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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You need to look out for yourself first. How will you earn a living if you’re home taking care of dad? Figure out how to manage his care and your wellbeing before you try to become his caregiver. It is almost always a bad idea to take a parent into your own home. At the VA he has a team of caregivers and medical people to provide for him. There’s no way we can care for our loved ones on that level at home. Plus he may like where he is just fine.
I understand the pang of wanting him home. God bless our veterans, and they deserve bit of support. VA benefit is a a tremendous resource as Dad reaches this chapter of his life.
Please objectively consider the reality of 24/7 nursing home level care, alone, with zero time off. Reality of2am: He's soiled his bed (fecal and urine) again. You alone bathe dad. Can you lift him? Can he stand? Then you need to clean the bed...how? Are you ready for this to happen fairly often, possibly years, with zero time to rest for yourself? This is for team of professionals. Solo caregiving drains every aspect of your life.
Just because you don't like the home your dad is in doesn't mean that he doesn't. I'm sure he's made lots of friends there by now since he's been there for years. And why would you even begin to think that you can now do the job of at least 8 other people that have been looking after him 24/7? I think you're being a bit delusional here. Why don't you instead go stay with your dad at his facility for 24 hours and let the workers there know that you want to do all his care while you're there just so you can see how very hard it actually is? I think you'll be in for a rude awakening if you were to do that. Caregiving is not all a bed of roses, especially with someone that requires 24/7 care. I'm just saying.
Interesting you mention this about the workers; came upon an article about Ivy of Davenport in Iowa. It has been rated one of the worst facilities in the country.
One complaint was the call light being ignored for 1 to even 2 hours
Why not address the issues with an ombudsman first? Try to solve the problems where he's at so as to not disrupt both of your lives for not good enough reasons.
Also, if you are not your Dad's PoA or legal guardian then all the more to not move him in with you and become chained to him 24/7. What would happen if you did move him in, then you became burned out -- or had your own medical problems -- and then didn't have the legal authority to return him to the VA if he refused? You won't be able to force him.
Please don't romanticize home care. Please read the copious posts on this forum by loving and well-meaning adult children of declining parents who moved them in without really counting the cost or thinking that the "worst case scenarios" wouldn't happen to them. Lots of caregivers become more medically ill than their LO. Please go into this with your eyes wide open.
OP hasn't said why they feel the VA home isn't suitable. Being a qualified caregiver where you are one or two steps removed from a situation is not the same as caring for a parent. It is a different dynamic. Don't take my word for it, that is the opinion of the carers at my 94 year old aunt's home; they can compartmentalise all the issues and behaviours.
Read all the posts here asking How Do I Cope With My Mother Living With Me? Trying to figure out how to cope after taking a parent in to live you is a lot worse than leaving them be and not having such an impossible need to begin with.
Do you have POA for financial and Medical? If he has been there for years it must be because his needs are great. Caring for someone 24/7 is a lot harder than a shift of 8 to 12 hrs where you can leave and go home. Who is going to be your back up? He will be your life. Does he have money to hire help. If Dementia, really should not be taken out of what is familiarcto him. Once he is taken out of a VA facility, may not be able to get him back in. There are waiting lists for these places.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Why do you feel it is a bad facility? Could you take it up with the facility and see what could be improved? There might be a better VA home you could move him to if he is unsafe where he is.
La8900, welcome to the forum. Please note caring for a love one at home is a 24 hour a day job, you would get very little sleep. Plus your Dad is currently around people from his own generation who have a lot in common At home, he will depend on you to keep him occupied.
What if you need to visit the doctor/dentist for yourself, would you need to bring your Dad with you on each appointment? When you get groceries, would Dad need to come along? Will Dad pay you to be his caregiver? Otherwise, the added expense may come out of your pocket. I had read here on AgingCare where family caregivers used up all of their savings.
At the top of the screen you will see RESOURCES, click on that.... now clip on "Caregiving Topic"... now you will see a lot of subjects regarding elder care. Read all of which would apply to your Dad.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Please objectively consider the reality of 24/7 nursing home level care, alone, with zero time off. Reality of2am: He's soiled his bed (fecal and urine) again. You alone bathe dad. Can you lift him? Can he stand? Then you need to clean the bed...how? Are you ready for this to happen fairly often, possibly years, with zero time to rest for yourself? This is for team of professionals. Solo caregiving drains every aspect of your life.
And why would you even begin to think that you can now do the job of at least 8 other people that have been looking after him 24/7? I think you're being a bit delusional here. Why don't you instead go stay with your dad at his facility for 24 hours and let the workers there know that you want to do all his care while you're there just so you can see how very hard it actually is? I think you'll be in for a rude awakening if you were to do that.
Caregiving is not all a bed of roses, especially with someone that requires 24/7 care. I'm just saying.
One complaint was the call light being ignored for 1 to even 2 hours
They've been fined over $200K
Also, if you are not your Dad's PoA or legal guardian then all the more to not move him in with you and become chained to him 24/7. What would happen if you did move him in, then you became burned out -- or had your own medical problems -- and then didn't have the legal authority to return him to the VA if he refused? You won't be able to force him.
Please don't romanticize home care. Please read the copious posts on this forum by loving and well-meaning adult children of declining parents who moved them in without really counting the cost or thinking that the "worst case scenarios" wouldn't happen to them. Lots of caregivers become more medically ill than their LO. Please go into this with your eyes wide open.
There is a lot missing in the OP's post.
What if you need to visit the doctor/dentist for yourself, would you need to bring your Dad with you on each appointment? When you get groceries, would Dad need to come along? Will Dad pay you to be his caregiver? Otherwise, the added expense may come out of your pocket. I had read here on AgingCare where family caregivers used up all of their savings.
At the top of the screen you will see RESOURCES, click on that.... now clip on "Caregiving Topic"... now you will see a lot of subjects regarding elder care. Read all of which would apply to your Dad.