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I am hoping my dad's long suffering is almost over. His body is shutting down, he's freezing in a boiling hot home, etc. My bpd mom with maybe dementia has his medical poa not me. She won't entertain the idea of hospice. Can I call hospice or my dads doctor and get things rolling? My mom is something. She may just accept it if they show up. He's terrified and miserable. Drugs will help.

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Yes.

They won't ask you on the phone who has the POA.

When the RN comes to the house to do the physical exam they will ask who has the POA.

Both your Mom and Dad may accept it if hospice shows up.

We self referred to hospice twice.
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Reply to brandee
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Anyone can call hospice but of course mom might send them away. Explain that to the hospice you speak to so they will be prepared if that is the case. They might be able to give you some guidance. You might want to meet their spokesperson at your parent’s home to ease the visit. It could be a “for when they are ready, not for today” kind of approach so that mom could put a face with the service.
I spoke to a hospice years ago when I was concerned for a loved one and they really helped me. They are not all the same and some are more helpful than others.

I’m so sorry your dad is miserable.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Time to call APS
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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peanuttyxx Dec 27, 2025
I keep calling. They keep closing the case....even though they are CLEARLY not well. At least I didnt get sucked into their psychodrama on Christmas itself. I said "goodbye" to my dad today (in my heart). I just hate to know its not necessary
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If he is still oriented, it becomes his decision. Not the wife. However you might try calling his doctor to get a consult and let hospice speak to mom and him
There are other variables here....
With hospice, you call them for the death certificate.
Call 911 when there is no hospice and you will get the entire EMS system, then usually a coroner has to come out to pronounce. Occasionally, if a person suffers a long time with weight loss and his doctor is unaware, a caregiver could be charged with neglect, which is something a coroner investigates.
Your family is getting no bereavement counseling
Your dad is needlessly suffering without medications.
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Reply to MACinCT
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