
Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Oh.....that's good, that the director and all of you are all right telling one another about your mom's mental condition. It's confusing at times what could be legal/best interests all of that. In any case it is good that they know this information,
Oh....I can hear it in your post, Emjo what a day you have had. So sorry you had to go through that, the re-visiting part. Well, enjoy your dinner, and that fieplace sounds wonderful. I wish I had one. We'll just have to make do with our wall heater! HAAH!
Hugs,
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
Anyway thanks for the vent!!!
Luv you guys!
Juju
ju - I hope you can have a good cry. It helps. I know your situation looks impossible. So glad you treated yourself to a haircut. Lordy, what your hairdresser has been through!!! hang in there. Praying for wisdom for you and a solution, (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))
When I was there, I unloaded something I have been carrying for years and felt it was time. It was something mother said to me when I was 17, which was so perverted I had never told anyone. Felt good to share it, though it was a bit gut wrenching. After, I managed to shelve everything and G and I had a nice evening.
This morning reality descended upon me again. I just did not want to come back to it and start dealing with the mental illnesses again, I am so tired of having this affect my life so much. It was like stepping out onto lush grass for a while, relaxing, enjoying, and then back onto crushed glass. I had a meltdown, my guts erupted, my chest congested, I started having spams of coughing which is a difficult combination with shaky guts. My ex called when I was in the middle of coping with this, and he talked me through a lot of it, and I am very thankful. He helped a lot. I took some meds and things are settling down.
I realise that while I have completely accepted my mother as she is, I have yet to do that for my sister. I know in my head that she is mentally ill too, but somehow it has not reached my heart. I need to accept it totally, which means accepting that the closest remaining members of my family of origin are mentally ill. I find myself not wanting to accept it, yet, I know I have to and grieve the loss of never having or having had a safe place in my family. I do have less than a handful of good memories of my sis, but they remain intact.
You would think that would be easy to accept with all the evidence around, but it isn't. “Hope springs eternal in the human breast; “ Alexander Pope.
However, in order to survive this and whatever the future holds as best as possible, I must. So that is my current task, as well, as finishing research on the other ALF in prep for writing my sis and the others.
Today I am planning roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for G, with candles and a fire in the fireplace and maybe a sherry before supper. Hoping to salvage part of the day.
The show must go on... love the 3 dog night version of that song, Think I will listen to it.
Baby, although I chose this lonely life
It seems it's strangling me now
All the wild men (insert women here), big cigars, gigantic cars
They're all laughing at me now
Oh, I've been used, ooh, used
I've been a fool, oh, what a fool...
I think I might actually be able to cry today! I need a good one!
Please pray for us to come up with a solution soon, I cant take this anymore!
Thanks emjo. I swear my head is so full of all this drama and all I need to do to ensure I am not homeless soon! I don't know how I can even make room for trying to build my social support system, I am such a drain in such a desperate situation and all alone! crap!!!!
Well I did manage to get a haircut yesterday to tame my shaggy mane....that was a nice moment. To relax and have someone pamper me for a bit, the blowdry felt so good! all the warm air! It was about a year and half since I had a cut! I left it long but just had her layer and shape it up a bit! The gal who cuts my hair is such a sweet lady and has had her share of heartaches this past year or two, she lost her daughter and within a year lost her husband. and a grandchild that went to prison. Due to an family squabble that resulted in assault/attempted murder charge! That poor woman has been thru a lot as well.
Well guess I gotta come up with a plan here before we freeze to death...
Take care you all and thanks for being here!
Peace,
Juju
Proud as Punch of mother, though - gosh she stood up well. She wins a small glass of wine as a nightcap (brain damage? What brain damage..?).
Tomorrow I have to explain all this to my sister. Fun. I wonder how much of it will be my fault?
Sharyn - my heart dropped when I read about your sil's daughter. I don't know how she will be able to deal with it all, and also how it will impact your bro, but I know they are in for a very hard time. They are in my prayers. Let us know how the visit to the neurologist went. I gather you are more assured that your husbands sleepiness is a normal part of his recovery. You absolutely cannot help anyone out financially or really any way except prayer. I am so sorry about your son's accident, but glad he wasn't hurt. He and his wife will have to figure their way through it. Gary hit a deer yesterday, with the company truck and a fair amount of damage was done. Thankfully they have to mend it and give him a substitute till it is ready.. I am just glad he was not hurt.
glad - there must be some normal families out there. ;p I think I have met one or two and there are a few on AC whose family members are supportive.
Hi josh - you have chosen a very challenging field. Glad our tales of woe are helpful. I expect you will meet some dysfunctional families in your career. We welcome you input.
ju - hope things are warming up for you, Don't worry about being supportive to others - you have a lot to deal with - just keep coming back
cm - trucking along, I see, writing some great posts. You are a caring soul. Hope mum is well.
Margeaux~Thank you, prayers, positive thoughts offered up to our higher power is appreciated.
We do not know the details of just how bad the cancer is, what the next step will be and how soon. The daughter went in for a procedure of hemorrhoids and this is what the dr. discovered. My brother said his step daughter's husband told them the dr. said it is bad, but not that bad...whatever that means??
Yes Margeaux and Juju, it has been very cold for us lately and using an ice pack is hard, LOL!!...but it is working wonders for me. I wish it was on my leg but it is not...I am putting it on my left hip..basically sitting on it, LOL!!
Today being a day of bad news also brought the news that my son...he is ok, Thank God!!...he got in an accident on his way to work. Most likely his little is car is totaled. The other driver, my son hit...started screaming of back spasms, pre-existing back problems. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to help them with all the medical bills coming in now from hubby's stay in the hospital. The insurance paid most of it but we still have to pay our share. The other driver may go for blood but she will have to get it from the insurance company since my son and dil don't own anything and are in debt. Hopefully the insurance won't cancel them after this.
Take care everyone!! Each day is precious.
"I will always be your sister, open card, so you will have to wish for something else when blowing out the candles. Did not buy it, too close to home.!
sorry to hear about this? How old is the girl?
I am so sorry about this news regarding your SIL's daughter.
This is what dad had in his later years.
Request definitely granted!
I understand what you must go through with your husband also, depending on how he's willing to communicate about changes he may be feeling, or just ignoring them it can be frustrating.
O.K., keep icing the leg, hope you feel better.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I haven't been nasty with him, but I admit there are times I have just rolled my eyes thinking how much sleep does he need. The more I am reading about it, and what everyone here is saying, it makes sense. He goes to the neurologist tomorrow. I will write it down for him to give to the dr. as I have to be at by 4pm. I do feel relieved after reading on the net and what you all are saying.
I hate to always bring bad news but............my brother and sil just found out this morning that sil's daughter now has colon cancer.My sil just fell apart, how much can they take with family getting cancer at such young ages. I am at a loss of words to comfort my brother and sil. Prayers would be appreciated!
I have heard that stroke patients take awhile to either come back to their normal level of functioning. I've a friend who visited his mom, who lives out of state.
She'd had a stroke over a year ago. On the first visit about 5 mos. after, he clais he noticed his mother being somewhat w/brain fog. This last visit which is almost a 1.5 time line after the stroke, he said his mom had recovered considerably to see her regaining faculties he thought she'd lost.
Your husband is working, isn't he a full time job? I think that is amazing in and of itself. So possibly his body is just needing more down time to recuperate.
Be patient with him, try not to take a "confront," attitude with him. Sure you can express concern if you feel you should, but may get more cooperation out of him if you do this gently. Definitely, if you notice more lethargy, maybe he should see his doctor.
Your're both in my thoughts,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
This is a good idea you sending your sister and other family members the information about the levels of care your mom may be eligible for. Oh do I understand, this approach, especially given the kind of dysfunction we have going on namely with our sisters. I have done this over and over again regarding care for mom, about her eating plan. I figure that if they have it in black and white in front of them.....hopefully they'll read it. Well also at least for this moment,
it takes you out of the equation as in you telling her yourself.
I've resorted to using this kind of method. I know I've told you about my stubborn neighbor. Sometimes she'll get on the opposite side of any issue, I believe just to argue. Usually she does this with little information, at all! So I tell her, "Google itl.." HAAH!
It sounds as if the director of the ALF, is sensible. They probably can't become too involved if they sense there is discord in a family, then if they hear your mom has BPD, and is narcissistic maybe they don't want to get emotionally involved in some of that with any one patient. Certainly, I'm sure they want to know that a certain patient has certain issues and tendencies as it relates to their stay in the facility, but more than that it could be a privacy issue between family members?
I'm not exactly sure, but it did come to mind.
How great that G, offered to take you on a cruise.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Brrrrrrh! You are one brave woman, icing your leg!
Yes, we're really feeling this cold snap, aren't we?
I've never lived in cold weather parts of the country, so I'm layered down over here.
I'm glad that you didn't have to resort to the cortisone shot, too.
You're in my thoughts,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Just saying hi!
Sharyn, gosh yes I cant imagine ice packs in this cold weather! Hope your feeling better. I agree with the others gently talk with husband and do get a follow up with his doctor, gather a list of your questions and concerns as you think of them. I don't know much about strokes but as few have posted sounds like it is part of the process.
FamDram....I want a role on that sitcom!!!
Well stay warm, strong. and lovely as you all are!
Peace,
Juju
Surprised, just my cynicism coming out this morning. Surprised because are there really any families that can work together?
When we first put in an application for respite care at the only place I've seen so far that I'm happy with, we were eighth on the waiting list. Three months later, we're now second in line. Which I'd be glad about if it weren't for wondering what's happened to the others...
You're right to be concerned, but I can tell you that my mother had two minor strokes in February, took AGES to get going again - she was sleeping up to 20 hours a day - and frightened the life out of me; but then did pick up again, gradually gradually. Gentle encouragement + seize the moment whenever he does want to do anything, would be my rule of thumb. And of course speak to his doctors if you continue to worry.
According to another site, it may be able to be treated in various ways.
J Vasc Interv Neurol. 2008 April; 1(2): 63–64.
Post-stroke fatigue can be organic, psychological, emotional, or a combination of these. A precise diagnosis will aid in treatment planning for effective return to normal levels of activity. Depending on the cause of fatigue, a post-stroke patient may benefit from physical therapy, occupational therapy, anti-depressants, counseling, and careful attention to basic needs. However, patients and care-givers should be patient and recognize that a stroke victims may never fully recover their abilities and dealing with fatigue may be a long-term issue.
I know your husband had a mild stroke, but at least some of the above could apply. I think it would be good to have a follow up visit with the doc that treated him and see if they can figure out what is causing this and offer some treatment.
I wouldn't think that a confrontation of "What's going on? Why are yiou sleeping a lot?" would help. You don't want to get his BP up - lol - but maybe a sit down discussion and tell him you are concerned about him as since the stroke he has been sleeping more than usual, and that you would like him to check with the doc to see what is happening and if they can so anything about it.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) these things are worrying