Just 2 days ago was put on hospice care. I not only have heart disease but my spinal cord has both a degenerative disk and a bulging disk. On top of that my hips are very arthritic and my knees are very painful.
I refuse morphine. Last September I had a heart cath and had a stent put in my chest, since then the pain never stopped.
I have insomnia, long term .The problem with pain meds is they cause severe constipation.
Unlike many I fear death, no one knows what happens at death. Guess I am saying even in extreme pain. I wish to live.
Have you talked to your hospice provider about an alternative to morphine? Both of my daughters have been on morphine; both say it doesn't HELP with pain, simply makes you not care. I would be asking about high doses of Tylenol 3 and the like.
As to your fear of death, are you a person of faith? Any faith? Have you considered talking to the hospice chaplain?
Please keep posting here. We care about you.