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OMG! Truer words could not be said. I’m so sick of being told how good of a daughter I am and that I’m doing the right thing. That I’ll be so thankful I was here for my LO during this time. No I won’t!! I get to watch daily the person I loved fall apart and worry that it’s somehow because I’m not doing something right. I get to have siblings not willing to help at all but happy to judge the decisions I make. I get to watch my marriage fall apart because all our time is spent focused on the LO and not each other. I get to watch my own health fade and the years I should enjoy life waste away. If these are my rewards, why are the people around me not helping living a happy wonderful life, taking vacations etc? I can’t imagine that when my LO passes I’ll be anything but traumatized and guilt ridden I somehow failed them. I’m not a great daughter. I’m a sad, lonely, depressed one watching the person they love slowly die.
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I am tired of hearing there is a Heavenly reward from those who didn't lift a finger for their own elders. They didn't lift a finger during my husband's brain cancer & there was ZERO shaming or life altering demanded. Everytime I go home, I hear, "fix her," from her church friends who also didn't need to lift a finger for their elders. Why is GenX suddenly expected to give up absolutely everything? I want to take vacations, travel, enjoy my new marriage after widowhood, enjoy time with my future grandkids in various states, etc. Next time, I am going to ask them, "How many times did YOU bath your parents? How many times did YOU change their adult diaper? How many nights did YOU stay up while they wandered around the house out of their mind? How many holidays & vacations did YOU forego? How many years did YOU not contribute to your own pension plan or social security? How many years did YOU not have health, dental or vision insurance because you were a caregiver?
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