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Sharynmarie _ i hope that went ok. A collective lack of sense and accountability shouldn't fall on one person -you. I would not sign anything. Good luck!
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Yes, use a union rep to cover yourself... something sounds fishy and I would be wondering about the actions of the cake decorator, after all, it was her responsibility, since she was the one who left on her own accord to get the chickens, and if someone indeed did bring them there while you were on shift, does not equate, that you knew the chickens were there.

For all you know the chickens could have been brought anytime...I hope they have film in the video camera, some companies have them there as a deterrent, but do not use film, but if there is film, I hope they are able to exonerate you!
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Camaryl, it would be best to call 911 when FIL is being violent and you all obviously feel in danger from him. Because when the cops arrive, they will question you in detail. If he has some medical problems and is Willing to go to the ER (most dementias refuse), that is also a good time to request for psyche evaluation and let it be known that he is not returning home to you. There will definitely a lot of pressures from the hospital, from social services, etc.. They will do the guilt trip. If that doesn’t work, they will then threaten you with Adult Protective Services. The thing is, what does MIL (mother-in-law) think of this? You and hubby may say no, but she may say yes. And they will listen to her – since she said yes.

Guardianship has a much more responsibility than having POA. You will be held accountable by the court if they approve this. As guardians, you cannot just abandon him. You would be obligated completely with his welfare. I think you and hubby need to do more research in exactly what you both want and are willing to do.

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Sharyn, since this has happened twice in your watch - of something being delivered and no one gave you the heads up, I think it's best to start being a bit pro-active for your sake and your job. Effective immediately, before you head for home, do a quick scan of the rooms. Make sure that everything that should be off, is off and nothing was left inside. If something is still baking, and you can tell from some kind of gizmo on the outside, maybe do some calling to find out who left it on, etc.. I know it's extra work for You but .... in reality, no one is going to willingly take the blame. Since it was in Your watch, in Your department, then - of course - you will be blamed.

Like my older sister told me, she cannot believe how most people cannot think on their own, reason on their own, or Do Anything on their own. Even when she's no longer working in that department, when things go wrong, they blame Her because .. she did not "train" them right. She's frustrated because they are no longer in her department since she moved up and to another section. Yet, she's still getting blamed. So, she's been protecting herself from these upstarts who want to climb up the ladder but do it the lazy way.
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Sharyn, how frustrating - you must feel like the coach of a football team that's not talking to each other on the pitch. Ow. All you can do is grit your teeth and note exactly what went on, I suppose.

I'm interested in what you say about your nephew. Just let him know by the bye that he's got someone who'll listen if he wants to talk, do you think? How old is he? If he's still a youngster, they're so touchy sometimes I don't know how one can tell if they're bp or not! - my littlest, now goodness me 26, goes from sunshine to thunderclouds and back again in one conversation. She's not bp, just emotionally labile and very open about it! - whereas her sister's very easy and even in her mood. Isn't it funny, what contrasts you get in one family?

My sister has been dropping cautious hints about her son's orientation for a couple of years now - I think she might have been apprehensive about how we'd react, but for heaven's sake it's 2014! I know some people do still get terribly upset and lathered about the whole issue, and they have their reasons no doubt, but I do wish people could at least mind their own business even if they can't approve. I'm not discussing the subject within the family because my nephew himself hasn't said anything to me so I don't feel it's for me to talk about; but he did come out to my daughters and another cousin recently (I don't think anyone was surprised!). On the other hand he was probably pretty drunk at the time… so, again, I'll wait 'til he wants to talk about it, if he ever does.

I suppose it doesn't really make any difference to anyone until there's an official partner on the scene - that must sort the liberal sheep from the reactionary goats! I have to admit, on balance it's a good thing that my late father isn't around to hear this piece of news when it comes - just picturing the expression on his face makes me wince… Lucky we had him cremated, too, so he can't turn in his grave (excuse gallows humour if not your cup of tea).

Hope "The Management" are in rational mood and don't give you a hard time.
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Thank you Joan~I worry about him sometimes because I know how my husbands family can be..."Don't ask, don't tell". I see this young man with no one to communicate to and no family support. I can't get involved of course because I am an outsider to my husbands family. It is really a sad situation for him.

As far as me being written up, I will just have to wait and see. I was already told that disciplinary action would be taken with any further losses because one co-worker left bread dough in the proofer and did not tell me..so it sat there all night and rose to large to bake as a loaf of bread the next day.
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Sharyn -sorry about the chicken business - seems very unfair that they would write you up. Try to relax. Sounds like your nephew has emotional problems. I like your response.
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LOL!!! it posted before I could finish....maybe a good thing???

I just wanted to share something that I find rather funny but at the same time, I can see where this may be causing some embarrassment for my husbands sister.

Her eldest child is 1 year younger than my son, he is clearly homosexual which I and my husband have no issue with. We were told that he approached his mother about this issue and she just held up her hand and walked away. My husbands family is very old tradition, republican, except my husband who is very much a democrat. I am seeing posts from our nephew that are leading me to believe that he is a wiccan (sp?), Also, his mother and bio father divorced many years ago (which has not bearing on this topic), it only relates to the fact the his father had a hard time holding down a job while married to my sil due to anger issues. Our nephew also has had this problem. I only bring this up because some time back I posted a pic on F/B of a kitten with big sad eyes, it said, "Will just like me or just continuing scrolling?" My nephew took issue with it saying he hates these types of post and does not want to see them on "HIS" page again and to unfriend him. I responded saying, "block me". then I went back later saying, "I don't like some of your posts either but I don't dictate what you can or cannot post." He did apologize and I accepted it. I am wondering if he is possibly bi-polar and that his dad is also. Similar situations between son and dad...I know his sexual orientation or religious beliefs have nothing to do with being bi-polar...I just wanted to give an overall picture of what I am see with him.
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I
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I am really stressing tonight. When I went to work yesterday at 4 pm, the dept. had run out of whole chickens to cook in the rotisserie oven. They were scrambling to find a store who would give us some chickens. They located 2 boxes at the store I worked at here in town. Now why did they wait until 4pm to do this? I could have picked the chickens up on my way in to work?? The cake decorator said she would get the chickens and bring them back. I was at work until 8:53pm. No one showed up with the chickens. They called me this morning around 10am, asking if I would come in ASAP because the decorator called in sick and they were behind. I was also told that "someone" left the whole chickens out in the dept all night. I said I did not see or hear from the decorator once she left so to my knowledge the chickens were not brought in while I was still there. These 2 boxes of chickens (24 total) were spoiled because of having been at room temp all night. Over $100 loss to our dept. The chickens were found in the back of the dept. in the bakery section not the deli section or in the deli walk- in fridge. Why would someone put them in the back and not tell me???? I am possibly facing a write up tomorrow simply because the closer is the last person there and even if others do not communicate, they can chose to blame the closer. I think what happened was the decorator brought the chickens to the store and had a service specialist load them in a grocery cart to take to our dept but did not specifically tell the service specialist they go in the walk-in fridge so the person just took them to the decorators dept. which is bakery and if I was still on shift, did not communicate to me about it. I am thinking that if I get a write up, I will not sign it without a union rep present. I was told they are going to review the camera video to see what time and who brought the chickens in to our dept.
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Christine, whatever you have to do to get him properly assessed and out of your MIL's face, for heaven's sake don't feel bad about it. You and Charles have stepped in in the nick of time, by the sound of it. Hope you get somewhere fast, best of luck, and WELL DONE.
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Hi Veronica,
No POA yet, they have only been here for two weeks and haven't gotten that squared away yet. And yes, he needs care not punishment.
Cross your fingers for me...
Thanks for listening,
Christine
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I don't know where you are and what laws your state has but i would call the police when he is at his worse and tell them you want him taken to ER because he indagering his wife and you. I think they will have to take him to the nearest ER then it is up to the Drs there to transfer him to a psychiatric hospital. make sure the police know he has advanced dementia so they don't just arrest him. He needs treatment not punishment. best to ask for the police and an ambulance. Does MIL have POA?
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Thank you, Shakingdustoff...I was thinking of calling 911 and I assumed they would take him to emergency room, but maybe they would take him for observation at the psych hospital. I don't know how this all works...have only been dealing with this fro two weeks.
Whew.
Thanks for listening
Christine
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Sorry SDO I accidentally reported your post
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Thank you Veronica. This is killing me...and you are right, I need to take precautions to make sure he doesn't do anything crazy(ier). MIL is on board with the hospital thing. And she has now confessed to being abused by him in the past. Today's fun was that he took a steak knife from dinner and had it on the dresser in his room. I am keeping detailed diaries of all this, for whatever it might be worth.
I am so shocked that he has gone downhlll so quickly. I thought he would settle down at some point and start to get it that he can't go home. But it has gotten worse. I feel so sad for him, I am sure it is a loss of control thing. But I have to keep everyone in my household safe, and crazy is not compatible with safe.

Sigh.
Thank you
Christine
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Christine you can certainly call an ambulance and the police when he becomes violent and he will be admited to the hospital for "observation". You are then free to refuse to take him back home. I realize you feel horrible having to do this but it may be the only solution. having guardianship will not help your situation because you will still be responsible for him even though you can make decisions. it is also an expensive process and takes time. Do not expect to be treated nicely or kindly if you have to resort to this.Expect a lot of bullying from hospital staff but stand your ground if not for dad he may kill Mom when there is no one home and he gets worse. Keep us informed about how this goes. Turn off the ulilities to their house if you have not already done so and change the locks in case he fools the staff and they call a cab. Document his behaviour and vidiota[pe it and photograph and bruises mom may have.
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ok, it has only been two weeks and I am at my wits end. FIL is mid to late stage dementia. He doesn't know who his son is, and keeps accusing him of being his mother's boyfriend. He is in crazytown most of the time now. It has gotten markedly worse since he has been here. He wants to go home. He thinks we are keeping him prisoner. There is nothing we can say that sinks in, I know it is the disease but it is so hard. He is also not a very nice person in his right mind. He is a bully, and has taken a couple of swings at Charles. He has also been trying to intimidate his wife, physically barring her from leaving a room while he rants at her about her supposed boyfriend. He is 87, she is 84. Really.
Charles is going to call a lawyer Monday to find out about guardianship, he is not in his right mind most of the time.
So now the question is how can we get him into a nursing home of some kind. Assisted living is not enough, he needs to be somewhere where he can't wander off. Does anyone know anything about this? I read somewhere that if it comes down to it, we can call the ambulance when he is violent and he can be taken to the hospital for observation, and then we don't have to take him back. I know this sounds cold, and it is killing me. But I don't know what to do. I am afraid now to leave him here with just his wife for a few hours a day. Charles and I work opposite shifts, but there is a gap between our worktimes.
I guess the first thing is guardianship? And they have a falling down house that will likely need to be sold to finance this.
Thanks for listening...
Christine
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Yes. My mother has advanced cerebellar ataxia, (atrophy of the brain stem). For the last 3-4 years she has been unable to walk and requires total assistance 24/7. She developed pneumonia about a month ago, but has recovered though there is still fluid on the lung. Still waiting for results from CT scan and echocardiogram last week.
A visiting nurse and physical therapist were unable, or unwilling to lift her and were no help. They were only interested in getting her into a paid facility. This state has one of the worst records for elder abuse and she would be totally helpless. She barely weighs 100 lbs and is no problem for me to carry.
I have plenty of other interests to keep me occupied otherwise. I went to CodA meetings for two years many years ago and found them very helpful. It is all about your own attitude and resisting what others think is "normal."
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Thomas are you caring for an elderly demented parentt alone?
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It seems to me that a lot of people here might benefit from Codependents Anonymous. It is based on the very effective AA 12 Step program and is a place to vent and get some perspective on stressful situations with dysfunctional relationships:

http://www.coda.org/meetings/index.php
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No system is perfect all the time. I made the mistake of telling my sister...I know she had a right to know, but my sis is also too reactive. I understand her concern and it is reasonable to be concerned, so she is going to order an Alzheimer's ID bracelet for mom. I told her not to get something expensive as I know my sister, she only 100% sterling silver is good enough for her. I don't fault her for her concern, however, the ID bracelet is not going to prevent mom from escaping if she has the motivation and opportunity. I prefer that steps be taken to prevent the escape. I do believe this is an isolated incident. Yes, Susan, the alarms are ear splitting when they go off even with the wrist alarms. We can ask that they put the wrist alarm back on our mother, but I doubt that it is necessary. My mom has progressed more than I realized since she has been there. I always visit in the morning or late morning. I could see the difference yesterday with the sundowning in the late afternoon. She was even having trouble pronouncing words. She was obsessed with the trees blowing outside the restaurant, saying look at the keys blowing, or look at the crees blowing. She focused on people walking outside the restaurant who just left, saying who is that, what are they doing, look at that fat man, LOL!! Yes I won't be taking her out that late in the afternoon again.
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There are problems with those security systems sometimes. The day program my mom participates in has had problems, on occasion, that is solved when the system is reset. On one occasion a man wearing a sensor was leaving and the alarm was not triggered, but when staff brought him back in the alarm sounded.
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I remember when Dad was in the NH for a few months before his passing - they had alarms clipped to the back of the wandering residents' shirts. (Pretty effective - they couldn't reach it to take it off, even if they tried.) If they got within 5' of any of the doors, they set off an ear-splitting alarm. One of the residents was particularly bad about trying to get out the door. The resident would shuffle up to the door, get to the 5' mark, stop and look around to see if anyone was watching her - and if they weren't, she'd make an all-out charge for the door in an attempt to beat the alarm. Fortunately, because she was rather slow-moving, the staff always caught her and brought her back, gently reminding her that she needed to stay in the building. She would grumble and curse at them all the way back. Kind of comical, but kind of sad too.
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Veronica~They use the wrist alarms too but I don't know if Sarah has one on. She probably does now if she didn't before. My mom wore one for several months but after we moved her to another room that was not near an exist, she stopped trying to leave. I still think she followed someone out without them knowing she was behind them. I hope they find out how it happened or if there is a problem with the security system, they get it fixed quickly.
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Our local N/H has wrist alarms that patient who may wander wear. If they try and leave the building open door or not the alarm goes off. Maybe you should metion this to mom's unit manager .
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Sharyn, I have the same problem with my tablet of the ads overlapping th posting section when I zoom in far enough to read posts easily.
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Glad~Thank you, I understand what you are saying. Ben Gay is more potent than mineral ice because I used it on my shoulder once and it burned my skin. I am not saying the mineral ice won't do the same, because it has the potential to do it too. It is with great caution that I do this with a cloth between my skin and the heating pad.

I took mom out for her haircut and color. Everything went well, but...because the appt was at 4pm....mom was obsessing greatly...sundowning...I did not consider that when I made the appt. So never again a late afternoon appt. We had dinner after the appt. Then I took her back to the community memory care unit. I had a big scare when we got in there. One of the residents, Sarah, had escaped!!! They did not know how she got out because no alarms or motion sensors went off. Goodness, I was scared and did not know whether to leave my mom there. As God looks after his children, she was found in the courtyard a short time later. I think Sarah probably followed someone out without them realizing she came out behind them. We all have a password to get in and out of the memory care, without alarms going off, it is the only way I can see she got out. There have been times when I would be leaving that she would be right behind me, but I am always looking because my mother tends to try to follow me out too. They are going to investigate why and how it happened which we let them know we wanted it investigated too. Sarah is more advanced than my mother, she tends to spend most of her time walking the hallways, talking to herself and if you acknowledge her, she will respond then giggles manically.I am just so glad she was found safe...very scary and this can happen when you have a loved one at home too so please don't say this is why my parent is not in a facility. Thank you!!
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Sharyn, be very careful with that mineral ice and heating pad. I once did the same thing with bengay. Well I got burned and ended up with three blisters on my back that were the size of half dollars (everyone knows how big they are, don't see them much any more, I wonder why?). And another time I was sitting on the couch with the heating pad between my back and the couch and all of the sudden it was getting very hot. The darn thing had caught fire. At least I hadn't fallen asleep with it there and was able to just get the thing out un the yard. So, just be very careful.
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Well, quick update on the gas well situation here. Older sis stopped by today to talk about the matter, and when it was brought up, she launched right into what she "thought was the right thing to do" and how she "wanted it for a legacy to her kids/grandkids", etc. Never once did she ask HER MOTHER, the owner of the 1/16 share in the gas well, what HER wishes were - it was all "I want, I want, I want" and what SHE thought was the best thing to do. (And yet, she claims it's not about the money - that she just wants it to be able to hand something down to her kids/grandkids - even if it's just a piece of paper saying Mom owned the well. What?!?) I was extremely frustrated. The long and short of it is that my other siblings and I all agreed (as did Mom) to just give older sis the entire 1/16 share in the well - let her do what she wants with it.

(grumble) I'm not angry that she is getting it, I'm angry about the way she handled it. Just marched right into this situation and immediately assumed everyone felt the same way, which they don't. My other 2 siblings think Mom's wishes should be honored but none of us are willing to fight with older sis over a piddling $400 a year (if it actually continues to pay that much out).

So, I guess it's all straightened out...to *someone's* satisfaction. Just not mine. But I have to accept it and just move on.
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LadyDi,

I'm so sorry, I don't know how the heck I got the impression you said something about people judging you about being paid to be your mom's CG. It' must be the heat! HAAH!

O.K., you and your husband are doing a great job, and you have a good/pragmatic outlook about it.

Hugs, Do come back,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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