My mother has lived with me for 54 months which is approximately 38,880 hours. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it's the unforeseen difficulties that affect me the most.
#1 being her reluctance to pray with me, praise the Lord, enjoy gospel music, study scriptures, etc. She actually gets annoyed and tries to distract me. When I ask her to thank God for blessing her, she holds her mouth shut, gives me a mean look, and finally says it fast with an attitude.
I've been thru hell these past 4 1/2 years and thought that growing in our faith together would be the easy part of this. My faith sustains me and if I didn't have Jesus to communicate with, we wouldn't have made it this far. That is my source of strength, protection, comfort, energy, love. The closer I get to God the more defiant she is. We don't get to church much since I am so overwhelmed caring for her, working full time, not feeling safe and not being able to trust anyone.
I call this DD.. Dementia demon! Is anyone else experiencing this?
please don't get me wrong, I believe but it really bugs the living daylights out of me..HOLY SMOKES!! Please Just Stop..
It's almost like trying to shove slimy canned spinach down a kid's throat, and if they don't eat it all, They Have To Sit There And Eat Every Last Bite Of That Cold Slimy Canned Spinach,,
It makes you want to gag...🤢
Your Mom Is not up to par.. what do you think is going to happen to her? She find good.. you're a believer..
This earth is just a stepping stone to Heaven. You Obviously love your mom, so just tell her you love her. Leave the rest to God. He won't disappoint. You know that, because You Are a Believer !😌
I hear that. I grew up in a Catholic family and Catholic schooling. I became a Jew when I married my second husband. My mother and several other people in my life could never accept it. That's their problem not mine.
Be private and use your beliefs to comfort yourself. Pray for mom, but don’t do it out loud and annoy her. Our relationship with our deity can be profound and quiet and deeply meaningful TO US. It doesn’t have to be showy. It doesn’t have to be imposed on others who don’t want to participate, and that includes your mom.
I’m sorry that your mom isn’t the way you would like her to be, but be assured that your God has your back. There is a reason that this is going the way it is, so remember that God has a plan for your life and mom’s. Leave it to God to let you know what it in his own time.
But if she never did those things, why would you expect her to do them just because she lives with you? Faith/belief in Jesus is a movement of the Holy Spirit, it's not brought about by you or anyone else. My 97-yr old Mom is not saved and it adds to the stress of watching her decline, so I get it. In this case continue to pray for her and treat her in as Godly and loving a way as possible -- and make yourself a priority so that you don't burn out. Blessings to you!
"In Matthew 6:6, Jesus instructs: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you"."
And in your profile you said that your mother only has mild dementia, so I can only guess that she was never very religious to begin with which may make it harder for her to be now.
None of us can force our beliefs on another person, but what we can do is pray for them and ask God to open their hearts to His truth, as nothing is impossible for God.
And from all I read in your profile it sadly sounds like you're willing to give up your life for your mothers, as you yourself say that the stress of caring for her triggers your MS flareups. Are you trying to be a martyr here?
NO mother in their right mind would EVER want their child to give up their lives for them.
Are you aware that 40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues? Do you really want that to be you? With you having MS it very well could be.
It sounds like perhaps it may be best now to find the right facility for your mother where she will be looked after 24/7 and where you can get back to just being her
loving daughter and not her overwhelmed, stressed out caregiver.
And you can start taking care of yourself in this one life the Good Lord has blessed you with.
Your mother will only continue to get worse which means your stress and MS will only continue to get worse. Don't you think that you matter too in this situation?
From reading your profile it sounds like your sister is an insufferable, petulant woman-child. A professional victim who has never grown up. She's not likely going to unless she decides to completely turn her own life around. You're not going to get anything from her except resentment and complaining. On the flip side of the coin is yourself. Stop being a martyr because it will not help you or anyone else.
Think about this. What happens to your mother if you run yourself into the ground working and being her caregiver and can't do it anymore? Here's what happens. She gets put in a memory care facility. So every time you cater to her stubbornness because she won't eat unless you prepare and serve it or anything else, it puts you one step closer to becoming sick yourself and not being able to care for her at all.
You must force her to accept and get used to paid caregivers. I did this work for 25 years before going into the business of it. I'm going to tell you what I've told countless family caregivers over the years and am still telling them today:
~Caregiving only works if it's done on the caregiver's terms. Not the care recipient's.
This means your mother doesn't make the decisions about what hand she will take her plate from or who helps her. The other choice is facility placement. It may sound harsh, but the threat of a nursing home often cures defiance and stubbornness or greatly reduces it.
As for the constant praying and religious music. Don't force that on your mother. If she doesn't want to pray with you or listen to religious music, she doesn't have to. If it only makes her more defiant as you say, don't do it? Forcing it on her only makes taking care of her harder for you. How about if you totally keep anything faith-related (praying, religious music, artwork, etc...) away from your mother? If your belief is that The Lord is with you all the time, He won't mind if you pray silently or not at all when you're with your mother. Get a sitter on Sundays for her so you can still go to church. You deserve it and should go without her.
You've got a lot to think about and I pray that you do for the sake of your own health and well-being as well as your mother's.
Can you actually take her to a botanical garden? Look at the beautiful plants and colors, and textures that are here for us to enjoy?
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