w/respect to showers and having the private areas addressed, by her. I'm not sure as to how mother deals w/the issue when one of the caregivers gives her showers.
You of course being the DIL, and of the opposite sex, that puts another layer on it also. But kudos, you did what had to be done in the moment.

I'm glad to know you and your husband are looking for a possible facility,
because even though MIL is able to do this, she is already demonstrating that she may not be able to do this all of the time. She also sounds frail, so physically speaking, she may not be capable of doing it for that reason either.
O.K., try to take a walk outside in nature, or as other's say here......"Do something good for yourself."

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Countymouse,

I guess I wasn't quite awake this morning, and I posted to Sharynmaie, but it should have been to you. Sorry about that.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

Thanks for your thoughts.
That's the issue really with this girl. It really has been rather recent she's the one making the moves to come back into the fold. The only time she'd come to try and visit even my parents (which was rare), it was only to see if they'd throw $$, in her direction. My father caught on to her game, eventually, and under no uncertain terms, warned my mom, he didn't want her in his home.
She continued to do her dirty deeds after my dad died, too.
Anyway, just because someone becomes married, and does self promo of which she's done, with the family, doesn't mean everyone is going to believe it. In my book one can't just talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk. It's a wonderful thought that anyone would really reform them self. But we will see if this is reality as time goes by. I really don't care to become involved w/our family dynamics of it all, because it does have to do with the lack of boundaries, especially my sister's current attitude towards my brother's daughter.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Margeaux, your niece's behaviour at your father's funeral was abysmal. Not something you're ever likely to forget, that's for sure.

So I wouldn't even suggest that now she's married and respectable (oh yeah?) you just think ladidah, all is forgiven, and enfold her in your loving arms. I agree that, frankly, that would be pretty naïve.

But then there's forgetting, and there's forgiving, and there's allowing her to move on - they're all different things. How about if you write her one of those letters - you know, the type we never intend to send, just write to get our thoughts in order - and see what you actually think of her, and whether she could ever have any wriggle room with you?

The thing is, if she genuinely is a reformed character and there is a real possibility of her life turning around from here, then shunning her completely might come to seem unjust - you might be missing an opportunity to do some real good. There is also the self-fulfilling prophesy point: if the black sheep can't get back into the fold, she's going to wander off again eventually. And, again, if your sister does do something foolish, and you've already said you don't want to know, you won't be on hand to help keep an eye on things.

Just don't trust her with anything that matters if she screws it up! Or not for now, anyway.
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Sharynmarie,

Well thank the cosmos for now, I haven't been invited to any of these recent get togethers, where this niece is present. My sister was very recently on the other side of the camp with her also, as sister has been very victimized by her,; stealing money from my sis's purse. The latest bbq, was given by the niece and she invited my sister and grandma. So I'm sure my sister is taking my mom,
since it's a place to take her to for an outing. Oh well! But this kind of stuff just turns my stomach, if I may be so truthful, especially as to how my sister IMO, is letting her guard down. You know how in families too......the individuals who elect to do this, often try to put pressure on others to do the same. This is the part I don't like. But I know what I will say to my sister, if need should arise!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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My mother's sundowning in the late afternoons is so strange. My dad didn't slur words or mispronounce them...hr just paced and mom would give him a dish towel and he would stand in one spot washing the walls.
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Margeaux-you have do to what you need to as in this case you are detaching from your sister too. If you were not detaching from sis, then I would have suggested you go but only acknowledge your niece at your arrival then spend your time with relatives you enjoy visiting with.
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That was a long post, but I've been carrying this around for some weeks now.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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