Follow
Share
Read More
Kat,

You handled that situation very well!

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear, Kat.
Happy birthday to you! 🎂🍦🎉🎁🎈🍸
(3)
Report

I’m sorry to say Mom called me and my husband names including being thieves and threatened to call police as we have her car keys. I told her to go ahead. She said no because I’d tell them a different story. I said I didn’t write the story, but the hospital doctors did. Anyway, after a few more exchanges, I told her I understand she is angry (and adamantly denied) but I insisted saying her life is changing and it can be a scary time for her. She said no, but I insisted - yes - and that she’s taking it out on me. I said to call me if she needs something and left.

Funny how earlier she asked me what I want to do tomorrow for my birthday. I know where I don’t want to be . . .
(4)
Report

Sendhelp,

I will pray for your sister. It’s so hard watching loved ones suffer.

All anyone can do in these situations is pray.
(2)
Report

My sister is in the hospital for chemotherapy (lymphoma), surgery is not possible.
Need prayers from my caregiver friends.
I have already prayed that she does not die until she is saved by God.
(12)
Report

I am relieved not to be caring for mom anymore but since she is gone and now living with my brother and SIL, I have only briefly spoken to her twice on the phone. I do not wish to be near my brother.

I did not call her for Thanksgiving. The holiday season is rough for me this year. As most of you know, it wasn’t a happy farewell. I know Christmas will be kind of blue. I do have my husband and daughters to be with.

I don’t want to burden them with the majority of my feelings. I have a therapist for that. I am hoping for a better year in 2020.
(6)
Report

Hi all!!

Staceyb its good to see you back posting, The holiday sounds like it was wonderful.

The saga continues on strong but I am too tired to speak on it. I just wanted to check in a say hi.

I have doctors appointment on thursday , will address my blood pressure and the knee and hip pain.

I started wearing my old knee brace (I have for both) for the left knee and it really has helped a lot. It also seemsto have helped the hip pain also. I still have issues turning and laying on one side sometimes its worse than others.

Anyways its cold here now. And yes it was very windy on Thanksgiving day. I hope you all are faring well with the holiday season.

Today I am good, Ive been kinda so, so off and on.

Rays of love to you all. Enjoy the lights and the beauty of the spirit of the season. It is exciting and even though Im not really in it I enjoy watching the joy in others..

Much love to all. Smile, and stop and smell the roses or take in the beauty of the sunrise or sunset. The other day a lady was acting really silly and I joined in so she was like you have to do something when you are down and I was like yes, there are times that the worse I feel inside the more silly I get and sometimes it works for me but the best for me is a smile. It makes me feel so good especially when unexpected which is usually the case in NYC, I mean it really uplifts me sometimes so when Im down I smile. Okay I will not go into a ramble. Much love to all. Be good to yourselves.
(3)
Report

HI All, I hope that you enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day! We had a quiet dinner here in our home, with only #2 Son in attendance. Our eldest Son, DIL and 2 Grandsons came for a few hours before heading off to his Grandmother's house for dinner (she has newly diagnosed Dementia, so sad), our Daughter and SIL went to his Parents, and youngest Son and DIL were celebrating in Kentucky with friends, I always said that I didn't care so much about Thanksgiving, but pencil us in on Christmas, as that is My favorite holiday!

Hubby made the entire dinner, and did a smashing job of it, He's Hired, lol!

Golden so glad to you are feeling better and back posting!

Gershun, I hope that you found peace on the holiday, and didn't get sucked into your families dysfunction!

Speaking of which, we got a phone call from hubby's wife the day before Thanksgiving, saying that my BIL is "dying", AGAIN! That he is "end stage COPD" and could die at any moment. She said if my husband wanted to see his Brother before he died that he better get down there to see him (he's in Arizona, we are in Seattle), but IDK, it definitely seemed like a ploy to me, he wants Something! She wanted my husband to call her back, but so far he has refused.

If you might remember, my husband has flown there to see him 5 times in the past 2 years, only for his Brother to practicality ignore him the entire he is there, so much that hubby has decided to go "no contact", so I'm not sure if he will call her back or not, so far he is just ruminating on it.

He last went to see him just this past summer, was there 4 days and his Brother only carved out a couple of hours to see him, but enough time to listen to him brag about all sorts of weird stuff (this is his usual behavior), including him buying a commercial building (ya right, on his 600 dollar/mo SS disability check), he lives like a horder, And he wore 2 guns on his belt like a gangster (him a convicted felon), hubby was afraid he was gonna shoot him or something, he was truly freaked out by it! It was pretty much the last straw for him.

Then we got a text from them wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving, the first "well wish" we have ever received from them Ever, so Something is Definitely Up! I think that they are after money, which is a Big reason my husband is refusing (so far) to call them back. For one thing, we aren't going to be "lending them" any money, as he has Never Ever paid us back in the past, and secondly, that there just isn't any relationship there, especially after the way he treated him through his Dad living with us for 13 years, he Never put Any effort into supporting my husband or his Dad, especially through his Dad's illness and passing.

Family Boundries, a foreign concept to me, but sometimes necessary for your own sake!

Happy Holidays Everybody! We have 3 families coming from Wales this year for 3 weeks to Celebrate, it's gonna be Crazy Fun!
(8)
Report

Thx Duck for mentioning me in your thank-you's. I hope all you in the States are enjoying your Thanksgiving. I guess most of you are probably sleeping off the tryptophan right about now. :)
(3)
Report

Wanted to wish all of us a Happy Thanksgiving! However, wherever, we all are entitled to carve out some happiness today.

A bit of last minute hiccup. We were just made aware an old friend, severely depressed and drunk on his butt, is on FB, letting the world know all of his displeasure with life. Every other word is F***. He’s whining about no Thanksgiving, and when relatives and friends invite him over, he lashes out at them. In the past, I would have not hesitated, would have insisted he come join us. This year, I just can’t bear the thought of a depressed drunk in the house, at the table, taking over our TV for sporting events. We don’t watch much more than the Super Bowl here. I feel guilty, but after the year we’ve had, surgeries, cancer, financial setbacks, I don’t think I have the physical or mental strength. By the posts I was reading, I don’t think I would be successful in getting him to come over anyhow. I just can’t do it. Self-care right now. Not doing the obligatory thing for the rest of my life.
(12)
Report

Thanks for all on this site and this thread. Have a safe holiday season!
(9)
Report

Love to you too, Duck. Don't get blown over by this wind out there today!
(3)
Report

Glad e joy the season. .maybe take pics of the bulbs you planted I bet they will be awesome.
(2)
Report

Oh my goodness I am so glad to hear from you golden. I understand the breaking of the ties. As messed up and confused and heart broken I am with my family situation I have grown in my heart to drop my sister and my nephew from my heart. It has been one of the most difficult and important things I have had to do. Had I done same with my mother instead of this crazy need to protect her in the mist of her sabotage and manipulation I would not be stuck in this mess. My love for her has always been unconditional and a struggle to prove. I knew and accepted her sickness and she thrive on that. I don't think I would have done differently if I know what I have learned now. But my sister is another program. Same with my nephew. Long story and another book. But I am so happy and relieved to see you post. You have no idea of the effect of your wisdom and goodness and truth on my brokenness and growth, as well as few other special Angel's. Everyone who shares and events is special to me on this forum. I can relate. I understand and feel even the struggle in not going to the place of ugliness in response to self righteous wrongs that go uncorrected. I'm not easily impressed or motivated or even moved. My wrong in a philosophy that everyone thinks like me makes me a gullible fool. Which is a manipulation I have grown to understand. Bt true correction and guidance and prospective I respect no matter how its delivered no Matter how harsh or sweet the understanding is there. You and so many here mean so much to me and as messed up as I am I'm sure if you can touch me you have touched others in the same profound way. Love you Girl Barb Gersh Churh Ali Becky Stacy Book dang so many but much love for all and I have expressed my appreciation to all at one or another.
I am still in stress about my mother and her care and my limitations. The holidays are now painful as I realize what I thought I had through love and family was a farce. I don't think you can waste love but the energy in giving takes a toll when it's not balanced out. I don't even feel like getting my u
Butt up and out today. Last year I had a beautiful time so come hell or high water ya bo be there. Supposed to be a nice day.
Aanyways enjoy. Smile and soak in the beauty of love.
(4)
Report

Nite Golden~Sleep well!
(2)
Report

Sunset is about 4 pm now.

Bedtime here. 😪

Good night, glad.
(4)
Report

I imagine you are dark by 3 or so? Here now is about 5 next month on the solstice will be around 4:30.
(2)
Report

glad - i hear you about weather. We have snow plows working overtime today. Much better to drive in the light. We get dark so early now.
(3)
Report

Ming is good, she will be happy to see me tomorrow. Originally, dd1 was going to smoke the turkey, but with the super cold temps here that will not work. Dinner was to be at 4 that way. Now since she will roast the turkey, dinner moved up until 1. Hooray, really wanted to get home tomorrow but do not like to drive much past dark any more. This way I should be able to leave here by about 3. Home by 5 or so, so should be good. And more weather supposed to be coming in. Just had a big one come through on Monday into Tuesday. Need to get home, quiet solitary rest of the weekend with what must be a very lonely kitty by now.🐱

Great to see you post, Golden!
(4)
Report

beatty - good for you not trying to fix the unfix-able. Sometimes it is better to let things fall apart. The truth tends to come out. Good boundaries!!!

gershun - the kitties are coming to me for more scratches now even though their cones are off. It's different for a dog - they don't need to groom. Kitties HAVE to. As far as being nice to everyone the bible instructs us to avoid certain people.

lu - mother wanted my sister and I to get along but it never happened and, in our case, she was part of the problems.

glad - I have been wondering about you and ming. Has she settled down? Horrible what the twisteds have done in your family. Dd fell for mother's stories at one point but, thankfully eventually got past that. It's very hard to go through.

tg -wondering how you are doing

Getting over a gut bug. Hopefully back to more normal eating tomorrow. Coffee doesn't sit well right now and I miss my coffee.☕
(7)
Report

Dysfunctional? Well my whinge today...

I resigned my unofficial, unpaid caregiving role for a relative some time ago. Once I stepped out * living at home independantly* was exposed as the *very dependant wanting magic* that it was. Collapse of the magic doll's house is in progress.

Relative now looking for AL. Thinks I will locate one, do paperwork, pack up, clean out, arrange move. All without POA or Guardianship.

I drove her to a dental xray once - just provided the ride. I *made her* have the *yucky xray* which was *really hard*.

Arrange the whole AL move? Not a chance. This little near-boiled frog has hopped out & hopping away....
(9)
Report

Golden, great advice as always. I've missed seeing you on here.

I know what you mean about scratching duties with your kitties. My one kitty had to wear the dreaded cone for two weeks. I'd take it off of him periodically and let him groom himself. Man, did he go at it. 🐱
(4)
Report

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you from the US. 🦃

I do read and I will be back . There has been too much going on in my life for me to post. I think things are settling down now,

Gershun and Duck - and anyone else to whom this applies - if it is of any help, I have gone no contact with my sister, It would have been very hard to do when mother was alive and well. I have been ramping down the relationship the last few years, and now that mother is gone and the estate is nearly done with, I have taken that step, with no regrets. My family of origin was broken and not I, nor anyone else, could fix it. I stopped trying years ago and just went into survival mode.

I didn't break it and I couldn't mend it. The best I could do was look after myself and it is what I recommend to others.

Take a deep breath and look ahead a few years, then consider what is right for you.

On my domestic front, my dd and dgs went back to their home a couple of weeks ago, built up ready to tackle their family issues again. I think it will work this time. Dgd plans to go back to counselling, back on meds. and back to school. Time will tell but I think eventually it will work out.

My kitties had their surgery about a week ago and are doing very well. I knew it was time for me to stop posting for a while when I wrote that the bill would be three figures. I meant four and it nearly was, but they are spayed and vaccinated now. Pumpkin managed to get the cone off after a few days, so I took it off Rocky as well. They returned to normal grooming but didn't fuss with their incisions, The worst part of the cone was that they couldn't scratch their ears or wash their faces so I was on ear scratching and whisker and chin rubbing duty much more than usual.

All of you - take care of yourselves. Love others as you love yourself -not more than. We are to turn the other cheek, but God says nothing about going back for more abuse.

(((((((hugs))))))🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
(19)
Report

Hi all! The one thing I respect about Barb is the honesty and upfrontness. As I said I was almost afraid to read post. I saw how she started LOL.

The one thing I have to share is that I grew up with a father who talked real hard talk to me but was real talk and for my own good and I saw it and knew it and respected it. It was truth and something that I never repeated.

I m getting better but I am a scaredy cat when it comes to making big moves for my good. So used to looking out for others, I found myself having to learn certain things and I am its what has scared me the most what happen to that self preservation gene. I should have been long gone, no contact 30 or more years ago. Yet I can be a tiger for a loved one. Now I hope its in the cards for me to find a special someone before everthing stops working. LOL, I m thinking it will happen when I am free and clear of all this nonsense. Just got through text whipping my nephews' butt talking bout I am pretending but he will go along!
At least this time the pressure didnt fill my head. Speaking of pressure the salt is a big culprit. I bought a breakfast bacon, egg and swiss cheese which I split with my mother. I eat half on train and give her the other half with ensure. Well the next day my pressure went up. I did it again this morning and it went up further so no more of those breakfast sandwiches.

So Gershun you know people with good hearts are targets for narcissist they either manipulate our hearts, pockets or minds for their benefits. belittle or sabatoge us or our entegrity so they can look good.

What I thought was family and love was a farce. But before I figured that out (and boy was it painful) you could not keep me from being there doing for my family.

So now here I am watching the hectic shopper, and in some ways I have a little envy wishing this on myself for my so called family. But I am truly so happy and relieved. I miss it but Im glad I saw the light.

But for those of you who still have it bask yourselves in that love. Make those loving memories. I still remember my uncle spencer in his black hat, coat suit sharp as a tac. The only two times he was decked like that was xmas and thanksgiving I used to be so proud to come pick him up for dinner and that he would demand request my peacn cheesecake from Phili cheese (Oh so good) and for xmas his old spice. Or as a kid all the family eating at ms Elizabeths with her beautiful red living room.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. If its too much stress and drama leave it alone. Surround yourselves with smiles and love.

Rays of love and joy to all.
(4)
Report

That was one of my Mom's dying wishes too Gershun,that we all get along .I try with my brother's,but it's not easy~
(4)
Report

Part of the reason I try to maintain family relationships in spite of everything is it was my mom's dying wish that we do so but....I can't do it alone. It's a two way street.
(6)
Report

Gershun,

Peacemakers often get crucified for their efforts with little or no change.

It's ok to set up boundaries with your relatives. I had to with mine and wish that I had done so sooner!

Love and fences go well together, particularly when the people you love are not treating you with love.

Abusive people tend to depend on guilt in the one they abuse to keep them in range for more abuse.

Please stop letting other people use you. It's not helping them or you.

I'm not feeling well tonight and have not for 10 weeks. So, if I'm a bit blunter than usual that's why.

Take care of yourself.
(8)
Report

Gershun, My in laws are like this running all over one of their own, but to the oldest kid, my hubby. To top it off, my MIL has always pushed us to go to the "cousins gathering" of her side - and all those offspring are sorry drunks. I begged not to take the kids early in my marriage, but "Mama Said" won out. It was not until I caught one of the uncles waiting for my little boys outside the bathroom to do God knows what to them and I let him have it that I had the courage to separate myself and my kids from that ridiculous gang. When we went, his siblings would talk down about him in front of his face and encourage the cousins to pile on. It was very ugly. We were the only sober people there, but he felt the same kind of familial obligation that you are feeling. There is none. There's a verse about being as wise as serpents but as gentle as doves... it's a lot easier to be gentle if you are not in a viper pit!

MIL just brought the cousins gathering up to me last weekend. I told her we had not been in at least 14 years (the youngest has never attended) and I had no plans to start again. "Oh, but so and so will be there, and, it will be at Aunt So's new house." My dear, my kids have semester projects the next week, my **grandchildren** are going to be visiting, and it simply will never happen!" I went off on a tangent about the last time we went to Aunt So's new house 17 years ago when her daughter was pregnant and I was pregnant with the next youngest. I reminded her I did not say anything about being pregnant despite throwing up about every 30 minutes (see, we still *had* to go - I pointed this out to her) because her daughter was pregnant with her first and I let her have the limelight (actually, the cousins would have made fun of my pregnancy while celebrating hers). I had MIL whinneying that I had been so nice to do that and everything. She's not forgotten that I said no, but hubby's job to wave her off is now much easier.

I maintain that family is who I chose to love, not some random genetic link. Gershun, you talk about the Bible telling us to be nice to everyone. Think about how some people think that a sexily clad lady "deserves" to be catcalled. That's how some relatives feel about us - that we deserve to be mistreated. It's a lot easier to love those catcalling neighbors if we never hear them misbehave, right? So it is much easier to love/respect/not despise the obnoxious relatives if we don't need to face them en masse where they will irritate us to no end.
(5)
Report

Anyway, I've monopolized this thread for the afternoon. Thx for the advice. But I should let other people have the floor. :)
(3)
Report

It's like yesterday. I was paying for my ticket for the train to get back home. This man came up to me and said "Excuse me ma'am I wonder if you could help me. I just got out of hospital (he pointed to his hospital wrist band) and my wife has my train access card. I've only got one dollar and I need two more" So I looked at him and said "you asking everyone this?" His response, he points to his wrist band and says "yeah, they're selling these at the dollar store right?" then he rolled his eyes.

So I knew he was scamming me but I gave him the two dollars anyway. I watched as I walked away. He made a motion like he was going to pay for a ticket and then proceeded to go try other people.

So yeah I got scammed. But as my mom used to say, just do the right thing. It's not your job to know whether the people you tried to help will learn anything from it but as long as you continue to do the right thing.
(5)
Report

Good question. I don't know. But maybe it's not for me to know. You know?

LOL
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter