I’m 63 I have 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren. I take care of everyone whenever they need something from money to help with kids. I have no life anymore due to my husband of 39 years and his alcoholism. He’s had liver failure 3 years ago, apparently resolved. He has been working from home since COVID-19 about March 22, 2020 or so. Which enables him to drink 24/7.
He has fallen multiple times, doesn’t bathe but once every 2 weeks or so. He stayed in our basement on his bed couch all day and night. When he had to come up two flights of stairs he’s barely able to hold on without falling. I’ve considered divorce but don’t think I can bear to do that to him at this point. I want to sell our house in Kansas and go back to Florida where we could finally have him retire. He works still receives a nice social security benefit monthly. So financially we are ok. I am taking prescription Xanax and clonopin for anxiety and sleep and also Paxil 37.5 but I’m not able to sustain my weight at a healthy level I have lost 30 lbs in a year I am 5’2” and just weighed at my pcp at 88. Doctor is concerned it’s depression and anxiety over this situation with my husband. Also, my oldest son (former addict) lives with us but creates havoc here with his former addict friends. I also allowed a friend to stay here while she finds a place to stay and it’s created a lot of anxiety for me because she is not a tidy person and her two dogs and cat are also here. I had talk therapy many times and I can’t get a grip on my life and my own goals with the husband issue.
Your husband - Only he can amend his alcohol abuse. Unsure of how his liver failure got resolved. Perhaps he had a liver transplant, but you didn't mention that. I don't understand how he's working, but remains in the basement bed all day and night unless he somehow has a burst of energy.
Your son - Why is he staying with you? His addict friends will only bring him down and are no good to a recovered addict. He must learn to get some new friends as his old ones are dangerous business!
The friend - Sorry, but that person must leave as they are using you.
Your financials - "Sorry, kids, but mom's bank is closed for business. The wellspring has run dry!"
The moral of your story is that nice people like yourself get taken advantage of all the time. It's time to take care of YOU!
That could be you (weight loss), and/or your husband.
You said your son is creating havoc?
So sorry to even consider this but had to warn you.
If you are not happy, if there is not possibility of improvement, etc. then you must do what you must for yourself. Or at least draw some serious boundaries, etc. Have you ever gone to something like al-anon? You need to do some tough love and make sure you are not enabling him, etc.