Can my siblings with POA prevent me from seeing my mother who asked me to come see her and is 89 years old living at home?

This is a confusing post.

Italialola,
Who gets a text saying this, and is still waiting to hear?
" Then, I woke to a text message from my son telling me he heard Grandma wasn't doing well and he was going to go today to see her?"

You are NOT staying with Mom, and NOT staying in the basement. Go to a hotel.

End of story.

For all of the forum posters out there who are empaths, or empaths with compassion fatigue, take a warning.

Keep us posted on how the visit goes.

HI support people, well, the other shoe dropped. Yesterday I received two messages. one call from my Mom's first cousin. Asking me if my Mom is okay. Then, I said yes, as far as I know, we spoke a week, vitals were good, and then she told me she her from another cousin of my Mom's wasn't doing well. She (lives in another state and not my Moms or mine) asked if I could talk. She called. Told me what she knew. I've never told any of what has been going but she knows me well, knows my well, knows we are close as she knows my sisters. She is herself vibrant and 83. Then, I woke to a text message from my son telling me he heard Grandma wasn't doing well and he was going to go today to see her. Not hearing a word yet, from two subsequent messages from my sisters. I'm leaving soon to drive to see my Mom. I called my sister this morning. She called back a couple hours later with my other sister on conference call. Just like before.
Evidently, more than two weeks ago my Mom was hospitalized. She was struggling to breath. She was in the hospital for a week. She was allow to be releaed to go home unless she was on hospice. Her heart is failing, she declining quickly. I asked, how come you didn't tell me that sooner? They said we did, didn't we tell you Mom was declining and come sooner than later? I said, yes. But that's all y ou said. You knew I was coming I spoke to Mom after she home already on hospice.?? Couldn't you have called to tell me about this before I had to call you today and ask for more information????? They said, we've been busy around the clocking taking care of Mom. So I'm leaving soon. I have no unfinished business with my Mom. My daughter get's it, my son is driving 5 and his. I said I would come soon than now? They rude. One said, why didn't you that's on you.. I said, I tried, twice you told me it wasn't a good time, she wasn't up to it. Mom never told me that? I thought I had to reschedule and I did as far back as January or Feb for now?? Reply, verbatim, I'f you thought you needed permission, why didn't you ask for it"? I'm devastated but before I go to my Mom's, I had to stop and write. I also wanted to say thanks for your replies. I was loudly, "what do you want"? I said, I'd like to stay when I get there with Mom until she passes". My sister said, I didn't mean you could stay I meant you could visit. I said, I want to stay I 'll sleep in the basement, I can help you guys with . Because they went into detail about feeding her bathing her medications. I understand that. I asked does she need a home to help out, I can that or pay for it, no we got it. Then I said, I'd like to stay. My sister was perturb and said, "We'll see, we'll see". the others left the call. Thanks. I'll take what you said to me along. It helped. Lola

So one sister has blocked you and refuses to talk to you and you don't know why?

My suggestion would be to book a hotel and turn up with no notice to the sisters or mother. It may be that the sister believe that knowing you are coming will make M think about the ‘terrible secret’ and dwell on it. I know that child pornography (for example) is most easily produced inside the family. You don’t want to bring up old issues like that.

You have answered and explained everything.
That leaves "Isolating an elder" and "sounds fishy."

You may never know the real reason, but your goal is to visit Mom, in person,
boots on the ground, you are her daughter.

Go see your Mom. Maybe take someone with you if you need support or expect a confrontation.

I don't know how they can prevent you from going to see your mother in her home.
Perhaps the sticking issue is they don't welcome you staying overnight with mom.
Get a motel room nearby, and stop by mom's house. If she wants to see you and has been planning to see you, she should be able to let you in.

If Step-sisters with POA refuse to allow you in the house to see your mother, I would grow suspicious, as isolating a vulnerable family member is one sign of abuse. I would wonder what they don't want you to see. If you suspect anything is not right, you could call APS and ask them to investigate. It could be why mom is so excited about having you come to see her.

Go anyway. You don't need permission. You already have mom's permission. Just be prepared for things to go sideways, and have a plan of action if that happens.

I read between the lines about your ‘terrible family secret’. It sounds as though your mother and your sisters were complicit, and it took years before your sisters acknowledged ‘me too’.

Your sister may expect you to bring it up if you see M. If you get there, I’d suggest you either bring a witness or put your phone on record for the whole time.

I'm wondering: How recently did you move closer to Mom? In a previous thread I read where she is going to die soon, but initially you say she is well enough? Do you/have you provided any healthcare or companion care for your Mom, or was this all on your siblings?

The Medical Advocate and POA (Durable POA) are responsible for the welfare of your Mother. I am sensing "controlling" games being played at the expense of Mom. Not sure which side is playing them.

I would suggest playing NICE with the POAs and ASK them when a better time is to come see your Mom (by yourself at first). Maybe even offer to bring anything that THEY think your Mom would need/like. IE: Ensure, Depends, Food, etc.

Take the good advice here and talk to an elder law attorney. These step-sisters are isolating your mother from seeing you. Next, they will stop allowing her to speak to you on the phone.

They sound very fishy to me. From what you've said here, it seems like they're planning something nefarious. Like a Will change or placement in a LTC facility.

In my opinion isolating an elder from seeing her other children is a total red flag and I would speak to an elder attorney

From your post and other details, you are conceding to all their demands and still unable to visit. Only hearing one side is difficult to grasp the true nature of denying the visits but on the surface it does seem sketchy as heck. How many times and how long have you been trying to schedule a visit and been denied?

Are you saving and documenting all the emails, texts and writing all info from phone calls? I would travel to your mother location, stay in a hotel without notifying your sister. I would then call them and say you are going to visit that day at 10am. If they are not willing for you to visit, then demand they set a time because you are would like to visit your mother. If they don't concede then call the police for a wellness visit. And contact the Dept of Aging with all the documentation you have that prevents you from visiting and state you are concerned for your mother well bieng and safety based on the support documentation you have.

IMO, you have tried to make concessions to visit and they are playing hard ball. Time for you to stop being accomodating and play at their level.

I feel I've explained as well as possible for now.
1. I can stay at a hotel, already working on that from the start of receiving the email. Offered to do that the last two times. It was my Mom and with my sisters knowledge until now, to stay with my Mom.
2. I don't talk about the past, nor have I ever mention decades ago, or the recent past year with the cancelations. So whoever keeps asking if I'm willing, If I bend over any further I will have a broken back. I've accomadated all of my sisters requests before and will accommodate some now. Except driving for hours to spend a few minutes around my Mom then driving home because of their concern over her "safety". I am close to my Mom. I don't think Dementia is a barrier for her to feel my love and presence while I'm there. She's not severely demented by any means. There's no hardship held between us. Try to understand, I came here to ask this one question from others who have dealt with similar situations. Please realize it's perplexing to me, why this keeps happening. I have zero intentions to ever bring up the past hurts or even recent disagreements. It doesn't matter right now. I like to deal with facts. This is also why I reached out. I appreciate all of you and the time it took to read my answers you asked. I hope you know I took time to read all of your questions. Drama isn't healthy and I'm not going to risk seeing my Mom by starting it, whoever mentioned that. Knowing my Mom is going to die soon, yet I haven't been able to complete getting to her yet, to give her a hug or kiss, it's tough. I won't let my emotions or any of my own desires, get in the way of being as flexible, kind, appreciative, and adjustable as I can. It's all that matters and so does my original question. Thanks so much.

I think all you can really do at this point is stay in the hotel. Get a separate room from your daughter, or a suite with separate rooms. Be very agreeable and courteous to make sure they they don't cancel on you again. And then see what is happening. It is puzzling. Let us know what you find out, and what happens.

So, can you do as your sisters have asked?
Stay at a hotel?

Contact was recent, with photos sent as recent as April.
Can you agree on a time to visit agreeable to all and stay in a hotel?

So sorry for your troubles.
Of course this visit will not be to bring up these past hurts and atrocities done to you and your sisters.
If you are calling cousins and other family members for information, it may look like you have an unwanted agenda. (May look like).

When rejection occurs in families, and you are the one side-lined, that is a deep hurt. You would want to find out, anyone would. But the more you search, the further away they will act.

It may be that you don't share the same faith, or church. It could be as simple as that. They may prefer their "church family" to your presence, hence the "mere strangers staying at her house".

Proceed with caution, and be a polite guest.

Is this planned to be a family event, or could you go alone to see Mom?

Or, if you and your daughter stayed in separate rooms at the same hotel, your sisters could bring Mom to you for a visit? Have you discussed the visit with your daughter?

Hope for your's and Mom's sake the two of you can visit soon.

I appreciate all of your answers with good questions. I'll do my best to answer with more detail.
A. My Mom is living in her own duplex but it is owned by my sister.
B. One sister put photos posts on FB. The other sister has sent a couple texts with photos since October 2025, After the plans were made months ago, I received and responded to text messages from the sister with the duplex. 4 were from March and April. One was my sister (family photo church pot luck) and 40+ family members with my Mom, 4 weeks ago. Then a short video from Easter. I could hear my Mom talking to her great grandson in the front yard. My sister said she was having fun and it sounded like it.
C. The two things they asked us to change. One to stay at a hotel. Not at my Mom's. The only one staying with my Mom's would be me. My daughter already has a hotel room booked. She is 45 a professor in a college. She needs to get work done early AM so she has free time with Grandma. She needs the internet.
D. I've been in direct contact with my Mom by phone since the last time my sisters recommended I cancel my trip due to my Mom having low energy. They said she just couldn't have any "visitors". Said she didn't have dementia, per her doctors, Also, took her on a 4 hour road trip, I learned this from a cousin who doesn't know any of this. She lives in Michigan and is my Mom's age and they talk often. Nevertheless, she had visitors. Friends of her much young from church who flew in town for holidays stayed with her a couple of nights with their 3 young children. My Mom told me she borrowed the play pen from my sister, which used to be the one she used for my middle daughter. My Mom sent those photos to me to me, texting me that she asked my sister to take them of her to send. She also wrote a sweet message in my Christmas card.
E. I've offered since I moved back to this State from FL to be closer to my Mom, I can help, come there for periods of time, expressed I realize this is a lot of work but realizing they may need a reprieve. This I've done 4 times.
F. I've never had any form of protection order from any one, nor anyone in my family or Mom, in my entire life. I'm 65 years old now. I'm retired from healthcare and worked with a clear record in every way. Never a blemish in the 40 years and still carry an active license. They know all of this.
G. I don't think they've moved anyone into her house. I do think they use her house when they want to, as recently as a birthday party my nephew in his 40's wanted to hold for my second sister who is 69. He called my Mom and since she isn't comfortable going to his house she offered hers as long as they all stayed outside as much as possible. My Mom told me this, and I also saw a photo of my sister at my Mom's dining table, with her son and the birthday cake. That was in April 2026.

H. I don't know anything about my Mom's finances but I don't think she has more than some items at home worth something, jewelry, and a car which my Mom told when the POV and will was done, my sisters met with her and brought the attorney they used, to write it up. The car was turned over to my sister, however, as of two months ago, my Mom was still driving short distances to the store.

I. The only reason I can think of is I know about a terrible family secret of abuse. They know it, too.. I'm the one who brought it to light on my own, never knowing I wasn't the only one. That was 1978. I've not shared it publically. I was worried about my sisters and asked them, all of us. I was that kind of kid and teen. Never did drugs, good grades, but I sought help decades ago. I wasn't ashamed. I was shamed, a traitor to my siblings. My father and mother eventually acknowledged. No one went to prison. It was the 1960's. I honored my Mother, despite her inabilities, cared for her and my dad as they've aged. Years after I brought it up, my sisters both, came to me and told me, "me too". Now, we are here. Thanks.

Sounds a little fishy to me. If it's strictly POA for medical and financial issues, I don't think that it's legal for them to refuse you, unless in the past you've done something to harm your mom and there is a restraining order in place.
I am in agreement with most of the advice you've already received

If she's got dementia, doesn't walk well, and has afib, she isn't at all healthy. If you can go, go. But don't expect the siblings to let you in.

Chances are mom's very fickle and not telling you all that's going on. She may not recall what she told you before, and anyway, those with dementia confabulate. This means they don't tell the truth, but they can't help that, it's a symptom of their dementia. Do you ever talk with your sisters? If not, maybe you should. They may be protecting you from certain truths.

I hope you get to see mom, and I wish you the best,

Keep in mind that you will be visiting their home, where they all live.
You would be a guest there. Having guests and entertaining may not be
wanted, especially if they are caregiving and the house is messy.

Offer to meet at a restaurant or park maybe. Ask for suggestions.
Or say you will be there only a short time, and can visit in the back yard or
if an apartment, maybe in the community room.

On the other end of the spectrum, ask the police to accommodate a welfare visit to the home with you present. It may be called a "civil assist". However, you don't want to upset Mom.

If you know her doctor, call or go there. Maybe they can accommodate a visit
when she comes to the doctor's office? Stranded, huh?

Or, rent an RV, when you visit, the visit can be in your RV. Call ahead.

I have to ask an obvious question: why did she make your stepsisters her PoAs and not you?

Please understand we are only getting your side of the story.

To answer your question whether they can prevent you from visiting (info aggregated from ChatGPT5.3):

"Not necessarily.
Having dementia and having a POA in place does not automatically mean your sisters can legally prohibit all visits. The answer depends on several factors:

If they only have POA
A Power of Attorney gives authority to act on your mother's behalf in areas covered by the document (financial, medical, etc.). It does not automatically give unlimited authority to isolate her from family members. Even if your mother has diminished capacity, POA agents are generally required to act:

In her best interests.
Consistent with her known wishes, values, and relationships.
Without self-dealing or unnecessarily restricting family contact.

If your mother has always had a close relationship with you and has expressed a desire to see you, that can be relevant.

If they are court-appointed guardians
That's different. A guardian often has broader authority over personal decisions, including visitation. However, even guardians are usually subject to court oversight and cannot simply isolate a person for arbitrary reasons. Courts generally look unfavorably on unnecessary family isolation.

Can you just show up?
Legally, that's risky and may escalate family conflict. If your mother lives in her own home and your sisters are managing her care, showing up against their wishes could create a confrontation that may not benefit your mother.

What I would do first - Ask your sisters directly and calmly:

"Has Mom said she does not want to see me, or is this a decision being made on her behalf? If it's being made on her behalf, can you help me understand why?"
You might also ask:

"What conditions would need to be met for a visit to happen?"

Their answer may tell you whether this is a legitimate caregiving concern or something else. If you believe your mother's wishes are being ignored
Consulting an elder-law attorney in your mother's state may be worthwhile. Many offer an initial consultation. The attorney can tell you:

Whether the POA document grants any authority regarding visitation.
Whether your state has laws protecting family visitation.
Whether court intervention is an option if family members are being excluded.

One thing stands out in your description: your mother appears to have been communicating with you by phone and looking forward to seeing you. Courts and elder-care professionals often consider an elder's expressed wishes, even when dementia is present, unless the person is completely unable to communicate preferences.

What state does your mother live in, and do you know whether your sisters have POA only or an actual court-appointed guardianship/conservatorship? That distinction is critical."

This sounds quite odd. More detail could help us to understand it.

1) Is M living in her own house? Or the S’s house? Please give details.
2) Who put the “posts on FB of her with mere strangers staying at her house”? If it was S, who did they say the strangers were? Were they living or visiting?
3) What is the “change” that the S’s want, and why “is it needed for her”.
4) Are you willing to go, whatever the S’s say? Perhaps say that it’s too late to change the arrangements?
5) Could you ask anyone else local (friend? APS?) to visit, and tell you what is going on?

If you suspect the worst, you may need a lawyer to check out the finances and the POA details.

Are the stepsisters who have POA living with your mother? I suggest that when you talk with her, ask her to bring them into the room so you can talk to her and them at the same time. Then, in a pleasant, nonconfrontational way, conversationally, say something like Mom and I were just talking about my upcoming visit and are so looking forward to seeing each other. That way you can verify this, and discuss details, which will make it harder to block you out.

Are you aware of any reasons they might have to shut you out? Have they moved people into her house who shouldn't be there, or anything like that?