notrydoyoda Posted January 2012
The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?
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cm - strangely, I find that sodas help - not sugary and preferably sweetened with stevia. I may try straight fizzy water, but not right down.
Yes G is being a sweetie, but, remember, it hasn't happened yet. He may also be motivated to stop me from going on my own. I don't think he is comfortable with me going too far on my own and I haven’t much so far. When I point out I really need something, he usually responds positively. :) He has a good sense of fairness. My nephew (sis’s estranged son) has invited me over several times. They are in Norfolk. I like spring in the UK so I am looking at May – hopefully 2014.
I am with you on the furniture. I have the family old carved dark oak and when I am done with it I don’t think anyone wants it –maybe one of the grandkids or G’s kids/g’kids
Sharyn – no reindeer, though caribou is about the best meat I have ever tasted –sort of like wild veal. Sunny anywhere would suit me.
On the famdram front, I have accepted that if the ALF does not get mother assessed incompetent in time and sis moves mother, we just have to start all over again. If the ALF does get mother assessed incompetent, you can be sure I am in for some trouble, as the paranoia will be overboard. Even in a new place that will probably happen fairly soon. I would hate to see a move bring about a quicker decline in mother’s memory/mental abilities and an increase in paranoia, but the up side is that sis may back off then – not great alternatives.
Joan~A cruise in sunny Mexico sounds wonderful!!
I think there is a Mrs. Moose somewhere, wondering if Mr. Moose has wandered off again and doesn't know how or if to tell the baby mooses.
(Whisper) - is G doing this just to please you??? I am SO impressed. See if you can find a boat that offers clay pigeon shooting or fishing or something to reciprocate?
I agree with you about how difficult it is to find good homes for things. Actually it makes me quite cross, especially with furniture. You can't give decent furniture away at auctions etc., and meanwhile people are off to Ikea to spend twice as much on purest tat. I see a beautiful inlaid bureau being knocked down for pennies and I just want to weep - but, nowhere to put it. Oh, world..!
maybe you should slow down on the moose soup. :-O.
margeaux and cm - I think you both have mentioned ginger and/or mint as something settling to the stomach. I started drinking ginger tea with ginger grated into it, and also, believe it or not, a chocolate mint tea which I really like and my stomach etc is feeling better. I actually ate two decent meals with G yesterday and no ill effects so far. I have been living off soups for a while due to both the implants and digestive issues and when I am on my own I am less motivated to cook a meal, though I am careful to have decent nutrition. You are what you eat!
Sharyn, I had a cortisone shot in my right shoulder once. I didn't find it that bad, but I have heard from others who had shots in the hip/knee areas it was bad. But, it will do the trick I think.
glad - hope it is warming up for you. Bad wind chill here again. Even if the house temp looks good on the thermostat, it still feels cold. so I jacked it up again, we put on a fire and I wrapped myself in a shawl all day.
thinking of all of you - hope all is well - check in with us ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
I hadn't pictured G as a cruise type - cool! Any location preferences expressed yet? Can you smuggle Toonie in as Acting Ship's Cat?
I tell myself and sincerely acknowledge that astrology is bunk. So could somebody please tell me what it is with Aquarian males and their sense of humour? All my life it's been a cross to bear…
Margeaux, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply I thought we'd got off topic before! I was distracted by why I couldn't just sort out my problem in the normal way - i.e. simple communication - without having to worry about people's agendas, and not concentrating properly on how I put it. Apologies.
Keep warm, stay cool everyone xxx
book, margeaux and Sharyn - I know some people who have to have it done to them to get it. For example, I had to do that to my oldest son once when he was a kid. For others that doesn't work. We are all different.
cm - some one here, a while ago, had a great suggestion about itemizing stuff and, I think, sending a list around for people to put their names against items - or something like that - sorry to be so vague, and, no, I haven't been in the sherry. Anyway itemizing seems sensible, if it is worth it. Is your mum ready to let this stuff go??? Maybe send a generic email and ask who wants anything and what type of thing. Makes you wonder about the sapphire ring. Strange things happen when people die. Some get quite greedy about stuff. I have seen it more than once.
In my case, the problem is that nobody wants anything or not much. I have ended up sending the family silver to England. It is well travelled. Some came over from Norway in the early 1900s; The tea service was from Scotland. I got most of it by default my sis didn't want it, my kids don't want it, my sis's son and wife wanted it. So, I have been sending parcels overseas. Makes me sad, my Gordie would have valued and wanted some...
I am just sooo excited. I told G that if he wanted to stay and haul hay and horses, I understood, and that was fine with me, but that I was getting isolated and needed to and intended to go somewhere warm and where I get a break from the mamadrama, and socialize. He agreed. Then I modelled some of my "cruise wear" lol A few hours later he said he thought he would like to go on a cruise and started researching deals on line. Woo Hoo! Keep your fingers crossed. Of course, I would much rather go with him!!! I think - I hope - I think - I hope...
Trickle charger is installed, battery is charged, I might venture out tomorrow, Today was just too cold. Faucet in kitchen sink adjusted - it has been swinging around like a drunken Irishman in a high wind... I cooked a couple of hearty meals as the man did good,
Toonie is so sweet. G and I were sitting on the sofa together and Toonie lay on the back of the sofa with one paw reaching out touching Gary. He misses G when he is away. Then he reached over to touch me., then back to G. Cats have lots of feelings.
Time to pack it in for the night soon. hugs to all
Blessings and bugs to you!
Sharyn
Sometimes people bring up different topics, but rest assured they all have to do with dysfunction. This is the reason I like this thread, I think we are pretty flexible here.
Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
HAAH! I like this what you've written "divorce not being an option"
Yes, this wouldn't take me to divorce court either.
No he doesn't understand because if he did he would not do this.
At least this is my take on it. I'm aware that men do think very differently compared to women. You hear this quite often.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
In my case, this wouldn't work for me, "doing exactly what he's done to me."
My husband has too much fire, I'm air. So in my case, not a good idea. I think it depends on what it is they are doing to you and specific personality types. Some minor things, o.k., but this could turn for me into WWIII. Sometimes, my husband argues a point, just for argument's sake.
A long time ago.......I got into a competitive argument with him. He ended up saying that we were having a "pi**" contest. So I don't want to go there, because I have other ways of getting around some of this. It may take longer but. I try my best at times to overlook some things, but I realize I do have to have my boundaries very in place when it comes to my communication with the husband.
This I guess is my dysfunction with him.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
It's anybody's guess who is actually going to respond to the question even if you ask it of other married people, here. But I just felt it be nice to be included in the question since it is my issue.
I try to resolve this kind of problem in my marriage, by not inflaming an issue.
My husband's behavior here is immature, I prefer to take another approach to the situation. One doesn't have to be in a marriage, either to be confronted with a person imposing their will on us, without consulting us for our opinions.
Thank you for the well wishes, and have a great weekend also.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Now, as a rule I keep my beaky nose out of my mother's private things, especially her jewellery; but obviously she couldn't get the boxes down from the cupboard herself so no option. Stone me! - there are cases and boxes and vanity cases and goodness knows what else - but we get it all down, I lug it and her back to her armchair, set her up so she can reach everything and leave her to enjoy looking over some old memories while I dispose of the long-expired horde of codeine, spironolactone and tramadol that I unearthed during the search…
Anyway. One hour later… She can't remember where anything came from, who gave it to her or what's important. She's got nowhere.
There was a little box with "To my Valentine, 1984" in my father's handwriting on it and a foil rose brooch inside (who knew he was such an old softie, eh?). There were my father's campaign medals. There were my grandfather's WW1 campaign medals. There was my grandmother's wedding ring. Ringing any bells? "Oh yes I know what THOSE are, don't be silly…" Anyway, so that was all a bit depressing.
Because I was thinking, earlier, that one of the smartest moves my aunt ever made was to give away her bequests before she died (she's still with us) - she was a bit sceptical about her letter of wishes being followed all that carefully, and thought she'd do a better distribution job than any executor could. Even better, she was still around to enjoy our gratitude. But it looks like I've missed the boat persuading my mother to follow her example.
The other thing that is still bugging me 20 years after the event - yes I know it shouldn't but it does - is my sister-in-law's puzzling possession of my late grandmother's sapphire eternity ring. It is a substantial piece of kit. I mean, we were all of us given keepsakes, this isn't that kind of beef - but who decided what went where? I'm pretty sure it wasn't my grandmother.
So I'm just looking ahead, and thinking that my family is composed entirely of people who can start a fight in an empty room, and wondering how I can get this in hand ahead of time so that nobody has any excuse for bitching, arguing, feeling hard done by or making snide remarks. Nothing's very valuable, no risk of troubling the tax authorities I shouldn't have thought, but when did that ever stop two dogs with a bone? Any ideas, please?
Margeaux, I get how offended you feel by your husband posting those pictures. To you this is a betrayal. He should know how you feel, and not expose you to the public gaze like that.
As a married woman, I have to ask, are you sure he understands how you feel? He is probably the kind of person who would think it was funny to show unflattering pictures of himself. That's a problem I have over and over again in my marriage. I want my husband to say "thank you" every single time I do something. He thinks it's dumb to say thank you for minor things. I keep telling him how I feel, and he explains to me why I'm wrong!
Your situation is much more upsetting than my example. I guess my point is that in some ways husbands are like our AD loved ones. Logic and reason don't always work. Best wishes. I don't consider divorce, because I'm pretty sure my next husband wouldn't be any easier to live with than this one.
Thanks for asking about the sciatica. Not much better, so I will make an appt. for Monday to get an injection of cortisone. I am not looking for forward to that as the injection is very painful, but I can't stay off work any longer without pay.
Sis had mom sign Christmas cards for family and friends today while I wrote out the names and relationship to mom, placing them on all the pictures we hung.
Sis was so much better today, we could have a normal conversation!! She said she is eating peanut butter stuffed into a celery stick in the morning for the last couple days but she does not feel better. I told her to keep it up, because you are much more coherent today than last week. Sis can't get medicare until she is 61, which she will be in 2 weeks, but she still has to wait until September to apply. Her insurance will run out at the end of the month.
Margeaux~I do understand what you are saying regarding pics of adults that we do want to be public. We have the right to say no to photos being posted of us. I guess I tend to side more with children's rights because they have no voice when their parents are doing it. Humiliation can happen to all of us and it is not a fun place to be in when others are getting a good laugh at our expense. Stand your ground on it, it is a valid argument. Hugs to you!!
A big hello and shout out to Cmag, Glad, Sad1, Countrymouse, Book, Brandy, and a big warm welcome to Kitat6, PST, and MsCello. Please come back and share more when you are ready...Jinx..where are you??
Hugs to everyone!!!
Sharyn
You can ask me this question, I'm in the room.
Why would I want to do exactly the behavior I'm criticizing?
I'm not just talking here about the actual, putting the picture on FB, but the repercussions of doing it. In my marriage, I consider this a violation of trust that between husband and wife, one partner is not checking it out first, like asking permission. By doing it this way...my case......my husband takes into consideration my feelings about sharing something so personal. It would have been a different color say, if it had been a portrait of my face. Still wouldn't like the fact the assumption that I want to be posted in public though, regardless.
One transgression doesn't merit another. The image caught through the lense of a camera is one thing. However, the image caught through one's behavior is the one I choose to focus on.
So, "No," this is not a good idea.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I get it that anyone, can be humiliated as a result of other's poor judgment of posting pictures of their children, but I really think this can apply to other sorts of situations also. Think about young teens who many times think nothing of taking quite provocative photos of themselves concerning sex. In many instances here.... possibly later on, these kinds of pictures can be used in the wrong way,
and again the dissemination of such can be catastrophic. I'm getting to the point that on account of all this risk of the "sharing", thus....it being available to ore sharing. Once it get's out there if it falls into the wrong hands, or for the wrong intentions, it's all over. Yes, what other's may perceive as, it's a good photo of you, (for in any instances their own legit. reasons), like "oh, but your bottom, or backside is cute, blah di blah....it's just plain inappropriate!
Before social media, I've known of some mom's showing a photo of their kids while they were very young, like these, to family or others, and the victim of the picture feeling insulted. So really this is just not right!
In my case, I felt that my husband crossed a boundary, in terms of who I am,
and also some privacy between he and myself. I wasn't posing for these pics, either, he just shot them. I figured these are pics that stay between us, no more.
Moral of the story, be careful what pictures you even become party to, and for what purpose. In the case of children......good golly, shame on these overly eager parents, and their oh so poor judgment, they're kids and need to be protected from the weirdos out there!
I am so glad your daughter is on board with your point of view!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I remember the stressful times that Sharyn went through waiting to get her mum deemed incapacitated. Other here have and are going through that. It is a maze for sure.
Great that you talked with the doctor's office and it also sounds as if they and the ALF will help keep mom put.
Book-
I love the word of the day. But I can do everything and anything, can't I? ;)