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Your mother is not capable of changing.
You are waiting for something that is very unlikely to happen.
You have no duty of care to your abuser.
Remember, you are now an adult; now your choices are your own. If you do not wish to take part in your mother's care--indeed if you do not wish to see her at all--you should not have to. But if you CHOOSE to stay in her purview stop expecting change that won't happen.
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Breakingthecycl Jul 19, 2025
Thank you AlvaDeer ,
I truly appreciate your response. Trust me when I say I've spoken those exact words to her and put it in writing. My healing journey is far from over and I've taken the personal steps to speak with my own personal grief counselor.
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I made the mistake of bringing my (formerly) abusive mom into my house three years ago. It's been a nightmare, being under the same roof as her 24/7 again. I agree with the others who are suggesting you take a step back.
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It seems to me that your siblings are doing what you should consider. Why do you feel responsible to someone who has caused pain to so many of her family. Someone with no emotional attachment might be a better solution. You owe it to yourself to be kind to yourself. If prayer alone doesn't help, perhaps a professional grief counselor or therapist will help you.
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Breakingthecycl Jul 19, 2025
Thanks for your advice Justoldin25
I 💯 agree that i have to put self first...I matter.
(11)
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I have to agree with funkygrandma59 in that you SHOULD NOT be providing her care. As a traumatized person that has not healed from the abuse you can’t be objective about her care or needs without constantly questioning your decisions, motives, feeling tremendous guilt, anger, etc. which makes you feel awful and doesn’t help her get her needs met. Time to find placement, perhaps a guardian, and other supports and take yourself out of that mix. It’s not easy but I wish you the best on this journey.
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Breakingthecycl Jul 19, 2025
Thank you Gettingreal ,
I appreciate you...it's not easy and the guilt and anger are real. My prayers are to leave her in God's Capable Hands.
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Any child that was abused in any way by a parent should NEVER, as in NEVER take on any care of said parent.
And yes that includes you. Your siblings are smart enough to realize this and now it's time for you to realize it.
You owe your mother nothing!!!! So please for the love of God stop trying to care for a woman who didn't care for you.
And I pray that you have a good therapist who is helping you heal from your trauma.

I was abused by both parents and chose not to have anything to do with them after I forgave them as an adult, as it was much healthier for me and my mental health to stay away and have nothing to do with them. They are both dead now and I have NO regrets, but peace in my choices.
Your parents have made their beds and now they get to lie in it.
I hope you will learn to stay true to yourself and protect yourself from the evil that you call mother.
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