
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Margeaux~ I am going to request a weekend off in the next couple weeks so I can get out to take pictures. I plan on requesting more time off that I have in 6 years I have worked for this company. Next week I am scheduled for Monday and Saturday off. This weekend will be my last days at my former store.
Joan~I am excited about your holiday coming up. Use that sunscreen, an attractive hat, and sunglasses. I am sure you are looking forward to this time away.
I am taking things easy right now, I have too. It is still very painful for me and my sis. My mother's house went on the market yesterday. I have spent Tues and Thurs (today) finishing up the clean up outside. I will be off Monday and that day will be for visiting my mom as I have not been able to visit her this week. am very depressed right now with everything that has happened this last week. My parents wedding anniversary was March 25th, the house going up sale, getting transferred. All I can say is What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I will get through this with many changes in how I look and approach things. Thank you everyone for the support!!
stargazer - sorry about the family dysfunction. We all wonder why they have to behave like that. It makes no sense. It will be a relief to get the headstone n place and be done with the dramas.
A young man and his buddy are moving into the basement for a few months till they get established with a new business. He did a lot of renos on my house about 5 yeas ago. I'll get him to finish off what he left undone and also, hopefully, some other work. I am glad to have someone in the house while we are away.
sharyn - just give yourself the time you need -be easy on you. Definitely lots of losses - job security included
cm - Living with work being done in the house can drive you nuts. I had my house totally renovated while living in it. At one point I was living in the basement and the only functional bathroom was on the second floor and to get there was like running an obstacle race over equipment of one sort or another. No fun.
bought lots of sunscreen - a large floppy brimmed hat and need to pick up a few more things before I can finish packing. Still haven't quite figured out what to wear traveling from below freezing to hot temps. Better get back to it and the last minute clean ups around the house.
Take care all. I will bring my laptop, but not sure what connections I will have. The hotels should have wifi.
Do something good for you today
Try to squeeze in the time to take those pictures.
It's something you really enjoy, and you take great photos, would be very good for you right now. Redirect some of the energy, my dear.
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Yes, I did have a nice time on a work/mini getaway trip, I just wish it could have been longer....the R&R part. HAAH!
O.K., I'm so happy to hear that your mom is quiet right now.
Don't forget that sunscreen and have a lovely vacation. You more than deserve it!
Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Joan~I am sorry you have been ill. I hope your trip is relaxing and enjoyable...getting away, don't think about your mother or sister.
The union rep called me at Work!! He was confrontational and combative with me. It put me in a bad position because I had others around me who could hear my end of the conversation. Makes me think he did it this way on purpose...maybe my paranoia coming into play. I had to tell him the situation 3 times, he was not hearing me...not concerned about my mother's situation or that she is terminal. He said all he can do is "ask" the store manager to keep me there. Weak union.
The store I am working is very slow, I had 5 customers from 12-9. The people are great...but I am so angry I am having some attitude issues that I have to keep in check. While it would give me great satisfaction to show up at this store with a custom made button saying, "Don't Count On Me, I am Not Reliable" I was advised not to do it, LOL!!! Joan, I agree with you, I will not make myself available by coming in early or coming in on my days off even though I need the extra hours.
I am 56 years old, starting over somewhere else would mean accepting $8.00 an hour with no benefits. I have been there and done that, I just have to suck this up and move forward. Bitter yes, not happy that my employer can manipulate my personal life, but I guess I have to happy I a job.
Joan, you are right, with my sisters health issues and my mom's issues, my responsibilities will only increase. Sis is still not talking to me, has not let me know how the estate sale went in terms of the $$ we made for mom. I will have to email her insisting on that info.
Happy you are back, I've missed you!
Well, I wasn't sure at all if mom was even having bm since discharge, have not heard the explosions 3 or 4 times a day. Absolutely astounding! Took her to doc today and he assured me she is, it is just that you can't hear it from a block away like we had. In fact I was so concerned about it I took her off the gluten free diet to make sure thing were returning to her normal. Her doc had added a probiotic which he thinks may be making the difference. Such a relief, though the D is not gone completely, finally heard the evidence tonight, but first time in nearly three weeks. Have stuck with the lactose free, including no butter, so that may also be helping.
Just go out and have a good time with this guy. I think if you look at it like this,
there couldn't be any kind of getting swept up into his life.
Have fun!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
That sure is a terrible truth to find out about the job! How unfair some companies are. Instead of valuing a reliable committed employee, they just use us to their advantage. My golden boy brother is in a terrible job situation like this. It's interesting, because I recently found out through my sister that he seems to be intimidated by the employers. They call in employees and use some kind of scare tactics. Then my brother apparently told my sister that he often feels like he ends up doing everyone else's work, or picks up the slack. Now the managers there take advantage, and it's causing him problems. He's also one of the more senior employees there, and there's no union to boot. I found this quite interesting since he used bully tactics on we siblings during his reign as the POA for mom and the battle ax.
Well, I hope and it does sound as if you are looking into your rights, and using the union to your advantage. There's got to be a way that it would swing your way. O.K., you're in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
don't think I can catch up with everyone but will make a few remarks
Welcome to the new posters. We understand unhelpful sibs, narcissistic parents, the need to develop boundaries, and detach from the nastiness, the need to look after ourselves. Come and vent any time.
glad - so sorry about what your mum had to go through. Gary's dad had the same due to old scars. He got through it but they (not dad but family) were told likely he will have another obstruction and he will not survive it. He is a frail 90 yr old. Is she still having the big D?
Alison - it is good that things are relatively quiet and also that you will look for some places for your dad yourself. Hope you have a good time on your date. At least it gets you out of the house. I went through quite a few before met G.
Margeaux - glad to see you back and thanks about Toonie. I am giving away the food and litter to my kids with pets. Then there will be few traces of him left. Still sweeping up cat hair though. He was a sweetheart. Hope you had a good trip with you hubby.
Sharyn - what a rotten deal. Agreed - stop being the dependable one. They only use you more. I have seen it at work time and again. Not only do you have your mum to do things for, but your sis is not well either and you may have to take on more there in terms of looking after your mum's stuff. Keeping your niece in prayer. Hope the house sale goes well. I know it is bringing up a pile of feelings and memories.
Everyone else - hope things are reasonably good for you. Veronica are the paper piles diminishing? Austin we got more snow too!!! Book I see you are trucking on, cm, assandache, norest, wondering what happened to taheil. Can't remember everyone who has posted, but not leaving anyone out intentionally.
My head felt like it was full of cotton wool last week and I was terribly cold all the time, then I found that I had an infection, which is being treated and I feel much better, Thank goodness I found out now and got it in hand, as we are leaving on our trip at the end of the week. Doing floors yesterday and today, laundry, bathrooms. A young guy we know, and his dog (a doodle - a golden retriever-poodle mix) is renting a room for a few months so there will be someone in the house when we are away. Time to start with the tan towels I have fair skin and burn, but want a little colour. Need to find a packable sun hat.
Cut my hair short - will be easier travelling.
Have to ask my son to be emergency contact while I am away. Everything quiet at mother's end thankfully. Long may it last. I still "startle" when the phone rings and for other noises, butt hat will subside.
Someone somewhere on this site mentioned life long PTSD. Yeah, I think so, unfortunately.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))) and do something good for you today.
ABB, I don’t usually spend hours on YouTube. I’m more into my books. I only see all these videos from the news channels. Then, I google it. If I like it, I want to share it.
Trulyblessed, I’m sorry about your MIL being in the “active death” phase. When my mom died last year, and my siblings all came home, I don’t think they ever said aloud if they regretted not being here more for mom. I do know that when they went back home, they stopped responding to my emails. I basically stopped emailing them since then.
Sharyn, my fave sis ended up following everyone….take long lunches, etc…
2 months ago they hired a young girl whose father works at another store in the meat dept. They did not post it within the company because they specifically wanted her because of her father's pull within the company. By hiring her this way, they can have her work in the deli but classify her position as a service specialist. This means that she does not have less seniority than me because she is not a bakery/deli clerk. She gets 20 hours from bakery/deli and 5 hours as a service specialist. This is not because they wanted to personally get rid of me, it is politics. I just happen to be the one with lowest seniority, which nothing but bs.
I am still going to call the union because I plan to fight to stay locally, I just am not sure I want to stay at this store now knowing what I know. I got screwed even though it was not personal on their end, but it is still personal to me because I need to be local due to my mom's health.
They would rather keep another young woman who is 30, yet she goes out on extended leaves every 2-3 months for one issue or another. She is the woman whose mother committed suicide by standing in front of a train. She has a history of going out long before her mother died.
My vent is...I will no longer go in on my days off because of another person who calls in sick, I am going to do what needs to be done and I will not go the extra mile. If I get hurt at work no matter what the injury is or whether I feel it needs medical attention, I will file a workman's comp claim, getting extra time off. Why not...that is what everyone else does so why fight it, instead of me being part of the solution, I will now be part of the problem with the good ole US of A.
So, your employment has discretion to assign you elsewhere, even though you had spoken up about needing to stay local? That stinks. That would make me feel unsupported by my supervisors. And that would potentially make me resentful. You mentioned it feels personal to you. That makes sense to me. Who cares what you technically are obligated to by terms of employment, if you talk to a human being who is your superior and tell them your issues, you would hope and trust they sympathize and respect your needs/preferences. I suppose in the cold world of business and bottom lines, that NO it doesn't matter to them, of course it won't, of course they will move you as they see fit… but it still stinks. And they give you no notice, no time to adjust… I'm sorry.
Austin… I'm not happy. There is fresh snow on the ground here. I didn't see it coming in my daily weather.com check. It said nothing about snow fall/accumulation. I got up to use bathroom this a.m., and there it is… snow… I am so traumatized that I had to get online and find a friend to sympathize, lol. Seriously, though, I'm darn sick of this winter. And seriously, I'm traumatized by the fresh fallen snow. I suppose I'll live through it.
Happy Sunday! (((((hugs))))) to all of you
as Sharyn said
I suggest that you approach this date as you said...a fun time out, try not to put too much in expectations on it...just enjoy the time out and see what happens. It sounds like if you get involved in this relationship, you have a lot to think about...such as...are you willing/ready to be an instant mother to 4 children...what are his priorities regarding his children, his career? Is he looking for someone to a mother to his children but not a spouse to him? While you are working on getting out of a caregiving role for an abusive father and family members, be very careful of stepping into a caregiving role as a mother while your needs as an adult woman are not being met. You are very intelligent and I know you will make wise decisions..just go slow and think the situations through.
Love to you,
Sharyn
Austin, OUCH, more snow? I *think* Spring is here in Chicago, but it just dropped almost 30 degrees since yesterday… crazy! As long as the daytime highs stay above freezing to continue to let all the built up snow melt off, I'll be happy. So tired of looking at dirty snow mounds everywhere.
Book, I saw the Puddles version of "Royals," too. I like both versions. I was finally ahead of you on one trending viral video, lol. Usually, you mention them on here and then I go watch them. I read a story about Puddles. Since you like perusing the net, you might find the back story about him… I don't remember where I read it at, but maybe you could find. Apparently, the man that is Puddles doesn't speak much, has been that way a long time, is a fixture/oddity in Atlanta for many years now in relative anonymity until the singing videos.
I'm going on my previously mentioned date tomorrow… I wonder sometimes if I'm not being really, really naive about my selection this go around. This man has 4 children, under the age of 12. His wife divorced him to reunite with high school boyfriend, so its not as if he abandoned his family, but still… this has to be difficult on the kids. He also just started his own law firm within past year, so he's extremely busy. He lives about an hours' drive away from me on north side of Chicago. Even if I do like him, when would I ever see him and how would I fit into his life??? I'm just going to go on the date, enjoy the chance to get out (going to NHL game, yay!), and not make too much of it. But… almost seems like a self-defeating set up on my part. I tend to be self destructive and naive too often, I need to be more aware when I'm doing those things. Hard for me to discern, though, since I'm so open minded about pretty much everything. : /
On a positive note, I've gotten in touch with some old Midwest friends and we've talked about getting together for an evening in the coming weeks. When I was a teenager, an older woman told me something that I never forgot. She said, "you need good friends, or you need a boyfriend. Some times if you have good friends, that's all you need." She said something like that. I do know that when I have some things going in the right direction in my personal life, I have a lot more patience for catering to all my dad's needs. He is emotionally draining on me, I have to fill up that "gas tank" somehow, you know? Gym classes are still a wonderful outlet I've discovered just in past year. But… having some friends around here would be nice, too. :-)
Happy Saturday, all. (((((hugs)))))