The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Alison-
I am in the midst of something similar with my mom. She is angry with my sisters right now because she thinks they should be living here and doing what I do. It is her disease talking. As far as she is concerned, for the moment, they left home, eloped, moved in with boys and didn't tell her. Basically ran away. They are in their 50's and while our family was very dysfunctional, each of us goes on in our own way. One sib prefers weekly contact for a few hours, the other, rarely. She visited mom for about 20 minutes last week, the first time in two months, that is all she has to give. But like Sharyn said, we all have different thresholds that we are able to deal with effectively. Feeling resentment for other family members is a waste of energy and only harms ourselves. Maybe one day sis that rarely sees mom will come around, but I would be very surprised. She is a product of her environment and has not learned in 45 years how to get past it. That is just who she is, nothing I can do or think will ever change that.

Spoke with my mom on the phone for about an hour yesterday eve. Something she said to me has stuck in my mind. She said "You do what you want, then make an excuse for it afterwards." She said this in reply to my trying to explain to her why I don't seek a close relationship with her, because its always so drama filled, and hurtful interactions. Now, I had gotten to a place, within past 6 months or so, where I didn't try to change her mind or make efforts for us to have any type of close and honest relationship… and that was BETTER. Me trying to be honest and reaching out from my heart, to my mom, always ends in my feeling frustrated. So I slipped up and again reverted to this sincere seeking understanding with her, and from her. No dice.

Her take on my words to her - that if we could manage to have conversations and visits that are pleasant or at least not horrible and destructive, then I would call or visit more - was to accuse me that I am "just doing what I really want to do and finding a reason for it." Hmm. I just don't get it. Its such common sense to me that human beings will avoid those people in life where there is consistently hurtful interaction. My trying to get her to see how this makes me not exactly keen on a close relationship with her led to an accusation, again, that its just me being selfish. Hmm.

I guess old habits are hard to break. Like many of you have said, I think I have to fully let go of the idea of a loving relationship with my mom, grieve the mom I don't have, never had, and never will. Then I would stop trying to "plead my case" with her. It just leads to more hurtful assumptions and accusations from her. I think of how I look in her eyes, and it hurts.

Well… 2 steps forward, 1 step back. It was a fresh reminder to treat these hurtful family relationships with detachment. Its just the only way I'm going to keep my sanity and any type of remotely healthy relationship with them.

Austin there is usually aa good selection at the Salvation Army. No one is going to check to see if it buttons the right way. Just have a good time .

How does one detach with love without becoming dead inside? Good question...some people can detach with little problems, just walk away and never look back. Because they did this...does it mean everyone they advise should do as they did? I think NOT. Sometimes walking away is the only answer to achieve peace. We all carry dysfunction when we come from a dysfunctional family. How we grow and change has no time limit based on how we did it. Each situation is individual, PTSD is a big problem with adults who were raised in abusive childhoods. Those who don't experience it...congrats because you are the minority. Don't expect others to progress in the same manor as you...we are not you...our experiences are not exactly alike, we have similarities, we have different personalities...not one of us has a perfect personality or mentality on how to get through the challenges of growth. Learn compassion and empathy...if you can't hang in there for the long run with someone...they back off.

This needed to said as I have realized that there are some people who expect others to be just like themselves..it doesn't work that way.

Just my rant for the day...hope it helps "someone" understand.

Veronica C does not surprise me with things-everything is well thought out and we both are frugal so no big surprises and he does not like to dress up either-we are going to dinner at his sportsmen club and I am suppose to wear a flannel shirt and jeans-I have not owned a flannel shirt since I was a kid.

Joan having abuse in your life as a child I think contributes to fibro and this way of being raised does change who you become as adults-I was always called skinny and ugly and dumb and constantly being told things like I would never get married but I survived and think I turned out ok and now finally like who I am and have a great man in my life and his cousins treat me better than my family ever did-it took 70 years to get here but am enjoying every day of this life.

hi, everyone!
I am finally getting out of bed,
the swelling is going down on the foot surgery,
Hydrocodone did not do it for me, but Advil worked much better
I am on non weight bearing....duty.

We found a house to move into, saw it 3 days before the surgery, I won't be getting paid, but I won't have to pay rent. The dysfunctional sibs tried to contest the move, but ended up with the guardian, GAL, and bank examiner shaking their heads (when they were all in agreement) to what kind of people are these that would contest their mother living in a better environment?

Finally, the GAL who had been tough on us, as they had prejudged us as money grubber, irresponsible free loaders, but how can you argue when the proof is in the pudding?

We saw the tide turn...and are more relaxed, the house has one of those converted basements so allows me, at least the idea of leaving a working space and going to my own studio.

Thank you for all of your help and support, it means the world to me.

Emjo,

I don't know what happened, but that last post is from Margeaux,
we are in Mercury Retrograde, you know.

AC, site lately didn't allow me to post a day or two, I'd written these long posts to people, and it would not post.

Emjo,

I too got all kinds of labels, from skinny to big nose. My aunt the narcissist had broken her nose as a kid jumping off a truck, back in the day during the Depression when these trucks would deliver ice to families. Apparently, it was some kind of game kids played was to jump on the bed of the truck, and then jump off it. So she suffered a broken nose until she was an adult. Then when I was about 3 yrs., old.....I remember she came to our house one day, and scared the living daylights out of me, since she was all bandaged up in the facial area....she'd had her nose fixed. Hence, I grew up w/the awareness at a very young age that a nose could be changed. When I started to be told by my siblings, (I because was the eldest and responsibility was that I be in charge), the sibs would challenge me,
and invariably resort to making fun of my nose. Mother didn't add any kind of confidence along these lines either, since she told me I didn't look good with my hair parted in the center, WHY? She claimed it made my nose look too big. Thank You, mother!!!!!!! In addition, dad was no better when it was obvious that he favored my sister for her looks, and because I come from a culture that has looked upon a plump child as some kind of golden pear. I think in dad's case.....he favored this w/my sister because she obviously took after the women in his family who were not what I'd call overweight, however they were just nicely filled out. This is interesting too, because current day....my sister has a weight problem, as well as her two daughters. But anyway....I'm sure you get my drift, my parents in their own ways made it abundantly clear to me that my sister was both more attractive, as well as intelligent. This is interesting too, because several years before dad passed away.....(about the time my sister started to gain weight), dad finally confessed to me that he thought her weight was getting a bit out of control.

It took me years to get over the idea that I may just go and have Rhinoplasty on my nose. As the years passed.....actually I came to like my nose, it grew on me,
HAAH! My sister had surgery on her nose. I'm sorry, but I think she goofed doing something like this.......via the surgery they removed the bump, (like I have), but it made the area just under her eyes have a sunken in look. She looked o.k., however it did change the aspect of her face, IMO. As I've matured.....I'd just rather keep what the cosmos dealt out to me, in the looks area. Oh.....incidentally, I found out through my cousin (who had a previous close relationship w/sis), that my sis also had some kind of boob augmentation. I'd noticed some unusually more pronounce bulk in that area, but attributed it to the weight gain. When my cousin pointed this fact out to me, boy did it make me laugh in the sense for the sister that I know, who is very vain about looks. Anyway, I would never go under the knife.

But believe me......I know what it does to the self esteem. I grew up, thinking many times I was ugly, then I was also wearing glasses at a very young age, so that didn't help!
On account of this experience, I've learned to look at people in different way.
Then, there is this fakeness encouraged by our society to place so much emphasis on looks, gee whiz how profound is that. I've been reading lot's of posts and can't remember who wrote that apparently their beauty was the "barter," so to say to getting a man. What on earth......instead of demonstrating to a kid, that there are other way more important qualities needed for either or party to be in a loving and genuine relationship. Besides......as we all know as we become of a more seasoned age......the so called good looks doesn't last forever.

Your beautiful just the way you are, Emjo!
I had to really do some self talk to myself in this area, and come to discover that they the people who think this way, seem to feel they have a monopoly on their standard of beauty. But I do realize how it hurts. Also, people who say this kind of stuff usually are doing it to undermine our confidence, let's not forget that factor in all of this, too!

O.K., have a wonderful vacation, and well I'm going to repeat the same,
"Go do something good for yourself."

Much Love & Light!

Emjo I love British comody and Masterpiece Theater on PBS don't know if you get that. Your mother would have loved to have been a guest of the Granthams at Downton Abbey. Grand MIL was more like old Lady Grantham than Hyacinthe because there had been money in her family. I will describe it as tradesmans money because her family were the Harris sausage people. CM can you still get Harris sausages? I know the company was sold but may be the brand survived.
My claim to labels was "stupid" as in not very intellegent. took me 60 years to believe that I was not.
I also love watching "Call the Midwife" I was never a midwife but trained in London at about the same time the series is set.

Freudian pig farming, eh? Love it.

One of my MIL's dropped bricks (that I really must get over before much longer) arose from her being kept waiting for an appointment at the Royal Free. She went batsh1t and spat "for Heaven's sake! We're not paupers!"

Since two of her three children were trained by and employed in the NHS this really didn't go down too well with them, no matter how used to her they were.

ABB, I agree with Sharyn. Why don't you use this time to plan your future - set goals, where, when, etc... Make it an exciting project just like you do with your juicing. Challenge yourself by making goals. Do your Plan A (if your father finds a new place) and a Plan B (if he doesn't.) If he doesn't, what are you going to do? How does that affect your long term goal? Stuff that I try to avoid thinking of....

Emjo - my label while growing up was Definitely NOT pretty. I was "mean with a mean temper." I was one very unhappy child who hated the world. Up to now, ALL my family (including nieces/nephews) view me as mean. One says I'm cruel. I don't think I'm cruel. Her father is the cruel one. He used his wife's pregnant stomach as a punching bag. Father tried to stop him but my bro was very determined to punch her tummy. Two of my brothers beat up their spouses, children. I have never beaten anyone (aside from when we were kids.) I have Disciplined Very Firmly everyone - with a lot of "That Tone of Voice" It has helped me a lot with that reputation among the family. No one messes around with me because of my reputation. But like my niece told me, I'm all bark and no bite.

Alison-your brother is playing the control game IMHO. Let him play by himself. ..this is a good time to move forward...he is basically relieving you of responsibility as long as he thinks he has the upper hand. Use it to your advantage.

My repeated detailed texts to older bro, who is housing dad in another city at the moment, have gotten short replies - twice he texts me "all is well."

I asked if he had taken dad to show him apartments, if he needed help in this area, etc, etc. I've asked if only reason he hasn't returned him is because he is too busy, and therefore should I drive down and pick him up…. "all is well" is what he wants to say to me.

That's what I've got. Twice in 2 weeks as a reply to my half-dozen detailed, questioning texts. Ok. So I wait. Things are good here while dad is gone, I must admit. I make headway on my to-do list. I should text him back "all is well." :D

Labels from childhood… got me thinking about things I hadn't thought about in some time… if ever, really, in those exact terms...

Selfish is the number one label I get from mom and brothers. Why? I think because I see the world differently than they do. I know I'm not a selfish person but when I contradict what they say/think/do, then I am selfish person. I was selfish when I moved away to another state to explore life. This labeling has made me second guess myself a lot, but now I kind of accept they will say this. They still do, by and large, bring up the "selfish card" and play it often. OFTEN. When I was so sick and couldn't get out of bed this past Spring, I was selfish because I called them to voice my concern I wouldn't be able to get my dad to his nonstop medical appointments… my first concern was to try to find a way to cover his needs, but I was selfish since I needed some help in that area.

I was also told by brothers that I was unattractive, would never get a good man, etc. I feel sometimes my brothers still think this about me, otherwise why would I be 39 and unmarried? They think "something" is wrong with me. I don't bother to explain the caliber of monogamous, loving, long term relationships I've had, that just didn't lead to marriage (both of my exes are still single, lifelong bachelors… can't marry if you're both not into the marrying thing at the moment…). I've let them think what they want to and I've managed to not let it hurt me too much because there was geographical and relationship distance.

Now I'm in their lives more, they are in mine more. The past few years of caregiving have brought such crush to my heart, dignity, feelings.

I don't know why my immediate family is so cruel. Why they are so judgmental of me. I can relate when you say - the rest of the world doesn't seem to think so. I get along with pretty much everyone, I'm kind, I'm considerate of others. Why I have this family that I can never do enough for, be enough for, or do the exact right thing that would be pleasing to them, I don't know what gives. They stink.

Being the youngest of four, I was held back...not allowed to participate in activities with my siblings. My sister and eldest brother held in high esteem with both parents. Special food was bought to "put weight on my sister and brother"...me and my second oldest brother were not allowed to have chocolate milk or other goodies because we were labeled "pleasingly plump". Both me my pleasingly plump brother ended up having weight issues. The only approval we got as children was that we were good eaters. Yes, the labels are hurtful and hard to get over.

My parents had to have the best of everything, or like Veronica said...they said they had to best (maybe it was a generational thing back then). My word...curtains (drapes...why split hairs over a word unless you are an elitist), does not matter to me. Detaching from my sister is harder because we have had constant contact for many years. Of course, our contact started when I was in my early 30's and I initiated it. I actually went to her house one day crying about how I was so depressed because of all the abuse from our childhood, I told her I was in counseling. This is what started our adult relationship.

Joan, I had to laugh about the potato peeler, LOL!! I use one from the grocery store too. Potato...Patato...drapes...curtains... hubby and I are looking at buying some "Curtain Panels with grommets" for our sliding glass door...no pull strings or chains...much easier for hubby since he is hard on the pull strings. No more blinds, they look nice but they break off to easily from the header.

My brother swears by his inversion table. He was using it once a week for about 30 minutes and that was enough to get him through a week of work. You don't have to be at a 90 degree angle (upside down) to get maximum benefit. Of course before we buy one, I will try the sacro wedgy first, since it is cheaper. My brother can't use his with his lung issues, prior to that it was working great for him. His drs want to do a hip replacement for his pain.

Anyway, I am working on "Detaching with love" from my sister, but it is harder as I said. I take no insult if she does not agree with me (like with the "drapes"). The hard part is not calling her when I have something to share...she won't answer the phone which is a big part of the reason I quit. Unfortunately, I do have to have some communication regarding our mom's care unless I just become the person who visits mom and let sis deal with supplies,etc. But, I want and believe I have a right to know what is going on with our mother. Should I back off and let sis take it all on? Suggestions please.
Hugs to everyone!!

I don't know if I could do the teeter. I couldn't even do somersaults when I was a kid - hated the upside down thing. My best potato peeler ever was one that had lost the handle. I finally threw it out and got a new one and regretted it. No others peeled as well as that one.
Veronica your grand mil was like mother is. Everything has to be "high class". My kids say she is like Hyacinthe of "Keeping up Appearances" if you watch Brit sitcoms. I laughed out loud at the"good peasant stock".
Gary's parents farmed. We moved mother into her first ALF -Garyt did a lot of the work. After a while she complained disdainfully, in earshot of Gary, that she had to sit with farmer's wives in the ALF. He was aghast.
I have to share a story - my sis and were in England studying one summer, and mother decided to come over to "help" You never want "help" from a narcissist. She instructed me (never my sister - always me) to rent a place for the summer for the three of us for X dollars. I looked around and found a furnished place on the edge of a village that belonged to a pastor who rented it out in the summer. It was small and not grand at all, but clean and adequate. Mother came over and blew sky high at me all summer -I got ranted and raved at for hours daily. She never said what the problem was. I was studying doing well, keeping my nose clean, hanging with a nice crowd of people. Things went from bad to worse and it took me years to figure out. I am sure this is the reason.. She had been in England as a young woman with wealthy people and stayed at an estate, and I think she was looking fir the same experience. There was no way on the budget I was given, And to top it all off there was a pig farm a ways down the lane.When they cleaned it out every Thursday, and the wind was blowing in our direction, you can imagine the smell. I still grin about that even though it wasn't intentional.

I don't fancy the teeter hang up. I think being upside down would give terrible acid reflux and make the blood rush to my head and make me feel uncomfortable. There is a traction device that hooks over a door It has a kind of bridle that goes round the head and the traction is counter weighted by a bag of water. I think it needs to be set up by a PT but after that you do it at home. The traction allows the vertibrae to slightly seperate and relieve pressure of the discs and the trapped nerves.
As far as the fat potato peelers go I like anything fat so I can comfortably grip it.

My husband's grandmother always had to have the best of everything or at least said everything she had was of the very best quality and dropped hints that her goods came from the same stores that the Royal family used.

I usually decribe my furnishing style as Early Salvation Army. Actually it has greatly improved since my oldest gave me her caste offs. She can afford the best but does not boast about it.

her ex mother in law who thought she was better than she was when first grandbaby was expected called me and told me how daughter was suffering. I soon deflated her when I said she would survive because she came from good pheasant stock. there was a stunned silence from the phone

thx Veronica - I get along with most people just not my mother and my sister. Believe me. I am still thinking about cutting contact altogether. This last round has been too much. I look at least fine to most people, and myself - Gary loves my looks, but not to mother. The feedback you get as a child helps to form your self image and I did not have good feedback. Intellectually I know my looks are fine or better from the comments/reactions I get from people, never had trouble attracting men, but that labelling sticks in your heart. Getting the heart healing is harder than getting the objective view.

Actually, Gary said we are going to the Bahamas for half the trip and Florida the other half. I don't know the dates, but better start packing when I get back from E'ton. He is wheeling and dealing to get last minute bargains, not that we can't afford it, but that is his thing. I think then you boast to the guys about the deal you got or something. Don't have a bikini, but do have a great bathing suit which is very flattering. I would have been pissed off if G did what your friends husband-to-be did. I told him never to surprise me about a trip as the answer will be "No". He wanted to surprise me about going to his daughter's wedding - that fell through anyway because of his angry super-controlling ex, but he would have only given me about 1 1/2 weeks notice I told him it can take that long to get an appointment to get my nails done!!! I need time to plan and get ready. And at this age I need to be sure have enough pills for the trip - hate that.

Thx Sharyn - labeling is the word and it s hard to shake the labels. I am a bit disappointed that they are not seeing any change in mother, but it is early yet. I guess next week we will have to talk about what to do if the meds don't work.
Oh, custom made - the elitism of the personality disorder. Everything has to be special. I remember mother giving me a potato peeler once - one of the ones with the cushioned handle good for people with arthritis, I guess, and being told that it was a very special one. It didn't last as long as the plain ones I usually bought at the grocery store. Do you know someone who has benefitted from an inversion table? It seems to make sense especially when combined with exercises. Hope your niece gets some relief and tumor reduction. Thanks for updating us.

I agree with Veronica. Our family members (dysfunctional family members) can be so cruel with the labeling.

Correction....it is called Teeter Hang Up...also available through Wal-Mart.

Joan~ I can understand your sadness. Accepting the emotional losses with family takes time to work through and with the situation with your mother...wondering how to deal with her when she is released, only compounds the stress.

I knew my sis would veto the curtains as only custom made is good enough for her and my mother. Sis will be still be in her element as long as she has someone to do her bidding and calling to get the blinds repaired...my nephews. Eventually they will get tired of being her knights.

I am looking at possibly getting a Teeter Turn Over table. Costco has them for $299. Laying at a 60 degree angle is enough to relieve the compression on the lower back, stretching out the muscles and vertebrae for maximum pain relief.

My niece went to Urgent Care the other day because of severe pain from sores due to radiation. She said next week is her last week of radiation. Praying for a big enough reduction in tumor size so drs can remove it.

Take care everyone, off tomorrow and Sat. Haircut tomorrow...deep breathes and hugs to everyone.

Emjo You certainly get on with people here. You are kind compassionate and thoughtful. if I had your mother I would have moved far away and not left a forwarding address. As to your looks who am I to judge but you look fine to me. Gary obviously does not think you are an ugly old witch. Anyway you are going to look ravishing in your bikini on the cruise. Sorry you don't know where you are going. A friend of mine has a husband who pulls those stunts, tells her the night before what to pack. Before they were married he took her to Vegus and one morning told her to put on walking shoes and a good supporting bar as they were going hiking in the mountains. When they walked out of the hotel there was a limo waiting and she was whisked off to rent her bridal attire and off to a little chapel to get married then on to a lovely diner. She was absolutely entranced by the whole affair and proudly emailed the pictures to everyone. Personally I would have been pissed but this guy treats her like a princess and her first two husbands were s***s so there you have it.
Austin if you read this tell C not to get any ideas! Love you all

I should order some biofreeze for Gary. He has lots of aches and pains from past broken bones.

Sharyn, I am glad it is helping. Exercise is a must for bad backs and abdominal muscle exercise very much so. A major cause of back pain is weak abdominal muscles. Mother has several deteriorated discs, but because her core torso muscle tone is good she doesn't have back trouble. Too bad about her curtains -her problem!

glad - it must feel very good seeing the chickens coming home to roost. Your sibs have put you through a lot. I hope it all comes out and those that should,
pay the penalties. Then you can sit back and gloat! Will they ever speak to you again?

alison - happy for you that you found the sacro wedgy and it is helping. Woo hoo!!! Any word when your dad is returning?

Austin - you asked about low fat food a while ago for your bf. Any lean cut of meat, foul, fish and veggies with no butter is good. Home made soups are good. Legumes are good - split pea soup , or chili if you pour off the fat after browning the meat. Cut out cheese - very high fat, and stick to fruit desserts. I am sure you can find lots of low fat recipes on line.

The social worker called to ask me if it was OK for her to spend some of mother's money on getting her hearing aids cleaned and getting new batteries. Mother asked for this to be done. Since mother is competent, I don't understand why they have to ask me. I guess I will find out when I see them. I asked how mother was and she said about the same. I mentioned that I thought a higher dose of antipsychotic was probably needed as the paranoia is much worse than when she was on it before. She has been on it for about 1 1/2 weeks now and I would have expected to see a little difference. If go to see her it will be to assess how she is, as I would probably pick up subtle differences faster than they do.

Perennially tired! Saw an article which said that people with an abusive background are more likely to have chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia. Makes sense to me. You can't live with that kind of stress without it having some effect on your health. Lost 3 lbs this week - hope for at least another 5 before we go on holiday.

I thought I was depressed again, but got up early and did stuff around the house which doesn't fit the picture. I think maybe I am just sad and facing that I have to withdraw more from family for my health. It is a form of loss, which as been ongoing for a while. I don't know how I will handle mother when (if) she is released but I know I have to protect myself. Also, I am still grieving the loss of my girlfriend. My ex sounds tired and has a flu which won't go away, and lots of job stress. Gary is stressed out about the horse case coming up and his lawyer loses things and cancels things... my confidence in that man is lower than ever.

A good thing this week - I had a nice surprise when I heard from the gal who I knew over 50 years ago. She gave me some compliments and reflected back to me how she saw me those many years ago and now. I compared that and the feedback I get from here and other places with the image of myself that the mother and sister always portray to me. It is like black and white. They do give me that I am intelligent, or at least mother does, but that I am lacking in the looks department compared to my sister, and lacking in many other qualities, like getting along with people. This because I will not swallow the garage mother comes out with. The yardstick always has been that if you get along with mother you are good with people. That's a laugh (said wryly). Unfortunately these things hang on as they are imprinted on us at such a young and vulnerable age. I will never forget an uncle saying to me at my sister's wedding, that he thought I looked better than the bride. Up until then, I had accepted that she was the better looking one. Foolish to dwell on these things, I suppose. It is all part of being in a dysfunctional family.

Time for a hot bath to soak out the aches. Have a good day everyone and do something good for you. Getting nails done tomorrow!

Well my sis vetoed the curtains and rod idea which I knew she would. Her response...Where? $100 for drapes? $100 will barely cover the rod. Oh well, my idea isn't highbrow enough for her...not my problem.

Margeaux~The exercises I found are "strengthen the lower back" it is on the real the website simple. They target the deep lower back muscles, obliques, hips and legs. There are 4 exercises and it says about 15 minutes a day. Gonna start next week after hubby goes back to work (he is on vaca this week).

When I get paid on Friday, will order the Sacro Wedgy. I am leaning toward the male version too. Well Alison, your back doesn't arch, mine is swayed too much...at least we don't walk hunched over, LOL!!

Received Sacro Wedgy today. Laid on it for 10 mins. I think it will help me, again, it seems to help open up the area where I tend to have trouble. Teacher in gym class has us arch our backs and I realized by back does NOT arch, lol, its very much locked in place. I think I liked the male version better, it was slightly thinner and longer, I think was better fit for me but this female version is just fine, too.

Ok, just wanted to throw in an update on Sacro Wedgy. Hope everyone is having good Wednesday, hugs all around!

Sharynmarie,
I had a job many years ago, which involved lots of lifting boxes.
We were taught to use our knees, bending them to accomplish the lift action.
But also, this is a good idea.....looking into some exercises to strengthen that area. Your stomach muscles do help the lower back, as has been noted.
But believe it or not, the Gluteous Maximus muscles also come into play here.
Sounds to me like you'd do good acqainting yourself with some kind of pelvic tilt exercise. This is a floor exercise, where one presses the small of the back into the floor and alternates pushing that area toward the ceiling. Doing some hip rotations, (put your hands on your hips, and balance the weight between the feet)
and do a full 360 rotation with emphasis on the hip area. Of course start out slow if you're having trouble getting down on the floor, too.
My back pain subsided, but I'll have to look into this Biofreeze product, sounds good!

Happy crocheting!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Glad,

Your recent posts, are definitely Karma.
When Golden Boy was POA, he too had a very greedy outlook about anything that had to do with mother's and her sister's financial assets. It's really interesting, because now that I know more about mental conditions, e.g., ADHD, and other personality disorders......I've told my sister many times I do suspect he has ADHD. Since my parents invested so much hope, and pumping him up because they thought this was going to make him responsible, instead of showing him some kind of discipline about things in life. He's younger that both my sister and myself, too. So when he finally failed to take care of business, and mom's sister got wind of that.....plus the fact she was a narcissist, of course these two had a fight, which is when the POA was switched over to my sister and our youngest brother. In essence he's always been very irresponsible. But I do remember the day when Golden Boy used to go around with a bully attitude, and was also quite rogue as to his approach about mom and our aunt. But never did their care as they became older ever get addressed. He was just parading around giving the false impression he was some kind of empressario w/in our family. Well, no more!
He's had some serious health problems, and guess what? He doesn't have support from his wife.....because she got thrown out by him almost two years, ago. So when the s**t has hit the fan, and he needed moral support, guess who came to the rescue on several occasions now, we, his sisters.

Anyway, I really feel that when people think they're manipulating, trying to get over on people, at some point the truth comes out. I'm very happy for you, that this is what is happening. Wow, allowing a long term policy to lapse, brilliant!
Yes, Golden Boy, didn't pay mom's car insurance while he was still POA.
This was at the very time when mom got diagnosed for ALZ, and really shouldn't have been driving anymore, but was for errands. My sister discovered this fact, when she was named POA. We both agreed we were fortunate that for that last year, mom didn't get into a car accident, because that would have spelled disaster on different levels!

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharyn-
I'm glad you are happy with it, so far. I love the stuff! Hope it helps.