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She will not accept that there is no cure for the degradation of her sight. She has seen every eye doctor and retina specialist in the area. All give the same prognosis. End stage macular degeneration. This is not something that happened overnight but with the progression of the dementia, She has lost all objectivity and reason. She blames the immediate family for her condition, and continues to seek out any doctor or clinic that will see her. She has recently started demanding to go to the ER. I try and explain that there is nothing the emergency room can do... this only leads to hostility and emotional collapse. Doing my best here, trying to figure best way forward.

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Your mother suffers from anosognosia which is the inability to recognize or acknowledge her deficits. Stop taking her to the doctors and to the ER and look into managing her agitation with prescription medication now. Antidepressants may help as well.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Ugh. That sounds awful.

I think you should try getting her something to calm her agitation and distract her from the obsession.

My dad had frontotemporal dementia and it involved a lot of really bad obsessions, including dangerous and destructive ones. It took a few different tries to get the right meds to calm him down. Seroquel plus Trazodone is what worked for him. He never knew the Seroquel was to calm his obsessions and combative behavior — he never believed he had dementia or that there was anything wrong with his behavior. He thought both meds were for insomnia.

You might even think about implying the calming meds could help with the vision too, as a white lie. It sounds like she may be panicking and fixated on the vision and because there is no cure, the only hope is distraction.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Order some eye vitamins for her and tell her the doctor sent these to her to keep current eyesight in tact and to possibly improve. You can even get some from Dr, David Williams' website and since it has Doctor on the label, this will convince her that these are from a real doctor, which he is. Let her know the doctor has her on a waiting list for an eye transplant and you have to wait. Keep telling her this... Also consider getting her on some Memantine for her agitation,
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StacyAa Mar 12, 2026
I honestly think this is a really good idea. If I were the OP I'd certainly want to at least give it a go. Maybe tell the mom she's on a waiting list for a trial or something. And then getting medication for her agitation, too. My mom has late-stage AMD, and it's hard enough for her to accept that there's no point in getting the eye shots anymore, and she doesn't have dementia. I also have AMD and do get the shots, and am relatively stable, but it's scary to know you probably will lose your eyesight at some stage, unless new treatments are found in a hurry. Anyway, given the way my MIL is with her dementia, I think the eye vitamins and the little white lie about the "being on the list" could be a helpful trick for the OP, along with meds.
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When she insists on going to the doctor or ER, you say "No" and then either hang up the phone or leave the room. You cannot reason with an unreasonable person, especially with dementia. No hope of convincing her otherwise.

I agree with others to take her to the doctor for meds for her anxiety and depression. The lowest dose of Lexapro for my Mom helped her a lot.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Lucas, here's a suggestion that has worked for me regarding macular-degeneration. I changed all the light-bulbs in the house from "soft-light" to "day-light" and it has made a huge difference. That may, or may not help your Mom, but it is worth a try.


I remember back when my Mom had late stage macular-degeneration, she had to use a LED bright flash-light to read. The one I use is made by Defiant (1000 lumen) and I found it at Home Depot. Hubby and I also each have a floor-lamp which has a small florescent bulb, that is helpful for reading.
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Reply to freqflyer
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StacyAa Mar 12, 2026
I, too, have AMD, mine is fortunately progressing slowly, but I have had to brighten rooms. I think the problem with the OP, though, is that her mom has dementia and can't accept her diagnosis. It's one thing for those of us with normal cognition to learn to adapt to our limitations (which is hard enough), but while it's certainly worth a try for the OP to brighten up the rooms, it's not going to change her mom's desperate need to "have a cure". I think some of the suggestions about getting her some eye vitamins and telling her she's on a list for some kind of new treatment when it's available is the best plan. We hate lying to our parents, but sometimes we have to do things that make it easier for them to live with the limitations they have.
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Lucas, does your Mom have "dry" macular-degeneration? If yes, the Valeda Light Delivery System is the first FDA-approved (Nov 2024) non-invasive, painless treatment for dry Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD). Using multiwavelength photobiomodulation (red/yellow/near-infrared light), it stimulates retinal cells to improve vision and reduce drusen in early-to-intermediate stage patients.


My retina specialist says this treatment is available but Medicare will not pay for the treatment, at this point in time. You mentioned your Mom has late-stage, so I don't know if this will help.


I understand your Mom's need to find help, my own Mom was that way regarding her hearing loss. Any time she saw or read about a new hearing aid, she want to check it out. It was so exhausting going from place to place. The newer hearing aids weren't easy to use, Mom would have needed a cellphone to adjust her hearing aids, which was out of the question since she was past the age of understanding something that complex. Even I dislike using a cellphone, too awkward if one has as age related hand tremors.
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JoAnn29 Mar 8, 2026
My husband still has buttons on his hearing aid so no need for a phone. I do have the app on my phone so I can adjust his volumn. I can also bluetooth it.
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You can’t let dementia run the show. She can want all she wants. That doesn’t mean you bring her.

There is no fixing how she thinks because it’s dementia. You don't argue with her. Tell her you will make the appt later and then don’t make an appt.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.
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Reply to southernwave
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I agree with the suggestions to look into medications to help calm her down.
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Reply to MG8522
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Like freqflyer says, try changing the lightbulbs for the daylight ones, we did this with my dad who had md and dementia. In the uk wed get special lamps and talking clocks, newspapers and audio books (dad was a big reader) which helped.
he was also prescribed an SSRI (can’t remember what one now) to help with anxiety and depression.
its not easy, sorry your going through this x
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