The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Pstegman-Do you know if they have the Kasper version in FL? My mother needs to be on the list ;)

I went to my mom's house earlier today to spray with round up. It was very difficult being there on an emotional basis. The walls were bare, most of the books were gone, the pictures were all gone, the 1970's stereo cabinet turn table and 8 track was still there. I was not surprised to see it still there. Sis thought it was a collectible. Anyway...it has tore me up emotionally, I can't deal with going over there now. Once they remove all that is left..the house will be empty except for the curtains (drapes for the snobs) on the windows. The teacups are all gone, the sewing machine and cabinet are gone. I am grieving this loss much harder than I anticipated. Well gotta go and take another break to get myself together again. I hate being so emotional.

In California it is CURES/PDMP. I am sure every state has their own version of this law. Thank you pst for bring this to our attention.

KASPER is Kentucky All Schedule Prescription Electronic Reporting. In New York it is called I-STOP: Internet System for Tracking Over Prescribing. These laws nullify HIPAA, you become a poster child for drug abuse.

Loretta. not sure what Kasper reports are but there definitely are HIPPA laws that others can not release someone's info. Huge fines are involved if violated.

Hi all, I'm lurking. There's a couple more doctor's visits for my father this month to get him back on track after he just quit taking meds and such. After that, I did tell my older bro I would bring my father down to Indy and show him some neighborhoods and properties.

My life is moving so slow. The crises I've faced, one right after another, just seem to be over. July 21, 2011 was the day I dove headfirst into caregiving, and it just seems I may be a different person altogether now. I am still going to gym and trying to get myself strong and healthy so I will have the strength to make whatever changes/moves need to be made. But right now… its just slow… I used to like to MOVE MOVE MOVE things along, but it doesn't work like that anymore. That's ok.

Hello Loretta and Mimi, Marialake and DiLynn, as well as all of you wonderful "regulars." I've been reading, just don't have much to add right now. I hope everyone is well. Spring just might be here at last for some of us, now THAT is great news!

I am glad you found Lisa's thread. I thought of her immediately as I read your post because of the similarities. You won't be able to stop reading it until you reach the end. It took me about 4 days to read through it, LOL!!

Book~Thank you for your words of support. I do feel like a bully for doing this to my sister, but she doesn't listen or hear what I am saying. Now I have hurt her feelings and my own.

I'm glad that Sharyn was able to refer you to Lisa's thread. That was the very first thread I read when I found this site looking for how to caregive 2 bedridden parents. Although her story had nothing to do with my situation, I was hooked by the title. At that time, I had a dial-up connection for the internet. Every time I hit the darn "enter" key, it took 1-2 minutes to turn to the next page. Then the internet dropped, I had to re-dial, etc... I got so fed up because I was so into Lisa's story and my internet slowness was driving me crazy. I went and got a wireless connection which made my phone bill go from $28 to $82.00!

7Loretta, a tip I learned while I was reading Lisa's very very long thread. If you can open a Word File, then just copy the internet site's info on the above "www.aging.care.com/discussions/The-Caregiver-Dysfunctional-Families-xxxxxx" and then paste it on your Word File. So, that when you come back to read Lisa's thread, you can continue where you left off. When I first started reading her thread, I had to go to the FIRST page, then kept scrolling NEXT, NEXT until I found where I left off. Because my internet was very very slow, I ended up spend Hours just reading a few at a time. I learned a lot from Lisa's thread about what to do and not to do.

FYI, if you do set up a file for her thread, then you can also take notes and then copy the site's top info and paste it. Example, the funny part at the bank. You can type - "bank incident ... and then paste below it the website's page on it by copying/pasting the www... '

Oh my goodness!! I found that thread from Lisa... Her situation was identical to mine, it was as if I was reading about my mother! I only got to read the first few pages because I have to go have test at the hospital this morning due to a bad report on my mammogram :(. When I get back I'm going to sit with a cup of coffee and continue reading the rest, I can't wait! Thanks so much.. This has really helped me, there is actually people out there that is as crazy as my mother! I get worried when I have yo leave home be sues I have to leave her here by herself, I had to take the phone away from her at the request of dispatcher from the 911 center! So if there was an emergency, she hasn't a phone. I have to go to the hospital tho, I have to get this done. I've let myself and my health go to care for her for far too long. The reason I had to take her phone is because she is a hypochondriac! She was calling 911 crying wolf! Sometimes I wasn't even aware that she had called 911! When she was at her home, she did that often. She wanted to be in the hospital when she had taken all her pain pills and was withdrawing, she got her fix at the hospital and they would release her with a script for more pain pills! We live in ky and when the KASPER reports started, they caught into what she was doing. They have her in all surrounding hospitals computer like a mugshot pic of her with a warning label of drug abuser! That's the truth, weird as it sounds... I seen it and a hospital staff employee explained it to me. Anyways when she moved in with me, she was calling 911 because she couldn't poop, headache, and one time she called and lied to them saying I was a burglar and when I took the phone from her the dispatch demanded I give the caller back the phone, I was trying to explain to the dispatcher that I'm not a burglar, that I live here, that this is my home! The dispatcher believed what mom was telling them, within 5 minutes there was 3 different emergency vehicles with sirens, lights and all zooming in my yard and driveway! Once they came inside my house, that's when they seen for themselves that she was lying! So then the lady at the 911 center told me to take the phone away from her because there has been too many fake calls from her and if there was a true emergency then there could be a chance that they wouldn't take the call seriously! But the crazy mother that I have was trying to get me removed from my own house!! Thank you all so much for letting me get this all out!! I'm not alone anymore :). I've worked in the healthcare field for over 20 years from the hospital, nursing homes to home health and have never came across a patient like my mother! All my patients throughout the years, every single one of them was so grateful and kind and appreciative with everything I did for them and I enjoyed being their caregiver but this patient here is far by the worst I've ever in countered!! My own mother!! What a nightmare!!

I just have one other to bring up about my sister then I will shut the h*** up for a while, LOL!! For Thanksgiving for sister wanted to bring dessert...a pie. Well for the last several years none of us would eat dessert (my mom would bring an apple or pumpkin pie), we are all burned out on apple and pumpkin. So, I suggested to sis she buy a pecan pie. Sis won't eat dessert because of diabetes, even though hubby is diabetic too, he loves pecan pie and so do I. Sis came in my home...she hands me the pecan pie saying, here is your pecan pie, I personally will not eat it as it is too sweet but I bought it for you!!

Loretta~I can relate to a lot of what you posted. I suggest you read a thread called " Two years this July my mother has been living with me. She is a mean and hateful woman and I just can't do it anymore." If you can read through it to where she finally got her mother out of her home, you will learn a lot. It is true that once a social worker takes over, your mother's assets will be frozen, this includes if she has a home and her bank accounts and any income. If you are living in your mother's home, you will be forced to leave. Lisa, who created the thread, had to get a second social worker to help her because the first sw was intent on reuniting them, so don't be afraid to get another sw involved if the first one is not listening to you.


Mimix2~You came to right thread to find support...welcome!! We understand, many of us came from alcoholic families, myself included. My sister is now sober but has many health issues as a result of drinking, my eldest brother is estranged by his choice but we suspect he is an alcoholic because he does drink and had a bleeding ulcer 2 years ago. My second eldest brother does enjoy his Jack Daniels, he and his wife have a pac,t when he is drinking or they are socializing....when she believes he has had enough, she will move his glass away from him and he accepts it. It sends red flags up to me!! He also has health issues but not related to alcohol. I have managed to avoid the alcohol, I do have a beer or two but not very often, most often it is in the summer time after working in the yard. We are all a work in progress and at different levels of our growth. Come back when you are ready, you can come here to vent, share and get feedback from others.

Well, I have thoroughly pissed off my sister! I do a little guilty but I have been trying to get through to her for over a year now that I want my weekends to be my weekends just like her weekends are for her. I told her all I am asking is that you ask me if I am able to do something before you volunteer me for it. On Saturday and Sunday (her weekend) she seldom comes to town, she most often will not answer the phone. My weekends which often are not 2 consecutive days, I am running errands, visiting my mom, picking up supplies for mom, or I am at mom's house seeing that the yard waste is put out for pick up or dr. appts for mom. Don't get me wrong, I do not have an issue seeing to my mom's needs, but I do have an issue when my sis adds more to my plate because I am locally located to mom. My sister is only working 20 hours a week, she can work these 20 hours in 2 1/2 days if she wanted to, but she insists on going to work daily for 4 hours each day. It is costing her more in gas because she lives 30 minutes from her job. I am not saying that my sister does not have her hands full with taking care of all of mom's financial, but she has developed boundaries around her weekend. That is all I am trying to do too. I told her she would not like it if I said, Oh "K" can take care of that, "K" can do this or "K" can do that. Well she didn't respond back to any of that. Maybe I did not handle this in the best way, but I have tried to get her understand since the first of last year when mom was still at home and I was running back and forth between work, my house and mom's house and sis would come down here to give me a break even on Saturday and Sunday. Granted, she was still working full time then, but in Feb. of last year she was demoted from doing accounts receivables to data entry. It was her employers first step to faze my sis out. Then in December of last year, they told her she could only work 20 hours a week. Sis is in denial and she thinks she will be able to get full time work from them when the economy changes, it is not going to happen. She is not the only older employee they have done this to. My heart breaks for her as she only has her job in her life. The friends that she had have all disappeared because they are all drinkers. My sister put her friendships first over family including her daughters. If she had these friends in her life now, she would put them first...I know this to be fact. She does have a couple girlfriends from childhood that she will get together with a few times a year...dinner after work. If I suggest that she and I have dinner when she gets off work...she is too tired or can't afford it. Enough ranting about this, she will get over this.

Sandwich,

You poor darling. I had a good laugh at how you posted what a day you had.
I hope you don't mind my saying, that it was absolutely hilarious to read. These are the kind of things this battle ax aunt of ours used to do when she was in the care of my sister and the caregivers and how I ended up here. What an angel you have for a husband. O.K., I certainly you find the proper place for her soon.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

So glad I found this topic/thread. Like many others we were viewed as the perfect family on the outside...My 80 year old mother I am caring for constantly tells me what a great life/childhood we had. At this point, it is fruitless to argue otherwise. My immediate family consists of 2 brothers, both alcoholics, 1 deceased brother that was an alcoholic- & committed suicide. My father was a control freak and we were all codependent, my mother included. I am working on my codependency issues and luckily, I do not abuse alcohol, just food! My father never wanted us to grow up and held us back through emotional abuse. Both brothers have filed bankruptcy twice and have financial issues. Both have codependent children. I am happy to report I have broken the cycle. I have 2 lovely, independent, financially successful daughters. I talked at length to them about the family. Me, I am working on my issues. Married twice. Went back to school, graduate this fall and trying to pick up the pieces and move forward. As the only daughter, I find myself in the caregiving role. Right now I unemployed, but looking to find work after I graduate. Trying to set boundaries with my narcissistic mother. Hope to get a job & wean her off my caregiving responsibility. My father died in January of this year & have many conflicting emotions, I am sad, but also feel the reign of terror is finally over. I have read several books about codependency and it is sad I have wasted half my life not taking care of myself and only taking care of others. I am a work in progress, would like to go back to therapy but cost is an issue.

Veronica can I like your comment twice? Loretta, When you take your mother to the ER tell them she has a MENTAL STATUS CHANGE .. they will see how she is acting and admit her. When you said your kids are scared thats a show stopper. You've done all you can...Let us know how things work out.

Emjo,

I read about your kitty, and I'm so sorry about that, may he rest in peace.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Loretta there is only one thing to do. Take her to the nearest ER for whatever reason. She must have a UTI or something and refuse to take her home again.Tell them you are sick have a migraine or something and must leave while she is treated. DO NOT TELL HOSPICE what you are doing and don't tell the ER she is a hospice patient. When the hospital calls to have you pick her up tell then you can no longer care for her. By then she will be yelling for her meds which of course they won't give her and they will probably transfer her to a psychiatric facility where she will undergo detox and after that be placed. They can not drop her back at your front door. You will have to put up with all kinds of harassment from the hospital, nurses Drs and social workers but stick to your decision if not for you for the sake of your children. Your alternative is to do nothing. If you wait for a NH she is going to refuse to go so again you will be up a creek without a paddle . Do not tell anyone what you are going to do especially brother. The land and mobile home will be seized so make sure there is nothing in the trailer you want because Medicaid will come and padlock it. If brother wants a fancy funeral when the time comes he can pay for it. I am so sorry if this sounds really harsh and very difficult to do but ask SA what she had to do. You can send her a private note on her message board. good thoughts and courage come to you. Just do it and stand your ground. Come back and tell us how things went. Blessings

Hi everyone. I haven't checked in in awhile, it has been too crazy and I've been depressed. I went on my vacation to Arizona for 5 days. Didn't get to see Sedona, one of my traveling companions ended up in the hospital for 2 days. I almost cried in the ED, I went on that trip to get away from sick and needy people.

While away I was finding mom refused to stay at the caregivers house and actually crawled up and down the stairs at my place. I FLIPPED! Coming home we had 2 huge blow ups. We are signing her up for MediCal so we can get IHSS but it will take a while. Toured the board and care, not bad. Have papers for the Doc to fill out. And mom remembers enough to know I'm going on a trip in May. She asked Gwen if I'm going to put her in a nursing home then. Well.....I just Might!

I booked a cruise to Alaska and am taking my son with me. Will be gone 10 days. I need to live my life and for 5 yrs I've been saying I can't do things because mom is here. But 5 yrs is a long time to be denying myself for a selfish B. During one of our arguments she wanted me to be straight and honest with her so I told her she's mean and rude and nobody wants to have anything to do with her. So THere!!

She's been much nicer ever since.

Loretta, sorry you're going through such a hard time.

Thanks Austin and norestforweary for your comments, I have her on a waiting list to 4 surrounding facilities... I think they are being like the last NH and not wanting her in their facilities because of her behavior. After she caught the recliner on fire I made her quiet smoking, she wore the nicotine patches and had stopped smoking for a few months until one of the Hospice nurses gave her permission to smoke again, telling her that she didn't see what it would hurt if she smoked! I told the nurse that what it would hurt is my kids safety if she catches the house on fire and all these oxygen tanks we have here could blow up our subdivision! So instead of arguing with my mom and the nurses, I let her smoke but she has to take the nasal cannula off her face before smoking and she puts it back on when she is done. I have a husband but we are separated, it's only my daughter and son here to help. My son told me a few nights ago that he doesn't want me sleeping in the living room beside his Grannies room because he's afraid she'll do something to me while I'm sleeping! I don't sleep in my bedroom because I can't hear anything back there so I sleep in the living room on the couch. After he told me that, then I started looking at this situation from their perspective. That's when I called all the other surrounding nursing homes to have her placed. I want my children to feel safe in their own home. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes one of them will call and say they will take her. When they call I will surely be putting the pedal to the medal burning rubber to get her there before they can change their mind. I guess I kept her here this long is because I'm waiting on her and giving her a chance to tell me that she loves me. Something, anything to let me know that I wasn't the reason her life was screwed up. I keep replaying in my mind the night they put mom on life support, she could barely speak and couldn't move or anything but just before she went out she rose her hand to my brother and whispered that she loved him and said that she loved him so much. I was sitting there beside him but she wouldn't look at me. That was her last words before she was placed on the ventilator because she quit breathing. My brothers words to her wasn't that he loved her too, instead, all he told her was "I know"!!! I had went to a therapist a couple of years ago and of course I opened up to her and told her in great detail of all the abuse and all about my wacky family,she suggested I move far away from them all! I think I'm ok with it now, I've accepted that none of them give a rats but about me and all they want from me is to do the dirty work so they will end up with her car and the 2 little acres that she has, well there's going to be a news flash for all of them.... She's going to a NH and her 2 little acres is going to help pay for it!

195Austin... Its exactly what I was thinking.... smoking and oxygen tanks! Once we had a patient admitted to ICU.... drug addict....needed enormous care to save his life....he ended up having both legs amputated above the knees. He was eventually transferred to another floor. I came into work and found him out in hospital parking lot. He had snuck outside in his wheelchair, oxygen tank and all smoking. Was waiting for him to go up! Was so glad when he was discharged! I feel bad for you Loretta, because your mom needs care not even sure a nursing home could provide and you are doing this..... Bless you!

Loretta -you have every right to have her placed in a nursing home-call Social Services in you locality and tell them what you have told us and just the fact she smokes and uses oxygen s reason to have her leave your home and the fact she still abuses you is another reason you do not owe her your heart and soul -you do not deserve to be treated this way at all-please pick up the phone and have her removed immediately even if it is too a hospital ER first and then into a nursing facility-you should not have to car one more hour to that nasty ungrateful person-let us know how things proceed-I hope you have a husband who supports you in this matter or someone who cares about you enough to help you.

Smoking? I would think that if it provides comfort, quitting now is not going to prolong a life. I've actually thought I would much rather die from lung cancer or another illness caused by smoking than the wretched disease of Alzheimer's!

Loretta, maybe I am being harsh, but Theres only so much a person can put up with. You have done all you can.... your mother qualifies for medicaid and probably many other services. I am all for trying to take care of relative at home, but in this situation its time to have her moved to a facility who can better care for her. She is doing nothing to try and help her situation by continuing to smoke. You have every right to take care of yourself and this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Maria, we do understand. I sometimes wished that it was the other parent who died when he is being so stubborn and very self-centered. I see from the different discussions that as the person progresses in the dementia, they become more and more self-centered. I'm sooo sorry that your husband had such an excruciating death. I had a friend who had brain cancer. Her head kept swelling and she was screaming in pain...begging for help from the pain. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this with your husband. {{HUGS}}

@StandingAlone, thanks so much for hearing me... I read your info and seen where your mom passed away this past December, sorry for your loss. You surely was a blessing to your mother for caring for her for over 10 years! It takes Love and a lot of it to do this! Not just patients, care, empathy and all the other good qualities, cause without Love, no-one can do this.... Not without love!! I do love my mother, can't for the life if me understand why but I do! I know it is from God! It's so very hard and when I was at my wits end and threw in the towel saying "I can't do this any more" and tried to get her into a NH, the NH refused to admit her because of her drug problem! The NH had told me they had a female bed available and once the Dr. faxed her medical info to them, that's when they told me that they can't accept her! I'm stuck! She owns 2 acres with a small 38 year old mobile home on it and it's value is something like 15 thousand. My brother and dad has been bickering over it! My brother cussed me out for trying to place her into a NH because he wants her property and he knows that Medicaid will force us to auction it off to pay for her care! He's not helped me one bit!! He doesn't call her nor comes to see her, he only calls when he wants me to bail him out of jail or wants money. This past winter he was homeless and I let him stay here for a few nights and I caught him stealing moms medicine! I booted him out right then! I have Hospice here 3times a week and that's all the help I get! She had an exacerbation a couple of months ago and Hospice said she probably wouldn't make it but a couple of weeks and suggested I go ahead and make arrangements with the funeral home. I did and the funeral director estimated everything about 10 thousand, that included everything... The plot at cemetary, vaught, flowers, headstone, service and everything! Mom doesn't have life insurance nor any savings! I don't have 10 grand, so I was going to sell her little mobile home and 2acres and I got a royal cussing from my brother yet again! He hollars that 10 thousand was too much! I'm her power of attorney and if I wanted I could transfer her little place into my name just to shut him up! But there's a lien on it for almost 4 thousand from the hospital! Mom never paid her medical bills and there was many times her utilities got shut off from not paying! When she was home she would use her check to buy narcotics off the street!! She stayed pilled up and didn't buy food either, she weighed 60 pounds when she was admitted into the hospital! Since she's been with me, she has gained up to 110 pounds! Hospice says they will probably discharge her when it's time for recert. When that happens then I will be totally alone with no help at all. She hollars for medicine every two hours! She'll scream and beat on the walls non stop wanting that high that she has been use to for so many years! Her medicine is scheduled for every 4 hours as needed up to 4 times a day! She wants it every 2 hours, day and night! She woke me up at 2:00 this morning! Again at 4 and again at 8!! Never any rest for me. My eyes look like Raccoon eyes! The only way I could get her to be quiet was to tell her if she screams at me over that medicine one more time that I'm going to flush every bit of it into the toilet!! That worked, she is being quiet but blaring her television! Back to the NH subject, I think that's discrimination to refuse to accept her because of her past drug abuse. It's been over a year since she overdosed. I guess they don't want to be bothered with her behavior! She still has the addict mind, constantly wanting her high!

In a post above, when I came upon the words "bowel obstruction" it took me back 4 years to my husband's death. His cancer had spread to the abdominal wall which rapidly began to thicken causing total bowel obstruction. A surgeon sadly likened his abdomen to "being in a vice......tightening more and more as each hour passed." The whole ordeal was excruciating and pain meds did nothing to help by then. It was staggering to watch my sweet husband in constant agony for another 7 weeks until he died :( I am writing this because my husband had all his faculties and knew what was going on.
He endured - knowing.
It was brutal.
I adored him and I miss him in every corner.
After that experience, I feel like my MIL (dementia) is better off not understanding anything. Yes, dementia is horrible, but we don't watch them being tortured physically. My MIL doesn't even remember my wonderful husband and his suffering. It hurts me that she doesn't even mention him. Maybe she's different than other Alzheimer's patients, but she doesn't seem to grieve at all. Everything is "all about her."
I wish she was gone...........and he was here.
Please understand, I treat her very well but I'm just expressing my deep, hidden painful feelings.
Surely, one of you guys can identify?

Loretta, I'm personally all in favor of letting people vent and just letting it all hang out. Sometimes we don't feel all perky and nice. Some days we feel like crap.

I can feel your frustration from over here. That's a good thing. Better we release that frustration here than strangle the elderly. Really, being treated that way is an outrage. A lot of us have dealt with overly demanding parents. Life suddenly becomes a circus complete with a spooky funhouse.

What's bothering me too is that since she moved in my electric bill has went from $90 a month to $400 a month! She is on oxygen 24/7, air mattress, nebulizer that she uses every half hour ( like she's not suppose to, only every 4 hours) she has to have her tv on 24/7, a computer, and a bi-pap at night, and her light on mostly 24/7! She has to have mostly name brand junk food and name brand cigarettes that cost over 50 bucks a carton! She only draws a litltle over $700 a month social security and she yells at me to get up and do what I'm paid to do!! She acts as if I'm her slave! She's not paying me a diddly squattin' thing! After her share of the utilities and her food and cigarettes and her meds and I've got her darn dog here too to boot that has to have the expensive dog food and treats, there's nothing left to pay me!!! Just needed to vent that little extra frustration! Sorry... But I read on this post if we needed to vent.... I need to vent more but I better try to get some sleep... Thanks to any one who is listening!

Oh.. How grateful I am to finding this forum!! I've got so much bottled up inside me, so may I unload and explode some of it here? I'm 43, raising 2 children and caring for my narcissistic ill mother in my home. It's very hard to put aside all the mental and physical abuse I endured growing up and the continuation of the abuse even after I left home as a teen! I joined the military just to get away from them when I turned 18! It's too much to mention here but some of the abuse includes beatings, hunger, neglect... My mother, a drug addict... My father, an alcoholic!! To add to the drama of my life, I just found out several years ago that my father isn't my biological father!! My biological father is now deceased, I never got to meet him. My parents always treated me different than my brother. My dad always would remind me that I didn't belong there when he was drunk. My mother always reminded me how nasty I was. She said I'm a product if rape but when I was a child I never understood why they treated me so different! I cried myself to sleep every single night! At Christmas time growing up I cried the worst! Most of the time I got nothing! I remember on 2 separate Christmas' when I was like 8 and 10 they took me to relatives houses and I had to sit in the floor and watch my cousins open their gifts and my brother got gifts...I got nothing! My heart hurt and I really couldn't understand why! I wasn't allowed to sit with the family in the living room, wasn't allowed to talk, had to sit always in the backseat while my brother in the front, when we went anywhere. Also, the part of my mother being raped? Well that was a lie! She had an affair with that man for over 18 months! There is so much that I need to get out of my mind before it totally consumes me!! This woman is now in my home and has been for over a year now! I'm expected to care for her now but she never wanted me nor cared or loved me! That came from her own mouth! She tried to abort me when she was pregnant with me, she tried to kill me when I was a child! How in the world am I suppose to continue this? She is mean and scream and hollars at me daily! I don't want to take care of her! Really, I don't! She abused drugs for many years, she overdosed is why her lungs failed and put her on life support! She is unable to care for herself, I am home bound 24/7! I have no help... My brother is an addict also and is currently in jail. My dad divorced my mother about 10 years ago and it's left up to me! This doesn't seem fair to me. I read all the comments from people saying it's our obligation to care for our parents because they gave birth to us and blah,blah,blah... But what about those of us that was treated like a dumping pail and was beat and downgraded just for being born? I was the constant reminder of my mothers affair... They treated me like the trash that I supposedly am but now they come wanting, pretending they love me cause they don't have anyone else! By the way... I turned out very successful, never been in jail, not on drugs nor alcohol of any kind! I vowed that I would never, ever be like my parents and absolutely never treat my children, who I love with every ounce of my being, the way I was treated. It bothers me at night when I think about all this and I'm stuck taking care of the woman who has always hated my existence! Having her here and the way she treats me has brought back all those horrific child hood memories that I thought I buried long ago! Well guess I went a little overboard but it feels great to vent! Thanks for letting me!

My MIL too... does not process the feeling of pain. When she broke her hip and had surgery she had minimal pain.

And I have made another discovery. Took mom to a urogynocologist last week because of the recurring UTI's. The doc started her on two new meds, one of them a sample pack of Toviaz. So, in the hospital, because she did not have a prescription for Toviaz yet, they couldn't give it to her. Thought: I wonder if the obstruction was caused by the Toviaz. Googled Toviaz and bowel obstruction, and low and behold, if you have a history of bowel obstruction tell your doctor. Can cause obstruction in either three or six (such a insignificant number) out of 1,000. Will not give her Toviaz tomorrow and I imagine the doc will tell me to stop this medication. And my mom with her history of intestinal problems would be in that group.