
First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
Time to breath and continue to heal from the side effects.
The stars are sparkling tonight.
Praising the Lord God for His tender mercies towards you.
He is not done blessing you yet!
Give the good news some time to sink in, this is amazing and powerful.
He is the Creator of the whole world and the universe, yet personal and involved in the healing and details of your life. 💟
That is a major praise and proof positive of the power of prayer. I hope and pray that both you and Chuck can now breath a little easier and actually get some rest.
And I think a nice vacation is in order when you're feeling up to it. Somewhere where you can just relax and not think about anything else but each other.
I will continue to keep you both lifted up before His thrown.
May God bless you and keep you.
I am so very happy for you! It’s wonderful to hear your fabulous news!
Geaton,
Lovely scripture and oh, so true!
I think the Apostle, Paul had such wisdom when he wrote Ephesians, as well as in his other writings.
Paul suffered in his life. I’m sure that he experienced many of the same emotions that we do now.
But I agree. Entertaining while you are ill should be off the table in my opinion. I'm sure your Chuck feels helpless and doesn't know what the right thing to do is but bringing in the mob while you are feeling like cr*p should be obvious you'd think. But I think men's minds and hearts aren't as closely connected as women's are and what seems obvious to us isn't with them.
I don't like entertaining even when I'm feeling great. I'm not unsociable but sitting around making nice with people in my home or theirs isn't my cup of tea. Never has been. Now get me outside at a barbecue or a beach setting where I can move around a bit and not feel trapped and I'm fine.
Maybe when you are feeling better plan for that.
Dr C just called with the Amazing News, as he called it.....that he can't find ONE GOSH DARN THING wrong with my PET scan, that where it was once lit up all yellow, it's now all BLACK! He used the word amazing and awesome several times and said the 2 treatments did exactly as they were intended to do. We can now back off worrying about more treatments or clinical trials for now, thank God. I don't get to see photos or scans in my portal reports, just written words.....so Dr C said he can't wait to show me the scan photos next week.
This is the break we've needed. And the meaning of me finding that dime on the ER floor back in January. It was God and dad saying yes you're sick, but things will be ok. Have faith. Which waxed and waned, admittedly, but never disappeared or stopped me from praying for a miracle after only 2 treatments.
😁
You made me giggle just now about pulling up the covers and feigning sleep.
My sweet MIL did this when her evil mother would visit her in the hospital during her cancer treatments.
I waited until her mom left before I would visit my MIL. When I saw her sleeping, I would head towards the door to get a coffee from the cafeteria and wait to see if she would wake up in a short while.
My MIL would see that it was me and ask me to stay and visit with her. She then confessed that she was pretending to be asleep so she didn’t have to endure her mom’s abuse.
Her mom was so evil that she told everyone that her daughter was faking cancer to get attention! How does a person fake losing weight from being sick and being bald from chemo?
My sweet MIL was her only child and she treated her like crap. Needless to say, my MIL decided to never be her mom’s caregiver.
When she refused going into a facility, my MIL hired 24/7 care from private caregivers. Her father did very well in life and left more than enough money to hire private caregivers.
I couldn’t be happier to hear your wonderful news! Continuing to pray for you and Chuck.
Both of you have been through so much.
You have been at each other’s sides, before your major health issues began, during the hardest times and I have no doubt that you will be with each other until the end of your journey together.
Please keep us posted on what Dr. C has to say.
Sending all my love to you.
You are treasured here!
Pull the covers over your head and feign sleep. Let Chuck do the entertaining.
Thank you all for the kind words of support about Chuck also. We're burned out and exhausted. We talked a bit and can breathe a little more after the results of this scan. He reminded me he's here for the long haul, and I told him he needs to get out of here more. Go play trivia, visit his kids more, I can ask DD to come by while he's gone, things like that.
His DD (my stepdaughter) is on her way here now. I'm lying in bed w my heating pad, he bought pastries, and they can entertain one another while I allow the pain pill to take effect.
I'm sure clinical trials are in order since cancer is still present in my body, but right now, it doesn't seem urgent. I'd love to be left alone for awhile to recover from the dizziness and then see what's next.
Barb, I have an appt tomorrow with the social worker at UC Health!
Both you and Chuck are under so much stress with the unknowns of what's going on and what's going to happen with your cancer.
I get that Chuck doesnt want to cut off ties with his stepdaughter (don't agree with it since shes a real piece of work) but there is a place and time for visits and the morning of your pet scan after just having back surgery last week and still feeling dizzy is not the day.
Thanks for being real. You are one of the most sincere people on this forum.
You don’t pull any punches and more people should adopt your attitude.
I am so glad that you spoke your truth. I cried when I read your last post, because when I was struggling with certain things in my life, I didn’t always know how to speak my truth.
It took lots of time and effort in therapy for me to realize that I had bottled up my emotions for many years in order to be polite to others.
Once again, in spite of your pain, you have been a beacon of light for all of us by being so transparent and genuine.
I despise Pollyanna types who pretend everything is okay when it’s not. Things only change for the better when people speak their truth.
God bless you, Lea. I wish you the very best that life has to offer. You have given so much warmth and kindness to your family, especially to your DH. We have seen this over and over in your posts.
You are wise beyond words. You are smart enough to know that you were not born to be anyone’s doormat. I love your spirit. You make no apologies to anyone for expecting to be treated with respect.
You have generously shared your love with your family and friends.
I know that when most people give a gift to others they don’t expect anything in return. A gift is a gift. It isn’t a trade, but I believe that everyone in this world wants to be respected and appreciated by those who love them.
We don’t have to entertain others when we aren’t up for it. There’s a time to be social and a time to value solitude.
I have faith that you and Chuck will work through this situation. You have worked through things together in the past and you will continue to do so now and in the future.
Plus I believe that the added stress of you having the PET scan today and finding out whether it'll be good news or bad, probably just added to his already mountain of stress.
I know you both love each other dearly, and you both have been pushed to your limits, with everything you've been dealing with for over 2 years.
So both of you just need to take some deep breaths and remember the love that brought you together in the first place.
We are all praying for some peace and respite for you both.
The floodwaters are REALLY deep now. The enemy has come for this marriage.
We ask that YOUR peace would descend on this household. Not the peace that this world would bring, but YOURS. The peace that passes understanding.
We ask that you bring Chuck some kind of refreshment. We ask that you allow whatever help that should need to come in to get there fast. Perhaps it is a family member. Perhaps an outsider. Someone to take off some of the load. We’re trusting YOU with this, Lord.
We feel so far away, and that we can’t do any good. But, YOU can, Lord, and there is an army of us praying for our friend. Be the answer, Lord. Be their help. Be their consolation.
Most of all, Lord, please be their healer. Please, Lord. Step in. Our friends are suffering so. Bring healing in their bodies, minds, and in their marriage.
We thank You, Lord. You are mighty. You are wonderful. We ask all of this in the name of Jesus.
Amen.
I'm wondering if you can get some help in and maybe send Chuck to a hotel for some R and R for a few days?
Do you have a SW attached to your oncology team who can suggest a way of de-stressing this situation?
You guys have had more trials than Job in the last 18 months.
Praying for peace of mind; healing of body and spirit for you both today.
coming, idk . And you can limit visitors as you wish . Just trying to help . 🫤🤷♀️
I get it, I hear you. I understand.
It's all too hard on both you and Chuck.
Add "visitors", and it is a recipe for stress.
You are under no obligation to see or entertain anyone.
Is it perhaps time to call in a temporary caregiver?
Just get today done, it's all you can do, and that is okay.
Stay the course.
Don't allow the impossible times to sway you.
That is where God has a plan for you.