notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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sandwich - meant to say I love "Files not Piles" - will pass this on the G who works on the Pile system. Hope your mum settles somewhat. Mine is quiet-ish for now as they are catering to her. We all know it will not last.
I am figuring that if I give the SW things to do as she does me, she may press to get mother released sooner. I am dropping off more and more of mother's clothes there, which they can pack up when mother moves, and also all the supplements I found in her kitchen. Hmmm, what else can I bring??? I think a sweater or two, another coat, some different shoes...
Well, better get going, as G and I need to get to the storage place today and get that set up,
-ish now as they are catering to her - but we all know it will not last.
Right on! I figured there must be the exercise and browsing reason to do the walks.
I do this too. Love it.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Sorry, I thought I proofed my post. "She can get very neg," etc.
Margeaux
Sharyn - sounds like you are a fall guy - a nasty position to be in - document, document, document, and speak up when you have enough documented. I would give that gal back a bit of what she gives you - not too much but enough to get the message across. I understand about the key. These changes are significant milestones in our lives. Save it for your grandbabies. Mother has kept all her old passports. They may be fun for the grands.
cm - sometimes honey works and sometimes you need a fly swatter. Your bro is a piece of work isn't he? Do your part, I know you will do it well, and leave the rest where Jesus flang it.
marg - sounds like a great bonfire - I will have one when I return. Some of what needs to be burned is from the basement and some from mother - good mixture. We actually need a bigger fire pit. Gary set the grass on fire last year. Don't you move anymore furniture. I am feeling fine physically today, so will do several hours this afternoon. I want a break later as we are taking my godson and sig o. out for supper tonight. I find the walk is good for me. I can browse a few shops along the way - always a nice distraction. It is fine in the daytime - but wouldn't want to walk much of it after dark. Fortunately it is light late now.
Austin - thinking of you and your loss. Let us know how you are. (((((((hugs))))))))
Have a good day everyone and do something good for you.
I realize that you being transferred to this store has not been easy for you on many levels. But if you are saying that they haven't brought the chicken fiasco up to you....try not to invite blame, at least not in your own head. I know this isn't easy, either. I still think that there's obviously some upper management problems going on at this store if in the first place they ran out of chickens. That's THEIR responsibility!
This co-worker sounds kind of wacked out to me, or somewhat unstable with regards to her behavior. Might I suggest that you try to take a neutral attitude with her. Try your best not to discuss work matters, no less since it sounds as if she wants to use you as her sounding board for that, but when you want to do the same, she doesn't want to listen to you. I've discovered this w/my own neighbor. She likes to complain, and becomes very negative. Yet, the minute I try telling her about some woes I may be having, she gives me all the cues that she doesn't want to listen. So I now get it, that airing issues is only for her. Not anymore.......because I made a boundary about that, too. She's can get very neg too. But in an employment environment, it's even more tricky, because this could also invite the gossip, etc.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I do understand when you've posted about hiring movers vs. you doing packing of personal items, (especially papers), and things of that sort. Well, it sounds at least as if this is pretty much done. This is similar to what I did w/my husband this last week. I spent one entire day just sifting through his old bills and separating out adds, and these offers for credit from the different banks, etc. My arthritis flared up also, especially yesterday after we moved the Futon into the living room.
Well, do take care, too! I agree with Countrymouse about getting a cab, if you do feel too tired and stressed from the packing.
I'm sure you are feeling the emotions also, as you've said from realizing that this is an end of an era for your mom. We all have trouble at times letting go, I certainly do. But we can also look at it as a Feng Shui, cleaning out and re-directing the energies, so new ones can flow in.
You're in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I monitor my mother from a distance because she's difficult (borderline-NPD), we do NOT have more than a cordial relationship. It's easier for me emotionally to deal w/feelings of anger re-her, than to try to handle those conflicting feelings of worry and sympathy. All those feelings co-exist, and it's friggin' HARD. Anyway, her healthcare info update was emailed to me, and evidently she was prescribed an antibiotic. For an infection of some sort, I can assume. Maybe a UTI? I told myself there was nothing in could do, so forget it until Tuesday.
The thing is, I think I'm handling things fine. But if. ONE-MORE-BULLS$&T thing gets thrown at me, then whoever's in the room better friggin' apologize FAST, or duck!
Thanks so much for letting me get this out :)
You must be more than just a good baker, if you can do a carnival theme.
I wish I was more enthusiastic about baking, but I'm always fudging on the recipes, something I know one can't do. So who has been invited to the big event?
Are your mom's friends coming? I'm sure it's going to be fine, and your cake will be great.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
It's horrible working with meanies, and very hard not to think right back at ya, missy. But remember: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar...
California, they are slowly changing the requirements for pre-school teachers, the facilities that are funded by the state now require a BA degree. Those that are privately owned do not..but they only pay minimum wage ($8.00 ph) no benefits. The facilities funded through the state/school system require a BA degree. I was pursuing this back in 2005-06 but decided at my age, getting a BA degree and having to apply for a loan to go to a State University was not worth the expense. I do love the little ones, and I relate well to them and them to me...I do not need another long term loan for 10 years of work till I retire. However, at this job site...I may not make retirement this 30 year old does not get off my back., LOL!!
I know I did not work for a few years when my kids were small because the cost of daycare, gas clothing expense for working in an office, did not make sense to me. Of course I got no support from hubby on my choice or his family...but yet his niece will not work for the same reasons I did not want to...the emotional toll of leaving my children was too hard, the guilt, the balancing act.
Hopefully my daughter can manage it better than I did. She managed to work part time and go to college full time and still graduate with honors. But when babies come into the picture, our priorities change and so does our emotions. I am proud of where my daughter and sil have gotten in their careers and hate to see them lose it, but sometimes compromises and sacrifices have to be made when our children enter our lives.
Joan~ Glad you made it back safely. I understand the end of of an era with your mother. Even though she is the way she is, we want it to be different. I still have not thrown away the key to my mom's house...I just cant right now.
Margeaux~I am purging in many different ways right now. I am tackling closets, riding them of craft supplies and old decorations I will never use. Clothes that need to be purged...some can go to Goodwill, others will have to be tossed like hubby's old uniforms from work. My goal is to get all this "junk" gone before I leave for Idaho when the babies are born.
Hugs to all of you for what you are going through.
So mom is not really getting out of rehab. It's more of a classification change than a physical move for her. She is combative and argumentative with PT & OT, so that ends next Tuesday for her. No therapy, no rehabilitation. She was already on a longterm care floor for rehab overflow, so they will put her in a different room down the hall on the same unit. The social worker there wants to keep mom in her unit since she is already familiar with the case. This social worker is a real sweetheart, and I am so grateful.
Mom's cognitive performance test scores have declined to a moderately severe impairment level just in a month, since the diabetic black out, suicide threat, and the ensuing hospitalization, etc. From a 17 to 13, when normal is 19 I guess, on this particular test. She's basically going to stay in the "secured nursing home wing" in old-fashioned parlance.
During the family meeting on Friday to explain all this to me, we had decided it would NOT be a good idea to have her there, as it would be so upsetting. But the PT lady got mixed up and brought mom into the meeting half-way through. Oh my Lord! Mom was doing her whimper-cry thing and apologizing (for what I do not know.) Maybe she thought she was in trouble for her behaviors toward staff...? We redirected her and had her taken back to her room to lie down.
So Tuesday, when she is at her last PT session, they will move her things to her new room, and take her back there. I now need to schedule movers to empty out the independent apartment and bring all that to my garage. Thank goodness the snow is done and I can park my car in the driveway!
After it was over and the paperwork done, I went down to visit her. I hadn't planned on doing that originally, as I hadn't planned on being seen! She had gotten into her head that she was leaving the building completely and needed to pack her bag. No..... She had a hard time processing that she still needed to stay put, that Friday was not a moving day for her. I was just there to have a meeting. No changes.
She is so anxious to get off this unit, and it's not going to happen, ever. She is mortally terrified of nursing homes because she is convinced they are out to kill you as fast as possible. She has been confabulating a TON lately about that very thing.
The social worker & I talked about expecting a lot of new negative behaviors because of this.
So many feelings. Relief. Concern. Fear. Numbness. Regret for her and all the wasted years. I am more comfortable seeing mom in an unholy demon-fueled rage than whimpering and afraid.
I wonder how long she will last once she finds out this is it. I expect her to just give completely up.
I had one stressful week. My husband has been hanging onto so much paper stuff, old tax info., we're required to hang on to for so many years in case of an audit.
So over a week ago.....he'd started to see if our neighbor had one of these shredder's to do the job. Her's apparently was on the blink. Then, he decided he'd bbq all these papers. I thought it was only going to be a few bags of paper.
WOW! The day he had the bbq ready in our small patio, he kept pulling bags out, that I never knew he had. It was old phone bills, bank statements, and other such stuff. Yes, the personal things you just can't throw in the trash, for fear of identity theft. Anyway, he also still had the added adds, companies send along w/bills.
Instead of first sorting through this, and pulling what didn't have any identifiable info, on it and just put that in re-cycle, the crazy man just started to burn all of this paper. I could not believe the amount. That was day one. Next day, he still had many more bags to do. I suggested that he sort out what really needed to go into that bbq. Now, of course I got involved in helping him sort out the mess.
Oh!!!! The smoke from this bbq, was absolutely horrendous! Now, had I known the amount that was to be disposed of.......I would have insisted that he find a company that does the shredding for people. It was unbelievable, and it just totally drained me. Day three.....finally were were done w/that.
Now, he's been wanting to dispose of a very old, old sofa bed he's had for over 15 yrs. The side he always lays upon and does couch potato watching TV, was completely worn out. If you would fall asleep on it, oh boy......your back was no good for a day or two after. So now he was calling Salvation Army, for a pick up of the couch. He became in complete look for a new couch mode last few days.
We found some, and he wants another sofa bed. I had no idea it took so much time and effort to buy a new piece of furniture. Yesterday Salvation Army took the old one away.
This a.m., since we now had no couch in the living room, he gets this bright idea to move our Futon, we've been sleeping on for some time now. We moved that into the living room, and set it up couch style. But what on earth! This Futon is very old, and the frame has become shaky. There are some screws that hold some of the fold pieces of it together, are worn. I was sustaining the parts of it, while the husband re-positioned the screws. Well, my back is completely feeling it this evening. I've been on the verge of biting his head off all week.
Today I felt like I wanted to kill him, too. HAAH! Now you know I wouldn't really do that, but that's why I come here and write about it. Hee, hee, hee! I'm sure some of you know what I mean.
I may have to resort to an analgesic this evening.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I thought about getting professionals to pack, but then I wouldn't know what was where, and as mother will not be able to use all of it, when the time comes for her to move to her new place, I need to know where stuff is. So no strain on the shoulder, really, The clothing will not be hard to pack, nor will the knick knacks. She has less than she used to. Gary can pack up the kitchen stuff, the paintings, and deal with the furniture, the air conditioner etc. - in short everything else. I suspect it will take longer than he has planned. He is an optimist and always plans that things will go perfectly, so I want us to start early in the day next weekend.
Veronica, I get the fibro from stress and who knows what - ongoing. Sometimes it is better once I start moving around. I actually feel better now. The walk back and forth did me good.
Off to the dining room for a well deserved salad and maybe a 1/2 glass of wine! I picked up a pair of gold glitter ballet flats on my way back and forth - so did something good for me. :-D
Not sure if he's trying to rub it in, but he says if it's any help in explaining what a goof he is at arrangements, he's done the same thing for Lovely Nephew 2's wedding in August, which he will therefore also be missing.
Well. a) Not really. Lovely Nephew 2 (LN2, hereafter) is indeed lovely but is also a bit of a wombat when it comes to planning and moved his wedding date, which has tripped up quite a lot of would-be guests. b) We didn't know until April this year when LN2 was getting married. But I'm pretty sure mother arranged her 90th birthday, oo, about 90 years ago.
Do you know I wouldn't mind so much if other persons (dear sister) didn't persist with the pretence that my brothers wish to be involved in their mother's life in any way. Steering clear I can understand, and cope with. Increasingly feeble, not to say nonsensical, excuses that result in my mother thinking that they would come to see her if only such-and-such reason didn't apply (usually something she can blame herself for, like being too far away, or being too unimportant in their busy lives) - well, that doesn't do my blood pressure so much good.
Then daughter counsels that I must try to be more approachable, so that they will feel freer to enquire and more comfortable coming to visit. Eh? I am INCREDIBLY nice to my brothers when I speak to them (easier to keep it up when it's only two or three times a year). Daughter's view is that they fear my criticism. Methinks she doth project too much.
Sigh. Why do you think you know everything when you're in your twenties? And do you necessarily lose those happy certainties along with your embonpoint?
It'll put smiles on you face for 2 hours. The mother-son call is filled with all the junk we go through: guilt, psycho-babble drama, hard of hearing misunderstandings, forgotten gifts and more guilt trips. I usually laugh til my sides ache. NPR
Bit of a vent here. Good bus trip down, the hotel brought up 3 boxes for me last night, which I need to take over to mother's apt. Got up bright and breezy, had breakfast, came back to my room and the fibromyalgia set it, stress went up, I had some tears over the idea of packing up mother's apartment -the end of an era as where she goes will be different. I took a pain pill and waited for it to kick in, fell asleep and still haven't gone out. I am picking up now. When I tell the people looking after mother that moving her is hard on me I should document this for them. It is not just the work of moving, but the fibro flare up and possibly more with my shoulder. My thyroid is still out of whack and stress affects that negatively. Wish I could just come down do what has to be done and go home, but, unfortunately, it isn't that simple. Better get cracking, so I am not wandering around down town too late on a Saturday evening. I have to walk through an area which isn't the best. Wish me luck!!! I will stay on the main streets this time.
Looking back I realise (too late, of course) that you can "have it all" - just not all at the same time!
rive away. Daycare centers are open late but she would have to pay $600 a month per child.they are tho king of her hubby going part time sin e my daughter makes more. Idk (I don't know) what they decide. I suggested she look on care.com.