Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
Text. me anytime SM-CHICKENS
(1)
Report

Christine, for the last few days my mom has no idea where she is, even the city we are in. She has lived in this house for 51 years now and within a two mile radius of here for another 10 years. Terrible what this disease does to a person. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be for her if she were some place else.
(2)
Report

OK, tonight's fun. I was talking to FIL after dinner, he was telling me the same stories over and over again and I was listening politely, and making comments that he seemed to understand, he was kind of laughing at parts of what I said. So then suddenly he said, this doesn't look like my home. And I said that is because it isn't, it is your son's home, and you are staying with us for a while. He said he was tired but didn't know where he was. This time he wasn't angry, just like a little kid who is sleepy and only half present. I got him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then got him to the bed. He asked me a couple more times where he was, and I explained again. He asked if his family knew where he was, and I told him they did, and that his wife was here, and taking a nap. He looked at our dog like he had never seen her before. This is so surreal. I got him into bed, and told him the same joke I tell him every night, about not letting the bedbugs bite, and if they do bite them back. That got a laugh. He then said that he needed to go home, but didn't get ugly about it like he usually does. He also said something nice about Charles (his son, who he has been thinking is his wife's boyfriend...the craziness goes on and on) So, this is kind of weird, this docile and confused person. Hmmm. He still doesn't know who I am. But I guess I am the nice lady who makes him food and makes sure he takes his meds, and bakes him brownies, which he loves. Last night I made my first ever gumbo, because he said he liked it. So I am feeling like the vague answers and kindness and redirection are working for the moment. He really needs to go to a facility, but the red tape for this between Medicare and Medicaid and the VA are too confusing for me right now. I am trying to deal with this in between working during the day. I am fairly sure this docile period is not going to last. In fact, I can hear him stirring around in there, so it might not even last the night. Sigh. So sad.

Thanks for listening,
Christine
(2)
Report

Sharynmarie,

That's an awful lot of work you do at this store. Interesting how these jobs double up on employees, you end up going out of your way for their a***s, and then the employee has to be thinking "they're not being alert enough." Duuuhhhhhh!
They have a lot of responsibility here too. Don't you think it's kind of strange, that even in the circumstance of running out of supplies.....they don't have a back up system of sorts, to assist the entire operation. O.K., but I do understand about employees doing everything in their power to keep their jobs too.
This is exactly what my brother has been experiencing at his job. I heard just the other day, from my sister, that the day after he'd been written up once more, he was now worried again. He received a broken box on a pallet he had to dispatch to NY. Well, when he received it....the contents (papers) had come completely out of the box, and papers flew everywhere. He did a patch job and sent it on it's way. Well now he was stressing, that if they complain for the way the package arrived, they will track it back to him. Oh!! Paaaleeeez!

O.K., I hope things are mellow there tomorrow.

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
(2)
Report

Austin (((((hugs))))) correction without your beloved kitty.
(1)
Report

bad atmosphere and attitude. Someone at work told me that they remembered me helping them out when they first came - with the small things that no one ever tells you how to do, but you eventually find out for yourself. I used to do that and didn't even remember that person, but remembered how I felt when I first started and the confusion till I got the hang of things. I used to share the materials I developed for my course with new people teaching another section too. Not everyone did than -some hung onto their stuff and wouldn't share. I don't understand that attitude - how does it hurt you to share and help? Hope it works out or you get to move. Read that your mum is declining - hard to see that.
Christine - sounds like your fil needs a facility and the sooner the better
sandwich - your mum is loony tunes. I had to stop taking calls as they triggered the PTSD
cm - these special occasions are very stressful. Breathe deep - frequently. Keep us updated, vent often. The day(s) will go off well so try to enjoy some of it.
Austin -how are you doing? I know your house is empty with your your beloved kitty.

Hi to everyone else - look after you
(2)
Report

Yes Joan...there is a clique going on and as a new comer...they are not comunicating to me like they should be.
(2)
Report

Sharyn - that is a lot of work!!! Yes, next time you need chickens just message me lol

judda - Gary and I are marrying. I have been doing a little wedding shopping between the other stuff- it gives me a lift. We don't have a date yet. Gary will prob freak out if I try to set one as he likes to be spontaneous. He can get ready in a day or two. I can't. So far I have been able to get what I want for me here. We need to discuss where this will happen - if it needs to be near his parents who are around 90 and prob not up to travelling too much. My granddaughter has been wanting to be my flower girl since before Gary lol. Lots of fun!
(3)
Report

Yes Glad~they had run out before I clocked in at 4pm. That is why I told them they should have called me because I could have got some from 3 local stores. The deli opener has my numbers now, for what that is worth. I will possibly know more tomorrow when I go back to work. If nothing is said to me by the store manager or the bakery/deli manager, then I will forget about this incident. However, I will be more alert to what is left out in the back of the bakery. This dept. is about huge...about 3 times the size of the store I came from. Because customer service is very light, they have cut hours so really, there is not enough staff to handle the needs of production..that includes the dept making all the food items that are ready to go. Hot foods, fried foods, sandwiches, packaged rolls, breads, . So basically everyone is doing 2 positions or more at one time. I honestly don't know why this store is still open as customer service is not covering our hours in the bakery/deli. Because the dept is so large, corporate uses it as a testing grounds for new things like us producing our own ice cream cakes..etc. I am doing the fryers job...prepping chickens for the next day, I am doing the bakers job...packaging bread and cookies,,,and I am doing the closer duties of the deli which includes deep cleaning of the fried food case, the rotissarie oven, organizing the supplies for packaging everything and customer service comes first at all times. Thank you for asking...probably more info than what you wanted to know but Thank you!!!
(2)
Report

Emjo,
Sharyn could have used those chickens! LOL!
(1)
Report

Emjo, you are getting married? How cool is that?
(0)
Report

scarlett - probably you do have PTSD. I know I do from mother's rages in my childhood and young adulthood, and I think also from my PD sisters nasty tricks which are ongoing. I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only thing is to detach. Easier said than done but you can work on it. Realise her nagging etc. is her problem and has nothing to do with you and how well you are looking after her, but is a product of her unhealthy mind. You might want to check out daughtersofnarcissisticmothers web site. Google it and also detaching from a narcissistic mother or parent. There are some websites with good tips First of all you have to accept that she is not able to love or approve of you, and that us her problem and does not reflect on you. You have to let go of and grieve the hope for the mother you needed and never had. As much as possible accept her as the sick person that she is and protect yourself by drawing boundaries/limits. It is a process many of us are working on.

Re the freezer: later mother accused me of filling it with chicken. I had a vision of hiring someone to creep into her apartment in the dead of night with a sack of frozen chicken and stuffing it in her freezer. Another time she called me and cursed me and told me I was not her daughter any more. (Does that mean I can give up POA?) A little later she called and said she shouldn't have cursed me, but she meant the rest. My eye muscles are getting lots of exercise from them being rolled.

glad - the link you posted it is a fun thread.

saw the doc -went for more thyroid tests, my BP was normal -a nice little nurse took it - I seem to do better with nurses.

got mothers change of address done and her newspaper cancelled. Left to do is the cable company, who I can call and the phone,which I think is done through the ALF.

Now to figure out how to get all that chicken back home before it thaws lol.

Oh, the good news is that Gary found my good camera in his truck. The bad news is that he put it in a safe place in the back seat and he can't find it. The rings are still gone :(.

before I forget, ABB - since the basement was cleaned and bleached my cough is almost gone. I will get the ducts cleaned too. Do look after you!!!

Same to everyone and do something good for you today.
(2)
Report

We need to have some fun to try to keep as sane as possible. Maybe this thread will help, though it was started with a concern.https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/abbreviations-168663.htm?cpage=0&cm=351320&utm_source=Notification&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Discussion#351320
(0)
Report

I just found this group on line and was immediately interested by this topic," The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?" I have been caregiving since 2008. For my Father and Mother. My Father died in 2011 at he age of 96. 1 year later my Mother moved in with me. She is 94. I had always hoped that I would get some years alone with my Dad. The reason I am even voicing this is because my Mother is bi-polar (diagnosed too late to help her family) and was abusive to me verbally and physically. She abused my Father verbally as long as I can remember. She also is narcissitic and clinically depressed. Her bipolar behavior is mainly depressed/angry. I now live alone with my Mother and need to care for her 24 hours a day. We do have about 10 hours a week of housekeeping/caregiver help that she pays for so the burden is not too great on me. Like all of you I have many problems but the one that keeps cropping up for me is how to not be so angry. My Mother's behavior is fairly well controlled with meds but sometimes I get enraged when she keeps "nagging" me about something I've already explained or can't help her with or is just something that exists in her own mind. Since I grew up subjected to a lot of screaming , as an adult, I have an almost PTSD reaction to loud angry voices. So, when I yell at her it makes me feel ill. This is not something that occurs daily or even weekly, maybe once a month. I say to myself afterwards, "why can't you just ignore her? Let it roll off your back. She can't change now!" I have taken to apologizing to her afterwards, which is certainly something she never did for me.
It feel good to actually write these things down. I am so resentful at having to spend so much time with her that for a long time I resisted doing so because it seemed like it would be that much more time I had to devote to her instead of my own life and interests.
Thanks for being here!
(2)
Report

Forgot holy.....
(2)
Report

I need some infinite knowledge in my freezer too....
(3)
Report

I don't know, I think Emjo has won the prize for her mom's freezer that is also a portal to infinite holy knowledge. I just have a regular freezer full of fish sticks, corn, and broccoli.
(3)
Report

Sandwich,
WOW! She says all that? Mondo bizzaro.
Good that you're keeping the sense of humor about it.

Much Love & Lilght! Margeaux
(2)
Report

sorting her tax stuff. That will get done after the move.

Still waiting on the insurance company aaaargh. They have not had a report from the adjuster. Gary can give a quote and so can the lads in the basement. so I guess we will go that way.

To do something good for me, I got some undies for under my wedding dress, and some shoes - haven't had fun shopping for a while. Got a pair with HIGH heels. Gary is tall and the dress is long -may have to have it taken up a bit in front. This is a nice break from the other stuff and something just for me!
Do something good for you today
(4)
Report

computer acting up again - I stopped taking my thyroid meds and feel better than I have in quite a while - a little hyper if anything.. Seeing the doc today. I have Hashimoto's (hypo)and you can have Grave's disease (hyper) at the same time, both are autoimmune diseases, or you can heal -both are not common but possible. I am believing for the healing so prayers are welcome.

Getting mother's move organised, mail redirected etc. I will make 2 trips to Eton re the move. This weekend G and I will get started getting boxes and putting stuff into the unit I have booked. The following weekend we will complete it. I have bought mother some new clothing that is washable and will pass it on to the SW for her. Her 102nd birthday was yesterday. She wants no one to know where she is. O- kay! I have started sor
(1)
Report

I have been MIA -between the sewer back up and moving mother and trying to enjoy a little of this pre engagement/wedding time, my thyroid went whacky and I was hyper for a hwile, so I stopped
(1)
Report

phone calls - how about 3 am. "I looked in the freezer and can see what is coming. God will punish you for this" Huh?????

I ended up not answering t
(2)
Report

Btw sandwich- I read the list you had written about the phone call...a few posts back.
(2)
Report

Sandwich - that was hilarious! Sorry I have been gone for a bit - again. Honestly I got a little annoyed by a comment and needed a break. I must be " TOO SENSITIVE!" But I missed everyone and the antics of our.....parental units! Must be from outer space right? So my break from mom is coming to an end soon - going next week - it has been since January. I get about 5 emails a day that are getting more difficult to decipher. One thing is clear though...still no apology and it's all about the golden brother! You know - the one who hasn't seen her in over 2 years and has made 3 phone calls to her - and the one who calls me to see if she's still alive....think we all have one of these. So I haven't talked to him since January - he finally is going down to see her Thursday - and his phone call consisted of asking me to borrow $15,000 from the trust....after all - he says - it is our money right?? Um - no - she's still alive and her expenses are quite high - I reply. Wow - soooooo surprising! So I can't get my lawyer to call me back, called another one...no call back. My concern is the money is needed for his money grubbing wife to finish law school! Yikes! Red flags! Plus - she is older than I am - close to 60....nothing about this feels good. Thoughts anyone?
(1)
Report

Let me add to my own comment, part 2. Call it: Instant Sainthood. Picture dysfunctional family member (now or from past) in your shoes as care giver. Don't you love it?
(2)
Report

Thanks camaryllis for your wisdom. You described my family situation too. When I wonder if I am saying or doing the right thing I just think, "Well what if my Mom or sister were in my shoes? How would THEY do? Ha!! yo! I feel ever so much better now!
(1)
Report

I just about said the same thing to mom - if you've pulled your innards out, then you probably shouldn't eat anymore! What the what? The weird part of this is (is there a not weird part?) she was mad, not freaking out or distressed as I would be should that really happen. She was mad nobody was helping her push her guts back in. As if that is the most logical course of action. Duh. I'm sure there's a lot more of this kind of thing coming over the next weeks, months, whatever.

I erased my cell phone number off the whiteboard in her room, so I haven't had any more calls to it thankfully.

She said she was going to fight the "little split tails" as she likes to call other younger women (PT, OT, nurses mostly) who came in to test her blood glucose or make her move her legs. Good luck with that. I am waiting on the call to be told they've had to put her in restraints. I really am.
(1)
Report

Good morning,
I am with you on trying to find the humor at times, Glad! Whew. I have to keep reminding myself that my FIL can't help it, that he isn't doing this on purpose to make my life h*ll. And also realizing that he wasn't a very nice person to begin with, he was an abusive bully, and as is often the case this was kept as a 'family secret' so not known to the outside world. I keep seeing the photos on this and other websites of happy older people with their kids hugging them. And I wish that could be the picture here. So I have to do a little 'mental photoshopping' every now and then and just remember to be kind. He doesn't know who I am, but I am kind to him, and as his wife is mad at him and he doesn't know who Charles is and thinks he is my MIL's boyfriend he feels that I am the only one he can trust, in a weird way. So I guess that gives me a way to get through to him, for whatever small bit gets through. As I told him yesterday, you can sit around and think of all the choices you regret or mistakes you made and be mad and miserable. Or you can think about the great things that you did or that happened, and feel a sense of accomplishment. I need to listen to my own advice. :)
Thanks for listening
Christine
(5)
Report

Sandwich, CM did an astounding job of reminding me we need to try, as hard as it is at times, to keep a sense of humor. Though it is increasingly difficult especially in the midst of the never ending voice mail messages that continuously remind us of what this disease has done to our loved one.

I apologize if this seems callous. I really did think it clever of CM to say it is a good thing they are not feeding her, no intestine and all. LOL! If only I could remember to just agree with what my mom tells me then try to find the humor in it. If we all practiced this our jobs would become less stressful!
(2)
Report

Sandwich, well if she's pulled out her intestines it's probably just as well they haven't given her anything to eat…???

Oh Lordy I don't know what you do about the, um, how can we put it, toe-curling vocabulary. One of those situations when even though you know you're not responsible for it you still wish the ground would open up and swallow you.

Do they do aversion therapy for dementia sufferers? Just a forlorn thought...
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter