Follow
Share

Her dementia is getting worse. I can't convince her to go to a memory care facility. She doesn't want to give up "everything she worked for." I can't make her understand the amount of stress that my brother and I are going through trying to care for her. She's 85. My brother is 65, and I'm 58 and still working. We've got our own health issues and such to worry with.


Is it terrible that I want a doctor to prescribe rehab for her, and then transition from there to memory care? I don't know what my brother and I would do if something were to happen to the other one. We can't keep doing this.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
LAyoungestchild: An individual has to be in the hospital before transferring to rehab.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In our state you have to be in a hospital for three nights before you are eligible for rehab.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She has to have something to "rehab.", i.e. walking, use of arms etc.

If she has something to "rehab," I"m sure neurologist could prescribe rehab.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I don’t think you need the rehab stage. I think rehab is for regaining strength or abilities following a hospital stay, and that generally implies the person is capable of complying with physical therapy or whatever is needed to restore strength or function. People with moderate or severe dementia can’t cooperate.

What if you told her “the doctor has said you are no longer safe at home. We are going to Shady Oaks where you will be safe and taken care of and brother and I will visit you there.” If she asks will I ever go home again you can say “that’s up to the doctor.”

Ideally, you or your brother have DPOA and her doctor will play along. But you can invoke him in any case.

Or maybe you could say the doctor says you need care at Shady Oaks (you get a respite stay for her) for a few weeks to assess your needs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If you have POA for mom, you can place her in Memory Care Assisted Living against her will if necessary. Not ideal, of course, but then again, dementia is a no win situation for all concerned. Let's face it. You cannot reason with mother, she's lost the ability to do that, and you can't sacrifice your own health in an effort to care for her bc then she'll wind up in managed care ANYWAY.

Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

So rehab is usually only ordered in a facility after a three night stay in the hospital by the social worker/discharge nurse with some doctors name from the hodpitsl. The rehab that is paid for by Medicare I’m speaking of. Then the rehab has their own doctor.

I approached a NH that had a rehab and sent my aunt there for rehab on private pay. They tried to get Medicare to pay but it was declined as I knew it would be but I played along as I did want her to have the rehab and it was the same price as the private pay.

She was there a few months on private pay before transitioning to Medicaid in the same facility. She was totally bedbound.

So, I would think you could private pay almost at any NH that also has a rehab and then transition to a memory care. Just go visit a few and also go visit memory cares and discuss your ideas., Some have many levels of care starting from independent living through ALF, Memory Care and SNF/NH. Usually they are only independent locations or with a SNF/NH.

Do you or brother have her POA for medical and finances?

You would need to talk to her neurologist about their involvement. Aunts neurologist liked her getting therapy but he didn’t order it. I asked her primary to order it through home health while she was still living at home. But if your mother has the funds to pay for it and you think it would make it easier for you to get her into care this way, go for it.

Most facilities will assist you with easing the transition into care. The memory care you choose may have other ideas that wouldn’t necessitate the rehab first.

You shouldn’t try to get her to agree. That’s stressful to her. Just make your plans and move ahead so long as you have the legal authority.

You can use therapeutic fibs. Your doctor ordered you rehab and you are supposed to check in today. I have your bag ready. If we leave now we can stop for ice cream on our way or whatever would entice her. or just use the ice cream story to get her into the car and drive her to the facility. Once you get her there, they will take care of her. You could already have her things in her room. Just speak with them and let them guide you.

Let us know how it works out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter