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book - I am so glad that you got some respite -yes do bring your own night light next time

I really like the word of the day - it does make you stop and think and I agree with it.

Sharyn - hope the sciatica is better

getting discouraged about this whole process, but think I have done all I can for now - except write and send a family email outlining that the professional opinion is that moving mother will cause her to deteriorate more quickly. Praying that ALF are successful and quickly accomplish what they are working on -
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I had respite lastnight. Roomie came and spent the night so that I can go spend the night with sis. I didn't sleep well there - long story short - I'm afraid of the dark, and they had no night light. Next time, i'm bringing my night light. Anyway, I came home today and found Roomie trying to plug the catheter leak with napkins wrapped around the tubing. I asked her why doesn't she just close the pampers and let it do it's job- soak up the escaping urine? She's following my father's instructions... go figure.. Anyway, at least she tried to solve the problem without calling me.

Word of the day is something that made me stop and think. It's the opposite of what we've been told. Read it and know what I mean.

Word of the day:
Knowing what you Can NOT do is more important than knowing what You Can Do.
(by lucille ball)
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Would it be wrong for me to suggest that Margeaux post a photo of hubby that he's not proud of? This way he can understand where she's coming from about posting online photos without checking her first? I only ask this from a non-married point of view. I wouldn't want to cause friction...

Hi Mscello! When you feel like sharing how overwhelmed you are, please come back and get it off your chest.

Pstieg, that is great news!!! I'm so glad for both of you!

Emjo, ... {{ hugs}}
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Hi mscello - welcome -lots of challenges and dysfunctions experienced and written about here. Famdram is very trying to say the least. Money seems to be the dividing factor often. Do share more when you are ready to. I am so tired fro my current drama I am packing it in for the night soon. Want to pull the covers over my head and forget for a while...

pst - your situation have been on my mind. I will do the happy dance with you. That is wonderful news!!!! I presume the leukemia treatment is working on the leukemia too. Oh happy day!!! Please keep us updated. Is she still undergoing treatments?

well the mamadrama continues. I have tracked down mother's doctor. She went back to the one she fired in the summer. Had a long and useful chat with the head nurse who checked her charts and said her liver is fine. Mother had written a month ago and said her liver was on the way out and she didn't have long to live, I told the nurse mother is not taking her meds but she said not much they can do about that. The best thing was talking with the ALF director again who said they can bring in a doctor to assess mother's competence, as with out a doctor's statement that she is incompetence I can do nothing about sis moving her to another facility. He said he thinks she can no longer make decisions in her best interest, and I agree. They will ramp up their observations and recordings of mother's behaviour which will help the doctor. It bothered me last summer when mother tried to fly east that the competency tests were based only on a snapshot of her at that time, as opposed to a trail. I am thankful for the director. He also offered to speak with my sis about the pros and cons of moving mother. I doubt sis is interested but worth a try. The mental health nurse stresses that a move will cause mother to deteriorate more quickly mentally,

G made it home last night very late. He worked on the car off and on, installed a trickle charger, gave it a boost and it has been running for a few hours, He had to go back to work for a training session tonight, but they provide supper so I didn't have to cook. Hopefully we will have a little down time together tomorrow before he heads off to the horses again.I hope this trickle charger will see my car operational again. It has been another frustration in my life.

have a good night all (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

margeaux -I would not at all be happy about the fb photographs you describe. Whoa - not fair not nice, But you are right we have to choose our battles,
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My daughter's MRI on 12/2 no longer shows any brain cancer. Apparently the leukemia treatments minimized it to the point where it no longer appears on the MRI. OH HAPPY DANCE TODAY!!!!
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So happy I came across this site and over the moon at finding this thread. It has been a very long year with many caregiving trials and what seem to be fewer and fewer triumphs add on top of that all the family factions and their drama.
I AM OVERWHELMED to say the least. Thank you for being here.
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Margeaux~My children are special me to, and I know everyone feels the same way about their children. When these children get older, knowing these photos are on facebook, they most likely will be humiliated. People are too eager to share photos because they are so proud of their children. I know my son and daughter would be so angry with me if I scanned old photos and posted their bare bottoms for all to see. When I am with family members who have children and I am taking pictures, I ask the parents if it is ok and if they object to me posting family pictures that include their children.

Take care, I hope the weather is warming up in your area!!
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Sharynmarie,

I so agree with your pet peeve! Some young parents have become, let's call it permissive, or letting their guards down.
This is exactly thee reason I didn't want my photo taken the other night at the service for the deceased neighbor. About a month ago now, when my husband and me went out of town for work.....he took some pics of me. We were headed to the swimming pool. So I had my bathing suit on, and the hotel robe over that.
On our way, he saw some mini-golf, so we decided to play a round of that.
I also had on my boots with the robe, so I know it must have looked somewhat ridiculous, this getup I was wearing. My husband took some photos of me in this robe, playing golf. Then we were at the pool, and he shot a few more while I was in the pool; one incidentally of me dog paddling, and caught my backside.

A few days later when we were home, he calls me to his computer. He'd posted these two pics of me on his FB page, with a cute few words to accompany the photos to friends. He has a private setting. I don't participate, nor do I have a FB, account. He then proceeds to show me a response by a male friend of his, who commented of course..... something about my bootie. When I came to discover that my husband had posted these two pics, and this comment.....I was mad.
He detected my distaste, for the fact that I wasn't good with these two facts,
and I can't even remember what he said to me, but it was basically something like, that his friend was giving me a compliment. I didn't say anything, again......
lately I have really been having to zip it up over here, because my husband sometimes doesn't seem to HEAR, nor understand that I find this very personal to my being. He is a big extrovert, which plays into all of this. It's never my intentions in my head that when he shoots a picture like this, it end up on any frigging social media! But you know the pick and choose battle thing? Well, keeping my mouth shut was attached to that. Yikes! Hence at the funeral, I took matters into my own hands whilst it was happening. HAAH!

O.K., got to run,
Talk soon,

Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Anyway, this has taught me......that we, and as in the case you've described, we do currently have to be super vigilant even when people are so eager and quick to take a photo of us or children. What a mother, or even a husband find cute, isn't necessarily for the world to see. This is the major reason, I protested about my photo being taken. Besides, I hadn't slept the night before, so I wasn't camera ready, and this to me is something I'm guarding more nowadays-image!
One just never can be as you've stated in entire control of whose hands photos may end up in.
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Ahh Joan- the air jets sound wonderful!! Enjoy! !
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margeaux I am thinking of you in your leg warmers and stockings etc. I was in my nightie and a black chiffon dressing gown and was cold so I put a black fleece vest on top and slept in it. Wasn't very elegant but I was warm. I like to keep the upstairs cool. G is quite happy at 16 degrees for sleeping, and I like it cool, but not that cool, but he likes the downstairs warmer, thankfully.

Sharyn and glad , I agree about being careful what you post on fb, especially regarding children. Makes me very uncomfortable.

G is supposed to be home tonight. I will believe it when I see it. I haven't prepared any supper, but there is stew or he can fry up a moose steak.

I had another blessing today - had to take a cab to the dentist as my car is frozen. I forgot about the appointment till 20 mins. before so rushed around getting dressed and called a cab. He must have been new in town as he didn't know where to got, but that's OK, I guided him. Then when we got there the fare was under well $10.00 so I handed him a $20 and told him to give me a loonie ($1.00) back. He handed it to me then turned and showed me the $20, I gave him. I was in such a tizzy with being late and all this mama drama... he I wasn't thinking. He gave me a $10 to square things. I was impressed and when I called for a return cab I mentioned it to the dispatcher. Some cabbies would have kept it, I had to laugh when I called for a cab to go home, I described where I was and they didn't get it till I mentioned the pub a few doors down - then they got it. Had a very nice young cabbie then too who offered me change for my $10, but I let him keep it. On the way home he offered to house sit if I went on holidays, not that I would allow a complete stranger to do that, but I didn't get any bad vibes. Told him my grandson does and eats me out of house and home and he laughed.

Starting to relax thankfully. Think I will have a hot bath. I have air jets in my tub and they are nice - what you need, Sharyn, for your sciatica. Then a decaf and some dark choc - just a square or two, I may feel human by the end of it.
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Sharyn I agree. Sometimes getting our Irish up helps us to do what we have to. I appreciate the feedback about me not moving too quickly, I had a long, long chat with the mental health nurse today, after getting my stitches out. The implants are looking good so just need to wait a few months and get the crowns. The chat stirred up a lot as I went into some family history and I am feeling a session of fibromyalgia pain coming on and trying to head it off. Haven't had that for a long time. I am sure it is just stress, and that is not doing me any good. Yes, I think my sis's motives are pretty clear. It is all about money.

The mental health nurse is a sweetie and she encouraged me to call her if I had anything more to share. She strongly disagrees with moving mother as she said that it will increase her short term memory loss and exacerbate her paranoia, in the long run. When I mentioned that sis may try to bring a suit against me re failing to do my job, she laughed and said considering how well off mother is, that would be very hard to sell. She also said that she is trying to create a record of the cognitive, memory etc tests mother has had so we have a baseline to compare any changes with. I have been concerned about this, and am so relieved that she is taking this on. Mother has moved from one doctor to another and at present no one knows who her doc is -she will not share that with her case manager. I think she has returned to the one she "fired" in the summer. I would like to see her liver test results and also have a follow up to see at what rate it is deteriorating, if indeed it is. Better to be prepared for what lies ahead.

Snow and sleet a treat??? Oh you would love it up here lol 5 months of it gets tiresome.

Hope you get your mum settled into the new room with no major incidents. It is sad seeing her memory go. Glad your hubby can go with his dad. Those are precious times. Let me know what wild game you get,
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Thank you gladimhete. My daughter agrees thank GOD!
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Sharyn-
I agree, people need to keep in mind that anything they put on the internet, especially Facebook is for public consumption. Never, ever appropriate.
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I have a pet peeve regarding young parents today. My husband's niece posted a pic of her daughter from the backside in the nude...potty training.

While I agree bare bottom shots of our children is cute...however is it appropriate for facebook even though your account is private..What if a friend decides to share the pic on their new feed which isn't private. In light of the fact that predators can track cell phone pics to the exact location and addresses that were taken on a smart phone, do you feel this is appropriate? I do not even if someone could not track the pic...for family viewing is one thing...but public viewing in my opinion is exploitation of the child involved whether a boy or girl.
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Margeaux~I had to chuckle because for us to be that cold is unusual in the area of California you and I live in. My daughter said it was 16 degrees in Boise, Id., with a high of 24. At least she has blue skies and sunshine. We do too right now, but once we get a good rain, the fog will settle in until February. Todays high is 47 and the low tonight is 27. Tiger is out laying in the sun which he won't do in the summer time and Midget is laying on a blanket I am using to keep my feet warm, LOL!!
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Sharynmarie and Emjo,

Temperatures have dipped at night around my area.
I'm pulling out the stockings, leg warmers and anything else to stay warm

Margeaux
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Joan~Sometimes when your Irish is up...it is a good thing to motivate action...not action like robbing a bank in a balaclava though, LOL!!

I read the thread you started, I don't think you are acting too quickly in regards to legal action against your sister. In light of her suit against her own children is very revealing of what her motives are.

Well everyone, while it is cold here, it is not as cold as other parts of North America...but there is a cold snap going on in a large area of the country. Snow or sleet is predicted for late Friday night or early Saturday morning...this doesn't happen often here, and when it does, it is like a treat for us, LOL!!

Provided my leg is better on Saturday, my plan is to finish hanging up a few pictures in mom's bathroom. Sis is coming down to help mom sign Christmas cards, while they do that, I can finish in mom's room provided she hasn't taken everything down and hidden it. The things we brought over to her, she didn't recognize as being her own. We brought over a ceramic doll that mom made at a local doll shop...she said she never saw it before.

Hubby is going to a fundraiser with his father on Friday night for the Boys N Girls club. They do this once a year serving all wild game from local hunters. This will the first time hubby and his father have been able to work it out to go. I will have hubby bring me back some, if he can.
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glad - lol - I suspect we will have you beat temp wise until spring which is about 4 days in April or May. I bought a balaclava a few weeks ago and my pride/vanity is going down the tube. I am going to wear it and keep my eyes open for one that is a little less drastic, and will not make the bank staff think I am a thief.

Wouldn't that be hilarious! Newspaper headline - 76 yr old granny in balaclava caught attempting to rob bank!
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Well, Joan-
You got me beat on the temp. It is -1 here this morning but no decrease because of chill factor. And leave the moose meat along for today, thank you. :)
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Lower humidity makes the heat more bearable. San Clemente sounds good.

I had to laugh this morning. Some one on fb posted a sign saying "The light at the end of the tunnel is a train" My response was "No kidding" and "I have a train coming at me right now. Just call me trainwrecker..." I must have some I Irish in me as it is up! I know you have some Irish in you!
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Joan-our summers are drier about 30%. Winters are usually 70% with a high fog that wont lift for days or couple weeks.
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Joan-a lovely quaint city is San Clemente, Ca. Though it is a touristy town, it is quiet. Temps are pretty constant all year round with sun. It is right on the coast with morning fog that lifts to blue sunny skies by 10-11am.
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I LOVE humidity! Grew up where the summers were 95 F high and 95% humidity. You washed your hair and couldn't get it dry
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LOL!!! Too funny Joan! Our winters are mild but humid.
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Oh suffer!!!! lol - here right now minus 15 F feels like minus 29 F with wind chill. Supposed to go up to 0 F by Sunday - balmy!!!

Think I'll look for a house sit in CA...
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Ournormal temps this time of yearare lows at 38-42. Tonight we are having a hard freeze expected low at 26. This is cold for us. Parts of the valley may receive snow in the next couple days. This is our Artic freeze Lol!
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Oh my goodness, in my wandering on the internet I came across this article and it describes the interaction between myself, my mother and my sister. My sister is the sociopath, and I am the empath. It is what is happening now. In fact my mother and sister may exchange roles, though my sister has no conscience as far as I can see.

Some of you may recognise this type of interaction in your families too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SOCIOPATH-EMPATH-APATH TRIAD

The usual set-up goes like this: the empath is forced to make a stand on seeing the sociopath say or do something underhand. The empath challenges the sociopath, who straight away throws others off the scent and shifts the blame on to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath's perspective.

The situation usually ends badly for the empath and sometimes also for the apath, if their conscience returns to haunt them or they later become an object of abuse themselves. But, frustratingly, the sociopath often goes scot free.

Sociopaths rarely vary this tried-and-tested formula because it virtually guarantees them success.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, what an accurate description.
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cm - thanks! That is the kind of information I need, I will look at that site. I saw one job housesitting in the Seychelles - looked good - and other choice places like the south of France. There were some in London too and other places in the UK. Lots in Australia which has never attracted me, but new Zealand might be nice, and, of course some in the US and Canada. I am not confined to the US and Canada by any means. How about Italy or Greece? I would have to brush up my Italian. I spent a wonderful summer in Italy and ended up speaking and understanding acceptably/usefully, probably because I studied Latin in school and loved it, so Italian came easily. But that was years ago. I could speak French many years ago too - grew up in French Canada till teen age, then the UK . Guess I could take some language courses on line. Good for the brain anyway. G likes Mexico so Spanish would be an asset. The romance languages are very similar. Now I am on roll - must be the caffeine!!! lol

hey - vicarious contempt, vicarious anger - go for it. Why not. Write it out, get it out, whatever. I have been though all of that. I have not always been as philosophical about it as I am now. Remember, I have a few years on you and the privilege of staying away from my sib. It makes a big difference. I have trouble having any compassion for her, but I do have a little for my mother. She is in a pitiful state at times, but other times aggressive and nasty. They both are sick, and that is one thing that helps me beat it.

Got a parcel from the shopping channel - no I am not an addict - but we have few lady's shops here and I know what I can order that will fit. In doing the fall wardrobe switch I weed out the pilled, out of shape sweaters and t's, the items that I am not wearing any more and so on and usually find s few replacements on the colours and styles I know I will wear - and only those on sale! I have made a few mistakes but not many, and those go to the Thrift shop!

Stomach feels a little like lead, but whatever. If I can grind moose meat I can't be too bad. Just finished making a large pasta dish for freezing. I swear I will cook till I drop.

thanks again cm - off to Homesitters!
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Emjo, Homesitters is a UK agency that offers exactly the sort of thing you're talking about. They vet you, then the idea is that you stay in people's houses, feed the dog, pat the goldfish, set the burglar alarm and what have you, while they're away. As far as I know they're a very reputable agency. I don't know what the US equivalent is, but there's sure to be one. A friend of my mother's did this for a long while (to get away from her tear-jerkingly dull husband, I always suspected) until quite recently - I'm sure she must have been well over 80 when she gave it up. Sounds like a plan! Hope it goes well. Feel better. xxx

PS Not much further forward with that reply, btw. Thought I'd toned it down but then realised that vicarious contempt wasn't actually a big improvement on vicarious anger. Every day in every way...
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G is the opposite of a couch potato, but the end result is similar. I need a lot of alone time, but I do need some socialization. Part of my problem is the car won't start and G was supposed fix it, but right now I suspect he will not be home till next week which is frustrating. My health has not been reliable enough to take on a part time job or volunteer work which I used to enjoy. What little spare energy and more is taken up by mother. and that is hardly recreational. In fact, I need stress relief from it more than I would need otherwise. A larger city would offer me more, This is a very young city. in terms of population. These are problems faced by other seniors I know, and by caregivers stuck in the house with their charges, It isn't easy.

I think you are wise to keep an eye on your mum's money, especially since your mum and dad always helped her. I think it is realistic, not horrible, but very sad. Yes, it is her job to notify her kids, unless the situation is dire and it is not that.

Glad that the stretching helps. I know about dogs when u lie on the floor. I used to exercise on the floor and Matt would, be all over me kissing me. He thought it was play time. lol

Gotta figure out something else recreational. I called the mental health worker and left a message. Tomorrow I go to the dentist and get my stitches out. There was a mess up with my appointment today. Neither of these are much fun, really, lol but the latter will get me out of the house.

I did spend a happy few hours online looking at house sitting. There are some reputable sites and some nice opportunities. A month somewhere, with better weather, pet and housesitting looks reasonably good. Of course, I need to discuss it with G - when I see him. There are people who want their houses and pets sat over Christmas and since G sees his kids then, that is a possibility too in fact I found one in E'ton. So there are some options.

Praying that the sciatica heals up. Mother had it once. She was given a heavy painkiller - Neurontin - which did not suit her well. She is not one for pain meds I believe that you can take acetaminophen with ibuprofen. I did when I had a dry socket. it was 10 days of severe pain and I lived from one dose to the next but it got me through. The only time in my life I have done that ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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