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Margeaux and Joan. I had a post but have been losing them today; In short, I appreciate your support regarding work and I do think I am on the back side of the choas.

Margeaux~it does depend on how your mother set up her assets and the designations. My sister has authority to liquidate everything...but because she ...so far...trusst me and my input...I am kept in the loop. We both have mom's best interest at stake, and because I can communicate with our mother to get compliance (in a moral and legal way) all is set up so that when mom passes away, the financial planner will send the checks to us accordingly...if anything is left...which I doubt much will be there as it is for mom's care regardless of how she treated us and the all the abuse growing up.

Hugs to you and your family,
Sharyn
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Emjo,

Thanks a lot! Yes, this is what I imagined. But I'm going to the library, or start looking up some of the issues on the internet. It's just so confusing to me.
I'm sure it's confusing to many, exactly why the attorneys have us many times at their mercy.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

I realize how unique each situation is in regards to inheritance.
In my case, since mother NEVER discussed anything at length w/me about their assets, I've never had that kind of leverage, well this was back in the day when mother could think. She would just say over the years in a very general way things such as, "Everything I have, w/be divided between the four of you." But details haven't been shared with me. Only w/golden boy brother, and now my sister who has POA, now. But in the meanwhile, when golden boy was POA, he totally mismanaged her rental properties, and we have reason to believe he stuck his hands many times in mother's accounts. Mom owns some rentals. My sister told me that when she took over as POA, she discovered that in a 4 unit apt. bldg., 2 of the apts., had no tenants for about 7 mos., prior. So he caused lots of loss of income there for sure.
This is the part about a POA that I guess I'm not up at all on the rules.
Does a POA, such as your sister have the right to decide to withhold money from your brother? I'm asking these questions, because on occassion, my sister has made mention of liquidating some of mom's properties. This I know she feels she should do, to assist golden boy in the event he loses his job. I mean, o.k., sis is POA, but I'm not aware that she would have the legal power to decide to liquidate, no less while mother is still alive.
Anyway, thank you for your input. Really appreciate it.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Emjo,

I so happy for you that you are able to find away to coordinate the accounting concerning your mom's money. I'm very bad with numbers, and this kind of thing.
But it sounds as if you have it under control.

I'll bet you are more than glad that the moving is behind you. How did you do all of that? My hat goes off to you Emjo! You're absolutely amaaaaazing, then you're a bride to be!

So she's started the sex gland talk again, huh?
Oh boy! Oy vey!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharyn - we cross posted. I am so glad your mum made things clear. I think the executor can exercise a little leeway. When my aunt died her will only stated something to my daughter and not to the other children, or to my sister's. My cousin was the executor and I questioned that. Right away she sent an equal amount to all the grand nieces and nephews. I believe, as did my cousin, that my aunt's intention was that her grandnieces and nephews should have something from her quite healthy estate. My aunt had no children. But she made up her will when only my daughter had come into existence. Shows the importance of keeping a will up to date, or of including phrases to cover such things.

Good note yesterday re my phone call with the SW. As soon as she had delivered the 4 large tote bags of clothing and toiletries that I left for mother, mother came up with another lengthy list. SW told her firmly that I had just brought all these things, the rest was in storage, so mother would have to do with what she had. She said mother settled down when she heard things were in storage. The SW seems to realize that no matter how much I bring for mother, she will always want more. I told the SW that it is not the things that she wants so much, as having people running around for her.
Mother claims the clothing I brought was not hers. Some of it was and some of it was new. They just hung it in her closet and we will see if she uses it. Whatever. If she ends up not using the new stuff I will take it back and can use some of it and give away the rest
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marg - as POA financial and medical I have no idea if mother's will is what she set it as a few years ago. She could have changed it without my knowledge. That is not part of the role of the POA. Once she dies, the role of POA is over, and then the executor has access to the will and the responsibility of carrying out the persons wishes. I am the executor so I will know then. If the person who made the will chooses to let the heirs know, they can and often do, I think - like the estate being split evenly between the sibs. But no one other than the lawyer who drew it up and the person themselves may know. I think no one else has the right to know.

Sharyn - sounds like it is getting worked out. The manager is quite young. Maybe she is a little intimidated by you due to your experience. A list would have been nice then it is clear to every one! Glad your daughter is getting her babysitting arrangements sorted out - always a big concern.

The "bad" guy (C) came this afternoon and dumped all of our stuff in the back and some in the front. My house looks like a second hand store spilling out. I was told by J that C had been in the bar last night so I didn't go out and speak with him. This is crazyville and I don't want much more of it.

The reno company representative came and will send us an estimate, so that is started at least. Next week dental surgery - bone grafting. Not looking forward to it, but will be glad to get it done. So much fun these days!!!!! NOT!
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Margeaux~It depends of what your mother has set forth. I told my mother that my sister planed on without holding inheritance to our brother who has no interest in our family...so mom changed things so that it was clear cut as to who received what. I did not do this because I wanted to cause issues....but I know what my mother wants in regards to what funds are left. So sis could have not control over it. Sis planned to give our brother his share....but in her own due time. Not appropriate to me. He may not have anything to do with us..but it is mom's will...not ours,
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How does this all work? When someone has POA, say of a parent.....does the POA know what would be left in a will? I've heard about wills being read after someone dies. So does this mean that none of the heirs know what will be left for them?
Some of these issues have surfaced recently for me regarding my mom's will.
I'm not a POA, nor a MPOA, so pretty much I'm out of the loop, and have little real knowledge what would be left to each of the siblings. Of course some of this also came up, via recent posts that others are currently having.

Margeaux
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Glad,

Oh.......wow! Now I think I understand a bit better. So the conservator sounds like they are no good! Here I thought they were doing their job. This is quite complicated to say the least.

Is there someone overseeing this conservator's performance?
O.K., well at least you have the guardian as your advocate. I'm sure lot's of things are going to be thrust into the limelight very soon.

You're in my thoughts Glad.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Just so you know, she did not give me a check list.
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Margeaux~ I have been having trouble with the site all day...my posts are lost. I will try again.

I appreciate your support. I will continue to leave notes to them...however, I am thinking that the b/d manger and "A" are taking it that I am out to discredit them. That is not my intent...I will do everything I can to make the b/d manager look good to corporate. I am not sure they understand this...The b/d manger is only 27 and "A", her side kick is 31. So they relate to each other due to age.

On Monday, the b/d manager asked me if she made a check list for me to close bakery/deil would help. I told her if you want to that would be nice...but...I was not aware that you wanted me to close bakery. I was told not to worry about the back other than making garlic bread out the the french bread from the day before.

I have no problem closing bakery for them...maybe I am brain dead and not getting what they are saying??? LOl!!

I will continue to do my job to the best of my abilities and since I have not been given a verbal warning or been written up...I am not going to worry too much. I just worry because I do my very best and do not like the lack of .. not..being in the loop...so to speak.

Thank you again, I hope your mother is doing good considering her situation...I understand the progression...not fun.
Hugs to you Margeaux!!
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Glad~LOL! To your post about my tongs!! I do think it oxidation...it looks like rust. I used Maas metal cleaner on it and it does come off but the sheen is gone. The time involved in cleaning the inside and outside with the Mass is not cost effective to me considering the cost of the tongs.
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Jacias~ I have been trying post but my post keeps disappearing. I want to add that from your post...you have every reason to pursue legal action. Hugs!!
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jacias~I just want to say that caregiving is very very overwhelming especially if the caregiver has to work. In light of what you have posted...Who has DPOA over finances and medical? Unsanitary living conditions is unacceptable. If you have definite proof, then I suggest you seek the advise of an Elder Law Attorney for possible conservatorship/guardianship over your mother. It is very costly and time involved can be up to 9 months for more. You can also report elder abuse to Adult Protective Services (APS), however, I do suggest that your reasons for do either are for the benefit of your mother and not a control issue with your sister. I only say this because...I have been on this site for 2-1/2 years now, mostly on this thread...All of us have seen where a sib who comes in wanting control of the money thinking they can do better. I am not saying this is you...I hope I have not offended you...Hugs to you as you journey through this.
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cm - LOL I can think of a few too

jac - welcome. I am so sorry about the conditions you family members are in. I am a little confused after reading your profile - one mother aged 79 and one called Emily aged 80? You could call APS and ask them to investigate the home your mother is in to see if she is getting proper care. You might approach her again about POA medical and financial. Some are reluctant at first but eventually do sign it. Your local agency on aging and social services may be able to give you some ideas too! Come back and vent any time. I think your concerns are very real.

Finally got a person here to do a quote on the basement. I think we will battle the insurance co. over a few things, but doubt it will be very successful. Apparently the city may pay for the clean up costs. That would be something. I just want to get the work done.

Cold here today and going down to almost freezing tonight. Better bring the begonias in. Have a good one everyone!
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Hi Everyone! I'm feeling very overwhelmed while visiting my mother in northwest Indiana. Their unsanitary living conditions are causing me so much stress. It's sad because I can't do anything about it. I don't live here, I'm in San Antonio. They're in need of new plumbing for the bathroom & kitchen. They're in my sister's home, but she is too busy working to care for them properly. My young nephew lives in the home, but he's not very responsible. I don't have much of a say so in matters, even though I'm the oldest sibling. Money is not being used to care for them, even though it's there. Mostly money is spent on non-working nephews that beg their grandma for spending money. I don't mean to rant, seems I'm just venting. I'm just so frustrated to see them suffering. I've asked about getting a medical power of attorney. But nothing has come from that inquiry.
Say a prayer for me! Thanks and have a blessed day, Jacqui.
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Emjo I can think of a good many persons whose behaviour would be a lot less demented if only they had their sex glands removed. She's 180 out!
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Glad,

How are you doing, been wanting to comment, but I have to re-read your posts.
Just off the top of my head though......since you now have the guardian and conservator working on these issues, whether your siblings like it or not, things are becoming more transparent. Interesting.

Will comment more.

Meanwhile,
Hang in there!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

I'm sorry you are now realizing that you have added responsibilities, closing the bakery and the deli. The way it was done, certainly unfair. I haven't heard you mention your union's role in any of this. I was just wondering about that part.

In any case, if you don't think your union would do anything to this end, maybe you could try to analyze your situation from a different angle. The first thing that comes to mind, is trying to make it copacetic and keeping your job. How is that done, you ask under the circumstances. Call their bluff. Obviously, the manager sounds like a bird brain, willing to discuss, and really if you ask me talk behind another employee's back. This is quite unprofessional and I would wonder what kind of ethics this person has, as a manager. That's a devisive tactic on her part.
"A," sounds loopy. I know you're thinking about all these added notes you've been receiving from her. So if I may politely suggest that if you do the same, just consider the fact you are covering all of YOUR bases, this way it has become for you. The reality is.......you have to do this anyway right now, via added responsibilities, and honestly there has to be lot's of communication apparently.
Anyway, just a thought of how to take the power back for Sharynmarie. It ain't all about "A," and her bad moods, temper tantrums, she's an angry piece of sh**!, etc.
I know this isn't easy, either.......but try to look at the bigger picture.

This too shall pass,
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Tarnish vs oxidize, hmmm.
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NO Sharyn, not the aluminum tongs?! LOL! I thought aluminum was not supposed to rust. I know our aluminum things if put in the dishwasher will gradually turn black, but it washes right off. I guess it is oxidation?
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I got my dishwasher running again by pouring half a gallon of vinegar in and let it sit over night. Dissolved the lime/calcium deposits. Today I ran a regular load of dishes however...there is still vinegar in the system...it rusted my aluminum tongs,LOL!
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She has to blame someone!!!
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Oh good Grief Joan! Its funny she has these thoughts but I cant imagine living with these types of beliefs. So sorry for you dealing with it and your mother believing it.
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You are welcome, glad - you have conducted yourself so well through out this.

good for you Sharyn - we need to treat ourselves

cm - J is 25 now. He had a company when he was 21 doing $100,000s of business, but he grew a little too fast, had some down time with bad weather and things went belly up. He has a few things to learn.

Had a long talk with the SW and we are on the same page now. She prefers phone chats to email and I can see why - more misunderstanding with email. She will inform me of every purchase of routine stuff, like vitamins, toiletries and if not routine run it past me first. I want to know how much she takes out and what change she puts back in, then, I can keep a spread sheet of the money I have sent them for mother. She said that actually it makes it easier for her too, otherwise it builds up to be a bigger job keeping track and sending a report. I asked if the SW could give me any insight into why mother was being kept there before being put on a list to go to a facility. She said her best guess was that the psych doc wanted mother to stabilize after her move from the other unit. I said that mother would not stabilize, but likely would become more and more agitated over time where ever she is, as that is the pattern of the last 6 - 7 years. She suggested an update meeting with the psych the next time I come down which will be around the end of the month - trusting that my dental surgery goes well. I need to go down to get mothers taxes done. I got an update from the hospital and mother is committed till November. Her delusions are slowly growing. Now she says they remove the sex glands from people over 100 to give them dementia. Oh, dear!

I got a call from my drs office - my T3, T4 test results are in and he wants to see me. I need to take my car in for an oil change - long over due. Need to get some estimates for the basement, and so it goes... Good night, all.
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I did something for just me today...LOL! I fried up some yummy chicken livers. Hubby wont eat them but oh do I like them.
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Thank you everybody for your support. I am hoping we are near closure but have thought that before. I sent an email to conservator a week ago, and basically really let her have it. She has not been doing her job. My sisters that agreed to no disparaging remarks in mediation have done nothing but. Other than telling everybody that I am doing a wonderful job with mom. Go figure! Their greediness is the only reason we are having these issues. If they were the ones providing the care I would certainly want them to be paid. This goes back to arguments when we were kids. The three girls arguments always came down to two against one. The strangest thing about that it was either me the oldest and youngest ganging up on middle, or middle and youngest ganging up on oldest.it was never oldest and middle ganging up on youngest. The middle is the most narcissistic of the two. We have had smooth patches, but usually there is some sort of imagined drama that sister focuses on. She gets angry when not invited to parties that are not planned or held only because she thinks that everything/anything is a reason for a party.
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CM the big brave ex can manage those injections on his own. It is a very tiny needle and the stuff hurts and leaves a bruise on his belly. Stop volunteering for things. You can be sympathetic but let him ask if he wants help. He's got a tongue in his head.
He's a big boy you are not his mother. He will need a ride home from the hospital but don't be surprised if he arranges for someone else to do it. Just have a nice clean bed ready with a waterproof cover on the matress. This is all the advice I have never taken myself and you don't get any respect being a doormat. You have to get old to see the error of your ways or listen to your children. Todays young are independent and much more self assured and far less likely to take crap from anybody. Professionally detached. Don't offer to do specific things just make a general offer by asking if there is anything he needs help with. If in doubt go and have a chat with Alice she has a good perspective on life. Let the mouse have a mighty roar.
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CM~thank you. I have thought about having a serious conversation with the b/d manager but I do agree with Veronica about not exposing my weaknesses/
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It is both legs..due to lower back issues. I don't think it is anything serious like clogged arteries in my legs as it goes away with activity in stead of getting worse. I have pinches nerves in my lower back that triggers sciatica pain down m legs.
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