The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

call "A Place for Mom"...they may have info for you!

Yes, Sad1, she is reacting as a child would when boundaries and limitations have been place on them. They get worse before they get better. The difference is, with mental illness, the person does not learn like a child does and combine that with dementia, well it is worse yet. Please check into 5150 or whatever it is called here in Cali...You will get more responses from others...hang in there♥

My mother is in the Santa Cruz area - not a lot of choices there -

The stupid hospital where she is closest too does not do a 72 hour hold - it is now at a behavioral center -

ok - here is the scoop - her behavior has always been off - she is aphasic and narcissistic - and had a frontal lobe stroke - she thinks she is fine and she is bat s%$# crazy. She used to hit my dad (who had Parkinsons) and has tried to hit both me and my husband - she is also now pushing residents if they are too close to her room or her. She has been saying all the food is crap in the dining room and it is escalating - I think because I stopped being her play toy and set boundaries -

Sad1~First I would check into getting a med evaluation for your mother even if it means having her hospitalized. Ask the community for the ombudsmen phone #. It could be that your mother is going to have to be placed in a facility where they have more authority over getting the meds into her. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. You are here in California...we have facilities that deal with behavior issues...I know that sounds severe. In Stockton, there is St. Joseph's Behavioral Center. Sacramento must have many. If you can get your mother transferred to a center, they will keep her there to evaluate her, get her on the right meds before they release her. I know many people who have had to have a spouse or parent taken there due to dementia and out of control and violent events. I do not think the facility can just kick your mother out, so talk with an ombudsmen. Put in an emergency call to your therapist, she may have ideas as well.

Again, I am sorry about this, try to relax even though it is tearing you up. We are here for you!!
Hugs and love to you!!
Sharyn

Sad1, ask them to invoke the Baker Act, it's a 72 hour in hospital evaluation. In California it's called a Section 5150 hold.

I can think of a few facility owners I'd quite like to hit…

Sad1 - any idea what triggered these new outbursts? I'm being evil, but I'm tending to think that if you can apportion any blame at all to how she was being handled, rather than her being impossible, it'll make kicking her out less straightforward for the ALF. Might buy you a breathing space? Meanwhile what are HER other options?

I'm capitalising HER because you mustn't forget that it is not YOU behaving like this, not YOU who might be evicted, and not YOU who controls her behaviour. Keep your sense of responsibility in perspective or you really will make yourself ill. Big hug. x

Sad1daughter,can the NH send her to the hospital for evaluation? Is it possible her meds are off or in the wrong combination? She needs a neuro-psych evaluation, see if it is possible to find the right meds to keep her on an even keel. She may be at the point where she needs a memory care facility, so sorry you are going through this.

HELP! I just got a call from the AL home where my mother is - and they want to kick her out for her horrible behavior! She keeps going into the dining room when they are all eating saying the food is crap, garbage etc - she is harassing two of the men there saying they are stupid everytime they walk past - she flung melting ice cream all around the hallway - and tried to hit the owner. the owner is done with her - and the facility manager just called me to tell me what happened. She wont take the meds that calm her down because she doesn't like how they make her feel and she sounds basically out of control. I have a call into her doctor to see what can be done - but right now I am sick to my stomach.

Margeaux, can you telephone your ill brother's household, see who picks up the phone, and say to that person that you need to explain what you know so far about their father's illness and that s/he needs to engage the two other siblings in getting this situation under control.

The thing that strikes me is that, although someone needs to step up and become your brother's advocate, for all sorts of good and unselfish reasons it ought not to be you. You don't live close enough. You have enough on your plate already. Your brother has grown, responsible adults who are his children and therefore his actual next of kin. I could go on.

So the biggest favour you could realistically do for your ill brother is make sure that the message gets through properly to his adult children. Kidney stones, the laparoscopy, let alone the complications - these have all happened very suddenly, and for them "out of sight, out of mind" - I really doubt whether they've begun to appreciate the full extent of what is happening. Good luck, please update, and I hope your brother's much more comfortable now.

This morning sis and I met with the estate liquidators to get an appraisal of the contents of the house, storage room and tool shed. This woman came highly recommended to me by my friend (she is one I told you found love again in her 70's). Sis really took to this woman and her husband and decided to let them handle an estate sale for us, YAY!!! The sale will take place on March 1-2. We also contacted the real estate person I talked with the other night at work. He came over, looked at the house, took some pictures, and we are waiting for him to send us via email, an appraisal after he does an equity evaluation. Sis really liked him as well so I guess we will be going through him. We estimate putting the house up for sale by March 15th.

Sis is not back to work yet,maybe this week. She is still very forgetful but her speech is not slurring like it did before. She said she has stopped taking the antidepressants and is blaming the meds for causing her to be in brain fog. i have to agree that she went downhill when she started taking these meds..I had no problems with antidepressants but I understand they are not for everyone.

The pace is picking up and I have to move fast to remove anything from mom's house before we sign a contract with the liquidators as they want a commission on anything we remove once the contract is signed.

On the fun side...I went on a shopping spree last night. With the extra hours I am getting, I have a little extra, so...call me over enthusiastic...LOL!! I bought infant clothing at 50% off...so much fun doing this. Back in the summer when my daughter said they were going to start trying to get pregnant by the spring of this year, I said I would buy clothes of different sizes to help them get through the first year.

Hang in there everyone, relax and find some time for YOU.

Margeaux~It is a shame that none of your brothers children can see how hard he is working to support them and that he now needs at least one of them to be an adult for him. If your sister can handle helping him while seeing to your mom's needs, then let her do it. Just be the one who helps, talks with a dr. when sis can't,etc. Of course this all depends on if your brother is willing to let your sister do this. Basically don't try to see the future, your brother's issue may not be as bad as you think, and once he recovers from this surgery, he may pass the kidney stones while still in the hospital. Kidney stones are very painful....my mom has had 3 events with it. The first one she was still working, in her 50's. Many years past before the other two...which it turned out the last 2 were a result of a benign tumor on the parathyroid gland that was leaching out calcium from her bones and the kidneys had to process it which resulted in kidney stones. Morphine was all they could give my mother for the pain. She had surgery to remove the tumor...she was in her mid 70's when the the last 2 events happened.

Keep yourself as a support person, help your sister when you can. Burn some sage, it will help to clear the stress and negativity.
Love and Hugs to you!!
Sharyn

Sharynmarie,

For the life of me, don't know how the last paragraph got separated.
Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

Thanks so much. I'm so blessed to have you guys. No you didn't say anything wrong, everything.....spot on. I've been feeling a bit crummy going between really being concerned. This rupture does mean some kind of inflammation, or infection since I believe it's antibiotics he's being given. Of course in a heart beat, I'd advocate for him to a degree. On the one hand, sometimes I know and I do give my sister credit for doing some of the things she does. But i't's just too much......and well now I'll get on my soap box about how things have been w/this brother.You're right......dad behaved this way, when it came to his previous marriage and all those kids he had w/the ex-wife. He supported them financially,
but wasn't there for them emotionally. This is our brother.......he's provided and continues to a roof over everyone's head, then I'm sure food.......but he's too consumed w/that....he's missing the other component so that his family would be way more responsible, and help him especially now under the circumstances. 'Also, as far as his wife is concerned, I can't even really defend him there, like say she's not willing to become a bit concerned, not even since he's her kid's dad, etc. He's the one who threw her out. Instead of thinking about it differently,
and trying to see if they could seek counseling or something of the sort, in other words.....try to find a remedy. Now he's alone.......w/all these health issues.
I'm feeling once again like the chicks are the ones feeling like we have to pick up the slack. Anyway, thank you, I really appreciate your input.

Taking deep breaths,
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux

I completely agree with you too, I would never call his doctor, just because he's never asked me out and out to do that. But if you remember that when he got operated for the Prostate, his ex-wife was still w/in the household. She and the kids were all there the day of the procedure, as well as my sister. The doctor came out post surgery to tell the what had happened, everything o.k. He then told my SIL, she could go in to see him. Sil, turned to my sister saying she didn't like doing that kind of thing. How wonderful! So my sister took it upon herself to go in, and even talked to dr.s as if she was the wife, on the phone. Oh boy!
I realize this, and just think it's not totally right.

Margeaux~Big Hugs to you. I know you are worried and rightly so.I suggest that when your brother is recovered, that you and sis talk with him about his health issues and possibly adding both your names on his medical info so the dr.'s will talk with you. I don't know about going so far as getting MPOA for him. It does sound like your sister has good intentions, but I doubt the dr. will tell her much without your brother's consent. Yes in answer to your question, she is crossing boundaries as your brother is a competent adult. While it is hard to see a family member not taking care of their health because they are so consumed with providing for others...getting him to see that may be very hard especially if he has done this his entire adult life. Am I wrong here in saying this...but wasn't your father similar? Only saying that because you know about learned behaviors and how it is passed to the children,etc. If I have said something wrong here, I apologize...just trying to remember what you have posted in the past. Try to take some deep breaths and relax, don't let your sister get you riled up until you have a chance to process all this is going on and see if your brother is willing to discuss anything with you.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!
Sharyn

I'm really at odds at how I'm feeling about the situation with my brother, being in the hospital right now. My sister went into her typical overdrive.......she's been driving a very long distance too the last few days, to be the advocate w/my brother and admittance......being there issues. I understand some of it, however she deals with living w/mom and working full time on top of that. I'm feeling because she does this, now she's throwing around big hints like I should do the same. Meanwhile,
we've our other youngest brother, (who lives way closer to my ill brother), but I never hear her mention including him on some of this. He's also the type who would never offer, either.I feel like she's crossing some boundaries again.
Am I right with my feelings? I feel like too.....the more my sister and me become involved, it's never going to set the stage for his OWN kids to become more pro-active. My brother still has 3, of them living w/him, and they don't pay any rent!
Plus he has like a a daycare situation going on daily in his household, since his eldest (now 30 yrs. old) takes care of his two age one and a half and three year old girls. It's like my brother has set it up so he is always giving, giving but there's little to no expectations in return.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Oh, I'm kind of at a loss on what to do, here. So I spoke to my sister, who spoke to our brother this a.m. She said he didn't sound good at all. He told her that this a.m., they gave him an injection in the stomach. He asked the Dr., what that was for, and the doctor told him that the gb ruptured yesterday as they were doing Lparascopic on him.

I know I was stressed yesterday, and truth be told I was only operating on 5 hrs. sleep. When I arrived at the hospital, two nurses were wheeling my brother from the surgical area to his room. I was there w/my sister. You know how after a surgery the Dr. usually comes out to tell family members how it went? Well, not at any time did we get any of that. We followed the nurses to our brother's room, and decided to let him sleep. Honestly, I noticed this thing about the Dr., but I didn't say anything to my sister.

So this a.m., is the first time we're finding out about the rupture. When my sister called to tell me about it, she said, "I think I'm going to call the Dr." She then asked me, if I could call. I was stumped over here just wondering what had happened. But now, I felt rather uncomfortable......being asked by my sister to do this. I've never had any connection to any of my brother's Drs. His own kids who are now grown adults and live w/him, are these type of young people who know nothing about advocating for their father. My sister of course because she needs to take over.......when I didn't really say yay, or nay that I would call the Dr., said she was going to do this. I was wondering too, whether some Dr. would be willing to talk to me, a stranger to him......would we need MPOA for this? I'm starting to wonder, because he's still married, but the wife doesn't live in the family home. He threw her out a year and a half ago. That family is very, very dysfunctional.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Anyway, any advice?

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

((((((hugs))))) margeaux - it must have been stressful. That is a decent drive, especially if there is traffic. Sounds like your bro has several health issues that need to be addressed. Glad his gb is out. That is one thing dealt with, though he may have to alter his diet now. Kidney stones are extremely painful and diverticulitis can lead to problems. Hospitals are not much fun, but I am sure he felt your support just because you were there. Hope he gets smarter at dealing with this stuff.

sandwich - gosh, Prozac only helped for one day. There goes another of my theories. I think their brains are wired differently. I got that teenage and young adult stuff too, and am sure there was a lot of projection there. I used to wonder what she did at that age, or, maybe more appropriately, what she wanted to do. When I was at University all hades descended on me one summer. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I was studying, getting good marks, only a few dates as I had decided my studies came first, and socializing with a few friends and a few families that we all knew who were above reproach. Like "What IS the problem?" But she and my sis sure had a problem with me and I got reamed out daily and nasty stories passed around about me.
Does your mother have sibs with the same problems - due to family background/childhood? It is sad if the environment could do that to her.
My mother had 4 sibs all as normal as apple pie. She had a decent upbringing. Her father was an engineer. The family moved to Canada when she was in her teens. She returned to Norway for two years to take physiotherapy then returned to Canada. The family have told me that she was always like this. There were a few cousins in the extended family with "peculiar" and difficult personalities - all very bright. My sister has something similar, more sociopathic, and can do no wrong, like mother, and my daughter too, but she is struggling to deal with herself and develop relationships. She actually has a few friends now. We will see if it lasts. Anyway, it all points to genetics in our case. There are various theories. I suspect it is a balance of genetics and environment in most cases, that being if the genetics are there, a bad environment will trigger the problems. In mother's case and the others in our family I would have to say genetics pretty well entirely, as the same environments, all decent families, produced mostly normal/average people. I don't think any environment would have made any difference to mother. I really don't.
Wondering if there are any others in your extended family with similar problems.

Thank you so much Sharynmarie and Emjo for the positive thoughts about my brother, I really appreciate it! It helped a lot! I actually felt quite hesitant driving down there. I chanted all the way there, and I felt this positive energy, and even in moments of feeling that eery feeling one can get just being in a hospital environment, believe it or not........it also gave me courage.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Kisses,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Yesterday my brother was operated for the gallstone.
He'd just went for a kidney stone attack last week, of which they gave him pain meds. But then on the weekend he was having pain in the gallbladder area.
He's very stubborn apparently when it comes to withstanding pain, and having any sense about going to the ER, or hospital. He drove himself to the hospital the day he'd had the kidney stone episode, since there was no one at home.
Then my sister tells me, that he'd been having the gb pain for over a night and day, when finally he returned. He had a stone, lodged in a duct. So laparascopic surgery was the only option. The removed the gb.

So I took the long drive to the hospital, as he lives over 65 miles from me.
When I arrived, he was being wheeled to his room. My sister and I left him alone,
he was completely knocked out after the procedure. It was quite far, and I went alone.....but glad I was there. Really didn't get to see him much. But I felt it important that I be there no less. I think they release him today.

But my sister was telling me that his colonoscopy doctor had told him over a week ago that he has Diverticulitis. So I hope he really starts to get educated about some of this.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Countrymouse - I wish I had been journaling my mom's answering machine messages for the past 25 years. They have all been exactly the same. Depressing, guilt inducing, negative drama bombs. Except one. The first day she ever took Prozac, her message was happy. The birds were singing, the sun was out, and it was a gorgeous day.

Who are you and what have you done with my mother? Don't worry, it didn't last.

Emjo - I think projection has *a lot* to do with it. Especially for the ones with BPD/NPD who have a shaky and uncertain identity. It's easy to classify us as the bad one when we are just the container for all their self-hatred, and not a real person of our own. I was an A+ goody two shoes, Sunday-school leading gal all through high school, but my mother accused me of every vice and sin she could think of if I tried to do anything with a friend or God forbid - a boy. She gave me some great ideas for when I went off to university! ;-D

The only time I ever feel anything like pity is when I think about her childhood. All I know is that it was grim. Rural south, Depression years, extreme poverty, the youngest baby died of pneumonia, her dad was notoriously mean as a snake and would run the family out of the house with a shotgun, and she was ridiculed for a learning disability and "big ears" - which aren't big. Everything I know about her youth I learned from my Dad. She nor her siblings talk about their childhood, so I have to think it was pretty bad to make her like she is. I can't imagine there was much affection, love, or simple validation as a human going on. Sad.

wow - sandwich!!! You did good!!! I would not have called and told her I dropped off the groceries. It just opens you up for more abuse, but there was a time when I would have. I think you handled that so very well. Signing her up for the local grocery service sounds like a great idea. It will never be good enough for them so you might as well make it easier for you - agree 100%. I am doing that more and more. It is part of surviving a narcissistic parent,

cm - projection. I definitely think my sis was projecting when she wrote about me having a vested interest in mothers demise. She has been concerned about her inheritance much more than I have.
Wikipedia
Psychological projection was conceptualized by Sigmund Freud in the 1900s as a defense mechanism in which a person unconsciously rejects his or her own unacceptable attributes by ascribing them to objects or persons in the outside world.[1] For example, a person who is rude may accuse other people of being rude.
I see mother use this all the time too - especially the rude thing. She, of course, in her estimation. is never rude.(NOT).
I am glad you stopped sil from calling her mother. She is pretty enmeshed.

billy - hope you are realising it is not all your fault, and taking some steps to protect yourself and have some time for you. I know you wrote about thinking it was all your fault. I will guarantee you, it isn't.

surprise - did I really do you a favour if it kept you caregiving her???? lol I find that understanding helps. Sounds like your mum has meaningful acquaintances at least. I don't suppose they would jump off a bridge for her, but I wouldn't do that for my friends either. She certainly is doing much better in the ALF than she did at home. Hmmm - no social contact except Mickie D's and the bank - that got me thinking. I don't do much better that the two grocery stores and the drug store myself, but then I do have G when he is home, and a little social contact with kids and grandkids, and the odd lunch out... Guess I am doing OK, but retiring does do a number on your social life.

Take care

Emjo, If it had not been for your fantastic commentary about your narcissists, I don't think I would still be taking care of this wicked witch! :)

I don't know that mthr has friends in the truest sense, but she interacts with people, they stop by her room to make sure she goes to lunch with them, and she sits with them while they watch tv. She reads then, so it is very much parallel play like little kids do. That seems close enough to call friends.

Booda - Mthr is a woman who did not have social contact with anyone except the McDonalds workers and the bank for the last 15 years since she retired. She was a level 5 hoarder and did not have any socializing at home since 1975. Her social contacts in the home are better than I ever dreamed!

..

Wow, Sandwich. Well at least she's got the courage of her convictions? - all right as a desperate attempt to think of something positive to say that is pretty feeble, I agree… But nicely played with the restaurant cell-phone conversation; and I bet among the alarmed looks were other people wincing and thinking "yes, I've got one like that, too…"

Does anyone ever envy them? This amazing lack of any scruples when it comes to demanding one's own way. I fantasise about the day when I'm old enough to demand that someone peel me a grape, clap-clap, and don't give me any of that Chilean tat like last time I want Muscat NOW. Actually I really have fantasised about hiring a lychee-peeler but that's because the little blighters get your hands so sticky. And I wouldn't ask my daughters to do it.

What are people's feelings about projection? Valid theory or psycho-hokum? I'm thinking of Emjo's sister's accusation back there, alongside my brother's allegation that I need more help (I do?), and his son feels guilty (he does?), and my mother needs to see more of him (she does?)… Hm. He's not in the mood for a facetious lecture on personal pronouns so don't think I'll take it up with him right now. Just interested.

Sandwich you've also made me grateful that when my SIL and her husband came down to see us the other weekend, the husband and I ganged up on SIL and all-but physically stopped her calling her mother to "make sure she was ok." I'd been worried we'd been too forceful with her, though we were completely certain a) that MIL would be fine and b) that if she wasn't fine we'd already have heard all about it. I don't think MIL would quite have matched your mother for volume or vocabulary but it would still have ruined a lovely evening for SIL. Now I feel we were justified.

Cranked her up to 11… Oh boy. Do you ever consider doing it on purpose and selling the footage..?!

Emjo, I needed this reminder! " I expect your mum will get mad - so what. Her feelings are her responsibility, not yours.You are entitled to a life which is not just being at her beck and call. You are not her servant. You are being responsible by bringing someone else in to care for her, It really doesn't matter if she likes it or not."

On Friday, my husband & I were out at dinner, and I called mom to see if she needed any groceries before we left the restaurant. From hello to hangup, it was hateful invective straight from the devil's oven. Wow. The people nearby me gave some very alarmed looks at the noise coming out of my phone.

Sadly, this is not new behavior for her, so I can't blame it on dementia. She has always done this to me. I remember standing in the college dormitory hallway in 1989, holding the phone away from my head in order to not go deaf from her screaming and berating. Back then, I had to wait it out because I didn't know that was a form of abuse. But now I do.

I interrupted her tyrade and said very calmly, "You sound very angry about something, so maybe this is a bad idea right now. We'll do groceries another time when you aren't so upset." This way I don't have to own fixing whatever her problem is, nor do I have to step & fetch on demand.

That calm little statement cranked her "up to 11" so to speak. Holy Smokes Granny! She really lit in. I have trained myself to tune out and go to my happy place, so I can't even really say what she was on about. I heard something about me being the devil and a b*tch and I'll be sorry and don't shop at Target for my groceries because they don't have potato salad and they're going out of business, blah de blah de blah. I just interrupted her and said I have to go now and will talk to her another time. The end.

We did pick up some of her typical requests from week to week - OJ, eggs, milk, bread, peanut butter, and incontinence pads. I took them inside the apartment building lobby and asked the lady at the front desk if I could just leave the cart parked there until mom comes down to get it - wild horses couldn't get me to take her stuff up to her that night. The front desk lady is so nice and knows about mom & understands what I'm dealing with, so she was fine with it. She said she'd call up & tell her to come get her stuff. *Thank you!!*

In the car, on the way home, I called mom & told her that we dropped off groceries for her, and she needs to go get them before the milk spoils. No thank you, no I'm sorry, nothing but very terse and angry comments about it better be the right stuff this time, and something about putting on shoes and a coat to go out for a walk. ??? This woman won't walk more than 20 feet to the dining room, and it's Minnesota Cold outside, so I just let the comment go. Whatever. Do go take a walk outside to appreciate the safe and warm place you have to live and that you have a daughter & son in law who bring you supplies for free!

I think I'm going to sign her up for the local grocery delivery service. You go online, put stuff in your cart, pay, and they bring it on the day you pick. No, you don't have the brand choices, but it beats what I have been doing and it not being good enough. I can make it easier on myself and still have it not be good enough for her! At least it's more of a win for me!

Here's hoping for a nice calm Monday, and that everybody can have a pleasant start to the week.

Sharyn I like the "detach" acronym. I know that selling your mum's house does bring pain but it has to be done. I still hang onto a few things of Gordie's. Sometimes we have to rely in memories.

overwhelm - you are welcome and keep coming back for support - we all need it

margeaux - I am sorry about the health problems your bro is having - that is a lot of pain!!! It is good the docs are on top of it. Sending prayers for his recovery from all of this. Be strong ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

cm - what a ride!!!! You did so well. I am impressed!!! and got a good sleep as well. Dispatching people for a long walk is always a good idea. The phone call sounds like "who's on first" by Abbott and Costello. Hope the funeral is tolerable. Sounds like it could be a three (or four or five) ring circus. Breath deep - the antlers may work here too. Try to laugh. Natives (I am an honorary and card carrying native) laugh at funerals and it does help. You do have some complicated relatives.

jinx - you threw a party???? Good for you. I still have to have son and dil over for Christmas dinner.

booda welcome - You will find many who understand your story. It sounds like your mother may be narcissistic. Never enough and never good enough are give-aways and jealousy. It sounds like her personality, is perhaps exaggerated by aging. Even if you were closer and did things with her, I rather doubt it would make her any happier. Some things can't be fixed. Truthfully, suggestions to her may not be of any use. She is negative, she is angry, her glass is half empty and this is her pattern. Increasing anger could be a sign of the onset of something so it may be a good idea to have her evaluated, if she would agree with that. Sounds like people have drawn boundaries, because of the way she interacts. My mother has lost friends in the past few years as she gets increasing paranoia. I don't think you can do anything about that. What is necessary is that she is safe, fed etc. You are not responsible for her happiness, nor have you any control over it. You can listen to her, but even that may become too much for you in time. Assisted living may be needed for her at some point, but will not necessarily make her happy. Hugs to you and join the crowd. Many of us have mothers who are very unhappy and nothing helps that. You have to detach for your own sanity.

surprise - I challenge that claim about your mother and I think others here would too lol. We have quite a collection. My mother is in an ALF but has not made any close friends though she does have people she interacts with. They certainly can commiserate about having their stuff "stolen". It is great that your mum made a friend there.

cm again - happy being miserable - right on! Agreed that you are a great story teller.

It is amazing how quickly things change. I was looking at a friend's email of about 5 days ago and she said "Have a nice week" That was before the "removal of the sex glands", and my sis accusing me of wanting mother dead. Well, you can say it isn't boring, and something inside tells me it will get "less boring" before it gets better!!!

Bu,t I can have a good day anyway and hope you all do too! Grandson will come over today to finish the shovelling. There was a lot of snow and more last night, and with my shoulder I just can't shovel.

Some very nice news - my granddaughter, who is in grade 4, tested at a reading level of Grade 7 and a math level of Grade 6. She has always been a good steady student, but never showed any signs of being gifted. Apparently her class has a number of very bright students so the teacher is looking at providing some more challenging work for them. Very nice news and her great grandmother will be delighted - for a minute or two.

Take care all - and do something good for you today! Love and hugs

Jinx, I think "handled" is probably putting it a bit strongly - "doggy-paddled helplessly with the tide well" may be more like it!

Austin, thank you - it was fun telling it! When it goes really badly then not so much fun...

BoodaGazelle, surprise is right - they seem to bond over their wicked ungrateful children..! It's like the Monty Python "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch only featuring little old ladies and twice as heavy on exaggeration.

Do you have much contact with your two on-hand siblings? I'm not suggesting you should share your mother's comments (?! - though it could be fun!!!) but you might find it reassuring if you discover they know what she's like and they take it all with as big a pinch of salt as they need.

My late aunt (not the one who just died) used to call it "happy being miserable" - not that she was in much of a position to criticise. Don't let it get you down too! x