The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Greeting to everyone. It getting close to the holiday season which is so depressing. So I hope everyone is braced for the emotions.

Well like I said it was foolish of me to make the appointment for my mother to request referral to a podiatrist and homecare. I called to cancel and they told me there was no apt. She just had a regular check up on January 8th. When I told her that I had made apt for her with NP for the 14th she checked and said it was canceled. By the patient. Of course it was my sister. She is on some serious sh9sta.

I hope Iam around to see this pipedream blow up in her face. Its truly how I feel. There is so much pent up in me, anger, pain, saddness, shock, disbelief, revenge. I try not to feed into my need for reparation. I trust and believe that day is coming.

Its so frustrating, the work and care my mother needs. Most days she is just going from place to place fiddling into everything. Yesterday, Saturday I was not feeling well felt I was coming down with something. I had to go down to get the MOWheels and as usual I pick up things to cook the day before. Anyways she was knocked out so I set everything up in the convection oven which takes forever. After cleaning the usual clutter and secret mess. I layed down on the sofa bed. All the channels I like my sister has blocked and she blocked even more when I took camera down. Specific ones like Daystar a religious station where I catch joyce myers , td jakes and joseph prince. She must have over heard me speaking of them one day listening to me talk on phone in my room or downstairs or maybe their is other monitoring. Anyways I still find something enteresting and I leave channel on cartoons which I also had started watching, from the grands:) so certain ones I have learned to like,.

So Mr. Roberson who is 90, my neighbor told me he saw a doctor rining the bell the other day. I am a little twisted. Unless I am already downstairs and know of the visit I am not coming downstairs to answer door. Thats 2 flights to navigate with knee and hip pain.. I have made an appointment to sign up for HHC options to go to city clinics on sliding scale payments which is usually decent. I may need to get changes in my blood pressure meds because it gets high for two long. tonight it was 150/100 which is good for me.

Anyways back to these visits. Unless its APS and they will usually set up apt. If my twisted is seeting up something she needs to be there or inform me if she is counting on me to let sometone in.

Otherwise my aunt tells me ACS came to Sham's house about her second youngest dauther getting in trouble in school and not going to school. The father did not call the aunt but Sham's sister. My aunt is a narcissist also. She was spoiled and has similar tendencies and she got custody of Shar , Sham's sister at the age of nine when her mother ,ho is my mothers second sister, passed away. When Sham got married my aunt wouldnt let Shar go to the wedding threatening to find a place to live if she did. Sham has shared a lot of ugly about her which I can believe only because of my own mother and twisted's behaviour.
Anyway I think Sham's husband does not communicate with T my aunt becuase he knows her history and disrespect for a long time. He appreciates her but does not trust her. T says he doesnt buy food, or clothes. No more cell phone for the kids. She and other family and friends do their birthdays and Christmas and thanks giving. So its sad. One of the boys Boondock bonded with me when he was small. It broke my heart to hear that he is always sad. So his birthday was the 14th and I called to cheer him up put a card and giftcards in mail for T to get him and his twin and the Qumy the one who got in trouble a gift for their birthdays. I was just getting back to work when Qmy had birthday so my funds were low. They stil are.

I just want those kids to get some ray of sunlight to make them happy or at least hopeful.

Love peace and happiness to all. Smile!!

By the way since Im on camera now I put on an act everynow and then. I Smile and act like I am on candid camera!! lol. I even get my mother laughing then we laugh together. Thats the camera on top floor. sometimes I just cant help it,it raises my pressure and ruffles my tail all this nonsense and craziness in what is supposed to be home then go out and hit the street and no telling what you may run into or what runs into you. Then I come home and find another basic channel is blocked out of spite. Its lake the same spirit that scared me in the train is in my home trying to reek havoc. My prayer and faith gives me grace and I am greatful because sometimes I get to see it unfold.

I hope you all are in good places spiritually, prayer and my gospel playlist lift me up, not to mention the prayer lines and my prayer partner. Thank you all for bearing with me.

Good Nite and sleep tight.

Hi everyone, I am back to share the HPD news. Well while I was out recovering from surgery I spoke to Mr. Grant Protective services for adults. This was after my nephew dissed him. A few days later he set upappointment with HPD to come and evaluated the needed repairs, I expressed concern and fear of losing the house or a crazy condemnation which is know to happen. He assures me that if they get guardianship this same process would happen and how I am crying every time he visits about the condition and needed repairs of the house. So I agree with the consult giving him times I am available. I was to expect a call from HPD to set it up. They never called and the next week I wake and see missed calls from him and HPD. I am upset that he didnt tell me he made the appts and that he left me with the impression that they would be callling me to set up apt. Now just before I return to work he asks if they called I tell him no. The next few days later the same thing. MIssed calls and now I tell him how he never set it up with me and the next time to text info so we can be sure and how I dont appreciate how he is doing this because every single time he calls and says can he come by I let him in. I get a letter from HPD about same say they will assume that repairs have been made if no response in so many days. I call Grant again he says he will take care of it. In fact when I called about the unsuaual attemtpt to transfer money out of my mothers account I had sent him photo of bank letter and and email and called to see if they could investigate it, he said yes and then asked if I had heard from hpd then I get the letter.

So that was confusing. I am really trying to get back to myself and on my feet. These joint pain issues and my pressure are working on my nerves and now I forgot all about the flu shot and on a new mission now to get one because I dont ever want to go through pneumonia again. I am so glad that my colds have been so few, I thank God because each and every time I get sickness in lung area it scares me into depression, it takes me back to that constant cough, and all the issues i have had since the world trade center. MY life change a lot since that day I went to save livess and help people. Thank goodness with certainn supplements and treatments on my behalf I havent gotten sick in a good while but I am afraid, so very afraid. So I on a mission for the flu shot. My pnemonia shot is still good.

Anyways I am thinking to just go ahead and hit my savings and pay off this refrigerator. To take off the load. And I am determined to do a nice "care package " for Sham's children, Not to mention something for my grands. I already got something for Sham's oldest daughter's son who was born weeks after she passed on. And for Shams sister son who is about 2 now. And then my baby grands birthday outfit plus one for Christmas. Thats it. Its exciting but I find it sressful and want to get it done and overwith;. I get anxious a lot easier here lately.

One more share, I got scared and angry after a crazy man jumped the turnstile in the train station and noticed I saw him. He called me all kinds of
B's and how he would bleed me like a pig, how much blood he would spill. It was so insulting that I got angry in the mist of my fright because I knew he was off his rocker. I dared not go through the trunstlile untill the train came, I asked clerk to call police because I felt threatened I knew I couldnt trust my joints to run if I had to and I wrapped my keys in my hand and fingers because I was going to fight for my life if I couldnt get aways from him. He ranted and waved for a good while and had people moving away and watching him. He seemed to have forgot me but I didnt know that and when the train came I got two cars down and watched for his butt from broklyn to the 125th street station where he made more ruckus before he got off.

People are so crazy,. I'm getting so tired of this sh*t called life. Got to keep on keeping on.

Well to continue I have other night wear all types but I basically like nude and now its getting cold I like something that feels nude and this cotton shirt keeps me cool and warm and I love it.

Anyways here I am looking like a homeless person and then I see that spot where the camera is. Then while I am doing my usual routine I am on the phone several times for a good while. So that was a very thorough violation of my privacy because when I talk its with my closest friends and deeply personal. I have no Idea if this can be shared on social media, face book utube, but I dont step out the door with out my wig. Maybe once in a while. I always get someone , usuially and old church deacon visiting my mother years ago makeing cute funny accepting remarks after seeing me without my wig. I mean thats like family is only privy to that. I fuss at my son from the video chat, with time difference I m in bed (no wig). Its all good but its my prerogative to knowingly be seen not looking my best, or spilling my heart or something on the phone. So I still have it and its not going back up and if I see another one its gone also.

Then I am trying to catch up on my cleaning since before surgery thats over 2 months now. The Fridge has dried eggs on shelves. anyways its a mess. Then I go out back (I finally took the lock off door to shed, It kept jamming and during this last big flood they broke it open. I kept the mop and pail and other supplies back their. Anyways I open back door to get mop and I see where my mother was throwing things out the window from the top floor,. Maybe they found the window open, I had notice that they had cleaned up there and how my mop was dirty at the same time so I started putting it in the back where I have a back up hurricane mop which is awesome.

I also noticed that they put pillows, acutally the one the dog and cat slept on to the window. So maybe that was where this sudden concern or need to monitor came from. I had already text my nephew about the need for window guards up there. and really if they see a need for a monitor then she needs a home attendant.

I had made apt for her for this week for referral to podiatrist and for homecare. I cant even get her down the stairs to eat and I know it would be difficult to get her in and out of a cab. Then go through all of that and have this block from the health care proxy make it a wasted. So I am cancelling and hopefully when we get a home attendant I can do all of that. But after these issues with my knee and hip and I dont really have anyone to help me coherce her out the house in a car and so forth. I am chosing self presevation, for the time being.

I am still adjusting and readjusting to the knee and hip and groin issues. I give my self more travel time so I can walk slow, take my time. I am ususally a very spritful walker. fast and furious, not anymore. So right aftrer I made this call which wasafter coming home my first day returning to work and looking at my mothers feet she had her shoes off. Then not to mention the bowel issuses which I am hoping are resolved now, no more straining. It was a big scary show when I did. Then the pressure issue. So Ms know it all checked her self. I see my vulnerability, weakness, aging and that was what I got so depressed about during my recovery. Wanting to do and know I cant. So I stand down and wait for the APS process. My thing was if the doctor cant speak to me he can still check her and make referrals. But I have no clue what would happen and know I cant do any of it alone, now we get a home attendant we can work.

Not to mention the new openings for the mice!!'

So much more to say about HPD thats another story but I am now to tired to carry on with this saga.


Rays of love and healing to all. God NIte.

Girl I am wishing you all the best in healing. That therapy does work. I had serious knee issues ( which I am afraid are resurfacing) for a good while before I got back to work. I had the best insurance in the world Medi and got diagnosed and treated with therapy. I fought hard for that last cortisone shot and just untill recently after 5 years I am starting to feel leary about what my knees are going to do.

I can imagine how hard its been recovering and straightening your muscles and attachments.

My knee was actually swollen. I just woke up, it felt stiff and it hurt. Then of course the groin and hip pain comes and goes. This aging process is not for the weak. I plan to keep going, limping, hopping, or crawling till I cant do it anymore. I hope I find a significant other before it gets bad. Sometimes I think I am letting good prospects get away. Two short but a man who can do everything in the house friends for so long. An old friend who really gets on my nerves because he knows everything even if he dosesnt know shista! LOL. Anyways hopefully I will get blessed with a good significant other somewhere down the line. Keep Hope alive!!!

Golden, so sorry to hear about the flu. I hope you are much better and back on your feet. I had it once maybe 15 years ago day after christmas I could not rise out the bed, I was down for three days. I been getting a flu shot ever since and worked on campaigns in hospitals to give shots. Which reminds me its time for the shoot , been so busy with the recovery and pain. I am very tired of doctors. I am going to check neighborhood for free shots like I did last year.

Glad that must be some type of land scape you have. I bet its beautiful when those bulbs bloom. Seeing flowers is so uplifting and remindful of God's work and love. I love it when I have to stand infront of someones garden and check out what else is planted and the beauty.

Trying, its always good to see you post. I can understand being to tired. I sometimes have so much I want to say but am too burnt to make the effort.

And here we go again with the holidays. I had such a lovely time last year on Thanksgiving at this church I was invited to by the know it all I mentioned above. T is a sweetheart but When our switch flips at the wrong time we are terribly irritating to one another. He love to say See and I told you so.
Anyways my "Aunt" Jean came by this week and she was complaining about her family upstate and in Delaware and wasnt feeling up to the trip. She used to spend her thanksgiving with us. So anyways I told her about the church.
I mean family has always meant so much to me and it hurts and hits hard on holidays how we dont do even if it was me making it happen. So its like a hard withdrawal for me on the holidays and going to that church just feeled over open part in my heart.Plenty Good food, loving atmosphere, happiness, appreciation and a little dancing.

Naturally I loved hearing the preps going on here also. Sounded so good, made me relive good fond moments.

Oh I still didnt post what I wanted since I was off. Last wednesday night I go out to play some numbers and get a few scratch offs. The microwave broke so I had left notes to please feed my lmother dinner on the days I worked. I usually heat up a meal in micro, take my shower then feed her, and go on up and get dressed. So anyway Im going out and check to see signs that she ate planning to pick up something for her. I was hungry but I had sandwich fixings in fridge. Anyways I look up and see this blue light flasing on. I was so angry and twisted I immediately took it down. Now I called T and he was like you were wrong its not yours to do that, it makes you look guilty, and by the time we hung up I was like you right Tony Im going to put it back up.
]
But that next morning when I go down with no wig, a raggedy t shirt I sleep in that my mother shakes her head about when she see's it (wholes like I got shot)

WOW! That weekend went fast! So busy at work, overwhelming, I just woke up thinking it was Tuesday and public hearing day for a very political and controversial project. Going back to sleep now and hope to get rest of bulbs in the ground today and relax the rest of the three-day weekend.😕

Hey everybody!
i try my best to read posts on this thread, to be supportive as I am able. Sometimes I just don’t have energy to follow through. I did help campaign for my alderman candidate, but was very difficult to Stan on street corner, waving at rush hour drivers, reminding them to go vote. Oxygen backpack on, so my hands were free. One hand for sign, one hand for my cane. We weren’t successful this week in unseating the incumbent alleged pedophile, has a rap sheet a mile long,p. It was a three-way race. We now go to runoff. It’s a real battle, trying to unseat big money backed candidate. The drunk, cocaine using alderman must have some scary chit on those in power. I work online on supporting our candidate on social media, trying to dispel the negative smears against him, as he is a gay man. It doesn’t affect his ability to do the duties of alderman.

Had second post-op surgeon visit today. Saw the PA. She reviewed xrays, examined leg joints, hips and knees, decided maybe a couple PT sessions to evaluate, show me exercises to strengthen my new hip. She will discuss left knee replacement with the surgeon, to see if we get me on the Spring surgical schedule. Have to wait and see if he will schedule, or wait until the final post-hip replacement follow up appointment. Earliest surgery slots right now are end of March. Not enough hospital beds, OR rooms, or doctors. Will get much worse if we were to have some type/combination of national healthcare. Be forewarned, peeps. Other than continuing to add to my activities, very slowly, battling exhaustion, the hip is healing nicely. Doc wants me supplementing vitamin D due to me being on Cholestyramine, as it can deplete the bones, making them very porous. Not a good thing for people with arthritis destroying joints. So, will look for the high dose vitamin D she prescribed, OTC. Will need to take it between noon and 2:00 PM daily, to try to get some absorption of the vitamins. BAM is such a difficult disease. Medicare isn’t going to be paying for monitoring my vitamin and mineral levels, despite me being on medication that prohibits absorption of fat soluble vitamins and minerals. I’ll be on the hook for those blood tests, most likely. Ridiculous, but it’s how Medicare treats labs.

Hi Duck! I'm still here just too tired to post much. Hope the money thing gets figured out and do take care of your pressure.

Glad- Good to hear things are almost settled. It's been a long haul for you.

So sorry to hear that Golden has the flu! You are in my thoughts Golden.

Barb - That is wicked scary stuff about deed theft and all. People can be so dastardly/

Duck, I would be careful about making assumptions about who is doing what. Is it possible that your mother moves stuff around? And that you AND your sister assume that it's the other one doing this to be annoying?

There are awful stores in the NY newspapers right now about deed theft and financial shenanigans in your neck of the woods. Financial fraud is being committed by real estate folks and shady financial "advisors" who get vulnerable elders to sign things they don't understand. Your mother is a prime target as far as I can see.

Don't assume your sister is behind the money transfer. Is APS investigating? If not, tell the bank simply that you are concerned about fraud against a vulnerable, demented elder.

I am still here.

Golden has been sick with the flue.

Ahhh duck, we are all still around, the site just seems to be really slow lately. There seems to be many new posters that ask their question, then never to be seen again. Quick flybys. One even was using a new username, it seemed like every time they posted. The site is not monitored as closely as it was a year or year and a half ago. And it doesn't help that the time and dates of posts are not working right.

Twisted, you suspect took 50k of mom's? Unbelievable! Good you sent off letter to APS. What is going on with that now? Any updates aside from the 50k? Twisteds are very impossible, always make life more difficult.

Sounds like you are feeling better too. That is wonderful! Great to hear.

Not much dysfunction in my life at the moment. Estate finally in the ending process. TS2 was terrible as POA and executor! There was an error made on mom's final tax return in 2017. I owed an additional 1K in taxes, hopefully no penalties, all because of an error with trust income being reported as personal income of mom's. I know and understand so little about taxes, but my CPA took care of preparing the amendment. The remaining trust money will pay the taxes that the three of us did not pay because of the screwup. It is almost done, finally. And ts2 provided some documentation on bills and such that listed a problem with the IRS in 2017. I asked ts2 what thAt was, she responded there was no error.😦 Not a clue that one.

We had very cold weather here last week, one of the coldest October's ever. I got a about 250 bulbs in just as the weather started to come in. I have about 150 left to go. Hopefully over the upcoming long weekend. It is plenty of work and I was hurting all week.

Crazy busy at work! I need a vacation, maybe over the holidays visit my kiddos. Just have to wait and see. Part of me would just like to go someplace alone. But, I can do that here.

Hope all are doing well, getting the rest you need, and doing something special for you.

Hi everyone!! Where is everybody? I guess we are all caught up in life :).

Sissisu I am glad you are keeping boundaries set with your mom, I can imagine the guilt and the frustration.

Did everyone leave this forum and go somewhere else. I did love the whine thread that was my first love but in my distress I could only really handle sharing the crazy on one thread. I got great advice from both but a tad more encouragement and truth here.

Anyways, my pressure has been up, mostly from eating chips and things I shouldnt in my come back after surgery. I dont think I will go that route again my pressure is nothing to play with.

When I had the thyroid biopsy the doctor says you are a nurse you know this aand that my response was you know we make the worst patients and I can dish out all kinds of needles and procedures but not take it LOL.

Well the thing wanted to share was that I had opened a letter to my mother from the bank stating unusual and inconsistent transaction. An attempt to transfer $50000 dollars to another account. I sent it to APS. The account is most likely my sisters. My nephew makes a very good salary his car is paid for and he has no children and I am sure does not need to transfer money to his account for any reason. And since his name is on the account although for bill purposes not power of attorney, I would think that had he made this transaction it might not have been noticeable as he does pay the bills, taxes and insurance.
I am suspecting my tricky twisted and that my DN does not have a clue.

In any case, I spoike to APS to see if they could get more information such as who made transfer and into whose account and for what reason. Becasue they didnt want to do and dont do repairs in her own living space. The date was 10/24 which was long after the beam and bathroom repairs which I beleive was insurance.

So thats whats on my heart. Meanwhile I am trying not to feed into temptation of revenge and spite even thought I cant seem to let all that has been done go.
Yesterday I found the microwave oven stoped working and askd that they see that my mother eats dinner as I cant heat up her food on my way to work. I know I cant count on them and I had already had ensure and moonpies so I left her with an ensure and two moonpies till the morning when I am off and we can splurge and by that time I will have replaced the oven. I noticed to day when I went to use it the bottom part of the door was dented in humm!! You know I used to think it was crazy to think certain things but I wouldnt put it past my twisted, I have seen her sabatoge. Ihave never dropped it. But she had done whatever leaving it in the middle of the floor in kitchen I guess to teach me a lesson about leaaving where my mother can get to use it. I mean face down sideup. So the last time I went in what is supposed to be a kjitchen where she has oven toasters and gadgets with same risk by a plugand put them all on the floor.

Some times I feel like the dog who walks past the cat and gets swiped for nothing and havent a clue its comming.

So I am clueless about her actions but I know her motives are evil and I wouldnt put anything past her. I pray justice finds its way to her and kiss her good.

Meanwhile I am with a mild headache, part pressurwe and part this aroma therapy my client mother uses. I asked her not to use it even thought it was something different it still has same effect. I cant even handle incense burning.

Anyways, I hope you everyone who was able to do so, got out and voted today.

Girlsaylor I hope you are in good recovery mode.

Love and rays of peace to you all.

Mom was so good for almost 2 weeks, then I called on a Sunday several times, no answer. That's usually the signal she's beyond po'd and pouting. Ok, fine. Typically, then she'd call me in the middle of the night ranting, so I blocked her number. I called again the next evening, same thing. I didn't see a voice mail the next day (I typically work from home on Tues, so she'll call and rant then). I finally called her on Tues or Wed - she was freaking out. Didn't realize that blocked call vm's go into a separate category. She'd called a lot. I felt a little bad, but I wasn't going to submit to a middle of the night rant or phone call barrage. So she was back to good mood for a week. Good yesterday - which Sunday is a bad day typically. She called me about an hour ago, ranting. Her "kids" don't do a damned thing for her. She never thought she'd be left alone. She would have never left HER mother alone. She didn't even say what was wrong, and I was not going to even ask as she was on a tirade. Phone had gone onto mute, then she said well all I have to say is you can just think about that, then hung up. I have no idea what went wrong; she was in a very good mood all day yesterday. My brother does call her around 3 pm daily, so I am guessing she wanted him to do something (didn't come out and ask - just assumes you'll know or you should know), and he didn't comply. He's taking time off this week to get stuff done, some of her stuff too, and then he planned to take her out to lunch. Maybe that changed and she's angry. Honestly, could be anything; her mountains are molehills a lot of the time. As a friend calls her 'Drama Mama'.

She's also all fired up (obsessed) re: local elections. I fully expect her to be calling me with updates on the returns (I don't live there and don't really care).

Ironically, I had been reading about very affordable and livable places to retire - top 20 in the US. My hometown (where she lives now) is one listed. I was like oh I guess maybe I'll end up back there. I think now I'd look at any other option on the list (actually where I live now has been on other lists before). She thinks it's just awful that I don't want to move back there. It's the only place she's ever known, and she considers it the best place on earth. There are a lot of good places, and it is a smaller town, with a lot less to offer than where I am now. I tried to explain that if she were to move here (not happening), she wouldn't be happy for exactly that reason. How do you know? Because every time you've visited, everything that is done differently in this area is 'stupid'. They need to do it like we do back home! So that is how I know.

I was planning on going there this upcoming weekend, but yeah not likely. Then the holidays are looming. She's already told me I have to buy the turkey, as my brother got an expensive ham last year. That was totally his decision, but she's forcing me to get a turkey (breast - as she doesn't like turkey). Ugh. I really have started hating every holiday as it brings nothing but unneeded stress. Then I hear how hateful I am that I don't love Christmas. I don't like all of the extra crap that is forced upon me that is mandatory (by her) to do. I have to do all of her shopping, ask/beg for her to let me know ahead of time, because I don't like shopping at the last minute. Then I make all of her meals, decorate, clean, etc. And, of course, nothing is ever good enough for her. I'm so glad when it's 12/26.

Years ago, I sang with the church choir here, staying to sing at midnight mass, then getting up at the crack of dawn to go to mom's. As I walked to my car, it was very lightly snowing, probably 1:30 a.m. at that time. So still and beautiful. I felt more Christmas in that moment than I'd had in years.  I wish for you a wonderful holiday season, try to find some time and peace for yourselves.

For future reference, if your neighborhood is on the Nextdoor website, many communities have sign-up for homes providing trick or treat goodies. Our neighborhood also has a strong online presence on FaceBook. I believe one of the websites, if not both, allow sign up to pass out goodies, and may have maps available from the sign ups.

Greeti is totally. I have much to share and will do so when I get to computer at work. This posting by phone is very tedious. Golden I hope all is well and I am always thinking of you. Your pearls of wisdom are a constant in my life. E very time I shower I use the Castile soap and each time I am grateful for you.


So many of you are deeply special to me.
The 31st was my father's anniversary. When I see posts about deceased parents and loved one I am deeply moved. As usual I relived that love. I played the songs he always played. It tickled me because I use to be like here oh boy here we go again over and over. And listening to the lyrics spoke to me and still does.
So I never participated in trick or Treating but I did do the costume prep for my son. My twisted would take them out that is the one thing she did with the kids. I had fun today ei g able to buy grocery not worrying about budgeting. Going to buy a nice outfit for my youngest grand her birthday was the first. Also a gift for the nurse who returned from maternity leave while I was out. I love shopping and getting som something I know will be appreciated. Although some people don't. Jean who is my "aunt " and I call her my lucky charm alway gift me with something I love. I always think she try to make me sexy. And have use for it all. Not to mention that she is one person who is privy to all the family dysfunction over many year. My mother calls me Jean a lot. They were besties
Anyways I hope you are all in a good place. Prayer works. And smiles bring joy.
So keep smiling especially when you're down.
Rsays of love healing and peace to all.
I will share update later. Sleep tight rest easy good night

Having been a total wet blanket about Hallowe'en for years (blame my parents) I finally threw myself into the spirit of it a while back and get a little basket of treats ready for all the little witches and skeletons and Darth Vaders.

Not one! Not a single peep. So I sat there finishing my Anne Tyler book (Clock Dance) and eating chocolate buttons and concrete lollies all yesterday evening and now who's sorry, eh?

No trick or treaters here either. Next year, I'll save money and won't buy any candies. The trend now is that kids are driven to nice affluent neighborhoods or to organized Halloween events to get candies.

I had very few trick or treaters. Other parents commented how few there were. It was too warm here for me to wear my Jedi outfit. So, I just lit up my battery powered light saber.

I had no trick or treaters. The same the past few years I have lived here. Fortunately I convinced my husband to only buy fruit snacks so there is no candy left. He was still in NY before and didn't believe me. We even have some children near but no one comes here.

Busy, busy night here. Probably 100-130 kids at the door for treats. If I didn't know better, there was a parade out there. And it was COLD 20 degrees. Too many cars, so probably kids from all over the county. Nice area, expensive homes, equate to excellent treats. My home probably the least expensive in the subdivision. Probably more tricksters in this one night than I have had total in the past 10-15 years! Kept me busy.

I was to the point I would have to start giving microwave popcorn packets.

Hope all enjoyed the evening.

Sometimes I open the psalms and my soothing answer is right there. Or sometimes I put on my gospel music and I forget about everything bad and focus on something positive and get reminded to be grateful. But sometimes I forget or dont even think of those options and I reach out for prayer and oh boy does it work and oh! boy! does it help.

And yes in the mean while I am still stressing, because I am a work in progress.

This is living. Most times for me it hurts. Lately it seems if its not my heart then its some part of my body!

I am so grateful I have God in my life to help me fight my own demons and the ones the enemy sends in every which way possible. and I glad that I am able to see that happening.

Ok I know, I know.

I god much love again for each and everyone who posts here. I think this a beautiful thing and means so much.

Rays of love and peace to all. Good Night, Im off for a few days.

Girl, believe it or not that's the kind of stuff I like to do. As a kid I would make hamburger patties put in plastic in freezer. I love to work in the kitchen too. Unfortunately the kitchen is a mess everything is falling apart. I cant find seasonings , can opener, stuff I just bought. I hide things from my mother and then find them after the fact. Today I swept and couldnt find either one of the dustpans. My sister just takes and use whatever she wants. My mother emptied a whole bottle of the red pepper flakes. tissues balled up here and there spilt food and I had to get a darn shovel to scoop it up.

She had work done in her room I dont know what but the handyman has a key to the house and satuday while I was lounging and cooking with my mother he came in. I feel that if you have a key to someones house you should ring the bell anyway before using it. Anyways I heard him coming and it didnt sound like iether of the DN so I got up and saw him going up with a huge pail of what looked like paint. I believe the dustpan is up there. But I would be wrong to make a note and say leave my s"T alone and buy your own dustpan right. Its petty wouldnt make a difference anyway. I did that once about a shoping cart. I used to have lot of shopping carts in the house that I bought or that my neighbor unc bless him repaired. We would go to pantries and a shopping cart is a must so he would fix em up if we found good ones. Anyways by this time there is now only two.and the guy who works in church across the street tells me how my mother was struggling with this raggedy shoping cart and how he helped her. So I go buy one and when I see twisted I told her dont use my shot" buy your own and she did.

It still and I guess always will bother me about how sneaky slick and malicious and manipulating she is. I so want her exposed. I aint going to lie I would love to see her meet justice.

So she has taken every remote I happen to leave downstairs this was before she even started blocking the channels she knows or thinks I watch. At first I was thinking it was my mother and that I should have put them up. So anyways I had a BP cuff in my bag going to work decided it was tomuch and openedthe gate and went to through it in a yard chairthat was folded and low and behold I saw she had left an umbrella. Then as I am walking my mind was like fool you should have taken it so when I got home it was still there and I took it. I didnt need it, I have quite a few good ones. I knew it was not right but I just had to give her a taste. When she slid in I didnt hear her but turned around and she had this stupid caught grin on her face. I guess she saw I had taken the umbrella.

Well I talked with my prayer partner after we prayed and we asked for healing with my bowel issue and the groin pain. And I understood I needed to put it back , which I did with lots of notes all over it inside and outside the case. Crazy me.

But the good point is prayer works, seems like that bowel thing is over its only been to days but no show and now the groin pain turned into horrendous back right pain muscle like, I couldnt bend walk. but then the groin pain was gone so my mind was in WTF so now I have a twinge of both and both are almost gone. I mean at work every move hurt I got one of those heat bag you punch and put that oon my back took a med I know helps muscel spasms and again when I got off and I am so much better.

I know I write books. One day I just might decide to do so LOL. I just want to share though.

My neighbor friend is still of of soughts. I am trying to convince her to call my O my brother and prayer partner. Words cant express how God works through him as far as I am concerned. When we met we prayed, I went home and dreamt and he presented me with what I dreamt about.

I know sometimes its so hard and that what I tell A. Its when I am down and out and torn and beat down the most that I am most open to recieve God. I get better with daily reaching out.

DDDuck-
Thanks for the support. You are always upbeat, bringing others up emotionally. It’s a lovely trait!

I hate that so many are uninsured, and their healthcare options are so badly impacted. It’s so unfair that anybody has to self-limit healthcare.

Sad for your friend. I know sometimes people get crappy when a spouse is ill. Sadly, women are the losers so often when spouses don’t want to invest in the relationship when sickness ruins the fun. Not intended as a blanket statement, many good people do honor their vows. And of course, I wouldn’t be privy to your friend’s situation. Prayers offered up for you and your friend.

Today I had a hair appointment, got cut and roots touched up. Always amazing to be pampered, makes a gal feel so good. On the way home, I got some groceries. All cold food put in fridge. I’ll deal with packaging chicken, ground round, and pork roast into meal size portions, freeze in the morning. Got enough ground round to make and freeze two meat loaves. Cooked hard boiled eggs, chopped and mixed into Ani’s homemade chicken stew. Four containers in freezer right now. I’ll transfer to labeled freezer bags once frozen, and freeze the remaining stew I shoved in fridge, didn’t have enough containers. Finish up the rest in the AM. When I’m feeling decent, kitchen work is therapeutic for me. Despite living in a 60-year old home, I have a great working kitchen, large, ample countertop runway, lol. Great to have enough room to have countertop microwave in one corner, and a toaster oven/rotisserie in another, on counter. Food processor and breadbox on counter too, and coffee maker as well. Not magazine worthy, but I never wanted that. Give me a working kitchen any day over impractical kitchen.

Girl good to hear your slow but sure recovery. Yeast infection is a pain in the butt. What a meal for your dog!

I think the issue is resoving itself no show the last few times. I am baffled at how my pain moves from one place to the other and the previous pain goes away. Yesterday the back pain was horrendous but I could tolerated better than that hip groin pain. Today all seems better. I feel like I pulled muscles and keep adding insult to injury. I thought while I was out the groin pain would ease up but soon as the healing pains ended it came back so strong I had to hop up the stairs holding on to the bansister.

It was all scary because I have a long time ahead to work and no insurance whew. thank goodness I am better today but its supposed to rain again tomarrow I just hope the pain wont rage again.

I once picked up a guy while working NYCEMS he was heavy bleeding via rectum with bowel movement also. Pulse was very tachy he was barely conscious. Pants down looks like fun gone wrong who knows, but when we returned to thast hospital a few hours later he was still in ER and the bleeding had stopped on its own. So I figured didnt have to run to ER just then but if it got worse I was going. I am tired of doctors and hospitals now.

On my way to work I thanked God for feeling so much better. It was so painful this morning. So I meet my neighbor and friend and she is looking really sad I hug her. She has CA breast, has to start chemo. She has had Ca and related surgeries several times since Ive known her maybe ten years. She explained she has this gene that is related to ca and it can show up anywhere so she has to get tested regularly. I think it was 1 months ago she had her colon resected after surgical removal of ca. The whole summer was a battle for gaining weight and tolerating food. Just separated from her husband about 4 months and now ca again. Please pray for her strengh and healing.

Rays of love and healing to all. Good night.

Awe DDDuck, so sweet of you to support us here.

I am sorry you are struggling so with your own health issues. You don’t say if you know what’s up with the bowels, but do keep us in the loop if you go to ER. Hip pain can be awful.

As you asked, I’m still gaining strength, very slowly. I can do one major activity per day, meaning something that keeps me mostly on my feet, or sitting doing some activity, 1-2 hours. So, if I grocery shop using a motorized cart, once I’m home, all carried in, I can put away the cold foods in a session. Then come back after a rest, to do the dry goods. Today I cooked homemade chicken, vegetable, rice stew for our little pancreatitis prone doggy. The prescription diet is too expensive, so I replicate as best I can, plus give her vitamins. On dog food cooking day, I can’t do another major activity, too weak.

Then there’s the raging yeast infection I have from the steroid pack I had to take for the post-op inflammation, while taking the muscle relaxer. I am miserable with this yeast infection. Looks like I need to buy another round to treat, not yet rid of it. I’m fairly sure it is yeast fungus overgrowth, as that’s the prednisolone side effect, not bacterial. Dang misery. But, the muscle spasms and nerve pain resolved with the muscle relaxer.

Tomorrow I treat myself to hair appointment, get my roots touched up. It’s my personal luxury, don’t do much else for me, that costs money. Have to pick up eggs on the way home, so I can hard boil, peel, chop, add to the dog food stew, and freeze in five day containers. Most 80-year olds have more exciting lives than I have, with the bad gut and all the rest. Knees are letting me know they are shot every time I scoop the cat boxes. Joint failure isn’t for sissies.

Greetings everyone! I am just checking in. All is the same, new pain now on hip plus new issue with my bowels. I may have broke a vessel. Im hoping it will resolve itself. So very aware of my mortality, and how anything can happen. No insurance but if it does not reoslve in a few days I will go to ER. Pain in back now right hip. I walk fine just hurts to turn in bed, get up or sit down. Anyways I'm finding this rotation of pain in my body curious. Its very real.

Barb your advice and help attempts for Tg is right on point. I am sure some of this is sinking in.

Tg I hope you see your way to make some changes and get a different prespective on really seeing who you are and what needs to be done. As I said before, it took me a lot of pain to actually see and accept how my motherand sister treated me and felt about me. I didnt stop my goodness toward them because that had become a habit. But finally a light bulb came on and I saw a glimpse of my life and started changing slowly but surely.

Tg a lot of the same people offereing advice were significant and the process of my breakthrough and progression.

I wish you the best and hope you take a little time to taste all the food for thought you have been getting.

Glad I hope you are good.

Girlsaylor, how are you., I hope your healing process is moving forward quickly as well as the pain management.

Much love for you all. Rest easy, sleep tight, good night.

I would like to offer a resource from a Christian perspective.l recently took a class offered online through my Church using a book that was authored by Dr.Henry Cloud.Title.Changes That Heal
I found it to be very helpful.
He is a Psychologist ,who has good insight into human behavior.He also has authored a book another book " Boundaries''
As caregivers we must take time to care for our own needs.I am learning and relearning that whatever I am facing it reveals a lot about me and how l can handle the situation.I hope this helpful.

Fear is the path to the darkside which includes anger hate and suffering.

Glad, Your spot on with the martyr complex idea.

glad - I thought about the martyr complex too, but what I wanted to write sounded very rude so i decided not to. Glad you brought it up because I think you're right on the money. What the article says is spot on. However, if one wants to martyr himself, he will do it and no one can stop him.