notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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I once moved in with a friend who bought a house in the country in Maine. For some reason she had a herd of sheep on her property and soon after i moved in she asked me to make sure they wouldn't run away while she went on a vacation.
I grew up in a city and had no idea about such things. She said nothing was going to happen. Her neighbor, Warren was going to be primarily responsible. (he lived a few miles away.) Ok, so one day I was getting ready for work and I noticed someone was watching me in the empty house. It was a sheep who had gotten out of the pen and was eating my housemate's favorite flowers! As I ran down the stairs I passed a few windows. There were various sheep in every window peering into the house with mouthfuls of tender garden flowers. So I ran out to the barn and found a bucket of something. I hoped it was sheep food pellets and no sheep crap.
I waved the bucket from inside their pen and sure enough they came running toward me! UH-oh. I ran for the gate and closed it behind the last sheep. Good job, I thought. Now I can get to work.
But as I got my coat and prepared to leave, they all were outside the pen into the flowers again. Finally I searched for the neighbor Warren's number and he came over. He stood in one spot and let out a whistle and like obedient doggies they did whatever he asked. I never did figure that one out.
Feeding your chickens left over spaghetti, isn't cruel.
Actually I even like that. I used to feed my dog left overs, one being salad.
He like that, and it was great for his coat. Although he did leave the carrots behind.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Your "stampeding horses," story was hilarious. It really made me laugh this
morning. I loved your enthusiasm about learning a new skill.
My husband loves horses. We've tried finding places that rent them to ride,
but he gets turned off by the idea that the horses are usually all worn out,
and they send you out w/a group of people and a guide. I think that he thinks that he's Marlboro man, or something like that! HAAH!
I'm really sorry about how your mom seems to be escalating.
Wow, she thinks she's telling people at church about her sex gland removal.
I do really hope that you can make arrangements for her level of care, soon.
Last night I went to dinner with my husband. We were celebrating our wedding anniversary, and went to a Greek restaurant. They had elk on the menu, and I thought of you. His tummy was feeling a bit out of sorts, so we ordered a combination plate, which had several things to try. I was tempted to order the elk,
maybe next time. I'm really curious what this tastes like.
I'm sure you're having a great time, in the midst of the other things going on around you, and good luck with that.
You're in my thoughts!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Although me Grandad's dead and buried, odds-on he'll be back, yes."
Love it
details of expenditures - necessary evil I suppose??? while she is off the Burma and you haven't had a break in a while
oh, those "Only trying to help" gag me! I was told my lipstick was too bright yesterday. I guess the rest must have been OK as she didn't say anything , Oh well...
Sister requires a spreadsheet detailing mother's expenditure. Annoying? "I lift up my finger and I say 'tweet-tweet'…" Better get on with it - she's off to Burma for three weeks so if I want mother to have any spending money before the end of Feb there's not really any option. This Too Must Pass. She's "only trying to help, you know…"
I have been second guessing myself about leaving so quickly, but we were in an public area - she was doing a jig saw puzzle in a large common room - and I didn't want a scene there. Considering how upset she got in 5 minutes in the morning, I chose discretion over valour.
cm - the vulnerability is a good thing in some ways, I think, as then one can respond to the real emotions rather everything turning into anger, but it is a sign of something changing - a loss of emotional control which has been evident to me for a while - part of the inevitable downhill slide
G puts me out of my comfort zone all the time - legs were crossed too. Once, following him into a pasture, I found myself surrounded by a couple of dozen curious mares. There am I, 75 yrs old, afraid of horses, in the midst of a mass of them milling around me. A few came up and tasted my hair. G said they were just being friendly. I knew one swift kick and I could be in the next world in a second. But it was OK. I watched G as he moved slowly through the herd and followed suit and am alive today to tell the tale. Now I can walk through a herd of horses, no sweat.
Another time some escaped and we found them in a field with 4 large percherons and a miniature donkey. The miniature donkey was so cute. He thought he was one of the big guys like the percherons and trotted after then braying off and on.
G rounded up all of them except one ornery roan mare and her buddy and set off down the dirt road after giving me the keys to the truck and telling me to round up those two. They kept moving towards the wrong end of the pasture and I would head them off with the truck, then that red critter would veer back again. She knew perfectly well where she was supposed to go, but didn't want to. Finally I got out of the truck and stood I front of her and gave her a lecture, wagging my finger at her, climbed back in the truck, a couple of more tries and off she went in the right direction, after the other horses.
aw june - I hope so too. Right now it is worse and worse
re your mum - can't think that havoc is allowed in heaven ;)
Sharyn - it is so sad about your niece - so young.
Better get going. Coffee time with the journalist will come soon enough. Nice diversion.
So the patient information sheet is wrong, hm? You know what they say: "mother knows best." I've been worried about her sounding vulnerable a couple of times recently, though - not like her at all, is that right? It's sad. No less infuriating for you, I realise, but still sad. Sounds like a new phase might be on its way soon, I hope for the better in the end.
The hot tub must have felt wonderful. Hope the rest of this week goes well and you see some progress x
Veronica~being chased by a dead rat...oh wow...sounds like something my husband would have done to his sister. My sister and I were the terrorizers in our family. When dad and mom went out (New Year's Eve party), our second oldest brother took responsibility very seriously. Our eldest brother would watch tv and ignore us. My other brother...he wanted us in bed on time with no issues. Yes, we went to bed ok....after a 1/2 hour, we would sneak out into the kitchen opening all the cupboard doors and drawers, then go in the living room and blast the stereo..run back to bed and pretend we were asleep, LOL!! We thought we were so clever!!
Joan~grasshoppers in your pants..........ewwwww!!
Saw mother this morning - she was going on about someone who was supposed to come and see her - She thought it was the psychiatrist -and she was going to tell her off and that she never wanted to see her again. So much for the meeting on Thursday. She told me she had been to church on Sunday and told them that her sex glands had been removed. She said the church is on her side. She also said her ALF is a terrible place etc. and they treat her so badly, but when you ask what they have done she can't think of anything. She said she had thought about throwing herself out the window but it wasn't the right thing to do. I took the computer to be set up with Windows 7 for her, and then went to the pharmacy to get the info sheet about the side effects of the antipsychotic. Had a chat with the pharmacist - who knew mother. Went back to the ALF, talked with L, the Director of Health and Wellness then went to see mother. She and I had talked about me getting the information about that drug from the pharmacist. I showed her the sheet and she blew up and said it was wrong etc etc and if I was going to come there just to upset her she didn't want me there, so I left.
G and I met at the IMAX and enjoyed the show, the hot tub and supper. I do find I get stressed when mother acts like that, but it passes.
Tomorrow, I think I will take a day break. Will have coffee in the morning with the journalist .maybe go to the art gallery in the afternoon - then to the second IMAX show with G later. Wednesday I will visit the place mother wants to move to and discuss what they have to offer. I will try seeing her in the morning and see if she wants to come with me. At some point mother may need the next level of care. L said she probably was best situated in a place that deals with mental health. I agree. Thursday I pick up the computer and deliver it to mother, and try to help her with it. Thursday afternoon, apptmt with the psychiatrist. Friday morning tat touch up then head to the airport in the afternoon. - maybe with a visit to mother on the way - depends how the wind is blowing.
yeah, funny idea of friend. I do not understand why she sends me these after being so horrid and why she thinks I would accept -
Glad - better not to be connected on fb I think. It would give me the creeps. I am connected with her daughter so she can view my stuff anyway
personality disorder cat - love it. My daughter had one too - a tortoiseshell. They are called naughty torties. She would ask to go out, you would open the door and she would hiss at you on the way out - just like mother
I have to fess up - I dangled a dead garter snake over some ladies in deck chairs once...
Sharyn -your sil is doing what she can for herself. I hope the radiation keeps your niece more comfortable
zoo - at this point I am far away from the horses but get to visit them once in a while. G has way too much energy and must keep busy, especially outside. He grew up on a farm and it is true that "You can take the boy out of the farm but you can't take the farm out of the boy"
cm - I have only ridden a few times but I still want to ride Ebony, never too late!!!
horse tales - Once we were down at a pasture in the dark and some horses had gotten out -some went one way some the other. This was early in our relationship. He handed me a flashlight and told me to get out of the truck and round up the small herd and he went after the larger group. I was afraid of horses - like someone said they are bigger than you. I did not have a clue what to do, so I got sort of near them and waited for instructions. He came back and got upset with me as they had moved further away... finally got them back into the pasture. We got into the truck and I said that I did not have a clue what to do and I was afraid of them anyway and he had left me in the dark with no instructions. He looked at me incredulously ad said "Do you mean to tell me that you have never handled livestock?" I said "Where? In my back yard?" I don't think he had ever met anyone who hadn't handled livestock. So then he understood and I said I was willing to help but he had to explain to me in words of one syllable what to do.
shades of Hampstead Heath - Another time a bunch escaped and he told me exactly where to stand in the country road near the open gate and he would chase them towards me, and I should wave my arms to make sure they saw me (it was dusk) and then they would turn in the gate. Gulp! Talk about trust issues. Imagine being on a country road with a dozen large quarter horses galloping towards you, and you waving your arms so they won't run over you. They actually did what they were supposed to, went in the gate and I didn't cr*p myself in the process - that is another story.
and then there was the time we chased horses through fields filled with grasshoppers. When we got home I felt a scratching on my side, checked my jeans and underwear and out hopped a grasshopper. Ewwwwwww. Other than that it was fun.
Gotta go to the hottub - mother sent me packing - more on that later
Joan - Yeah, the nerve of sis...after she sent that terrible accusatory emails - she nows sends a "friend" notice. She must think you're foolish to actually accept it.
Sharyn, glad that niece and SIL are getting treatments.
Veronica - that is soooo gross to be chased by a dead rat. I had some male classmates in elementary - 6th grade. They found a live frog and were chasing my female classmates with it. They were screaming their heads off. When the boys approached me, I didn't react...even when they shoved it right in front of my face. I just stared at the frog. What those boys were doing with the live frog was Nothing Compared to what my brothers did to us girls.
Have to go. Running late for work and a headache is trying to come out.
You all have a nice day!
I hope your trip is beneficial and drama free. Take care of your shoulder, the tendonitis in my right shoulder and arm has flared up after moving furniture from mom's house on Friday. Ice seems to be what works for me.
Take care everyone and watch out for the dysfunctional animals!
both siblings have unfriended me, that is just the way I like it! Don't have to deal with their daily "look at me and what I am doing". Now, thinking about it how is that different than a two-year-old's "mommy, look at me!"
How did we get to dysfunctional animals from reflective chicken vests?! LOL!
The cat v. man contest is endlessly fascinating, isn't it? After many years' acquaintance, my other half finally got the knack of how to get my (late, lamented) cat shut away in the utility room so that she couldn't wake him up at five in the morning. I heard this little yell of triumph, then pointed out to him that outwitting an eighteen year old, totally domesticated cat with dementia (including full-blown sundowning) was not necessarily that much of an achievement.
Your sister must be very proud of her attraction for chickens. There's something extremely flattering about being followed around the garden like the Pied Piper. I also really love it when I go out of the back door with treats and they come zooming round the corner like a little formation of bi-planes, hedge-hopping over the plants. Margeaux I PROMISE this is not cruel: a friend told me to give them left-over cooked spaghetti - hilarious, he said. I pshawed and told him off for laughing at innocent creatures, but he assured me they'd love it and he was right. Harmless fun, they seem to enjoy the game as much as I do.
I remember reading about Morgans in the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, Farmer Boy and Little Town on the Prairie, and thinking they sounded like dream horses. Goodness I'd love to be able to ride. My mother made me do ballet instead - another entry in The Book of Grudge (does that qualify this post under dysfunctional families?!) - and I feel I'm too old and frail to learn now. Or more specifically to survive falling off as much as I'd expect to. There are horses over the road, but their owner is a bit fierce and her daughter is a teenaged show-jumper… I think they'd laugh at me rather a lot.
I love the idea of a vain stallion, Veronica - aren't they, though! And the blasé attitude of ceremonial horses makes me laugh, too: all those humans taking it deadly seriously, and there's always one horse chatting to its buddies, cracking its neck vertebrae, practically crossing its legs, you half expect it to yawn and start examining its hooves. My son chose a mounted regiment to serve with and I was seriously worried about how on earth he'd manage - the last time I'd seen him on a horse he was being cantered helplessly towards a fence while his instructor yelled "hold on! And don't forget to breathe..!" I couldn't look. He claims he is now a perfectly competent horseman but I have yet to see the evidence.
No more about animals from me, I promise. But goodness they can teach you a lot about how to cope with people too..!
Bloody funny idea of friendly she's got, if you ask me.
I have noticed though that some cats are drawn to people who are allergic or just don't like them. Ah yes we were talking about dysfunctional families how did we get on to dysfunctional animals.
That is terrible what your older brothers did to you and your siblings dangling these animals in front of your face. Really it's cruel towards, not only you but also the animal. No wonder you're scared. Actually, I'm talking about cat's and dogs, but they do sense peoples vibes, like fear or that they don't take to animals very well, so it doesn't surprise me that they feel your terror. It is a shame that you have this feeling around them, because they can be a real source of joy, too.
Well, try relaxing the next time you are in front of a dog, or cat.
Of course, I do understand also there are some people that aren't into animals either.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Geese and swans can be dangerous. Chicken social behaviour is interesting,
But before I forget - I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this morning my sis sent me another friend invite on face book. I ignored the last one she sent me which was after she reamed me out about my children living near me and that I didn't care about mother. Now she is doing it again. After that last accusatory email!!!! I hit the ignore button. Friends don't treat me the way she does. She is one unhealthy cookie!!! Time to start chanting chickensh*t,
Oh well, better get breakfast and put on my deflective protective vest and head over to see mother. Wish me luck - more later
CM I do love the picture of Alice. That's the name of my husband's therapist who I dislike intensely. She's probably not too fond of me either.
A cute mouse sitting up cleaning it's whiskers would be good. Rats no way no how. my daughter is a veterinarian and says they make very friendly pets. I just hope she does not try to rehome one with me because it has an unpaid bill. I also love cats and currently have two, one from the SPCA and a stray. I adore horses and ran a boarding stable for a number of years. I was afraid of some of the boarders though, had never been taught manners. Same daughter has two a beautiful black Morgan stallion and a Danish warm blood gelding. the stallion can be a handful and is incredibly vain but talented. the warm blood is also talented but very laid back and nothing bothers him which is such a gift. I once tried to get a little mare to walk over one of those iron bridges that you can see through. She would have none of it. In the end I turned her round and backed her over. On the way home of course she knew it was the only way home and I think she probably closed her eyes and stepped on. Animals are a lot of fun. My cats keep me warm at night.
I think glad's message should be "If you mess with me your'll get a load of chicken s***