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Cmag~I can relate to what you said about what to do with the rest of your life. I know what I want to do, I, like you, don't have the energy that I had 10 years ago either and I am the same age as you. I would love to go out to garage sales buy furniture that appeals to me so I could refinish them and resell. Distressed furniture (I love the distressed look) very much wanted. I have a friend who does this, she will even take them to consignment shops. She tells me that getting 50% of the sale is very good. She also has a lot of garage sales herself and she will sell things she has bought, repainted...turning a profit out of it. I don't know that i would go the extent she does, because I would probably want to keep some of the furniture I repainted. I would also like to be able to go out taking pictures and sell some of them as well. I only work part-time but I don't seem to have the time with taking care of my mom, her house and my own. I wonder if my body will hold up so that when I can retire, I could do some of these things. I have lower back issues, sciatica, hip issues like my brother. I see the pain my brother has, hope this is not my future. He needs a hip replacement but is afraid to do it because of the recalls on the parts.

Maybe you could sell the furniture you don't want on ebay. Something to think about.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your wife.
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Just a drop-by hello as my life continues on the other side of the care giving journey.

My mother's death still seems like a long time ago, but it has only been two months since she died.

My step-dad via his son who is his POA came through with the money promised before the funeral plus some on what he owed to my mother which I never thought I would see a dime of.

Being co-owner with right of survivorship of my mother's various accounts and investments means that everything is now in my name. Since, I did not need it and my step-dad does, I gave mom's car to my dad so he could continue to be driven around in it.

Also, my mother owned more furniture, etc. than I have room for in my house or in my garage to keep for my boys to use one day in their own apartment. Thus, I got her locked dresser which has a lot of valuables in it. Since the key had been lost, I got a locksmith to unlock it and I now have a key for it. My step-brother and step-sister wish that I could take more of my mother's stuff, but I don't have room for it.

My depression has been worse since her death, but I have managed to loose 25 lbs since August. My doctor wants me to loose at least another 30 lbs. I did a lot of walking in August and some in September, but right before my mother died, I lost motivation for walking, but I did continue to not eat as much and thus kept loosing weight.

My dad continues to do remarkably well at 88 despite his dementia diagnosis. My step-mother continues to decline with her pulmonary fibrosis. Last week, my step-dad suffered a stroke which left his left leg numb and useless. Unless he regains the use of it while in rehab, his days of living alone at home in a wheelchair with a helper are over. He is 88, but his physical health is not as good as my dad's.

My wife and I are looking at refinancing our house that we bought 8 years ago. We want a lower rate and want to pay it off in 15 years instead of the 22 we have left on our current loan. We may have to bring some money to the table to make this deal work out.

At 56 and on full disability with bipolar disorder, I wonder if I will live as long as my dad? If I do, then my next question is what do I want to do with my life for the next 32 years? I've already been on disability for 10 years of aimless wandering from one short term project to another, but I don't have the energy that I had 10 years ago which is troubling. Our oldest son just graduated from college last week and will go off into the Airforce in January. His brother will graduate next fall because he took several college level courses while he was in highschool.

The only thing left for me to do as my mother's executor of her will is to tend to her final tax return.

I'm glad to see this thread doing very well with new members and the regulars. May God bless us everyone and may everyone have as merry a Christmas as is possible and a happy new year. Love, hugs and prayers for all.
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Sharynmarie,

If you don't feel comfortable with people, especially at your job....maybe it is a wise idea that you keep your distance with them. Besides I think that when it comes to work, sometimes it may be a better policy to not be on super personal terms with people either. You do have to work with one another after all, so would not want some kind of tensions which can happen in any friendship, but then one must bear in mind you will see them at work. I don't like to mix business with pleasure. I had to learn this too, because I can tend to be chatty in these environments. But as I have matured, I like a certain amount of privacy.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

I am so happy for you that your son did some kind of acknowledgment on your birthday.

Oh brother! Your in-laws, are absolutely unbelievable! But I believe you!
They really sound like snobs.

How terrible, that they put you through this, treating both you and your husband as two kids. They really interfered in a very bad way! In our family also, my dad's mother was known to control so much, the decisions of all her adult children.

I certainly know this treatment also, when we are the ones that don't have the extra money to spend on lavish gifts. My sister does this! My husband and me just get gifts now for those babies that are here now. Then we do get mom something, but that's usually flowers or edibles. She has so much clothes.
We do get a few bottles of wine, candy and give those to only my brother, his wife, then my sister, and other brother. I for years didn't really give them anything, since then I was too strapped giving to 8 grandkids-their kids.
So they're grown up now, so I figure I could at least give my sibs a little something. But....then my sister has given say my husband a beautiful robe.
Last year she gave him a vest. She really doesn't have to go there. But this gets on my nerves, since she can afford more than I can, and it's her moment at Christmas of height & glory, as everyone is opening up the gifts from her. It was kind of funny too, last year she gave me these strange looking costume jewelry earrings, and some knitted berets. I like to wear a wool beret, I have when it gets cold. Well the ones she gave me, look like a 90 yr. old woman would wear. I'm sorry but they had that geriatric look about them, and there's no way in China I'd ever wear them!

I haven't done any shopping either, still waiting to hear what sizes these babies are wearing.

O.K., must go get a gf of mine, who incidentally also had her birthday yesterday!
I want to stick in the mail before the day is over.

Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

Ohhhhh! Happy Birthday!
May you have abundance and many blessings!

Hugs,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Margeau~With my hubby's family, following the tradition or custom of gift giving is a way for them to stay connected. In the early years of our marriage, we were buying Christmas gifts for 28 people, that did not include buying for my hubby and our children. Today it would be more than double that amount. Hubby is very frugal, he complained every year about how much we were spending on Christmas gifts,hardly able to get each other a gift or our children. This is where hubby's parents wanted to step in and provide all the dreams and wishes for their grandchildren. While this is a very sweet thought...it completely takes away from the parents of the children to buy their first bicycle because grandpa and grandma want to do that knowing you can't afford it with buying all these gifts for everyone else. Many years, I felt like I had to ask permission of my in-laws to buy my children something like a rocking horse, a tricycle...they wanted to give the big gifts to the grandchildren. How does one handle that without causing hard feelings? What we eventually did was tell the family one both sides that we cannot afford to buy for every individual member. We will buy for the grandparents and our children and each other. In-laws had a big fit over this taking it very personal blaming me for it. My husband's sister and brother were on board with this idea, but because my husband was the one who told them...it was my fault. For me, the whole idea of birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving...is spending quality time together, enjoying each others company and having a nice dinner together.

Yes, I agree that using religious beliefs as a way to get out of something, especially when you are doing the opposite with other family members...it is very inconsiderate and selfish.

Getting a gift or a card does not mean as much to me as being acknowledged sincerely. Getting acknowledged sincerely anytime of the year holds a lot of impact to me instead of doing it because we are expected to according to the day on the calendar.

Some years back, my daughter decided she was going to get all her cousins a small gift...a birthstone necklace,etc. When my father in law got wind of it, he told all his other grandkids to be prepared for this by having a gift for our daughter in return. Well guess what...it ruined the thought behind my daughters giving to them. She was not looking for something in return. This was something that came from our daughters heart to do. Once again,. my in-laws interfered ruining a heart felt moment for another person.
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Sharyn glad your son contacted you. I know it means the world to you. I am not one to stay in bed - never have been. I usually wake up about 5 and come downstairs to get a coffee, empty the dishwasher, and sometimes even cook a bit, then go back to bed for a bit, but rarely sleep past 8. This morning after breakfast I puttered around doing a few things, made up my to do list, spent some time on the computer, had a bath and got dressed, tidied a bit in the bedroom, and now I am exhausted and aching a little. I don't have a lot of FM pain these days, but still have the fatigue and have to sleep in the daytime most days. I find I have to rest when I feel that way and will pick up again about suppertime, so I often do shopping and errands then. If I have an appointment I push myself, but don't like to do that too often, as I pay for it later. One day they will figure out what FM is all about Someone I went to for treatment years ago thought I was depressed. At that time, many thought FM was "in your head". I said "NO". I have plans for doing things even before I get out of bed. I don't want to stay in bed, but at that time, by the time I was 1/2 dressed I was sweating and so exhausted I had to lie down again. That was not in my head!!! I lost the ability to read books too - couldn't concentrate well enough. Thankfully that has come back. Mother still has pretty good cognition. I will communicate with her by snail mail. Maybe she will get distracted by something else in the meanwhile.

Christmas shopping - what's that? I will do email transfers from my bank. Makes life much easier for me.

margeaux - I don't like an emphasis on gifts either. It makes the season too commercial. I told my son and dil just come over and bring some of the food - no gifts. I need less things not more. My daughter will give me a small cash gift probably, which fits in their budget. My other son and g/f don't give gifts but will remember me. That is fine. G and I don't exchange much. We do things like giving each other the tickets to the dinner theatre. For me, time together is the most precious thing. I send money to my kids as they can usually use it, and my daughter said the g'kids are happy with money too.
ju - keeping the prayers going your way. I am sure there is a solution. You and your mum need a better environment. So glad the telecom went well.
naptime - ((((((((hugs everyone))))))) and have a good day.
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Sharynmarie,

This whole aspect of gift giving is wrong on it's very face. But why expect this to be any different if all they've ever shown is basic dis-respect. Even, in your son's case, even if they don't acknowledge holidays w/in their religious belief system,
IMHO, I think at the bottom of all of this is many people who are just very inconsiderate to begin with, how convenient for them....they don't celebrate holidays. I can understand that you get hurt, but if you look at it too, that you don't expect it from them.....maybe it won't hurt as much! I still am not saying it is proper, just or right! I completely agree with Emjo, too that maybe it's time your son start connecting the dots. I speak from the aspect that I've cut down with gift giving totally, because I feel like I'm crazy trying to buy people's attentions, or affections through a gift. Anyway, my point is one could look at it from a variety of angles.

Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
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So it is your Bday Sharyn? did I miss that? Happy Bday to you! happy bday to you, happy B.....dddaaay dear Shaaaarrrryyyynnnn....Happy Bday to you!

Well our telecon this morning with new Cont. went smashingly! We spent nearly an hour on the phone and again we discussed everything logically and were able to work together to find solutions, without any issues, grief, or absolutely ridiculous statements being made!!! Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
Thanks all!
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Juju~Let it all out...that is what we are here for and you have reason to. You are amazing to me with all you are living with each day.Dr.'s can be a real pain sometimes because they don't listen well to us. My dr. blows things off a lot. I asked him once if I should get tested for low vitamin D since my mom, brother and sister all are low on vitamin D. I was curious to know if it was possibly a family thing...all he said was lack of sun light and we will deal with it another time. My mom spent a certain amount of time outside in the garden daily during the warm weather.

Joan~I have a hard time getting going each day during this time of year. I know it is not as cold here as where you are, but weather does affect how I feel. I will wake up, but lay in bed with warm covers pulled up under my chin for about an hour before I take myself into getting up, LOL!! With the fibro pain, it must be very hard and baby steps are good. At least with my mom, I can tell her loving lies to stall her for awhile before she asks again. I have not started any Christmas shopping yet, shame on me!!!

I have eat crow this morning after all my complaining last night about my son. He left a message on my facebook profile this morning. While he did not say Happy Birthday to me (that is fine for me), he did acknowledge me. My hubby has different expectations as his family are very strict in following traditions and customs.
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ju - ((((((hugs))))))) vent away. You are in an impossible situation. Prayers for the right solution and that it is FAST!

margeaux - St John's Wort is used by many successfully. Unfortunately I am allergic to it. Sudden menopause must have been difficult especially following your father's death

book I had an excellent dentist once who was always late. One time I waited a very long time and was leaving when, finally, he was ready for me. I told them that my time was important too, and I had another appointment I had to keep and left. He was never late for me again.

Sharyn - these are difficult calls. You say your son was bad at this before he met his wife, so while she may be a contributing factor, she and her beliefs are not the only factor. Hope you can work out something you and your hubby are comfortable with. I tend to lower my expectations at times like this, but it doesn't mean there isn't any hurt.

Another phone call from mother which I let go to voice mail again. This time it made more sense, but that doesn't take much change. She asked me to tell my sister to not come back as she just causes difficulties and traveling is dangerous for sis (food allergies - not really dangerous). Another example of triangulation and I have no intention of giving my sis any messages from mother. I knew this would come back and bite sis in the butt. Sis and mother use one another. Mother also asked if I would let her know if she can move to the new ALF as they have a room ready for her mid January. She said that I should be able to at least do that. I have not had an answer from the new ALF regarding the lack of a nurse on that floor. I may put in a call to the main office over this whole group of ALFs and find out if any of them have a nurse available to renters in independent living and if any of them have a room available in mid January. Mother's tone was slightly better, but I know she will revert to her old abusive ways when it suits her. I need more facts before I answer her, as she will not accept the answer that her paranoia will follow her where ever she goes, though I will tell her that as well and that she will be better off if she takes her meds.
Have a pile of things and shopping to do and errands to run. The fibro really doesn't help. I am so low energy, but gotta push through. It is sheer will power sometimes and I know it is better for me to get moving again. I did about 5 mins. on the exercycle last night. That is not much, but better than nothing. Baby steps...

Have a good day everyone.
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I mean everything is a darn challenge, now it's shower time in 40 deg home, well once I get the warm water on me it will be all good, then run back to the bedroom to get dressed! but mom this afternoon when my helper is here, is a little more challenging I worry about her getting a chill, but least mite be a little warmer then.....K I will shut up!
Thanks for letting me vent!
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Ok that was an easy one...but continued, I am breaking point. I am not doing it all, a lot of what really is important to us besides this house is at a complete standstill...I am overloaded...I am lucky to keep us feed, diapered, and bathed at this point and a mountain of the other "to do's" on my back, unable to wrap my mind around, making me more distressed.
Anyway trying to move forward and do the best I can. Thank you all for your support!
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Thanks M. I cant do it all, that is the problem, I am at my limits here! Well HVAC vendor is due in 10 mins and I am in jammies still...so gotta go!
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Juju,

Wow, you do a lot! Being in the situation with your home for sometime, must be more then stressful. Then having to deal with contractors, bids, etc....how do you do it? You are one strong woman!
I am very happy to hear that you are signed on with the insurance.
I too.....for the first time was able to be signed onto my husband's insurance.

This is good that you take the vitamin supplements. I really feel as if Vit. B's are very important when it comes to keeping the spirits up. So are the others that you are taking. I also have a vitamin regimen. I can't really speak to anti-depressants, as I've never had that experience. I'm of small stature, and I'd be very skeptical of taking these for myself, because I'm too sensitive when it comes to pharmaceuticals. I did try St. John's Wort, a long time ago when I lost my dad, and then I was thrust into Menopause. Definitely, for me this and some Pro-jam product helped me tremendously. But even if I feel this way, this is a very personal choice for everyone. I would never, ever say my way is the only way!

Thank you so much for the prayers for my sister's boyfriend. I really appreciate this.

Hugs,
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
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Book re the tardy therapist: that is important that your are comfortable with her...maybe try to tell her your time is important too and could she be more prompt maybe...sorry I was on a DR loathing bender yesterday. I was reminded of all the trouble we have been thru with our Healthcare workers here and let my frustration in...but what I meant was she didn't care much about her job, not meant it personally!
Sharyn, Sharyn, you tree sounds pretty! I will just get us a little table top tree like you are for your mom. How is she adjusting to her new room?
Re son and DIL However bad you want them to acknowledge you two. I think IMHO it just might not happen and put it in the "accept things I cannot change" box. I am so sorry they are that way toward you That would feel hurtful, I can understand that. And I agree religion is no excuse for bad behavior.

I am up in the wee hours of the morning, head spinning again, I realize why this house thing is all consuming...it is because I am sleeping in a recliner for 3 months 10 ft from mom snoring by night, some nights I wake up smothered, both the 85lb and the JRT dogs in my lap....spend most of the day in here and I love her to death but she growls all day too..all day and night she fidgets on her special mattress that squeaks something awful especially at night when all is calm. daytime I drown things out with her tv (somewhat anyway) I am going stir crazy I just want to get this work done at this point...arggghhh

as I said like this new guy but it is a week to work out his quote to see if we are in ballpark and on the same page and couple more to get new check issued. I was ready to have the work start this week. I could go back again and try to work out with current guy but I am so frustrated with him at this point, pulling that bid change stunt.
So anyway I guess that explains why I am just obsessing on getting this work done and can hardly think/deal with anything else...I am tired of being cold, our sleeping arrangments and cooking in the living room with the micro, toaster oven, and crock pot doing dishes in the tub and living in one darn bedroom of the house most of the time and with most of my stuff in storage! I just had to shout that out this morning!
We need our home back and I need a quiet place to just lay down all by myself in a real bed.

So I wake up so darn early, sleep was not my friend this weekend, and am anxiously awaiting the few hours till it is business time so I can call the new guy work out a couple things for the bid we need to discuss.

Well that's enough of me for me this morning so sure enough for you all!
I hope everyone has a nice week and smooth sailing preparing for the holiday next week...mentally as well as the crazy hustle n bustle of festivities!
Peace,
Juju
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Jinx and Book-that minister is a fanatic not a true Christian, Imo. Just an angry person looking to make a name for himself.
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Book- our son did actually call us on Thanksgiving this year. The first time since he moved down south. I am sure it was because he was together with her family so that reminded him of us.as far as day's go...hubby gets very angry, it hurts me too but I am willing to overlook it more than hubby. The idea of giving them less from us isn't going to change it either. Hubbys family will give less so that is where hubby gets that from. I will pray for wisdom on this...I don't want to jeopardize what relationship we have.:

I understand you being comfortable with your therapist. It is not always easy to find someone we are comfortable with. There are some people who can not be on time for anything. Liam like you, I am early except on my days off work I hate rushing and if I am meeting sis, I am always 10 minutes late. It is funny because in years past, sis was never on time.
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Sharyn, I think they’re being hypocrites. They actually get together on TG and Xmas and Claim it as Family day? You all know that I have a bit of a problem with God. But when I was actively gungho into my religion, they too did not celebrate holidays. BUT, in all the times I was very very active, I was invited to so many home dinners. Yes, they took advantage of the turkey sales. BUT, we had our turkey dinner on a day that was NOT Thanksgiving. There is no diluting of our religious beliefs to that of the holidays – that I knew of back then. Family day, huh? You and hubby are family. As for xmas cards, etc….When I was still a Catholic, I was gungho into buying all these cards for all the holidays. I would buy it and mail it to all my siblings. Then when I changed my religion, I started to look for cards without any religious connotations. So, I ended up buying the humorous cards or the blank cards with no wording inside. It was such a challenge to write notes on those blank cards. But, I still sent cards to my siblings even though I no longer celebrated the holidays.

Your son has a cell phone right? I have two – one a dinosaur (flip open, no camera, no sims card) and one a blackberry. (I can hear better with the flip phone and so refuse to give it up.) I have set up Both cell phones to have an alarm. Your son can easily do this on his cellphone and/or email. When I was still a Catholic, I set up my calculator/planner to send me a reminder a week before all my family’s bday- All my siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews. Then, for the month of January, I would alert the adults of all those whose bdays in January, etc…

Jinx - I agree with you about those Westborough "Baptist" Church. Just as I strongly disagree about those "religion" who allows multiple wives and yet they build a wall around their town. When the females try to flee, they get caught and brought back in. Freedom of religion? What about these women's freedom? The ones who tried to flee? All in the name of religion.

I like my therapist. I am very very introverted. I feel sooo comfortable with her, that I was able to reveal my deepest darkest secret that NO ONE knows about. That is how comfortable I am with her. Unfortunately, her 100% habitual lateness really really irritates me. I'm one of those people who arrives early for any events.
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Jinx--our son was never very good about acknowledging us even before he met his wife. I would give him reminders because he would forget. I have talked about with several times. I emailed him a list of families bdays. Now that he has converted to JW his only example of of this religion is his wife. I don't care if he doesnt acknowledge me on my bday it would just be thoughtful to send a thinking of you card a couple times a year.they are more involved with her famiily, her parents are living with them. Dil is a nice person, she was raised a JW so it is not a custom she follows. I don't know maybe I am expecting too much and should just accept it and not rock the boat ruining what little relationship we have. Thanks for listening.
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Shaynmarie, I get so angry with "religious" people who use their religion as an excuse to act badly. That totally bogus spawn of Satan Westborough "Baptist" Church that pickets veterans' funerals with nasty anti-gay signs makes me sick.

I may be an atheist, but even I know that God is love.

(Tiny suggestion) Have you ever discussed this - wanting to get cards - with your son and daughter-in-law? I almost never send cards of any type to anyone, but if someone told me it was important to them, I would make the effort. It's probably true that DIL doesn't love you as much as she loves her parents, but she might respond to a request that wasn't an accusation.

I'm probably wrong. She's probably just a cold selfish bitch.
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glad - not in a grocery store. Don't think it would be legal. You can buy elk, bison etc. in a specialty meat shop here too. All the meat (the usual beef, pork, chicken etc.) we get here is trucked up from the south, Even further north you would not buy moose in a store, Whoever wants it, hunts for it, There is a limit as to how many a person can shoot - licenses, seasons and so on. Gary got a pronghorn once, Can't say I enjoyed it much - too wild. I think he still has the skull and horns somewhere. I know - EEEEEWWWW! ;-)
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EMJO-
all I can say is EEEWWW!
can you buy moose in the grocery store there? I'm guessing but we can probably get it from a specialty meat shop only.
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((((((((((hugs)))) Sharyn - it is hard. I think it is important to guard your heart, and not do anything that you feel uncomfortable about. You decide what you are comfortable with, and how close you want to get. Just because they want it does not automatically mean you have to give it, if you are uncomfortable. I tend to stay on the edge of groups and form a few close friends in time, if it works out. Gotta be true to you! My 2 cents anyway.
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glad - hahahaha - great hunt. I helped butcher the last ones G got. Would have grossed you out. I had moose blood on the ceiling. The first and last one my babes (youngest son) got with a friend was good sized. They quartered it and hung it from the ceiling of the garage with hooks and ropes. Then they covered the garage window with a blue tarp. It looked like a scene from Predator. Some neighbourhood kids came to look and were impressed/scared. lol Gordie put the head in the freezer so every time I went to get something from the freezer I had to look this moose in the eyes.
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I am struggling with how close do I let co workers get? I worker with a teat group of people we all have our short comings and differences. I am seeing where people are breaking down my defendes and it scares the hell out of me.I don't wantto get hurt like
I have in the past. I usually keep people at arms length., but this group is much more personal and wants that from me. How can I reach out while protecting Mt heat? Sounds silly but this is hard forms.
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EMJO-
Just had to let you know I just finished watching an Alaska show and they are hunting moose for winter meat! A big one 600-700 pounds of meat?! ;)

EEWWW!
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ooops - remembering these things. G remembers his kids b'days. I sent flowers to his mum and dad on special days. It was the same with my ex. I encouraged him to spend time with his mum as he hadn't for some time. His new wife is the other way and there are hard feelings. I still send flowers to my ex mil. It is a shame -what have you ever done to them except be supportive? You have said in the past you loaned money. I wouldn't any more. Sometimes the ones you do the most for appreciate you the least. (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
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It isn't right to leave you and your hub out.I think usually a woman takes over remember
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Joan-this nextvyear I will acknowledge thief bidtdays anniversarties 2 weeks late with a thinking of you card. Jam sure they acknowledge dil's patents anniversarh. All I am asking is they acknowledge us with thinking of you cards throughout the her. My son forgets and his wife will not help him to remember. I help my hubby remember fang birthdays, etc. J may not see eyetooth eye with hubbys family but I encourage him to ackknowledge them spend time with them. Oh well it is like flushing water down a clogged drain.







F
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