First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
I came across people who had the same view as my friend from time to time and I always found it perplexing. It’s such an old fashioned way of thinking. Change is slow.
I appreciate that you have spoken out about how you feel. Our daughter has too.
You’re probably right, my friend could be ‘pretending as if,’ and perhaps even in denial of what she is doing.
We have been friends since high school. We have a lot of fun together but we don’t see eye to eye on everything. I felt an obligation to make her aware of everyone’s feelings.
She has never tried to force her opinion on my daughter and I am grateful for that. My daughter would not share her point of view.
When I did outreach work, it was important to me to present all sides. I spoke as an adoptive mother, and I always invited an adoptee, and birth mother to speak at events.
I hope that you start to feel better soon. You have spent so many hours with doctors and specialists. My word, you will be so glad when all of this eases up some. I am still praying daily for you and I promise that I will continue to do so. We are all anxiously waiting to hear you say that you are feeling better.
Yes, I had my Moms side of the family to relate too but they lived in another County. My Dads family welcomed me with open arms. But it really changes your life, especially at 24, when you realize that the Aunts and Uncles you see daily are not really any relation. That their children are not really cousins. That your missing half of ur family tree. Funny thing is, I had a feeling growing up that I was the odd one out.
We’ll be waiting for your update.
Glad you’re not at your worst today, so you can at least make the appt.
Your friend is just perpetuating the "pretend as if" scenario for adoptees and further stripping us of our rights AND our natural feelings, which is typical. Your friend has a rather brainwashed attitude that my adoptive mother tried to instill in me with FOG (unsucessfully). You are one of the few adoptive parents who have the right and healthy attitude which is not one of competition or secrecy. Bravo to you! 😍
I know of few adoptees looking for new mommies or daddies...just looking to become REAL. To connect w another human, figure out where we came from, and thats pretty much it.
Cx, I haven't been able to walk w a walker to any of my appointments for the past 4+ months. Chuck pushes me in a wheelchair bc I'm just TOO unsteady on my feet and it's too dangerous. I only use a walker here in the house or at my son's house. "Dizziness" doesn't quite cover what this toxic reaction has done to me.
Thanks for all the good luck wishes for my IVIG today. I'll check in later. I'm not off the chain today in terms of feeling horrible so I'll take it 😁
“To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; " Psalm 25:1
Geaton - agreed adoptees have the right. Your father was a totally different situation and n/c was the way to go IMO. What I have known of adoptees wanting a closer relationship generally didn't go that well either. I think some just want to know but quickly earn getting closer doesn't work. As you say, for others it does.
I bet, if you drew a map, you could see us all joining hands across the country, up to Canada, over to Great Britain, and, I think, down to Australia.
We are all praying for your treatment tomorrow, and for the taper just to ease up on those w/d symptoms, already.
Just to get a picture-Are you able to walk (with a walker?) to your infusion, or do you need a wheelchair to get where you need to go tomorrow?
Hugs to you.
Geaton - "IMHO the person who raises you lovingly, sacrificially and well is your actual parent". I agree, in so many very meaningful ways they are, but I do understand the desire for adopted people to want to find out about and connect with their bio parents.
I am so sorry you had an alcoholic dad too. Your mother likely made the best decision to run away from him with you.
Reverse any damage that these treatments have done to her body and restore her health completely. I am thanking You in advance for doing just that.
In Jesus name I pray.
My so’s mother and father were both kinship adopted in the 1940s and 50s. Mil was adopted by her mother’s sister and her husband. Fil was adopted by his mother’s second husband. They’ve both had conditions that supposedly didn’t run in their family that nearly killed them.
Right after we adopted our daughter, a good friend of mine said to me, “I hope your daughter never wishes to meet her birth parents. You know that I was adopted as a baby and I have never had any desire to meet my biological parents. I love my parents who raised me and I consider them my parents. I feel that it would be a slap in the face to them if I searched for my biological parents.”
I told my friend, You have a lovely family and I know how much you love them and how much they love you but I don’t share your feelings.
If our daughter wants to meet her biological parents one day, I don’t see it as a “slap in the face” at all.
I told my friend that I would support my daughter’s decision no matter how she felt and that I am not threatened by the fact that she may want to meet her bio family when she turns 18 and signs the registry at the adoption agency to schedule a meeting.
I consider it to be natural to want to know about your family history.
I said to my friend that our love for our daughter was the same as if I had given birth to her but I acknowledge that she has birth parents and one day it may be important for her to know about them.
I have a biological child too (our surprise baby) and our love is identical for each of our daughters. Their love for us as their parents is the same.
It is a personal choice. Some adoptees do search. Others like my friend don’t have the desire.
Our daughter knows that we have never had a problem with her meeting her birth parents. We would be happy to meet them too.
Our daughter appreciates that we support her and has told us that she will always love us. It’s not a competition between the birth parents and us.
I feel like if parents have established a good relationship with their children while they were growing up, then meeting their biological parents will not interfere with anything.
I felt sad when my friend told me that she didn’t think our daughter should ever want to search for her parents.
I respect my friend’s choice but I feel that she shouldn’t impose her views on others who have been adopted.
Yes, you’re right, once in a while is fine. Just not on a regular basis.
Nhwm, eating unhealthy food once in a while is good for the soul. Try it sometime. 😁 Life is short and we're all gonna die anyway, I'm sorry to say.
I'm off to get blood drawn for the IVIG tomorrow. I'm so exhausted and dizzy today I'm literally non functioning. Not even playing on my phone or tablet. God give me strength.
I hope your dizzyness is better today, Lea.
My cousin has copper molds all over her kitchen. Well, at least she used to, I haven't been in her house for twenty years.
So sorry you are at a 9 in dizziness but impressed that you went ahead and made that buy anyway. Praying that you are better by Tuesday for your treatment and that it does you some good.
Smoked turkey sounds good, but, I am such a fan of good old fashioned roast turkey. One of my fave meals.
Geaton - that's quite a story. My godson is adopted and he was able to get in touch with his bio mother and his bio father, who had not stayed together. His conclusion was that he had done well with his adoptive family.
I have made jewelry with antique buttons before but never coins. I have done rosaries and used ‘saint’ medals so, it’s similar.
I always think of you when I see a dime. I say an extra prayer for you every time I see a dime.
Congrats on those copper molds. They sound lovely!
You are never far from my prayers.
Congrats on winning the bid. Yay!
I love a smoked turkey! Sounds delicious. My neighbor smokes his turkey for Thanksgiving. He makes incredible sides too. He and his wife are a great match, she isn’t fond of cooking but he loves to cook!
I do an old fashioned roasted turkey. Many people here do the deep fried turkey.
Oh gosh, why do so many people in the south deep fry their food? I never, ever fry anything! It may be delicious to many but I can’t bring myself to eat that unhealthy.
Food can still be delicious when it’s cooked in a healthy way. I have altered many recipes to become healthy.
People in the past were extremely active and burned off the calories. Many people gain weight when they become sedentary.
Chuck is smoking a 12 lb turkey we were given at Thanksgiving and it should be ready soon. Smoking gives it a nice flavor but I find it doesn't make for good leftovers.....the smoke taste intensifies too much imo.
I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday 😁
Closed adoption is so unfair to the children and to the adoptive parents who don’t have any necessary medical health history records.
It is frustrating for our daughter when her doctors ask her about family history and she can’t answer them.
The adoption agency has a registry that allows birth parents and children to be matched but both parties have to register for the agency to make a match.
Our daughter registered when she turned 18, her biological mother and father haven’t registered. Maybe one day they will.
Or maybe her bio parents have married new partners and have other children now. They may not have told them that they had a child when they were younger.
I did mention to our daughter about alternative ways to find her biological parents and she said that she would respect their privacy. She said that she doesn’t want to force them to meet her if they aren’t willing to do so. She has done DNA testing so, something might pop up in the future unexpectedly.
I know that she has questions for them. It would be nice for her to have the answers.
There is some contact initially. It’s all done anonymously. For example, her bio mom wrote me a letter that was forwarded to me via the agency. I wrote a letter back and I sent photos of our daughter to her bio mom throughout my daughter’s life. I sent it to the agency and they forwarded it her.
I don’t understand the secrecy. Nor does our daughter. Medical history is important and the agencies aren’t as thorough as they should be. At least, back then they weren’t.
I served on our local auxiliary board for years. I did lots of outreach work. I saw a need for change in certain areas. I voiced my concerns on many occasions. I was extremely happy when open adoption became legal.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105
My father developed Type 2 diabetes, and later vascular dementia, both at least in part from from alcohol abuse. My oldest son has diabetes now from overeating and unwise eating. I decided years ago that if possible I would not get diabetes. I resemble my father's side of the family in some ways. So far so good. I've made it to 85 without it though I am definitely sensitive to carbs.
Lea - good for you, you have avoided or dealt with many things. The adoption secrecy is crazy.
Need - good for you too following your own healthier path.
Joann - you are right. No point in worrying about people who have the information and still make bad choices.